becausewhole30 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Why is it that there is always contention when we talk about our mothers? I like to describe my mother to people as unique, a special flower. Maybe I'm being a sarcastic ass, maybe I'm trying to say nicely that she's got some issues, idk. But my Mom is morbidly obese, she has MANY issues with her health that include no meniscus in her knee, diverticulitis, thyroid issues, plurulis (some terrible lung inflammation thing), herniated discs in her neck, stomach ulcers, skin fungus, you name it, she's got it or used to have it. If you ask her, her diet has nothing to do with her weight or these health issues. She gets sick in the bathroom all the time, all the time. She came to visit me for a day and a half and since I'm gluten sensitive I pleaded with her to not eat gluten while she was here, maybe all this time she has the same thing I have. I used to be so sick all the time. Nope, she has a bagel. Here we are, she's supposed to get ready for the airport so I can go to work and she's so sick, I have to change her flight. Now she's screwing my poor dad who needs to go to work for her instead of his own job. Of course she blamed my cooking. The cooking that made me well. But I'm trying to have compassion and find myself annoyed. There's no way I can make her see that her health is truly in her own hands. So many doctors and so much medication will not fix what ails her and I'm stuck powerless. You can lead your loved ones to water, but unfortunately their not gonna drink the meat and veggie koolaid. I just needed to vent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsStick Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 My family is the same way...but unfortunately WE can't do anything about it. My (vaguely pescitarian but mostly ovo-vegetarian) sister and I used to joke about how her diet and mine were more alike than either of us was to our parents. My mom's the sort to make Pinterest cakes out of soda + cake mix + who knows what sort of HFCS-sweetened gunk passes for pie filling. Or think it's awesome that if you turn the hot dogs on their ends you can fit 60+ of them into your crock pot! She and my dad went on a trip to Italy though and their diet seems to have improved. My husband, the skeptic that he is, says it's baloney since they were just eating pasta the whole time...but my mom was eating a kale salad when we Skyped last? And they have gone from toast + margarine + caffeine for breakfast to fresh fruit...and my dad kicked his Mountain Dew habit to the curb (it was previously Pepsi, but that gave him kidney stones...obviously the MD was better for him? *sigh*)...so I'll take it. I remember, when growing up, we ate a lot of from scratch stuff...it was in high school and beyond that my parents' diet started to go more convenience. But if reducing convenience foods helps them feel better (after that many years of convenience food weighing them down, I'm sure they feel better with more fresh fruits and veggies!) I'm supportive. My MIL has gone the opposite route, doing a lot of beans + cornbread with random veggies or fruits thrown in. And the tofu in her smoothie. She still occasionally has meat, but not much. Not for her health, but to save money. I feel like the next time we visit family we'll need to buy less food for my necessary gluten-free status at my parents' house but will need to buy more food than previously at my MIL's house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeGA"gardener" Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hi there Parents can be both a blessing and a curse Remember they only know what they know and they're comfortable and secure with My parents are 84 n 87 and my MIL 91 They won't "change their constitution" That being said you can't make them do anything You LEAD by example They might get the hint focus on yourself Put their habits aside be mindful of your new ones You can change:This W30 has helped me reverse all the crap in my life I was headed in that direction then this fell into my lap What a Godsend! I'm lucky because I've been cooking healthya long time and just tweeked it to comply Try to focus on yourself you don't need to stress ok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeGA"gardener" Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Oh and You will do fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rae l Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I believe society has conditioned us that all mothers are angels and such selfless givers. It's considered sacriledge to bag on your moms. But in reality, moms can truly be toxic. There is also now very well documented issues mothers have with daughters. My mother used to tell me when I was younger to do good in school because I was ugly and how she was skinnier than me when she was my age. She fed us crap too. I bloomed in my early 20s and she was just so proud then. I am grateful I haven't seen her in four years because being perimenopausal caused some weight gain. I don't want my husband to go to jail for knocking her out because she can't resist bashing on me in public. I don't care anymore. I just tell people my mother is a monster. I'm grateful my friends' mothers were there when I was growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeGA"gardener" Posted June 6, 2015 Share Posted June 6, 2015 Rae I I'm sorry that happened to you I'm sure she loves you way deep down inside her heart Some moms are attention seekers and they are jealous they may not be able to take how pretty you are or what a great heart you have because it's about them like Tony Keith's song "wanna talk about meeeee" You are okay Youve found your place you have a beautiful life with a loving husband Live your life Care about your family It's ok to let go Some moms are angels and some are not Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WholeMama623 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Drop the rope with her. Do not discuss health, or diets, or weight loss. She is clearly insecure and trying to find faults in what you are doing, so naturally she blamed it on your cooking. I would have said "Well, I'm not sick!" My mom does the same thing. She has ALL kinds of problems. I've told her several times about Whole30 and she practically ignores me. When she does retort back with something it's "I'm practically doing a whole30!!" says the woman eating beans, popcorn smothered in butter EVERY night for dinner, and gluten free cookies. I'm like "yeah.. no you aren't" and then she brushes me off. I'm doing a Whole100 now and doing really well. I just don't bring it up anymore. I know everyone see my success, so maybe if I just stop trying to push it on her, she'll try it out for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britishgal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I'd love my mother to do a whole30...she has increasingly crippling arthritis in her hands and an autoimmune skin issue plus she is generally very down. Over the last year I've gently nudged her towards fat (she already eats veg and fruit etc) and away from low fat cr*p using label reading drip feeding techniques (aka attempted brainwashing ) and have had small victories but she will only be nudged so far. She is convinced grains are healthy, the way I eat is "ridiculous" and socially selfish (perish the thought that you can't eat everything placed in front of you to be polite as I was raised to do) and any wheat issues (I'm being tested for a wheat allergy at the moment) are imaginary. But I persist. One day I hope she surprise me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators SugarcubeOD Posted July 22, 2015 Moderators Share Posted July 22, 2015 I would say to persist on Britishgal. My sister and I spent a LOT of time trying to convince my mom, who suffers with RA to try changing her diet before doing crazy chemical concoctions with horrifying side effects. She had absolutely no interest...We eventually gave up and let her find her own way by being good examples. If she had questions, we answered them and we shared recipes (as we've always done) and talked about it in family group settings so she could overhear things.. Now the frustrating part is that she behaves as tho she's discovered this entire way of eating and that we haven't been harping on it to her for years, but hey... the result is that being good examples and providing a lot of information when requested means she got there eventually!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeGA"gardener" Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I think our Mothers' generation has a lot of pride They won't always give you credit where due until some figure they can own it too and only then it became theirs alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators SugarcubeOD Posted July 22, 2015 Moderators Share Posted July 22, 2015 Ya, we, in general don't care if she 'owns' this... whatever makes her more healthy... we just vent/joke about it between ourselves and move on... Taking ownership of something means that you're invested in it and we're glad she is, so we wouldn't say anything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britishgal Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I wouldn't really be bothered about credit so much if she would only try it! For my 67 year old Mother though it's a lot of years of fake advice to get over though sadly...not to mention a seriously disordered lifelong relationship with food I'm just going to keep on doing the softly softly approach I'm hoping as I get healthier she'll see...I've lost a lot of weight and am certainly happier than this time last year, though according to her I'm still fat (I'm not...but she still sees the 30 year old UK size 6 I was rather than the happy 40 year old UK size 14 mama I am today). I live in hope!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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