Sugar Addict

[JennLynn]

Hi, my name is Jenn, and I have a sugar addiction. The first step is to acknowledge it which I do and I’m learning to control it.  However….I would like to take a minute to hate it.  I hate that I can’t eat quesadillas because even the darn tortilla breaks down into sugar and drives my craving for “sugar” foods up. I hate that I can’t even eat a small piece of bread for the same reason………I have stopped eating bread and tortillas and pasta and chocolate and donuts and cookies etc…….and I actually don’t miss them, really.  But…….I miss the dishes or experiences that they are a part of. I miss a quesadilla.  I miss the bread with yummy olive oil as part of the dinner at a restaurant.

I hate being a sugar addict. I like feeling good. So……feeling good gets to win……..I will continue to acknowledge that I have a sugar addiction. I will use that knowledge to stay strong and not eat things that feed my sugar monkey.  I hope someday I don’t miss certain dishes and can be happy with experiences without the bread. I wish there were SAA (Sugar Addicts Anonymous) meetings I could attend.  I crave live body support, not just virtual support……but you go with what you got.

[SugarcubeOD]

You're singing my song sister... I am a MASSIVE sugar addict... to the point of removing fruit from my diet in an effort to get relief.  I think about ice cream and sugar every day for MONTHS after I've even had it...  the second I ingest sugar, I'm in for a rollercoaster of withdrawl and obsessive thoughts... you're not alone at all!

 

I also really like 'sugar monkey' more than 'sugar dragon'.  Monkeys are mischievous, bratty and unpredictable... I'm calling mine sugar monkey from now on! 

[Carlaccini]

Hello from another fellow sugar addict.... my sugar addition is in pretty good control these days - but if it gets released in any way I am battling it again.  This will sound strange, but I am happy I react badly to sugar nowadays.  It makes it easier to say no to it...

 

I still eat fruit but it's most often just berries - they seem to be less sweet than most fruit and it doesn't cause too much of a blood sugar rush like other fruits do. 

 

I also don't know how to do moderation well.  The "everything in moderation" line drives me bonkers.  There are some substances that are so highly addictive that it is almost impossible to moderate for some people.  Sugar is one of those substances.

 

Rule of thumb when you are trying to squash a sugar craving:  When you are going through a sugar craving the LAST thing you need to be reaching for is fruit, dried fruit, nuts and nut butters.  These items will keep the sugar monkey ALIVE.  To squash a sugar craving - even though it's probably the last thing you want (but your body needs it) is to eat fat and protein and distract yourself by doing something else.

[Brewer5]

Jenn, you are sooo not alone. Welcome.

[SugarcubeOD]

 

 

I also don't know how to do moderation well.  The "everything in moderation" line drives me bonkers.  There are some substances that are so highly addictive that it is almost impossible to moderate for some people.  Sugar is one of those substances.

 

 

Everything in moderation only works for moderators... abstainers are in their own version of hell should they try to 'moderate'.  Here's my favorite and oft' linked article about moderation versus abstention...

 

https://gretchenrubin.com/happiness_project/2012/10/back-by-popular-demand-are-you-an-abstainer-or-a-moderator/

 

I have been back and forth with the idea that I can never eat ice cream again... it's hardly ever 'worth it' and when I do, it's a nightmare getting back under control... Ice cream could be cocaine for as far as I'm concerned... and no one moderates cocaine... 

[ladyshanny]

Me too on being a sugar-addict.  I'd be really shocked if there were more than a handful of people here that didn't have some terrible relationship with sugar.

 

This year, this Whole30, my goal is to completely annihilate my sugar issues.  Not just put them to sleep for now or try to make them smaller or more manageable.  But to seriously cut through them, Master of Destruction style.  If that means that I cannot have sugar or chocolate or ice cream for 12 or 16 or 24 months, then that's just how it has to be.  Until I can look at an ice cream or a dark chocolate caramel and not have lustful feelings towards it, I'm out.  Until I don't have a bad day and wish I could sit in a dark room with a 3# easter bunny, I'm out.  Until I no longer look at food porn on Instagram and feel anger/resent/misery, I Am O U T.

