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Food journal for 6/19/20: Breakfast: Brussels sprouts + meatballs + butternut squash + sauce; a little Forager cashewmilk kefir Lunch: Last serving of leftover salmon cakes + diced red potato + sauce Dinner: Oh my goodness, surprise California rolls with my boyfriend on the patio of a restaurant. Yes, this was an infraction of my Whole 30. This was not a compliant meal (rice + soy sauce). However, I went with "food freedom" in the moment. Because rice and soy sauce are not trigger foods for me, and because sitting on a patio with my man was such a luscious break from the difficulty of the past three months, I am fine with this infraction. I did turn down his playful invitation to get a big ol' milkshake after the sushi (this would definitely have been a step in the wrong direction). Three weeks into this W30, and about ten days before my reintroduction starts. I've been thinking a lot about what my "food freedom" might look like. (The mere phrase "food freedom" stirs a sense of hope in me.) Today I ordered a copy of Michelle Tam's Ready or Not cookbook, which features lots of compliant recipes for last minute meals or cook-all-day meals. Excited about that. Getting a handle on the food preparation will really help. This cookbook even contains some "freezer hacks," which will be really helpful as the life begins to speed up again. (Have I mentioned that I really don't want life to speed up again?)

Post Whole30 Day 9, Friday June 19 M1: sweet potato hash with onions, celery and kale, 2 eggs over easy, fried in olive oil, a bit of pineapple M2: fries from a fry stand M3: 1/2 homemade wheat dinner roll, green salad with romaine, spinach and lettuce from my garden & green goddess dressing, bbq roasted potatoes and onions in olive oil, tenderloin steak, bbq'd pineapple rings, 1 small glass cab merlot wine, small cup vanilla ice cream, cupcake NSV: I felt totally in control of all of my off-plan choices today. M2 and M3 were birthday meals. My sister and two nieces invited me to meet them at the fry stand for an early birthday treat. This fry stand has been super popular for over 25 years and a place to meet up and hang out, so it felt right to go there today. Besides, one of my nieces had never been there before, so it was fun to introduce her to this very popular place. I totally enjoyed every minute and every bite! NSV: I hosted a dinner party for my upcoming birthday. It was nice to have people over after months of isolating. Just family and kids' SO's. Again, I felt in complete control of all of my food choices. I introduced a guest to my homemade ghee, then tried some on a small piece of dinner roll myself. The wine was planned and I had a small glass that I didn't even finish. I enjoyed it with my meal and didn't feel the need to 'finish off' what was still in my glass after I had eaten all of my dinner. I was happy to pour away what was left over. The ice cream was a gift, a different brand that I had last night and I enjoyed a small amount. I didn't notice any lingering after effects. Those cupcakes! They were so pretty. I savoured one - just one- I ate it slowly and didn't feel drawn to have a second. We all went outdoors after dinner to enjoy a bonfire, the fireflies and the perfect weather. It was a very nice evening and I feel proud of all of my food victories. There was too much going on for me to notice any ill effects from any of the off-plan food I had, but I'm ok with that. I feel good. There will be lots of time going forward for more in-depth testing. This weekend will not be the time for it. I plan to enjoy the weekend, the company of friends and neighbours tomorrow, and I am feeling thankful for the good health of all of the people in my circle. Plan for tomorrow: the farmer's market is finally opening up. I want to go to be around all that good fresh locally grown produce and the people who grow it. I want to be where the healthy people are...

Thanks and that's good to hear - I think it's definitely subsided. I've started having sweet potatoes with a plant-based butter alternative and some cinnamon as my dessert over the past week and I've been very happy. Also I know I haven't been posting on here but I have been sticking to the Whole30. I'm at a point where I do it without needing to think or track it.

