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Discouraging words for life after the Whole30


Myriah

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Hi there,

I'm on day 9 of the January Whole30 and can report that I'm doing well for the most part! I'm starting to experiment with cooking different things and feeling confident even at restaurants to ask questions and make sure I'm getting only what I know to be on the plate.

And that's how this topic came to be...

The other night my boyfriend and I were out to dinner and were having an open conversation about if my Whole30 was impacting him at all - I asked because I was curious. He responded that besides eating different things for dinner (which we eat together most nights) that it was only indirectly. However, inquiring a little further he expressed some doubt about the longevity and it's impact to our relationship. He likened it to having dated a vegetarian in the past where he felt he was under fire every time they were together. If he picked a place to eat that she couldn't eat then he'd feel bad or even that it just limited them to try new things. He followed that up with saying that it hadn't felt that way with my Whole30, but as an example that he can't suggest we go get ice cream because I'm not eating it. 

Anyone else had a significant other express this and have comforting words for them? I can see where he is coming from because we both enjoy trying new foods and that's a big part of the culture we like to intake while traveling/exploring. But I just hadn't envisioned that being problem. In my future food freedom, that's exactly what those times should be about. Enjoying food when it is worth it for me and not when when I choose to. It was a surprise to hear that he was looking to the end of 30 days, whereas, I'm in this for the long haul of health benefits. 

Thanks fellow Whole30ers. This is my first post in here although I have to say I'm probably googling something at least every couple of hours in here!

 

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Hi @Myriah - my hubby was somewhat skeptical of my decision to quit grains, legumes and dairy originally (I didn't do Whole30 until later). I took account of the fact that the changes that I was choosing to make would also, by default, change his life and I was sensitive to that to some degree. We learned that we could happily still go to a coffee shop together after a bike ride and it was just as enjoyable for us both if I had a tea or americano and he had his coffee with a scone/muffin/cookie. Ice cream in the summer we definitely did a lot less frequently although that was probably for the best for both parties. ;) Enjoying wine/spirits/craft beer together was also something that we did regularly and which was scaled somewhat in that he can still have rye and coke if he wants it and it doesn't impact his enjoyment one iota if I have tea or la croix etc. I do pick and choose my occassions and we do still enjoy drinks together but as the point is not to get polluted, it doesn't really matter if one of us is or is not drinking. ;)

Do remember, as you'd alluded to, the Whole30 is just 30 days. Then you get to decide the things that are worth it to you. Ice cream on vacation might be worth it. Beer at the pub every Friday might not be but you can still go to upscale/higher end pubs and get a good salad/burger minus bun and a perrier etc.  Once you're actually through your Whole30 and have done structured reintroductions, you'll also be able to say definitively whether or not there are certain foods that hurt you, your mood, your energy or your sex drive. I can't imagine a boyfriend in the world who would balk at you not eating bread anymore if you explained that bread = bloating = discomfort = not tonight, honey. ;) 

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Ya, he can't suggest going for ice cream, but it also means he doesn't have to buy you chocolate on Valentine's Day ;)

But the reality is, there will be some perception of you being "less fun".  I've been in this game long enough, and have had all the different interactions: girlfriends, coworkers, family, friends, strangers. With the way society is structured around food, reward, pleasure, etc., Whole30-style eating is going to be a drag for a lot of people.
Some of it is "crabs in a bucket" mentality, because, ya, if people notice you are not eating the chips at the Mexican restaurant, or ordering dessert, or drinking, etc., they are going to subconsciously either question their own choices or feel that you are judging their choices. Neither of which is a pleasant feeling for that person.

The best thing to do, primarily with people you care about, is to hopefully express as clearly as possible that these are just choices you are making for yourself because of the results you are getting in your own body. You still care about them regardless and you're not lobbying or proselytizing or anything.

I've got friends that smoke cigarettes, I've got friends that smoke weed, I've got friends that abstain from alcohol, I've got friends that are Celiac, I've got friends that don't eat meat, and I've got friends that weigh 300 lbs.  Remember to focus on the common ground with people you are connected with.

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Exactly where my head is at today. I just posted this to some friends doing a w30 too:

 

Day 12 - I'm starting to wonder, should I eat like this all the time? I feel pretty good (and despite not weighing myself, I'm pretty sure I've lost a few pounds despite eating WAY more).

The hardest part I think would be the feeling of isolation. Like, crap, I can't (aka, kinda don't want to) share in the birthday cake for my bf's father's birthday this weekend. Or get as excited as my bf about the cheese plate he wants to construct on his new slate cheese board for valentine's day. Or our regular Saturday morning pastry breakfast. I feel like an intrinsic way I relate to other people in my life is around food (cause I LOVE food, and usually people i love love food). So while I don't plan to continue the diet strictly after the 30 days, I do want to cut things out and that makes me scared about the impact on my relationships. I expect they'll rebound, like most did when I quit drinking forever ago, but things might shift and that's kind of a bummer today.

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3 hours ago, RandiW said:

Exactly where my head is at today. I just posted this to some friends doing a w30 too:

 

Day 12 - I'm starting to wonder, should I eat like this all the time? I feel pretty good (and despite not weighing myself, I'm pretty sure I've lost a few pounds despite eating WAY more).

The hardest part I think would be the feeling of isolation. Like, crap, I can't (aka, kinda don't want to) share in the birthday cake for my bf's father's birthday this weekend. Or get as excited as my bf about the cheese plate he wants to construct on his new slate cheese board for valentine's day. Or our regular Saturday morning pastry breakfast. I feel like an intrinsic way I relate to other people in my life is around food (cause I LOVE food, and usually people i love love food). So while I don't plan to continue the diet strictly after the 30 days, I do want to cut things out and that makes me scared about the impact on my relationships. I expect they'll rebound, like most did when I quit drinking forever ago, but things might shift and that's kind of a bummer today.

If what you eat or don't eat affects a relationship, I really believe it's time to consider whether you want to keep that relationship in your life. Tough words, maybe, but no adult should ever have to explain or justify what he or she is eating to anyone else.

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I hear you on this one. I'm loving most of the effects of Whole30 so far (not the gas!!) and I want to keep doing it for the most part but so much of life in Trinidad revolves around food. My best friend's daughter's (who is also my god-daughter) birthday is tomorrow and she ordered fancy cupcakes for her. Ordered them from a baker that I put her in contact with and yet I won't be able to eat any when we go over to celebrate tomorrow. My mom's birthday is Feb 1st and I've ordered a lime cheesecake for her that she's been dying to have and I won't be able to share a slice with her. I think that after Whole30 I'm going to stick with it most of the time and just do small indulgences socially as needed but I'm worried that even those would mess up my intestines and I would lose the benefits that I'm gaining now. 

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I am type 1 diabetic and eventhough the popular (and also doctors') recommendation is to eat anything what I want and just cover it with injected insulin, I choose to eat very low carb because it results in better sugars and feeling way much better than when I eat all the foods. This way of eating leaves me with very little options and it became normality around my friends and family that we go to places that have at least one or better few meals on the menu that I can have. I do have to say that I make exeptions sometimes and eat carby things (covering them with insulin). My sugars usually suffer from it afterwards but I know it was worth it. Definitely one of these occasions would be trying something new while travelling. When I am in France I always eat bread but it doesn't mean that I will continue to eat it when I'm back from my holiday. It's nice to share food and share the experience with loved ones but it should be your own choice. If you choose different then your loved one should respect it. It doesn't mean that they might not be anxious and unsure of it's impact on your relationship but there should always be room for talking about it. 

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