[SugarcubeOD]

I find it interesting that people do Whole30 and come on and report that they no longer have cravings... I used to think I was doing something wrong because that never happened to me.  I've completed many Whole30's, to the letter, with every rule AND recommendation followed for 30, 45 and 60 days and it never really helped my addiction... I would still have to battle myself to not fall face first into a vat of cupcake icing (forget the cupcakes, I want the ICING) or a twelve gallon pail of ice cream... 

It is never 'close my eyes and don't talk to me' good when I would finally give in, so that's how I know it is addiction talking... 

[Carlaccini]

 

I have been back and forth with the idea that I can never eat ice cream again... it's hardly ever 'worth it' but when I do, it's a nightmare getting back under control... Ice cream could be cocaine for as far as I'm concerned... and no one moderates cocaine... 

 

Yes to no more daily ice cream binges.... I dropped ice cream more for the dairy issues rather than the sugar.... then I discovered coconut ice cream.....and then ummmmm yeah.  Good thing is since the new year has started - I have had 0% desire for ice cream and homemade chocolate chip cookies 

[Brewer5]

I have finally come to terms with my addiction -- all of it. And figured out what stops it... and what keeps it going.

I can't say that this is something that will ever "go away". It is really no different than an ex-smoker trying to have one cigarette, or an alcoholic trying to have one drink. Despite the best intentions ~ it just can't happen. It's not how our brains work.

But it does get better. Just like smoking.... It fades. To the point where you don't even think about it every day... or even every week... or even every month.

Protein and fat will be a ~tremendous~ help in this journey.

[SugarcubeOD]

Protein and fat will be a ~tremendous~ help in this journey.

Olives are definitely a go to for me... the exact opposite of sweet... 

 

I've never been addicted to anything before... so I'm not entirely sure how it's 'supposed' to feel but it's like an itch in my brain that I can't scratch and I actually don't know if I'll ever be able to go without thinking about it... I hope to one day... eating protein and fat helps in the short term for sure... and distraction helps... but until I can put a steak covered in ghee IN that part of my brain, I'm not sure... I've been doing this a long time now and I never skimp on fat and protein... could just be the way I'm made

[Brewer5]

could just be the way I'm made

 

I used to think that I was destined to smoke forever, too.  I thought there was something "wrong" with my brain.  I thought what I was feeling was very unique.  I thought that it was something I would have to deal with forever ...   I thought I had to either deal with the smoking (I hated it) or deal with myself without it (I hated being her).  

 

Turns out ~ most of what I believed about myself was not true at all.  I've been able to do a ton of research to figure out just exactly what was going on, and how to fix it.  And I've been able to apply much of what I've learned about addiction, to any sort of food battles that are going on in my brain, as well.  They really are the same.  It's all about what these substances are doing for you.  If you can figure out how to light up those areas of the brain in other ways, it is no longer a struggle.

 

I hate to think that you will always have that itch, when I know that it doesn't have to be that way.  I just wanted to send out a message of encouragement ~ to keep experimenting, keep trying new things.  My hope for you is that one day you can have peace from this struggle.

 

And I'm so glad you've made friends with olives!    YES.

[Hoppyrules]

Another sugar addict weighing in from here in our nation's capitol.

 

TERRIBLE problem for me - before starting Whole 30 14 days ago, I was averaging a pint or two of ice cream a week. People also telling me there is "nothing wrong with a little bit now and then" as they handed me a cookie/brownie/etc..

 

The first week I was on Whole 30 I did no fruit at all, because I know sweets are my problem. This week I tried to add in some fruit - raspberries here, apples there, some fresh grapefruit. Oddly enough I have been more hungry the last few days, including stomach growling when I didn't have that at all. So, I think for my own well being I have to take fruit out of my life at least until the end of 30 days or so. 

