Jump to content

Do you find yourself judging?


megmac

Recommended Posts

Don't you just find it ridiculous that people judge our decision NOT to eat processed crap? USE YOUR HEAD PEOPLE!

And as far as not eating beans, quinoa, etc.? I know lots of people that don't eat them because they don't like them. No one questions THAT decision. Funny...they question decisions made for health, but not those made for preference.

I actually had someone at work give me a hard time about the sodium in some pickles I was eating as she feasted on a Blooming Onion. Seriously.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 57
  • Created
  • Last Reply

You have to understand that most comments come from a misinformed, misguided an insecure society. Our healthy decisions make others uncomfortable with their own and they choose to "bring us to their level". I really try to not judge although I have a rather strong disdain for the food industry now. :angry:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

I treat food like religion. I am a religious person and am happy to share my faith, but know that pushing religion closes doors. If you really want to share your beliefs (about food or religion), live well, be open and friendly, and people will invite you to share when they are ready to listen.

I love this quote. Frankly, I have resisted this lifestyle change for a while now because of the people, not the dietary restrictions. There tends to be a holier than thou attitude in many of the "paleo" people I have encountered (example: some of the posts in this thread). Therefore, I was not receptive. My husband asked me to do this challenge with him as a short term, 30 day re-set; a way to look at how different foods effect our daily lives.

Mind you, I was in no way a junk-food-junkie. I have Crohn's and some ailments that are typically associated with Crohn's. I am currently medication free, so I thought now would be a good time to test things out. From there, I started researching and learning about the benefits of eating "paleo" or by the Whole30 guidelines as lifestyle change, not just a short term goal.

Be glad you found this way of eating but remember that there are people who believe in other dietary choices with as much conviction as you believe in this one.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 6 months later...

I'm a total checkout-grocery-line-judge-er. Not just nutrition. You can determine (assume) a lot of things from a persons groceries, like whether they are a cat or dog person, live alone, have kids, are throwing a party... It's kind of like a secret guilty little game I play.

I try not to get too high and mighty over people's nutritional decisions, but once in a while I find myself having an internal eye roll at the woman with a cart full of nothing but gluten free chips, cookies, pasta, crackers, and bread. What do I know, she could be stocking up for a child with celiac. Or she could be on the "gluten free is the new fat free" bandwagon that so many chronic dieter women seem to be on lately- thanks Miley Cyrus!

Consequently I find myself kind of embarrassed when I have to buy items that are not for me. I swear I'm not the one eating this! Don't judge me! LOL

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My biggest issue is that my husband thinks this is crazy and that I am obsessive about it.  He is overweight with a BMI of 36.  I would love for him to participate but at this point I would be happy with just him letting me do my thing.  I certainly don't push any of this on him, but he says that I go from one thing to the next.  That is partially true because I have never found anything that allows me to eat somewhat normally, not be hungry all the time and get healthy.  I am frustrated and sad that he thinks this is crazy.  I don't want this to affect our relationship but he says he won't just cook for himself so he ends up eating P&J on bread or some other crazy thing.  He has liked a few of the meals from the Food map, but last night got a belly ache after eating what I made (which he said was delicious) and he blames it on the food, which is "normal" and healthy.  Anyone else encountering this?  I'm feeling down about it, but continuing with my Whole 30.  It's day 11 for me.  I did "The Plan" for 5 months faithfully, which I found pretty restrictive, so this has been going on for some time.  Prior to that I admit I have tried just about every "diet" including WW, Hcg, etc.  only to lose but gain it back and sometimes more.  Any advice is welcome. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's a grown-up. You can't make the decision for him, since he can always go get take-out. So make your meals and let him try them if he wants to. Encourage him to eat them - after all, they're meat and veggies. What's not to like? If he decides to eat PB&J, then so be it. There's nothing inherently weird about what you're eating, except that it goes against mainstream health advice. But we all know how trustworthy THAT is.

