Misskarine Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 I have completed two rounds of whole30, one in october and one in february. Every one I would share my experience with my two friends who were curious and skeptical. For some reason they decided to try a round with me. We are getting together this afternoon and have planned to meal prep together. Meatballs, soup, frittata cups, cauli rice... All kinds of delicious whole 30 goodies. When we started texting this morning I asked them if they wanted today to be day one. I could easily have some eggs for breakfast or something and whip up a side salad. One of my friends said she already planned tomorrow to be her day one while the other goes 'I'm going to start gradually and be fully whole 30 by Friday'. That got me angry. Why am I upset? I completed my first two rounds alone and was thrilled to have partners. I don't know what to think. Why is my friend's lack of commitment making me feel this way?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ShannonM816 Posted March 28, 2016 Moderators Share Posted March 28, 2016 I tried to do a Whole30 with a friend who didn't take it as seriously as I did. After the first weekend, she texted me that she'd had some Bailey's. It did make me angry at first -- I think because I do believe in the value of the program and doing it as written at least once, and I expect other people to have the same level of commitment to it. What I figured out, though, is that we're all at different points in our life, and some people are just not ready to commit. You can't really worry about what they're doing. You can point them toward resources and explain the program, but ultimately, they're adults and they'll decide for themselves what they're willing to do. You do your thing, be as supportive as you can be, but don't stress yourself out trying to get other people to do things the way you would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Misskarine Posted March 28, 2016 Author Share Posted March 28, 2016 Thanks Shannon. You are completely right. I just hope one day I will get to complete a round with a real human being, not a social network buddy - not that I don't appreciate that, don't get me wrong! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeadowLily Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 http://whole30.com/2014/03/solo-whole30/ Flying solo teaches you many things. There may be days and months and years when no one else is around to encourage us. Learning to fly solo in the midst of any given food situation is golden. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carlaccini Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 Hey Miss Karine I know how you feel - my SO did his version of a whole 30 last year - I was initially excited that he was finally choosing to join me but then - I realized I was busy policing him, hounding him - I did not like this version of me. So I gave up and let him do his own thing. I have been the lone wolf on a whole 30 crusade for almost 4 years now. My friends still look at me strange when I report new health studies - etc. and think I'm completely out to lunch when I suggest that their joint pain may be related to what they are eating. But I'm okay with it. Hey listen - since you are out in Montreal - feel free to hit me up for feedback and even meet for coffee if you would like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berrybird Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 My own SO is exhausting me with his insistence that he wants to eat "mostly W30" but with an endless list of "exceptions" that he wants to include. I did a successful and intriguing W30 in the fall, and have gone through bouts of eating close to the templates as well as eating very far from it since then. I want to try again in April to do a complete W30 or even perhaps a W60 and then take more time with reintroductions than I was able to do in the fall, but every time I bring it up he's full of reasons why he wants to do it with me...except for this list of a dozen or more non-W30 foods he intends on eating. He mostly ate W30 dinners with me last time, but did his own thing for breakfast and lunch. Even that was hard. I can and will do my own thing, but it's very difficult when we share cooking duties quite equally between us. He feels hugely constrained by W30's rules, while for me knowing the black-and-white rules is a huge relief - something I don't have to worry about, it just *is*. He is uncomfortable with meal planning because then he feels "locked in" to cooking a certain thing, which he hates, feeling like it stifles his creativity and isn't responsive to his own hunger, whereas I'm the opposite - I don't like to pull together meals on the spot and there's something really comfortable about having a plan, even if it's not necessarily always super-appealing in the moment. It's tough in any case to be coming to W30 from different perspectives and with different mindsets about food. I'm not sure there's an easy solution. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ShannonM816 Posted March 28, 2016 Moderators Share Posted March 28, 2016 I can and will do my own thing, but it's very difficult when we share cooking duties quite equally between us. He feels hugely constrained by W30's rules, while for me knowing the black-and-white rules is a huge relief - something I don't have to worry about, it just *is*. He is uncomfortable with meal planning because then he feels "locked in" to cooking a certain thing, which he hates, feeling like it stifles his creativity and isn't responsive to his own hunger, whereas I'm the opposite - I don't like to pull together meals on the spot and there's something really comfortable about having a plan, even if it's not necessarily always super-appealing in the moment. Have you looked into doing a weekly cookup? It may be a way to split the difference here -- you get enough food for the week mostly cooked, but then you can combine it all in different ways, rather than having a schedule that says, Monday we have burgers for dinner, and Tuesday we have fish for dinner -- you'd just have burgers and fish and whatever else on hand and ready to cook and eat. Here's a general description, and here's a specific one-week plan. It also sounds like he might enjoy cooking and see it as a means of creative expression (it can be, for some people) -- so if that's the case, maybe set aside a day or two each week where you agree he can cook whatever he wants, as long as he makes sure that what he serves you is completely Whole30 compliant. If he really likes to be creative in the kitchen, rules shouldn't be so much constraining, as an excuse to get more creative to meet the rules while still producing the kind of food you want. It means you can't lean on easy things -- pre-made sauces and such -- you have to figure out how to duplicate the flavors in a way that's still within the rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praxisproject Posted March 28, 2016 Share Posted March 28, 2016 It's all about finding that balance and being realistic about things we don't control. If you find it's turning into fights, it's good to look at how they're feeling (forced, hungry, confused) and how you're feeling and try to find some solutions for everyone. Whole30 shouldn't be a horrible experience but it can be quite a change in routine, so it can need some work if it's disruptive (just like any life change). I do it on my own and wish I had some others to share with more locally, but I haven't found any yet (maybe one day ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berrybird Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Have you looked into doing a weekly cookup? It may be a way to split the difference here -- you get enough food for the week mostly cooked, but then you can combine it all in different ways, rather than having a schedule that says, Monday we have burgers for dinner, and Tuesday we have fish for dinner -- you'd just have burgers and fish and whatever else on hand and ready to cook and eat. Here's a general description, and here's a specific one-week plan. It also sounds like he might enjoy cooking and see it as a means of creative expression (it can be, for some people) -- so if that's the case, maybe set aside a day or two each week where you agree he can cook whatever he wants, as long as he makes sure that what he serves you is completely Whole30 compliant. If he really likes to be creative in the kitchen, rules shouldn't be so much constraining, as an excuse to get more creative to meet the rules while still producing the kind of food you want. It means you can't lean on easy things -- pre-made sauces and such -- you have to figure out how to duplicate the flavors in a way that's still within the rules. This is excellent advice, thank you for giving me some things to think about. I think cookups on the weekends may help with some of the issues, to be sure, and the increasing availability of fresh seasonal produce will probably help him come around more, too. (We've found a local CSA membership, including pasture-raised eggs, that will meet our needs and we're pretty excited about that.) I still would love to convince him to do a true W30 just to experience it (honestly, I think it did more for me psychologically than it did physically, and I definitely had physical effects!) but even if not, we'll manage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaelisan Posted April 20, 2016 Share Posted April 20, 2016 This is definitely a solo journey for me, and can't imagine doing it with someone else. I wouldn't want to spare any of my focus and energy on anyone else doing this with me. Ultimately, I am responsible for finding my own way to optimal health. I give so much to others in my job and personal life, that this is all for me! I have shared my intention with a very few others, and chose one as my "coach". I check in with her regularly (I work with her!). But she's a nurse and very health and fitness conscious. Maybe find someone in real life who you aspire to be like, health-wise, and ask them to be your support? Let others with your same issues find their own way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators SugarcubeOD Posted April 20, 2016 Moderators Share Posted April 20, 2016 Ultimately, I am responsible for finding my own way to optimal health. I give so much to others in my job and personal life, that this is all for me! Love this! I feel the same way... I actually have a hard time reading the posts of people who are more worried about what their spouses/friends are doing on the program than what they are doing.. I get wanting to provide a healthy environment and wanting your loved ones to be healthy, but we all must count on and counsel ourselves first and foremost! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abi2001 Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 My mom and brother were interested in doing the Whole30. As a matter of fact, it was my brother who introduced me to "It Starts With Food" last year. After that book and "The Whole30," I decided to start Easter day this year. It was challenging because I wasn't even home (we had travelled to see family) but I had thought about doing it a few times before and just got sick of putting it off. So I told my hubby, mom, and brother my plan. My hubby has been supportive since Day 1. He's interested in doing the program as well, but he's waiting until I finish and will do it with me when I do another Whole30. All my mom and brother kept telling me was how they couldn't do it, for this reason or that. The excuses were just that: excuses. They talk about it constantly, but it's always followed up by "but I just can't because..." I said they could do it with me -- I even insisted -- and we could all do it at the same time and support each other. Honestly, they need it terribly, as does my father and hubby. (But my father isn't at all interested and my hubby will be doing it soon.) And it's not like they didn't know about the program or own either book. They both own and have read cover-to-cover "It Starts With Food." Part of their reason for not doing it was lack of support. That ticked me off because this was the perfect opportunity for them to not go it alone. But in the end I'm thrilled that I was so strong and did it on my own. Every few days I'd get a call or text message asking me how I was doing on the program (I think they were hoping I had given up...) and they were surprised every time I said, "I'm on Day...!" I told them it wasn't easy but if you're willing to commit -- and do it with somebody else -- it'll be easier to stick with it. Excuses... But they weren't going to stop me. It's just a shame they're stopping themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirkor Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 Google crabs in a bucket or crawfish theory. People don't like having their status quo challenged. They like the *idea* of self-improvement, but not the practice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
praxisproject Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 "A man convinced against his will is of his own opinion still". Everyone has their own time, their moment where they decide they want change. The best thing we can do for our loved ones is walk the walk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeadowLily Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 "A man convinced against his will is of his own opinion still". I've been saying that for years. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. You can't push anyone up the ladder unless he's willing to climb. The good teacher will lead the horse to water. The excellent teacher will make the horse thirsty first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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