 

I did however, manage to avoid reaching for it when I was hungry, and had some extra protein (ground beef) instead. But I am certainly a bit more bloated today after having apples (I made that great recipe in "Well Fed" with apples - it tasted wonderful but of course I scarfed it all).

[SugarcubeOD]

I used to think that I was destined to smoke forever, too.  I thought there was something "wrong" with my brain.  I thought what I was feeling was very unique.  I thought that it was something I would have to deal with forever ...   I thought I had to either deal with the smoking (I hated it) or deal with myself without it (I hated being her).  

 

Turns out ~ most of what I believed about myself was not true at all.  I've been able to do a ton of research to figure out just exactly what was going on, and how to fix it.  And I've been able to apply much of what I've learned about addiction, to any sort of food battles that are going on in my brain, as well.  They really are the same.  It's all about what these substances are doing for you.  If you can figure out how to light up those areas of the brain in other ways, it is no longer a struggle.

 

I hate to think that you will always have that itch, when I know that it doesn't have to be that way.  I just wanted to send out a message of encouragement ~ to keep experimenting, keep trying new things.  My hope for you is that one day you can have peace from this struggle.

 

And I'm so glad you've made friends with olives!    YES.

Thank you so much for taking the time to write this post, I really appreciate it! I certainly keep hope that I can have a normal relationship with something like ice cream... in the summer on the boardwalk with a friend for instance... that remains to be seen but I think part of the battle is knowing its a problem so I'm already ahead of the game!

I think the olive friendship was a good road to go down! It also taught me that I AM willing to experiment and try different things to get where I want to go (altho I've done the same experimenting with cauliflower and I still HAAAAAAATE the stuff... ).

Thanks again and I'm not sure how long it's been for you, but congrats on quitting smoking! That's an enormous accomplishment and deserves kudos!!!

[Brewer5]

Sugarcube, I hope you know me well enough by now to know that I am here because I care and I want to help with all I've learned.  So take this in that tone, with that part understood ~ please.

 

What if I said to you:  "I certainly keep hope that I can have a normal relationship with something like cigarettes... in the summer on the boardwalk with a friend for instance..."

 

If you care like I do, you would go:  "Oh my gosh, NO!  Don't do it!  You have done so well with quitting!"  ...Am I right?

 

A large part of the problem, and why some people will struggle forever with sugar/carb addiction ... Is that they don't put it in the same category as other addictions.  But I am here to tell you, it is the same.

 

Wine comes from grapes.  Alcohol comes from fermented foods of all kinds.  Cocaine comes from the coca leaf.  There are hallucinogenic mushrooms.  Marijuana and tobacco come from plants.  

 

Coffee.  Chocolate.  Wheat.  SUGAR.  DAIRY.  The list of addictive things in nature goes on and on.......

 

The only difference between these is that some are more socially acceptable than others.  And some of them we can consume and still live somewhat of a "normal" life.

 

...If someone decides to quit smoking, we get applause.  Generally, in this day and age, no one is going to give you crap about quitting.  Even fellow addicts who feel "left behind".

 

If someone decides to quit ice cream, we get, "Oh, come on, just have a little... it's so good... you've been good, just splurge... etc"  (I am fortunate that no one in my life does this to me, but I know that it does happen, from so many stories on the forum!)

 

One may argue that these things are different:

 

"But ice cream is food!"  ~  No.  It isn't.  It is the milk intended for baby cows, mixed with the highly processed sugar cane plant, and a variety of other things ENGINEERED to make you addicted.  This is something that would never be found in nature.  Never.

 

In fact, I would argue that smoking is even more "natural" than consuming ice cream.  There is a better chance of the dried tobacco plant catching on fire in the wild -- and you accidentally breathing in the smoke -- than there is of "ice cream" EVER just occurring in nature.  

