You guys. Are you ready for the best story ever? ARE YOU?
Tonight boyfriend I went over to a friend's house for dinner. This friend knows I am doing Whole 30 and is bemused by it, but has been supportive. She made a dish served over couscous, but made sure she cooked everything else with nothing I couldn't have, and I just brought cauliflower rice to go on mine.
Friend has a four year old daughter. This is relevant.
So we're all chatting before dinner, and me doing the Whole 30 comes up, and friend's husband is giving me grief about it, and like a million times in the conversation, "whole wheat" comes up with reference to the couscous. He's saying things like "but it's whole wheat," and "whole wheat is good for you," and whole wheat whole wheat whole wheat ad nauseum.
So we sit down to dinner, and the four year old takes one look at the couscous and starts to cry. Husband shoots me this dirty look and I'm like DUDE I didn't say anything to your kid, I would never, and so he says, "Baby, the couscous is so good, it's whole wheat."
Kidlet cries harder. Dad says, "Why don't you want to eat the good whole wheat, is it because Miss Ali isn't eating it?"
"NO," sobs the kidlet, "THAT'S WHAT GOES IN THE KITTY POTTY."
They use this: http://www.swheatscoop.com/our-products/original-formula/
Ready for another one? This is a conversation that I actually had at work today. I am still confused by it.
Coworker: What are you having for dinner?
Coworker: How can you have meatloaf?
Ali: ... because it is a loaf made of meat? Also veggies.
Coworker: No, I mean... you can't have meatloaf without oats.
Ali: I would hazard a guess that you can, since it is in fact called a meat loaf and not an oat loaf. (Oat loaf would be a great band name.)
Coworker: Well... but you can't have ketchup.
Ali: I can if there are no sugar and no additives.
Coworker: Where did you possibly find ketchup without sugar?
Ali: Oh, I made some.
Coworker: YOU CAN'T MAKE KETCHUP.
Ali: ... yes you can.
Ali: I found a recipe on the internet.
Coworker: YOU CAN'T FIND A RECIPE FOR KETCHUP ON THE INTERNET.
Ali: ... there you go again. This is a thing I have done. It occurred in the past. It has already happened.
Her tone was seriously as though I had stated I found a recipe for the philosopher's stone on the internet. KETCHUP: ONE OF THE LOST WONDERS OF THE ANCIENT WORLD, you guys.