 

Give him time. My husband wasn't home during my Whole30, but what I did was tell him all about what I was eating. Moroccan meatballs, shrimp cakes with fruit pico de gallo, brisket and  sweet potatoes, stir fries, etc. When he came home (my last day) I warned him that I needed to do reintro properly to figure out what doesn't work for me. I started with wine, and worked my way from there. He understands that I'm now gluten free and so we really don't buy anything glutinous, except for what he keeps at work for snacking. *rolls eyes* But he's gotten used to veggie-heavy meaty meals, and he really seems to like them. There's hope!

 

That said, to maintain his sanity, occasionally we need to have gluten-free processed food, like the Glutino "Oreos" we had for dessert or the GF waffles we'll have later this week. This is what happens when he does the weekly shopping while I'm in torture physical therapy. It still works out to maybe one grain every three days, so definitely not super harmful if you don't have reactions to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

For my first W30 I cooked a lot of basic stuff-steak on the grill, pork chops on the grill, chicken drummies on the grill...you get my point.  I would make meat, lots of veggies, and throw in a potato or beans or something for my hubby.  Little by little I started mixing in a sweet potato for him instead of a white potato, and he got used to it.  After that I started trying more recipes and the transition was easier for him.  He has no problem with it at all now (and he was a farm boy used to a loaf of white bread with every meal!) and only occasionally throws in an extra for himself.  I've been doing this for about a year now, so it did take us some time. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 10 months later...

I find myself inspecting other's shopping carts in the grocery store. I am shocked at how many carts don't contain any real food. Some I can't tell if they are stocking up for a party or just eat that stuff weekly.  Then I think back and realize I did something similar before. I always had some vegetables in my cart but I also had a lot of diet coke and boxed meals. I also realize how annoying I found it when others would try to convince me that their woe would fix all my problems. All that would do is force me to dig my heels in and refuse to change. However, when I came to this decision on my own I knew that I could do it. I am very happy that these days just about everything I purchase needs to be refrigerated. I just try to live by example and am prepared to give a quick, informative, non-judgemental answer when someone asks what I am doing to look this good. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Like the lady shopping with her daughter the other day...the only "veggie" in her cart was canned beans...lots of bread and milk, cereal, boxed stuff...ugh. She was incredibly overweight but her little girl wasn't...I feel bad because the girl is going to do what society tells her to do so she doesn't look like her mom even though it's why her mom was overweight...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate proselytizers, so I try not to be one.

 

If people ask why I no longer eat most grains, and why I limit my cheese/dairy intake to roughly 2x/month (and usually less), I say it's because of my allergies or because it makes my stomach upset (both of which are true, but most people don't "get" that food can have anything to do with my pollen allergies, so it sometimes leads to a nice discussion).  Thankfully, that gets a pass from most people.

 

However, the sad thing is that my parents (esp. mom) do NOT give me a pass on that.  My pre-diabetic, increasingly overweight and arthritic parents, they totally buy into the "it's just old age" excuse for everything (I hate their doctor, and their own passiveness on health). I think if I end up taking care of my Dad at some point, he'd eat what I make, and get healthier and be fine with it all.  Mom would just whine and be nuts.

 

I try SO HARD not to judge them, but it's really, really hard.  Same with my sister, and my niece who is falling behind in school because she's "ADHD" and now on drugs.  I think a dietary intervention could have helped her a lot, but it's too "hard" to implement for my sister, so ...

 

At this point, now that it's summer, any visits home include me and the husband bringing a whole cooler of farm / CSA food, and we do a cookout.  Everyone marvels at how awesome the food tastes, and how good everything is ... and then goes back to eating crap.  But, at least I fed them one weekend's worth of good meals.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are you kidding? I even judge overweight people! Two heavy people started to work with me and I realized how many people in IT are overweight, I was a little scared.

 

Now I am super judgmental, but most people have been commenting about how good I look so they are a little bit willing to listen. I have shown three people the book and my dad and his girlfriend say they are going to start and my co-worker probably won't but who knows. My husband has really been a big help so I don't know if I could have done it without him.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Minamyna - having majored in computer science in college...I totally get that!

 

For IT workers, the weight problems come from a combination of a completely sedentary job (working on a computer) mixed with the fact that the constant screen usage equals hard time sleeping equals coffee and energy drinks in the morning and all day equals blood sugar crash equals eating chips and pastries equals sugar rush equals problems sleeping.