 

Something missmary said long ago has really stuck with me throughout my journey.  I wish I could go back and find the post -- but I can't.  Basically, she told someone that they kept trying to consume something, because they had it in their mind that they "should" be able to eat whatever it was.  But the fact was, that person could not handle whatever it was.  It wasn't something that they "should" be able to consume.  ...What needed to change was the person's thinking.

 

ALL of us struggle if we consume ice cream.  It is not something I can EVER have again.  I know it has been a struggle for ladyshanny, also.  There is no magical day that we will be able to have it, and then not crave it again and again.  If you think of it as a drug, if you realize it makes you feel like an addict ~ maybe it will just piss you off enough to finally QUIT for good.

 

The success for me is not to be able to walk on the boardwalk and smoke just one cigarette ...  The success is being able to walk on the boardwalk and not even THINK of a cigarette.  (Or ice cream, for that matter.)  

 

It's all about creating new patterns, new pathways, new memories.

 

Hey, OP ~ I would say "sorry" for hijacking your thread ...   But I have a feeling this will all be helpful.     Best wishes on your journey!

 

P.S.  Edited to say:  My final quit for smoking was June 2013.  I have learned so much in these 2.5 years.

[thegoldengrahamgirl]

This is a very helpful discussion, and the link from Gretchen was especially illuminating.

 

I used to think that I could be a moderator, if only I "tried hard enough."  Or that I was failing somehow by NOT being a moderator; that there was something flawed with my abstainer personality.

 

I'm learning to moderate my workouts so that I don't risk injury from needing to do ALL of the weight or ALL of the reps.  This is an area where it works.  It's not quite as simple as fully abstainer or fully moderator for me (and likely not for many people).

 

But when it comes to certain foods, simply saying "no" (with no fixed date of "forever" causing me to feel panicky - I always hold myself up to the possibility of re-examination) is SO  much easier than trying to have just one.  I'm trying to explain the difference to my moderator husband, who tries to get me to have "just one bite" of his dessert.

[CherylS67]

I find it interesting that people do Whole30 and come on and report that they no longer have cravings... I used to think I was doing something wrong because that never happened to me.  I've completed many Whole30's, to the letter, with every rule AND recommendation followed for 30, 45 and 60 days and it never really helped my addiction... I would still have to battle myself to not fall face first into a vat of cupcake icing (forget the cupcakes, I want the ICING) or a twelve gallon pail of ice cream... 

It is never 'close my eyes and don't talk to me' good when I would finally give in, so that's how I know it is addiction talking... 

 

I love your screen name BTW!  I am a sugaraholic as well.  I'm surprisingly doing well with my sugar cravings.  I was so bad that the candy dish on our administrative assistants desk would haunt me.  I would sit and my desk thinking of the candy in it until I couldn't concentrate and have to get up and eat a piece.  I'm R1D5, so I'm sure it's the newness, but knock on wood, I'm making it.

[SugarcubeOD]

Sugarcube, I hope you know me well enough by now to know that I am here because I care and I want to help with all I've learned.  So take this in that tone, with that part understood ~ please.

 

What if I said to you:  "I certainly keep hope that I can have a normal relationship with something like cigarettes... in the summer on the boardwalk with a friend for instance..."

 

If you care like I do, you would go:  "Oh my gosh, NO!  Don't do it!  You have done so well with quitting!"  ...Am I right?

 

A large part of the problem, and why some people will struggle forever with sugar/carb addiction ... Is that they don't put it in the same category as other addictions.  But I am here to tell you, it is the same.

 

Wine comes from grapes.  Alcohol comes from fermented foods of all kinds.  Cocaine comes from the coca leaf.  There are hallucinogenic mushrooms.  Marijuana and tobacco come from plants.  

 

Coffee.  Chocolate.  Wheat.  SUGAR.  DAIRY.  The list of addictive things in nature goes on and on.......

 

The only difference between these is that some are more socially acceptable than others.  And some of them we can consume and still live somewhat of a "normal" life.

 

...If someone decides to quit smoking, we get applause.  Generally, in this day and age, no one is going to give you crap about quitting.  Even fellow addicts who feel "left behind".