Thank you @MadyVanilla and @ShadowInTheKitchen for your kind words and encouragement. I did end up eating some brownies last night. I really wanted some dessert and I had some in the house as part of my COVID-19 food storage. So I baked them and I ate way more than necessary and I enjoyed every single bite and I threw away the rest. I've come to realize that I need to introduce some flexibility into my food lifestyle. As much as I would like to, I cannot just keep doing Whole30 for another month or two. I'm still struggling to understand how my mindset changed so quickly. One week I was convinced that I wanted to continue this for months and I was fully dedicated to that. And then the next week I was getting bitter and feeling frustrated by the lack of flexibility and I was wanting off-plan foods more and more frequently. But, here I am. I'm going to honor this feeling. I think I'm going to go for the concept of one "cheat day" per week. I think Food Freedom Forever advises against that idea but it's worked for me in the past and it gives me freedom with boundaries. Or maybe I'll just adopt a general 90/10 rule. I don't know. I'll keep experimenting. I'll keep coming back to Whole30 to reset. But I am going to begin to occasionally go off-plan. I am no longer planning to indefinitely maintain Whole30. I'll report back more as I continue to refine my food freedom.

Everything you wrote, but this especially. I know this feeling well. I like the idea of walking and talking to myself - I can absolutely see myself doing that at home. I can make a big lap around the downstairs. The first part of quarantine, I was going to do Beachbody workouts everyday. I think I got two done? Then I started all sorts of different fitness "projects" trying various times of the day. My motivation is so poor for these things. But the yoga has stuck - I was taking a yoga class after work 2-3 days a week at a local studio. At home, I've continued with classes on YouTube at that same transition time of day to evening, just before dinner. I've found an instructor I really like. The stars, planets, and chakras all aligned. Despite the rain showers and storms in the forecast, the dog and I found a new trail yesterday afternoon. It was gorgeous, into the woods, wind whipping through the branches above. We got about a mile in and the deer flies started swarming - OMG. Deer flies love moving targets releasing lots of Co2 (I was walking fast and breathing heavy!) and are not deterred by DEET. I made a calculated decision to continue onward as only my arms and face were exposed and hoping to get a good wind once the trail turned. I got a little respite just enough times to keep my sanity. I had visions of collapsing into a heap and being eaten alive. The funny thing is, a month ago I would not have been able to walk fast enough or without taking a break to feel confident that I could manage the bug incident. It's been a very long time since I've been able to really walk without limping or without needing to sit and stretch at the halfway point. My other challenge yesterday was the timing of dinner. My daughter and her boyfriend wanted to go look at kittens that a friend of mine has - the original time planned would have allowed me to eat dinner at a reasonable time once we returned. The time kept getting pushed back, though, until finally we went. It was after 8:00 pm when we got home. I had planned a quick, easy meal of curry sauce poured over chicken I had cooked earlier. So it only took a few minutes to heat and eat. The best part is that I wasn't starving. I was a little concerned later that I hadn't eaten enough, though, and so I got myself a handful of dry roasted almonds and 4 small dates. That was the first sweet thing I've had in days, as I eat very little fruit. It was good, satisfying, and didn't make me crave anything else. A successful snack. Day 13 Energy-9, Mood-8 Pain 0-some very slight hip tightness while doing the cooldown portion of my C25K this am. I'm very pleased by the lack of pain. I'm going to take it slow and listen to my body. I woke up at 5:00 am and laid awake for a few minutes before deciding to get up and go walk/jog. It was nice and cool this a.m., and good to get it done early. M1-The rest of the chicken salad mixed with chopped raw spinach M2-The rest of the taco casserole with sliced, salted cucumber M3-uncertain. Tonight and breakfast tomorrow will be meals out - travelling for my son's first actual baseball game of the season - he's pitching tonight, then we will be staying in a hotel and back home tomorrow. I'll suggest Chipotle tonight or check out the restaurant on my phone. I can always fall back on a dry steak, salad, and sweet potato.