 

I had a friend in my major who, I kid you not, weaned himself down to 3 large Red Bulls a day during the last week of school before graduation. He was drinking so many that he slept for 2 hours a night, and his grades suffered for it (despite the fact that he was working on his schoolwork the whole time!). I had another friend who went for a physical and was told to come back after abstaining from coffee for a week because his blood pressure was sky high. That was despite the fact that he was a track star at school who only ate oatmeal, turkey, and veggies. *rolls eyes*

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I would not judge. I've been there. So my eyes are opened but I consider that enough.

My children are grown and smart. They'll find something like this sooner or later. They eat healthy anyway. Not whole30 but mindfully and healthy. My husband is a lost cause food wise. I love him dearly but I had to save my own life. Period.

I work for weight watchers. There are a million reasons why people eat the way they do. They're all here on this board too.

Read the quote in my signature. It says it all. I do my program and don't bother to explain to anyone what I'm doing. It's my business. I don't care to make converts. I just work on my program. I want to get me healthy and stay that way as long as I can.

That being said....I love to look at people's shopping carts there is a microcosm of their lives and their health in that cart!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Glad to have found this forum, as I tend to be most judgmental of my husband's choices. I asked him to read ISWF earlier this year. He completed a "Whole 30" with me in January (I use quotes because he wasn't really compliant during the day while at work), so he didn't get the benefits. Now I'm on my own doing my 2nd - and I get so frustrated with the food choices he makes.

Robb Wolf's article mentioned above was really helpful. I'm just not going to say anything. I'm hopeful that - given time with my new way of eating - the changes within me will be noticeable enough for him to consider joining me. I just get very sad when I think about our "golden years" if he's not around to enjoy them with me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lead by example.

 

I'm reminded of a man I used to work with.  His wife was mainly vegetarian and forced her husband to eat like she did.   He was from Texas.  She spent a great deal of time making his "vege" lunches.   Every morning, he promptly threw that sack right in the trash and went out to lunch with the boys.  They would go over to a local cafe and have the "Working Man's" special.  It was BBQ ribs, beef or pork roast, turkey with all the sides, soup, salad, rolls.  :lol: 

 

He was running around like a nut when she would sneak in the back door for a surprise lunch visit.   

 

We enabled his bad boy behavior and made sure the sack was back out where she could see it.   Oh, it was fun.  :D 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

I find myself 'judging' my fiance' and 71 year old mother (who lives with us)...his problem is portion control, her problem is refined carbs/processed foods/snacks. It's gotten to where I harp on them and then feel miserable/guilty about it later. I cook super healthy meals for them (and they eat it), but their other habits still drive me crazy. I start to get angry with them when I see cookies/Twizzlers/processed crap laying around the house...my fiance' appreciates and loves a variety of food, so that's good (he just doesn't know when to say no), but my mom is another story: she daily eats ice cream bars, candy, granola bars, american cheese...the only lettuce she likes is iceburg and she has juice/bagel or muffin for breakfast all the time. I've tried to educate her on healthy eating (she's type 2 diabetic/sleep apnea/metabolic syndrome/knee replacements) and it breaks my heart to see her going down the wrong path. Do I keep harping on them (and internally feel miserable and angry at them) or just let them be adults and make their own choices? I just do not want my 7 month old daughter to be exposed to this...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I find myself 'judging' my fiance' and 71 year old mother (who lives with us)...his problem is portion control, her problem is refined carbs/processed foods/snacks. It's gotten to where I harp on them and then feel miserable/guilty about it later. I cook super healthy meals for them (and they eat it), but their other habits still drive me crazy. I start to get angry with them when I see cookies/Twizzlers/processed crap laying around the house...my fiance' appreciates and loves a variety of food, so that's good (he just doesn't know when to say no), but my mom is another story: she daily eats ice cream bars, candy, granola bars, american cheese...the only lettuce she likes is iceburg and she has juice/bagel or muffin for breakfast all the time. I've tried to educate her on healthy eating (she's type 2 diabetic/sleep apnea/metabolic syndrome/knee replacements) and it breaks my heart to see her going down the wrong path. Do I keep harping on them (and internally feel miserable and angry at them) or just let them be adults and make their own choices? I just do not want my 7 month old daughter to be exposed to this...