 

If someone decides to quit ice cream, we get, "Oh, come on, just have a little... it's so good... you've been good, just splurge... etc"  (I am fortunate that no one in my life does this to me, but I know that it does happen, from so many stories on the forum!)

 

One may argue that these things are different:

 

"But ice cream is food!"  ~  No.  It isn't.  It is the milk intended for baby cows, mixed with the highly processed sugar cane plant, and a variety of other things ENGINEERED to make you addicted.  This is something that would never be found in nature.  Never.

 

In fact, I would argue that smoking is even more "natural" than consuming ice cream.  There is a better chance of the dried tobacco plant catching on fire in the wild -- and you accidentally breathing in the smoke -- than there is of "ice cream" EVER just occurring in nature.  

 

Something missmary said long ago has really stuck with me throughout my journey.  I wish I could go back and find the post -- but I can't.  Basically, she told someone that they kept trying to consume something, because they had it in their mind that they "should" be able to eat whatever it was.  But the fact was, that person could not handle whatever it was.  It wasn't something that they "should" be able to consume.  ...What needed to change was the person's thinking.

 

ALL of us struggle if we consume ice cream.  It is not something I can EVER have again.  I know it has been a struggle for ladyshanny, also.  There is no magical day that we will be able to have it, and then not crave it again and again.  If you think of it as a drug, if you realize it makes you feel like an addict ~ maybe it will just piss you off enough to finally QUIT for good.

 

The success for me is not to be able to walk on the boardwalk and smoke just one cigarette ...  The success is being able to walk on the boardwalk and not even THINK of a cigarette.  (Or ice cream, for that matter.)  

 

It's all about creating new patterns, new pathways, new memories.

 

Hey, OP ~ I would say "sorry" for hijacking your thread ...   But I have a feeling this will all be helpful.     Best wishes on your journey!

 

P.S.  Edited to say:  My final quit for smoking was June 2013.  I have learned so much in these 2.5 years.

Hey Brewer!

 

Thank you so much for this and please know I only took it in the spirit it was intended so no worries there!  I want to reply and I have stuff to say but I'm swamped right now, so just wanted to come by and say that so you didn't think I was offended or otherwise unhappy!

[Brewer5]

I came across this tonight, and thought it was so helpful ~ and so appropriate.

 

"Understanding Addiction:  How Addiction Hijacks the Brain"

 

http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/how-addiction-hijacks-the-brain.htm

 

A couple of interesting parts:

 

"The hippocampus and the amygdala store information about environmental cues associated with the desired substance, so that it can be located again. These memories help create a conditioned response—intense craving—whenever the person encounters those environmental cues."

 

^ Boardwalk!

 

"and I actually don’t miss them, really.  But…….I miss the dishes or experiences that they are a part of."

 

Also:

 

"It is not enough to “just say no”—as the 1980s slogan suggested. Instead, you can protect (and heal) yourself from addiction by saying “yes” to other things. Cultivate diverse interests that provide meaning to your life. Understand that your problems usually are transient, and perhaps most importantly, acknowledge that life is not always supposed to be pleasurable."

 

What a great thing for all of us to remember.  Things will be uncomfortable sometimes, and that is just the way it is.

[Brewer5]

 

 

• I'm not just a bad moderator, I am an abstainer.  Sara's post about moderator/abstainer was really good for me to read.  I always thought I was just a bad moderator (as in that was the only way to be, the "right" way to be) but it turns out it isn't true - moderators are really bad abstainers 

 

This stood out to me recently, and I wanted to share it here, too.  I love how she was able to completely FLIP her thinking around ~ and I know it will totally work to her advantage.  What great progress!

[SugarcubeOD]

I haven’t forgotten this post and have been thinking of what to write.

 

First of all, I totally appreciate your concern and I do think that the cigarette on the boardwalk is a perfect example… It’s been hard to figure out what to write because I WANT to say that it makes perfect sense and I will never eat ice cream again.

