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house guests coming to stay


lauren_thomas

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So, first, I apologize if this has already been talked about, I searched and didn't find anything.

 

I have some friends coming to stay the weekend with my husband and me (we are both on day 12 of our first whole30 - whoo hoo!) and I have been debating on whether or not I should get some non-whole 30 food for them (glass of wine with dinner, serve English muffins with breakfast, have milk for coffee, etc).

 

I have decided against it, and we shall see how it goes, but I just wondered if anyone else had had experience with this situation and what they did. I don't want to fill my house with non-W30 items and I don't want to have to watch them eat things I want in my own home (especially when I still am having some cravings),  but it is rude to make them adhere to our food choices when they are guests? I think the W30 food is yummy, but I'm worried they will think something is missing and not be happy.

 

A few other things - they know we are doing a W30, but I don't think they know exactly what is it/how stringent the rules are, and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't expect us to have cleared the entire house of non-compliant food (which we did! :) ). I know they will try to talk us into a glass of wine or something here or there - "it's just one! can't you have just one cheat day or something?" - but I'm preparing myself to stick to my guns - nothing is worth breaking my W30.

 

Would love to have your thoughts, thanks all!

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I wouldn't cater. 

They are friends. 

1. Friends don't ask for things that aren't offered.

2. If they ask, they will most likely be respectful of that. 

Edited to add: Even if they ask you to cheat.. just be honest, it wouldn't be fair to yourself AND it would make the last 12 days useless.

 

Plus then you aren't throwing out things they didn't eat. 

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I wouldn't/don't.  You want to stay in my home, you are more than welcome but don't expect me to cater to you like you would get if you were paying to stay in a hotel/eat in a restaurant.

 

The exception that I allow for here is cream for their coffee if I know that is something that they use because we generally do not have dairy in the house.

 

Having people sleep in your spare bedroom doesn't automatically mean that they have their every heart's desire catered to.  :)

 

As far as the wine, if they want to buy and open a bottle, I wouldn't stop them.  Their enjoyment of a glass of wine shouldn't be impeded by your desire not to have one. Remember that your desire not to drink is not less valuable than their desire to have you drink.  ;)

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To me, it depends on the friends and the relationship. I've been eating mostly Whole30 for two years, but when my parents come to visit, I buy the Fiber One bars my mom likes for breakfast because she is not even close to interested in eating Whole30. If I don't do that, they'll just go out to McDonald's and get a breakfast sandwich, even if I offer to scramble eggs or whatever. I don't understand it but I won't fight it either; it's a losing battle.

 

But when I had friends staying with me earlier this summer, I mostly made the same delicious food I always do. (I was actually on a candida-specific diet which was even more restricted than a Whole30 in some ways.) I did have a few non-Whole30 things available; since I've been eating this way for awhile, the temptation factor isn't as big as it probably is for you, and that wasn't a big deal to me. Examples - I made taco salad one night and had corn and plantain chips, I did have cream and sugar for coffee, and one of them bought some beer to keep in the fridge, which was fine with me. They all loved the food, and it never seemed like anyone felt deprived (other than the beer run!). We actually had group texts after they all went home about how I'd inspired them to try some different vegetables!

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Thanks for the feedback folks - it went fine, and I'll probably do the same in the future as I did this time - not cater to them, but not stop them from enjoying the wine they brought Although, on a side note, I thought it was kinda rude for them to go ahead and drink their wine in front of us when they knew it would be tempting (and it was) for us. If it were me, I would just not drink wine too so I didn't make my hosts feel uncomfortable. Oh well, it's over for now.

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I'd try to look at that from another perspective. If you were lactose intolerant, would you expect them to not drink milk in front of you? I don't think that's a reasonable expectation.

 

You're food choices are yours to own, and theirs belong to them. If they were pushing the glass under your nose, telling you to smell it and stuff, that would be aggressive. But drinking wine in your presence is them making choices about their own diet, and how you feel about that is on you and not them.

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That is a different way of looking at it, but I still disagree. I wouldn't bring brownies to someone's house who is trying to eat healthy and lose weight, and then proceed to eat them in front of them, it's just rude. Lactose intolerance is different because they are not tempted by milk because it will make them sick. I don't expect people to conform to my dietary preferences in front of me, but just to be courteous. Thanks for the different perspective though.

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Lactose intolerance is different because they are not tempted by milk because it will make them sick.

I disagree...I'm lactose intolerant but adore custard for example and I'm allergic to wheat but crave bread so much sometimes I stand in the bread department just to imagine I can eat it. Just because something makes you ill doesn't stop you wanting it (look at alcohol...people still drink that even though it gives them a hangover)

But I'd never expect anyone to have to fit their food around what I can't eat...its me that can't eat bread and custard not them.

To me being courteous would be them respecting that I can't eat it so not pushing it on me. I'd never expect someone to abstain because I can't eat something.

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Here is another way of looking at it....

 

If guests come for a meal or an afternoon visit or an evening of movies.... I would expect them to be respectful of what they know I can't have. It's only a couple of hours, for heaven's sake. Or, depending on the relationship... at least clear it with me before bringing in the Forbidden Fruit.

 

But if they are staying in my home, as a replacement for their home.... then they are entitled to make themselves at home, with whatever they want to fetch for themselves. I don't cater, but if they want to drink Scotch (shudder, cringe, yuck) while carrying on a civilized conversation, and I am free to happily drink my club soda with a lime twist, then life is good. Everyone is relaxed & feeling at home.

 

But they should have asked first. Would you have told them "no wine" if they had asked?

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Do they know you are on an eating programme? I don't understand how they'd know to ask if not ;(

We had etiquette classes from 11 all the way through school so I understand manners...they were drummed into us. If I was going to stay with friends I'd take a gift (flowers, wine and chocolates probably as is normal here) but if I didn't know they weren't eating x, y or z how would I know not to take x, y or z?

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I wouldn't have said no, but my whole point has been, it would have been rude to ask in the first place. I guess I'm just really old fashioned when it comes to manners.

 

And it is, after all, your home. It's not like you could excuse yourself & go somewhere else. And, as guests, their job is to behave as such. I just needed to ask the question.

 

I actually had this happen to me. Friends offered peanuts, knowing full well that peanuts are legumes and that I wasn't eating legumes. The comment I overheard afterwards was "yeah, she knew the difference" so I was being set up. Friends, eh? Sometimes friends, especially the ones we are closest to, are the quickest to sabotage. 

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