Best thing to do PeytonsMom is let them go.  These people are in charge of making their own decisions.  They are grown people.  And as much as it is difficult to hear (and do) - we need to accept them as they are.

 

Trust me.  I know where you're at.  My mom is 70 - her body is riddled with rheumatoid arthrytis, she keeps on getting infection, after infection.  She has seen my success. I have tried to get information into her head but she basicaily lives off of bread, rice and fruit. with an occasional nod to protein and veg.  She is convinced that red meat is bad for her because she read it in a 25 yo medical dictionary. She has 2 things working against her.  1) she is a lazy cook.  If I cook her food when I am there - she eats it.  When left to her own devices she goes for easy food.  2) she is convinced that the food she is eating is not bad for her.  I recently gave her food for thought though - saying that RA was basically celiac disease but rather than affecting your disgestive track it affects your joints.  I also mentioned that everything that is happening can be controlled by what she puts in her mouth.  I don't think she liked that too much as she changed the subject.  

 

This is just a pipe dream but I have a wish - I would like to gift her with one day on how it feels to be on day 25 of a whole 30 - full of energy, head clear, no aches and pains - so that she could feel the difference of what good diet can feel like.

 

But instead I mentally sigh and I go along with the subject change.  Remember you can bring a horse to water but cannot make it drink.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Best thing to do PeytonsMom is let them go.  These people are in charge of making their own decisions.  They are grown people.  And as much as it is difficult to hear (and do) - we need to accept them as they are.

 

Trust me.  I know where you're at.  My mom is 70 - her body is riddled with rheumatoid arthrytis, she keeps on getting infection, after infection.  She has seen my success. I have tried to get information into her head but she basicaily lives off of bread, rice and fruit. with an occasional nod to protein and veg.  She is convinced that red meat is bad for her because she read it in a 25 yo medical dictionary. She has 2 things working against her.  1) she is a lazy cook.  If I cook her food when I am there - she eats it.  When left to her own devices she goes for easy food.  2) she is convinced that the food she is eating is not bad for her.  I recently gave her food for thought though - saying that RA was basically celiac disease but rather than affecting your disgestive track it affects your joints.  I also mentioned that everything that is happening can be controlled by what she puts in her mouth.  I don't think she liked that too much as she changed the subject.  

 

This is just a pipe dream but I have a wish - I would like to gift her with one day on how it feels to be on day 25 of a whole 30 - full of energy, head clear, no aches and pains - so that she could feel the difference of what good diet can feel like.

 

But instead I mentally sigh and I go along with the subject change.  Remember you can bring a horse to water but cannot make it drink.

 

That is EXACTLY how my mother is...she will eat what I cook, but when she's on her own for lunch, breakfast etc..she goes back to white bread, muffins, juice, processed snacks..and yep, she is convinced that those 100 calorie packs are 'good for her.' She has several health issues (as mentioned before), but is not in pain, so I am thinking she assumes everything is ok. She recently had a double mastectomy due to early breast cancer in February, and I thought that would be the scare that would get her on the healthy habits wagon..but alas, I was wrong. She is also happy to just take her high blood pressure and diabetes meds, even though I always tell her that cleaning up her diet could eliminate those and save her $.

I guess I need to just bite my tongue and let her be..she's lived this long on that diet and like you said, you can lead a horse....

I need to really learn to stop being so angry at her (internally)..if she is happy..me geting upset at her is not going to help the situation.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly.  Trust me I know there is anger, and grief, that goes with this territory and it is hard to listen to someone complain about their ailments - but then do nothing about it.  My brother is another one who concerns me.  Although he seems more interested than my mom is.  He is showing signs of RA at the age of 40.

 

The best you can do for your mom is love her and support her.  If she asks questions.  Answer them.  Then stop.  People don't like being preached to.  (I struggled with this as I felt sooo good I wanted to yell it from rooftops on how good I felt)  Unfortunately my family felt the brunt of it.