 

What is actually going on in my head is a battle of wills where I know that leaving it in my past is the right thing to do and yet, I’m not ready to grieve the permanent loss of a good friend of mine…

 

Then there’s the coming to terms with the fact that I don’t WANT to be someone with an addiction… and the whole ‘someone with an addiction to something stupid’… I get it that an addiction to sugar is not stupid and it’s totally legit and real and there are studies about how it’s the same to your liver as alcoholism and the same to your brain as drugs…

 

I think it’s a longer mourning/grief period than just knowing that it’s a common food in our society and that it’s so toxic for me that I can’t have it…

 

I know from experience that if something is making me uncomfortable (as discussion around removing sugar/ice cream forever does) that it’s worth looking at…  It’s nice to know there are people out there who are successfully fighting the battle.

Knowing is half the battle but actually doing something about it is the other half… the, I hazard to say, tougher half!

[Brewer5]

I haven’t forgotten this post and have been thinking of what to write.

 

I know it's a lot to process, and I have known that you were thinking about it.  My information makes too much sense for anyone to dismiss completely.  If they do, they are just in complete denial about their situation.  

 

"A good friend of mine"... I can tell you, as I know ladyshanny can, as well -- this is exactly the same as with smoking.   If we were happy -- we smoked!  If we were sad -- we smoked!  If we were lonely -- we smoked!  If we were celebrating, socializing, angry, thinking, stressed, [insert entire range of emotions here] -- guess what?  We smoked.

 

It was our best friend, and our worst enemy.  We loved it, and we hated it for the hold it had on us.

 

You think sugar might be a stupid addiction?  How about something that makes you smell like an ashtray?  I mean, come on... are we comparing stupidity here?      Addiction doesn't usually look like it makes any damn sense.  It is a combination of things happening that most people can't even begin to understand.  All they know is that they are caught up in it, and can't see an easy way out.

 

"just knowing that it’s a common food in our society and that it’s so toxic for me that I can’t have it…"

 

I want you to consider the fact that in the 70's -- like, EVERYONE smoked.  Doctors endorsed it.  (Magazine ads out there to prove it.)   Look at how that has changed.

 

Would you argue that smoking is good for anyone?  Under any circumstances?  I wouldn't.  And believe me, I used every rationalization in the book, back when I was still smoking.

 

Just because something is common in our society does not mean that it is good for *anyone*.   It's not just you!   It's just you who may be fortunate enough to be having an epiphany about it at this moment.  

 

You don't have to respond -- (I mean, don't feel obligated).  I am not trying to put you on the spot about it.  I think this is a helpful conversation for so many out there who are struggling.  People tend to think they are alone... we think, "What is wrong with me?"

 

And I'm just here to say:  NOTHING.  Nothing is wrong with any of us ~ unless we keep trying to consume these addictive foods, somehow expecting the outcome to be different.

[ladyshanny]

Although you aren't a smoker, Sugarcubeod, you might consider reading the book "The Easy Way To Quit Smoking" by Allan Carr (I think I still have mine you can borrow) because you can sub "cigarette" with sugar in most of his reasoning and explanations.

[Brewer5]

Although you aren't a smoker, Sugarcubeod, you might consider reading the book "The Easy Way To Quit Smoking" by Allan Carr (I think I still have mine you can borrow) because you can sub "cigarette" with sugar in most of his reasoning and explanations.

 

Awww...  I never pay much attention to locations, so I didn't realize how close you two are!  That's cool.     

[ladyshanny]

Awww...  I never pay much attention to locations, so I didn't realize how close you two are!  That's cool.  

Closer than that, even. Twin sisters.

[Brewer5]

Closer than that, even. Twin sisters.

 

Shut - up!

 

 

...I had NO idea...

 

Hahahaha..... here I am, sharing our smoking / ice cream connections.....  Man, that is too funny.

 

I was like, "Oh, hey, they must be friends!"

 

...Or, you know... shared a womb...