Am I a horrible person?

[adjk1229]

Let me start by saying that Whole30 is an amazing program and it has changed my life. It has opened my eyes to so many other aspects of "health". My main NSV are increased energy levels, decreased bloating and finally destroying my sugar drag (although she returns very quickly if I even smell sugar). Once it hits the lips it tastes so good! I haven't done a reintroduction properly as of yet but am planning to do this in January. I adore Melissa and her tough love. I firmly believe that being "healthy" is all encompassing; it needs to include body and mind. There are just a few things that have me conflicted during and after whole30 and subsequently holding me back from my Food Freedom.

 

My Food Freedom Forever struggles. She just recently posted an article about navigating the holidays and being hyper-aware of all the decisions that you make during the holidays. I know that she is recommending you evaluate a food's "worth-it" factor but there are two things I'm struggling with.

1. My worth it has nothing to do with my energy levels or sugar dragon because I know that I can easily recover these with a reset. Let me preface this with the fact that I do not binge just because I know I can reset. I am consistent with my healthy eating habits. My worth it is my weight. I am having a very hard time letting this go (do I even need to)? When I am presented with a cupcake, hell yes this is worth a little bloating and a raging sugar dragon for a day or so. But the guilt sets in when I know that I "shouldn't" because my waistline starts to increase. Not immediately, obviously, and sometimes not even after 3-4 cupcakes 3-4 days in a row, but my struggle is where is that line between indulging in your "worth it" foods and not feeling guilty because you know that it's making you "less healthy- aka gain weight". Yes it's a conscious decision to eat something but I can't shake the guilt knowing I could be healthier without it. Then I feel deprived if I decide not to eat it. Also, I feel like the one-bite rule is a little bit like “moderation”. That person that can take one bite of chocolate and put it back. Not this girl. One-bite rule cannot exist in my world, unless that bite is horribly underwhelming. Otherwise, sugar dragon takes over.

2. My other struggle with the article she posted is that yes, being conscious of your food choices is a constant effort, but in reading the article, I began to feel anxious. I was trying to evaluate what about it was making me anxious and I think that being that hyper-aware of every single decision starts to drudge up feelings of an eating disorder. When you’re that focused on any one thing, it starts to become an obsession, and that’s what I feel like I will be doing these holidays. Obsessing over every single decision and white knuckling my way through them trying not to binge because all those foods for me during the holidays are worth it.

 

This probably makes me sound like a crazed cupcake maniac which prior to my whole30, I was. I’m a relatively healthy person now-a-days. I work out daily (usually 5 days per week) doing strength training and/or playing soccer. I continue to eat whole30ish until the week before my period when my sugar dragon wakes up on her own and sits on my shoulder watching my every move. Otherwise, she’s usually in check. My goal at this point is getting 6-pack abs. Am I superficial? Is this wrong? Am I a horrible person? I want to prove to myself that I can do this. Do I really need to get into the nitty gritty of counting carbs and calories for this? That’s part of my love for the whole30 is that I can eat until I’m full without counting these things. I am frustrated because I’ve been working for a long time to get there and it seems impossible. I am healthy otherwise, I don’t starve myself and the whole30 has been great in helping me be mindful of all these things, yet my desire to lose the last 10-15 pounds overrides other NSV for me. Has anyone else experienced this? I need some advice.

 

This is a link to her article so you have an idea of what I’m talking about: http://whole30.com/2016/11/holiday-parties

[saraip]

Hi @adjk1229

I feel the same with the sugar dragon prior to my period, like now...Day 31 - all I want is SUGAR!  It's 2:30pm in the afternoon and I'm fighting it off well however, I might give in...

AND I have the same goal as you, I really want to have my six pack back, I fell off the wagon last year (BAD) and I've been so unhappy with my body until recently.  I feel less bloated, clothes are fitting better but I'm still not to where I was a year ago.

I think everyone has a different goal, if you want a 6 pack, you might be one of those people that count carbs, calories, sugar, and everything.  I don't think you're superficial, wrong, or horrible at all!  We all have goals

I'm going to take baby steps back towards where I was last year, I know I can't rush this.  Each time I do a crash diet, I end up being worse than before.  Today, I feel in control and I'd like to be in control for as many days as possible knowing that the dragon will sit on me once in a while...

Good luck with your six pack progress!!

 

 

[adjk1229]

@saraip Thanks for the feedback! I definitely love the feeling of being in control of my decisions. I am happy with my progress when I am in control knowing I'm moving in the right direction. When my sugar dragon takes over (pre-Thanksgiving work meals, family get togethers, etc have already started waking her up) then I feel out of control and even though I'm still physically in the same place, I feel worse about it. For some reason, I can never eat treats or desserts without feeling some form of guilt. Even though I made the decision to. Work in progress. Anyway, slowly but surely working towards those abs. I know the pants are getting smaller and there isn't as much fat to press through to feel them, ha! I'm going to enjoy the holidays, do a January reset, and get focused. Hopefully we can keep in touch!

[saraip]

@adjk1229

I feel the same!!!!  It's my birthday today but I don't want cake because I feel like I'll fall off the wagon again!  I'm a little nervous and scared haha...silly silly! 

