Do you have a parent living with you?

[citymom]

I've written on here before about trying to help my obese mom. You can read the thread here. This is kind of a follow-up...

As we are in the process of looking for a bigger house to move into as our family grows, we are considering letting my Mom move in with us. I'd prefer it not be the bedroom right next to ours as she will need her own private space so we will be looking for a MIL type of place.

What I'm wondering about is this. What was your process of thinking to allow or maybe not allow a parent to move in? Do you charge them rent?

My mom is on the verge of not being able to take care of herself. Not because she needs a nurse, but she's limited on how far she can walk so buying groceries, cooking, etc is hard. She's also on a severely limited budget so she's been living in a run down apartment complex that has tons of drug problems, etc with police there all the time.

I'm torn on allowing her to move in because it might end up being permanent. I have thought about her being with us so that I could cook healthy food for her and help her try to live a healthier life. She struggles with this because of money and limited mobility.

I go into details about her health in my previous thread. It's just that I think DAILY of how to help her and if I should be doing more. I mean, how far would you go to help your own Mom? Years ago, I struggled with letting her move in because we are just starting our family and haven't even settled down ourselves. The thought of "taking care" of my Mom just seems overwhelming at times.

Any advice or feedback is appreciated.

Thanks,

Rebecca

[Renee Lee]

Hey Rebecca,

This is sooooooooooo outside the scope of the forum that we can't really open the can of worms to support these kinds of questions. Knowing the history and the backstory here though, I'll give you my two cents, though:

Given your mother's limited income and her limited mobility and health, if you can find a place with an inlaw suite, I really think this is a good solution. You DO have to be prepared for it being permanent, though...and you can't make this decision by yourself. Your mom needs to be okay with it too.

I wouldn't bring it up to her until you find the right property, though...otherwise you may be digging yourself into a less than ideal situation that you can't get out off. Then you're stuck with your mom in the bedroom next to yours...creepy...

Anyway, I don't know anything about your mom, but I know that both MY mom and my grandparents are FAR too proud to live rent free with their offspring. My grandparents won't even let me (or my mom) buy them a bunch of bananas and a quart of milk from the grocery store. (They're crazy)

Even if it's not the avg. going rent in your neighborhood, any contribution to the household's probably going to make everybody feel better about the situation.

As I said in your first thread, though...she IS your mom, but do NOT forget about taking care of yourself first! putting yourself into a situation that's potentially thankless and full of resentment and emotional strain is NOT a great plan. Helping your mom's health at the expense of yours isn't a solution, no matter how guilty you feel about it.

[Xandra]

I remember your other thread. I had some of the same issues with my obese mother trying the Whole30 plan. My mom is now going back to Whole30 for the THIRD time, because each time she comes off it, the pain in her joints comes back. She talks herself into allowing sugar as a way to "settle her stomach" and the cycle starts all over again with eating all the old foods and feeling like junk, but she's learning that Whole30 is a way out of that mess.

Anyway, a couple of years ago, she was also looking for a place to land and thinking of landing literally in my back yard. She wanted to renovate my garage into an apartment. I said no to that, because I wanted her to have her own place. She looked at the house next door, the house down the street... but I finally said to her that she should buy a house that she will be happy in even if I move across town or across the country, because that may happen some day. So her house is now 4 blocks away, we each have our privacy when we want it, and she's close enough that we can run back and forth during the day. I know some people don't have the flexibility to consider two homes, but this solution gave us the perfect balance.

[citymom]

Woops. So sorry. You can delete this thread. Thanks for the replies.