Strategies for dealing with heightened emotions: -Go for a walk. Easy to do at home, even at night. A quick trip around the building will also be easy to do at work. -Put in my headphones and listen to music or a book. -Do a 1-2 minute activity from the Headspace app. I will start doing this in reaction to the FB posts so I can start to make it a habit. I think I'll forget about it in the moment, otherwise. -Fix a cup a tea. -Go get a cup of coffee/decaf -Journal -Yoga Easier at home, could go in the file room and do some stretches at work. I probably won't, though.

Finding the energy for exercise....ugh, my biggest challenge. I'm naturally a sloth. Taking the dog for a walk every morning has helped. It only took 3 or 4 days for her to begin to expect to walk and bother me about it, she is my motivation. And the fitbit helps. You know what to do, it's doing it that's so challenging! Congrats on the pants NSV! That's a really amazing accomplishment!

Food journal for 6/16/20: Breakfast: 1 poached egg + meatballs + sauteed kale + sweet potato + sauce Lunch: Butternut squash + roast chicken + brussels sprouts + mashed potatoes + sauce Dinner: Lord have mercy, I am very tired of cooking! Chicken fingers and fries with compliant sauces. At the end of the day, I gratefully remembered that Day 17 is typically my very worst day on the Whole 30. And today is my day 17! Day 17 tends to be Peak What Is the Point of All This? for me. My ennui and irritation today felt so familiar — then I realized why. I managed to hang on by my fingernails today and will live to sauté kale and steam broccoli another day.

Food journal for 6/15/20: Breakfast: A bit of hardboiled egg; green smoothie with banana, blueberries, spinach, kale, ginger, etc. Lunch: Broccoli + mashed potatoes + roasted chicken + sauce Dinner: Leftover turkey burger + sweet potato fries + 1/2 "Gutzy" food & veg snack pouch Today was my first day back in the office after being away for a while. The very first thing I saw when I walked in the door of the office was two boxes of donuts, brought in by our office manager! Ha. That's a fine welcome back. I sailed right past the donuts without flinching. (I'm REALLY glad the office manager didn't bring in two boxes of tender, fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies..... breakfast may have unfolded differently.) Seeing a couple of colleagues gave me a real lift. We "air-hugged" each other from a distance as we returned to our desks. Glad I had some compliant food ready to grab and go to fuel me through the day.

Well, I am happy to report back that I did switch pretty easily back to Whole30 after consuming an entire jar of peanut butter in a single day. I feel good about the decision to eat the peanut butter (including the amount) and I feel good about my ability to transition back and not go completely off the rails. Though I do think the peanut butter (which had added sugar, because Skippy Extra Crunchy is the only peanut butter worth eating) increased my cravings. I definitely wanted ice cream and cake and all sorts of sweet, delicious desserts this weekend. It had been a while since I'd had cravings for that kind of stuff. But, I did it! I ate something worth it and then came right on back! Yay for me! And I killed it on the workouts this weekend. I did an 8.5-mile hike on Saturday with about 1,600 feet of elevation gain. It honestly felt easy to me. I didn't need to stop or rest on the climbs and my overall heart rate was pretty darn low! The last time I did this hike, in October, I had an average heart rate of 136 and a max of 185. This weekend, I had an average heart rate of 116 and a max of 172. Which is major progress! Oh, and then I did a 7-mile trail run on Sunday. My longest run ever! Woo woo! Mind you, it was a slow run with many walking intervals. But still! Oh, and I tried a delicious new recipe! I was super skeptical of the very concept of slow cooker ribs. But wow, these were good: http://meljoulwan.com/2012/02/23/5-spice-slow-cooker-pork-ribs/!

What a beautiful dish and amazing way to deal with a down mood. It's so empowering to learn that we can manage an off mood without immediately turning to food.

It was really pretty!!

But not Contessa, she told her chiropractor that she's on a new track and doing her body good! I hope the Dr's realignment of your spine helps so that you can get back to fully concentrating on your June realignment...

