2/21 A beautiful Struggle of Food Freedom
Compliant - Day 2
6:00 up with baby. I’m awake and alert just very slow moving. It’s that special TOM that has me feeling less like myself and more like a tortured zombie. NSV for being a first day I’m not in debilitating pain. I’m functioning I actually feel joy and happiness. I was able to get out of bed and get everyone ready for our outing. I didn’t even consider canceling. I have not felt anxious about the outing or being around a lot of people in an unknown space.
8:40 M1 3 eggs Lo cooked sausage patties broken up. Spinach and tomato chopped. 1/2 banana
I mixed all of it together (minus the banana) and made a “frittata” of sorts. It was okay, I should have added spices but I was in a hurry and forgot. Ketchup would have helped and I was out of whole 30 ketchup and I was not about to even considered the sugar heavy tomato syrup. I ate most of it before the full light went off. I was like one more bite, No just step away from the fork. Geesh that clean your plate mentality runs deep!
9:00 we managed to get out the door on time and we are headed to the big city over an hour away for a field trip to the art museum. Sadly this is my first time there even though I lived in the big city for most of my life until last year when I married my Superman from a small town in the middle of no where. I wonder why I never went before now, I’ve always been curious and interested in going.. Anxiety! I never really understood that I deal with anxiety but I obviously do. The idea of going down town to a place I don’t know and don’t know what to expect with parking, rules, food, people etc it paralyzes me. I’m breaking free of that and my food relationship is helping me in this transition. So here is to a new adventure today and a little culture to expand my little men’s horizons.
The reason above all others as to why we ventured out to the museum was the Eric Carle exhibit, the artist for so many great children’s book, but one in particular I love…The Very Hungry Caterpillar. That story resonates with me. The caterpillar eats all the things and gets sick. So he returns to a diet healthy for him and later becomes a beautiful butterfly. Although my kids enjoyed the exhibit for the nostalgia of art they recognize from books we would read together, it was something so much more for me.
1:30 Salad with romaine, cucumbers, tomatoes, sunflower seeds, dried cranberries, cut up beef stick, bacon. With an Rxbar and clementine. Along with about 3 small pieces of honey dew and cantaloupe.
We ate at the café of the museum. I had a feeling that there would be much for my 11 yr DS with food allergies and myself so I packed some emergency just in case food which proved to be helpful. The salad was tasty although different with the beef stick. No dressing because all they had were high in sugar or dairy. I sprinkled a few of my extras I brought with me on the salad. I also ate my RX bar after for the added protein and because I was still hungry. Also no drinks in the museum made for one thirsty momma come lunch time. But their water was $3 a bottle so I only drank the one.
One of my Homeschool group moms hugged me and asked if I had lost weight. A few days ago this would have put me on cloud nine. Today I smiled and said in a very matter of fact tone yes I have. Then I thought to myself that I agreed with her my weight loss is noticeable, but also it’s not time to take it easy as I have more work to do in my food relationship. Then later I ran into friends I hadn’t seen since high school, and I approached them. They said they thought it was me but they weren’t sure. I jokingly said it’s okay I’ve definitely aged a little since high school and their mom whom I adore but she always says the wrong thing at the wrong time said yes well having babies will change us won’t it. A few days ago I would have taken that comment completely wrong. I would have received it at a dig at my weight. Today however I thought about it and agreed having babies does definitely change us, as does trauma, divorce, love, death, illness and so many other things. Then I thought to myself yes having children has changed me for the better in so many ways, after I I thought that was an interesting comment in front of her two daughters who also looked “different” and had their arms full of children as well. Then I mentally handed her comment back to her for her to keep.
We walked through the rest of the museum to see the other exhibits. Some were beautiful others strange and unique. The last exhibit was pictures and stories from the local flood 10 years ago that was absolutely devastating. I cried. It brought so many emotions to the surface. They asked for people to jot down their flood story to be added to a book. I wrote down two stories. One that was about my personal house and also about not realizing just how bad it was until The news aired in real time my dad’s office floating down the interstate and then it imploding when it got hung on a tractor trailer that was almost completely submerged and the water pressure ended up crushing it. The other story was how people from my church used a boat to rescue people off the interstate and brought them to dry ground to our gymnasium. How we as a church helped so many people rebuild from nothing and how out of that a ministry of providing food, English classes, refuge help etc was born that is still thriving and helping hundreds if not thousands of people every month. The area my church was in was a melting pot of people because it was one of several cities in the US that is used to relocate people groups needing asylum from civil war, genocide etc around the world. The ministry was named The Branch and our mission was to love others well and to help meet their basic needs to be the hands and feet of Jesus. Some would say this ministry isn’t effective because there is not 100s of converts, but that was not the goal. We weren’t there to preach but to love and let our actions speak for themselves. And it does, and when someone asks with tears in their eyes why do you do this for me? We get to say because God loves me and loves you and So I love you too. The flood was hard, horrible, and heartbreaking but our eyes were open to the great need in our back yard and we changed, we engaged, and we learned to love without strings and what a difference it is making in so many lives! Dwelling on that reminded me once again that pain and struggle is needed for growth, for metamorphosis and that in and of itself is beautiful.
5:00 an hour nap (I was exhausted when I arrived home)
7:00 dinner LO chicken sausage peppers onions and carrots over top of mixed greens. 2 pickles
Dinner was good and lazy. I am feeling a bit bleh from TOM so I opted out of making dinner and I had leftovers and boys made themselves frozen pizza. It smelled cheesy and greasy and tempting, but also smelled like belly aches, bloating, lethargy, and sinus issues. When I have pizza it’s NOT going to be frozen pizza no sir, it will be Angelos or Joeys for sure. Both are some of the best Sicilian pie you can find in the big city. Despite TOM I’m feeling better back down to the last belt hole, no break outs, complexion is almost clear. It’s been a good day but a long one.