We will definitely keep in touch!  Please keep me posted on your 6 pack progress

[J9er]

You are not a horrible person, at all.

BUT 6 pack abs are, for a lot of people, a Skittle pooping unicorn. I do think they are partly because of genetics, and if not genetics, yes, lots of counting macros and obsessing over ever little bite that goes in the mouth. You are in a place where you are eating for fuel and not counting every mouthful and this is awesome. I would hate to see that change. 

I will not lie and say that I've never dreamed of having them, because of course I have. But after a LOT of self reflection this past couple of years I have chosen to focus my energy on my wellbeing, mental, physical and spiritual. I'm super pumped about my nutrition being the best it's ever been, feeling real food freedom for the first time ever, and also feeling stronger than I ever have - while working out LESS. 

This blog post really spoke a lot to me:

http://coconutsandkettlebells.com/dont-want-six-pack-abs/

Noelle also has a lot of other posts about body image as well as a podcast cohosted by another awesome woman, Stefani Ruper -- The Paleo Woman Podcast. If anything it might get you thinking about your motive behind the 6 pack...another unquestion I have is, what happens if/after you achieve it? I would worry about how hard it would be to maintain and if it would bother you if you weren't able to keep it. 

But once again, you're not a horrible person, we all have things we want to change about our bodies, I guess personally I'm just over it and am super happy to finally embrace my body for what it can do, and one ab or six wouldn't change that now. 

 

 

[kirkor]

How realistic a six-pack is for you personally depends on a lot of factors, but one of the biggies would be how you define a six-pack.  Depending on who you ask, either of these might fit the description:

[Crastney]

once you've done a W30 and reintros, then you whould know what food sets off what issues, and what to avoid, or how much to avoid things - and from then on you decide if the bloating, or the joint aches, or the gas from eating that bar of chocolate, or that pancake, or those banana bacon muffins (or whatever) is worth the effort, or worth the enjoyment from eating those things, and yes, of course, a reset, by not eating those things for a day or two will relieve the symptoms again.

think about it - the vast majority of people don't know their bodies, or their food well enough to even consider asking questions like - is this sandwich tasty enough to outweigh the bloating I'll get in half an hours time.

If you want to be optimally healthy, then you have to be obsessed about every single thing that goes in your mouth.

[Real Food Y'all]

Any of our feelings of your body image/goals aside, I think the guilt you feel should be part of your "worth-it" rubric. If eating a cupcake is going to cause you inner turmoil, then you have to decide if that guilt is worth it - not just the potential fat loss stagnation, etc.

[MeadowLily]

Whatever we choose to do in the name of weight loss, six pack abs or ironmans...it needs to be something you can do for the rest of your life or the results will be temporary. I choose consistency for the long haul, waaaay down the road. 

[jaxster]

The way I see it we are all obsessing over not eating any sugar so why not obsess over getting six pack abs. However six pack abs are mainly diet and lots of protein... I actually went to see a nutritionist at my gym the other day, which was very helpful. If you have not done so already that maybe a good idea. Also get your Active Metabolic test done. I had mine done at the gym and now I know exactly where my zones are to burn fat. Bottom line is you are more healthier with muscle than without lol. Good luck.. I am also working out a lot and hoping for six pack abs down the line. If you get yours make sure you post some pics  All the best.

 

[SugarcubeOD]

21 hours ago, jaxster said:

The way I see it we are all obsessing over not eating any sugar so why not obsess over getting six pack abs.

 

We actually don't want people 'obsessing' over anything on this plan.  Yes, it may seem like a lot more label reading and rule following but that doesn't make it an obsession... creating a body goal obsession isn't exactly healthy either... 

[crossiter]

I really like this post because I think it is something that everyone at some point or another has dealt with. We can all relate to some extent of wanting and aiming for physical goals, particularly a nice set of abs or those booty/squat gainz. I believe that whole30 has been a great way to expose a lot of people to real foods, exploring their relationships with food (we all have multiple relationships with different foods to be honest!), and achieving health goals that we didn't even consider (those non-scale victories!). However, post-whole30, what does your Food Freedom really look like? I think that's the main question and the main takeaway from this conversation.

You aren't a bad person for wanting abs and working towards getting abs. You aren't a bad person based on what you eat either! After reading Food Freedom Forever, I really had to sit down all by myself and with myself to understand my emotional ties to food; this usually looks like guilt and shame depending on the food. Starting there was the best place for me. Good luck on your journey!

[linguistenator]

I love this thread so much. I have had six pack abs, but I got them by doing HIIT 6 days a week and rock climbing 6+ hours a week while eating keto and drinking a lot of booze. Not sustainable or fun. 

So now after almost a year of depression, drinking, and Ben and Jerry, I'm back at the whole 30 trying to fix my head and my body. Ugh. 