I feel like I've been fibbing in my log, though it's not been intentional. It just occurred to me because I've been thinking about where I'm at since my round finished and assessing whether I have been non-compliant at all. Really, the only thing is that pretty much every night since I finished, I have had a square of my prune, nut and seed slice with a pot of tea of an evening. They're quite small and not very sweet at all - I didn't add any sugar or sweetener, so the only sweet is the dried fruit in the seed mix, and the prunes which bind it all together. The nut/seed to prune ration is pretty high, to its more an occasional taste of sweet among the crunch, and I quite like it. So summary is: I have been compliant save for one meal of my bacon which was cured with brown sugar and maple (rinsed off prior to smoking), and the prune/nut slice, which is all compliant ingredients but would be in the same vein as an RX bar (with less sugar, to be fair - 3.3g per serving) So I'm not considering this another round, but it's good to know that I'm still on track. If I really, really wanted something non-compliant I would have it, but that hasn't come up yet.

Day 1: 6/21/20 — Starting weight: 124.8 — 9:30 am: (2) eggs w/ ghee & coconut oil Would have cooked more, but that’s all we had in the house. Clearly there is some shopping to do. — 2:15 pm: bowl of homemade almond butter mix: raw almonds, MCT oil, 100% cocoa powder, salt I’ve made my own almond butter in the food processor, and have been eating this concoction, but with some maple honey added. I finished the maple honey yesterday ~ how convenient. It tastes just fine to me without it. — 9:15 pm: (2) chicken breasts cooked up w/ ghee & a can of diced tomatoes and green chilies — Might look like a weird eating day - but it feels like a major accomplishment. I fought past a major urge to drink alcohol while I was fixing my supper. Too many things going on at once + probably a day of underrating overall. That desire to drink went away after eating. Only downside to my supper was the big histamine hit - tomatoes are bad, and I think canned ones are even worse. My eyes started watering like crazy, so I took an allergy pill. I’m over it. Histamine is almost impossible to avoid, so sometimes I may just have to medicate. — REALLY looking forward to going in to the office tomorrow. I love my MIL dearly, but we will benefit from some time apart. This living situation is not what either of us would have chosen for ourselves … so we both just have to make the best of it. Had groceries delivered from Walmart for the first time tonight - oh my word, I'm sold. I don't enjoy grocery shopping in the least, and I really hate going to Walmart. Whole 30 food & frozen meals delivered right to my door? Umm, yes please!

It was such a disappointment to see that my bacon was not in fact sugar-free. "Less than 2% cane sugar" ugh. I think the shopper picked up the right brand, but wrong bacon, as it doesn't say sugar-free on the front of the package. I did, however, walk the dog to the farmer's market. It was lovely. And so affirming. I felt like a really healthy person, taking a walk to go shop for local tomatoes. Day 16 Energy-7, Pain-0, Mood-7. There were a whole bunch of teenagers strewn out in various locations throughout the entire downstairs, so I tiptoed through so as not to wake them. I couldn't get to my walking shoes, so took the dog for a short walk in my flip flops. But the walking streak is now at day 19! M1-eggs with riced cauliflower. Umm, I hope this is good. Trying to get rid of leftovers before I leave tomorrow. I didn't buy any cooking greens that could go in my eggs. I could put my egg over salad, though...I think I'll do that. With mayo. M2-picnic lunch. Curried chicken salad, homemade bruschetta (minus the mozzarella), sliced cucumbers and celery, sliced oranges, grapes. We will be at a local winery with friends, listening to good music. I don't expect an issue with turning down wine (same people I went to the pool party with last week). M3-Father's Day dinner. W30 chicken piccata, Italian fennel salad. Some NSVs that I didn't realize right away: -I can walk up and down stairs, one foot on each step, even when I first wake up in the morning. It has been a LONG time since I could do that. -I think I reported this with my last set of NSVs, but the general feeling of well-being, contentment with myself. I really go through a lot of self-talk when I'm faced with and indulge in a tempting food. The entire script to try to convince myself not to go get the bag of chips from the pantry could win an Oscar. Then there is the afterword, the self-flagellation of thoughts in an effort to punish myself and keep it from happening again. The W30 and paleo are the only types of eating I've done in my life that are mentally peaceful. I haven't put words to that feeling before, but that's what it is - mentally peaceful. The internal struggle just dissipates when I'm eating wholesome foods.

