Family weekend causing some dread

[wendelina]

I've had incredible success with my Whole30 - no more ineffective allergy medications!

 

I'm going home to visit the family for the first time since rolling off my Whole30, and I admit, I'm dreading it, and not just due to the normal family stressors!

 

Mom likes to make me homemade ziti as a bribe, to get me to come home more often (because, frankly, I've always loved it).  Dad helpfully offers me whole wheat or seeded bagels, because they're "healthier."  My sister and her kids want to go out for ice cream and treats, since my visiting is such an occasion.  At least one dinner is typically pizza ... but we get salad with it!  We swear!  Breakfasts are bagels, or toaster/frozen waffles, or English muffins.  There will be, quite honestly, nothing in their house that I can eat in safety.

 

While I can make my own food (hell, I can bring my own food, since my parents do not recognize the difference between factory farmed meats and non), I hate being That Girl who is the one alone, who has to eat different meals. Even though I have told them about my new need for no allergy meds, but they remain skeptical.  "Why do this, when you can just get allergy shots? You could always eat these foods before, why can't you eat them now?"

 

I want to be a good example for them, to show them what focusing on real foods can do without drugs, but I want to make it easier for me too.  My parents are both pre-diabetic (along with hypertension, arthritis and other health issues) now and are being their usual selves and "following doctor's orders" - whole grains! lots of whole grains!.  My niece is AD(H)D and I really think that diet is a cause, and taking meds was gotten to too quickly. 

 

How do people deal with relatives who love you, who are totally entrenched in modern pharmacology and the standard American diet counseling? How do you handle situations like this where you don't have the freedom to handle your own food, without making EVERYONE uncomfortable?

[remybriscoe]

i think we've all experienced these types of family get togethers, and while they are hard to deal with, they're not impossible.

 

definitely bring your own food! bring some nuts, fruits and veggies to tide you over during the day so you're not tempted to snack on bad foods in the house.

 

offer to make dinner for everyone the first night - if you make something big, you can live off the leftovers for the remainder of the time you're there. if you're out to dinner, you should have good control over what you can eat.

 

just remember that you're setting a good example to everything else, if they see how happy and healthy you are, they can't deny that your habits are for the good. if they want to poke you and question you, you can offer to have a conversation with them about what you're doing and why. otherwise you can just keep the information to yourself and smile on the inside knowing you're doing a great thing for yourself!

[Carlaccini]

There is a couple of ways you can handle this:

 

Gently explain to them that yes although you ate this "stuff" before this is what you eat now. You prefer to eat "this way" rather than eating breads, bagels and things that generally make you feel less better, and taking medications that don't work for you.  Make this about your decision.  Don't bring them into it, and try not to judge them for what they eat.  (I know from personal experience that this is a very HARD pill to swallow)

 

If they pressure, you can take a harder line and tell them that your dietary habbits are NOT up for review.  You feel better this way and that's it.  You don't have to say it harshly, just firmly so that they understand.  Then change the subject.

 

And because they pressure you, don't pressure them for them to understand the why.  They won't.  If they ask questions, answer them politely. 

 

After my first whole 30 I felt so good that I literally wanted to yell it from the rooftops.  My mom saw my transformation, seen how well I am doing but stubbronly insists on that what I do "won't work for her" as she eats bread, homemade muffins, and rice, all the while she complains to me about being constipated, being anemic, and riddled with RA.  It's hard to watch and keep silent about. 

[Lexuslinda]

I know what you are feeling. Friends and family make it difficult to stick to what we are doing with our food choices. My husband who has been eating paleo now for 4 months just says that he can't have the "old" choices because they make him fell sick! We don't question peoples choices when they are allergic to a food. So this shouldn't be any different.

[srice11]

In this scenario, I always just bring my own food. It makes me "that girl" but after two and a half years, my family is now used to it. 

[DanielleM]

Can you ask that the family make meals that are easy for you to modify- but still have essentially the same thing? Steaks on the grill, salad, roasted veggies? Maybe you can make a big side to share that's compliant and they can try it, along with the stuff they already are planning to eat. 

 

I just had dinner with my parents, and I asked if we could do chicken on the grill- and my Dad uses non-stick spray on the grates. I asked if he could wrap mine in foil and cook it that way. We had salad and baked potatoes- but mine was a sweet potato. I brought my own ghee. We all ate the same thing, mine was just a tiny bit different in preparation.

 

For the Ziti- could you make your own zucchini noodles? See if your mom can make some extra sauce (assuming it's compliant- or could be made to be compliant) and you can still have something similar to everyone else.

[Guest WholeStanley]

I completely understand the dread - family occasions are the most testing times for me during the Whole30 as well. I have lots of greek aunts who love to feed and can sometimes get offended if you turn down their food. I think preparation is the key, as well as explanation! When explaining the whole30 to my family they always think its some fad diet so i really try to show to them how great it has been making me feel and they often can't argue with that.

 

I think DanielleM makes a really good point - try and match your modified meals with what your family are eating, for example my family loves potatoes so I always bring a couple of baked sweet potatoes with me so my plate looks like everyone else's. Also I sometimes go in the kitchen with my aunts to see the produce they are using and ask them to keep my chicken/fish/lamb completely plain so they still feel they are cooking for me, if modified!