[TamiM]

@adjk1229

I struggled with this in the beginning as well. I barely reintroduced because i was scared that if i knew that i could eat the cupcake with no issues i would eat the cupcake, and another one the next day or something else that was "worth it" another day and then i would gain all my weight back and it would all be for nothing. The weight gain thing is something i still struggle with. I have managed to move past making it the focus, and the other day i threw out my scale because i found myself weighing myself after my Whole30 way too much-even if it was because i liked the number.  But its still there, lingering in the background.  

Here is reality, having one cupcake will not make you or anyone else gain weight. The lack of control and the inability to have one cupcake or even 2 on that one night for a special occasion or for no reason other than you wanted the cupcake without then having one every single day for 5 days is something you might (and i certainly needed to myself) take a closer look at. In the end this is about our relationship with the food we eat, so dont take one bite, eat the whole cupcake. But the need or the desire for the cupcake or the chocolate every single day or 4 days a week is something to evaluate and maybe try and delve into and see why this is the case. Yes because its good, but if you NEED/WANT it too much maybe your sugar dragon isnt as tamed as you thought or you have a habit you may want to try to ease up on. 

Guilt was my biggest challenge and the most eye opening thing i dealt with during my Whole30 and reading FFF. I realized that i beat the crap out of myself ALL the time over the food i ate and i had a horrible reward/punish cycle. I actually teared up when i first read this section in FFF. Its really hard to move past, and takes a lot of mental work-and more importantly ...time. Being incredibly logical with myself was important here. I love how i feel, i also LOVE the number on my scale. I want to maintain both-there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. I can have the cupcake and neither will change. If i have 4 cupcakes both will probably change. So whats best for not only my health but my mindset and my waistline? One cupcake is best for all 3. I dont feel deprived because i had the cupcake, logically i know i wont gain weight from 1 cupcake (although this was hard to get through my thick skull) and i didnt feel guilty because of all the facts associated with my decsion. The lack of control after that one cupcake was a battle that took time. Being comfortabale with one cupcake (or 2) without making it a habit, isnt easy. It takes time and trial and error. Don't expect perfection now, just keep being mindful and eventually you will find a balance between what keeps your goals in reach (your waistline or abs) but still doesn't make you feel deprived. 

In reference to the anxiety...i am SO with you on this. I still get anxious. Sometimes that comes from not only focusing on being mindful but of everything you CANT eat. If you haven't read FFF you should consider it. Our emotional relationship with food and our inability to have control over that is one of the hardest things to overcome. There is no easy answer here. It does sound like your "worth it" foods dont come with too many physical side effects, which makes it harder to resist. SO, if you have a lot of worth it foods that don't make you run to bathroom in 2 hours and you want to just relax on a holiday (the day of, like Thanksgiving etc.) then DO IT. That's what makes you happy and then, on Friday, right after Thanksgiving go back to eating the way that makes you feel best-both mentally and physically which may be Whole30ish. Then when the next holiday comes along, enjoy it! The freedom part of Food Freedom is real, and your food freedom looks different than others. Find your balance.

 

Sorry for the long post, i just really related to everything you questioned. Hope it helped and you're doing great! 

[adjk1229]

Thanks everyone for your input! So helpful to know that there are other people out there with similar struggles. Since that post, I've definitely lessened my overwhelming drive for just six-pack abs. I found that it was mentally exhausting. Exercising should be fun, rewarding and stress relieving, not inducing. I've also found out that I'm pregnant so obviously, immediately my whole entire universe shifted. No longer am I concentrated on aesthetics, it is solely about keeping myself healthy and active. Preparing for the delivery of the baby and being the best I can be for my child. I was just re-reading through the threads and appreciate everyone's comments! One thing I did want to mention to @SugarcubeODis that I completely understand the mission of whole30. They want you to release the stress and anxiety around food, but whether something IS an obsession or whether it FEELS like an obsession, really, what's the difference? If doing something is making you anxious and stressed, it probably isn't the best so figuring other ways around it is a good idea. For me, rather than evaluating every single piece of food's "worth it" factor, I make a list of things I KNOW are not going to be worth it that day, that way, my decision making is done for me. Other things, I reserve my energy to make those decisions in the moment, that way I'm not struggling with "should I eat this or not" everywhere I look. The holidays are coming up again and I feel MUCH more prepared this time. I am doing my fifth Whole30 in September, while pregnant. I am working on becoming a whole30 coach to help others along this same process. Again, thank you everyone for your feedback. Much more comfortable in my FFF skin and it will only get better! <3 

 

xo, Abby

[SugarcubeOD]

1 hour ago, adjk1229 said:

! One thing I did want to mention to @SugarcubeODis that I completely understand the mission of whole30. They want you to release the stress and anxiety around food, but whether something IS an obsession or whether it FEELS like an obsession, really, what's the difference? If doing something is making you anxious and stressed, it probably isn't the best so figuring other ways around it is a good idea. For me, rather than evaluating every single piece of food's "worth it" factor, I make a list of things I KNOW are not going to be worth it that day, that way, my decision making is done for me. Other things, I reserve my energy to make those decisions in the moment, that way I'm not struggling with "should I eat this or not" everywhere I look. 

This is amazing!  This is what your Food Freedom will look like... For Melissa it's the one bite rule and for you it's this... that's amazing!!  Good for you!