@Blueautumn I'm glad you came back! Bring it on, it's not boring at all! Congrats on the scale victory - very impressive! And isn't it cool how the things you craved just aren't as good as you thought they were? Same thing happened to me. This Whole30 way of eating has really opened up my senses to enjoying the lovely tastes of real food. I'm looking forward to more of your posts, and sending positive vibes and best luck to you.

Happy Saturday It turned out to be a really nice day here today, so the doggo and I just got back from a 1.5 hour walk. It was lovely. Meal 2 will be roast pork with crackling, baked apple, balsamic and chilli sauce, roasted beets, carrots, parsnip and celeriac and sauteed broccolini. Meal 1 will be whatever I grab from the fridge shortly, probably a quick omelette with mushrooms, spinach, and jamon

Food journal for 6/18/20: Breakfast: sweet potato + sauteed kale + roast chicken + 1 poached egg + sauce Lunch: purple smoothie with beets, spinach, blueberries, etc. Dinner: leftover salmon cakes + diced red potatoes Today I pulled my sleep data from my Apple Watch and compared my pre-W30 results to my mid-W30 results. It's really interesting to see this data. The graph on the left is my "deep sleep" from January. The graph on the right is my deep sleep from June. Red = not great results. Green = great results. Blue = so healthy that I am basically floating six inches above the surface of the earth. It's nice to see these colors!

I was also a little iffy on the salmon cakes, but curiosity won. Canned salmon is not a food I have worked with before. Also, the can of salmon contained... some tiny bones and tiny bits of salmon skin! (I was emotionally unprepared for this.) But once I separated the wheat from the chaff, metaphorically speaking, the recipe was very easy. Even though I halved the recipe, it still yielded 3 servings. I will make this again. It's worth the weirdness.

I love Mel Joulwan's salmon cakes! They're delicious! I make the Tex Mex version with the Lizard Sauce and pretty much just eat the Lizard Suace with a small piece of salmon cake on my spoon! LOL. So. Good.

So I really had to think how many days post W30 I am, and I think this is day 8? Anyway, still compliant, save for the bacon on Sunday. I'm really grouchy, headachey and a bit down. No idea why. I've made some (compliant ingredient but 100% Swypo) fruit and nut bars which are in the dehydrator, I have been having a small handful of nuts of an evening with my tea and decided to mix it up. Meal 1 today is pork san choy bao Meal 2 will be seared snapper and scollops in a lemon garlic and dill ghee with shredded fennel slaw.

Thanks guys! I was really pleased with how it turned out, and so easy! Ugh, I need to stay off the scale. Hopped on this morning and hopped off before it could even decide on a weight, because I didn't like where it was going. I know it's my utter lack of exercise, working from home I'm probably not even getting 1000 steps a day. I need to fix that but I get caught up and by the end of the day it's dark and I just can't be bothered. So much for being fitter to go back to TKD in a couple of weeks! That will whip me into shape though (I hope). So I'm putting another moratorium on the scale. It adds nothing to my life and just has the potential to derail me. No ideas on food today, I have no leftovers so meal 1 will have to be something I ship up and I usually have fish on Tuesdays but I'm busy and might not get out, so that may be Thursday. Will update when the brainwave hits.

They need a drool emoji

Haha. I know it sounds kind of ridiculous but it was either commit to just eating the whole thing, throwing the rest away, or having it sit in my cupboard as a temptation. So I decided to eat the whole thing. I had scoops throughout the day and I enjoyed every bite. And I feel strong and committed today to go right back to Whole30. I’ve got eggs and sweet potato soup for breakfast, sesame chicken and cauliflower rice for lunch, and slow cooker ribs and twice baked potatoes planned for dinner! I can’t wait!