 

The best you can do for you kids is give them healthy meals, not stress too much when they are given a "treat" from someone else.  They might discover things on their own - like too much of X does not make me feel good. At a very early age I didn't like milk and I hated corn. Now I know why I didn't like them - they come with side effects!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 months later...

No, I don't judge what people are eating.  Until we've walked a 100 miles in someone else's moccasins, we have no idea what their financial situation is.   Lack of finances can limit someone's nutrition in a very big way.   I'm always for the underdog.


 


The only people I find myself judging are those with so much pretention... pomp and circumstance with every bite they take. They make sure the rest of us know that they only have organic items in their cart.     I roll my eyes to myself and think...Oh, brother. 


 


I look around for the old folks and lil children.  Those are the ones I care about.     


 


Don't judge what people are eating.   No food shaming.   Love everyone and care for them.   You never know when you may have just made someone's day who's really having a difficult time. 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I had a big row with my husband last night. I had been asking him to give up cola (it's all he drinks) and asked if he was going to get on the band wagon with me (I'm on day 3 of my 4th while 30). He told me that he was annoyed with me nagging him, that he had no intention of joining me (he is apparently going to deal with his food issues his own way through counselling) and he said that k should do the same.

Apparently paleo is unsustainable, the whole30 will not let me address as my food issues and the whole thing is pointless as I will just return to how I've eaten before.

Now granted I have done the whole 30 before and slipped afterwards. But i have plans to keep it going this year. And it was a very stressful year last year (had an op and a stroke and then almost a divorce) but even when i did binge eat I could see what I was doing and that to me is the first step. I just feel completely unsupported. Though reading rob Wolffs article has made me realise that I can only do the best I can and if he wants to come on my journey then he is welcome and if he doesn't want to then I'll just have to tread this path alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yes.   This is very, very true.  He is a grown man and capable of making his own decisions.  Yes it may not be the ones you chose to make - that's fine.  These are his choices to make.  

 

I know what you are dealing with.  Unfortunately my better half had a heart attack Dec 1. (He is 42) I cringe when he gives me a hard time about eating so many eggs, or red meat.  I know he is just concerned for my health and he doesn't believe the same things about food as I do. And that's okay.  It doesn't make me love him less.   But I also cringe when he relys so heavily on bread, pasta and cereal.  I don't say a word for the most part, but will occasionally send him an informative article on why these might not be the best food choices for him.

 

Try to be supportive of the changes he is willing to make - even if they might not be the ones you believe in.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My family is loaded to the gills with diabetics.   I cry inside, tears well up and I gulp them down when I see them.   I usually wait until I get into my car and then I let loose.  We love our families, come heck or high water.

 

We do have to walk this path alone.   The Whole 30 forum is great for sharing struggles and for support.   It amazes me how much a group of forum members can become close through written words.     My own head reset is the most positive change from the Whole 30 program.  I want to share with relatives but I have to wait for them to ask me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

I'm starting to realize I need to move out of the judgemental stage. I can't preach anymore, I have to just listen and wait, as previously suggested here. The problem is this: I did my whole30, it changed my life, fast forward a year... People want to know what I'm doing, so I tell them. The response is almost universal, "oh I can't do that, what's left to eat?" So they complain about how their diet failed and how crappy they feel and how sick they've been. All I want to do is grab them by the shoulders and yell, "but I just told you, this is it!" I found the thing that can give you the quality of life you are looking for. Why can't you hear me? Granted, it's hard to let go of the foods we know and love, I get that. At least I should get that, it wasn't so long ago I felt I could never be Paleo, but here I am.

My dad is a type 2 diabetic. My mom is morbidly obese with many other major health issues. My fiance is overweight; my best friend tired of fighting her sugar demon. None of the ones close to me want to drink my brand of kool-aid. They're not ready and they may never be. I have to be okay with that, and it's hard.

It was nice to read the posts before me. I judge shopping carts, I preach my food religion sometimes. It's okay. Some people have heard me and agreed; and now those people are also changing the way they see food. It's day three of my Third whole30 and mum is the word. I love the way I feel, and that's just going to have to be good enough.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...