First, I want to share one of the worst things that's ever happened to me: 2 weeks ago, I had to cancel a job interview because I have no dress clothes that fit me and Amazon failed to stick to their guaranteed next day delivery. It's everyone's nightmare, the dreaded thing nobody would ever look forward to, and it happened.
I'm SO lucky though. I'm 5'4, 240-something pounds and the most I've ever weighed. I eat horribly for the most part, I'm at least pre-diabetic if not fully type 2, and I can hardly bend down to tie my shoes. But 7 months ago at school, I met the most incredible girl in the world and she seems to prove more and more how much she cares about me. The crazy thing, to me, is that she's a model. She's gorgeous and has gorgeous friends and she's the complete opposite of most girls I've ever been close to. I don't have the slightest clue why a girl like her came and sat next to a guy like me the very first day of that class, but she did. Then she sat next to me every single class after that for 14 weeks, and last Saturday I got up at 7am to walk a 5K with her. She's one of the most positive and happiest people alive, and every second I've gotten to spend with her makes me feel the same way. She's also the least judgmental person I've ever met, and it's nice to know there are people like that in the world.
It takes A LOT to get me to wake up very early, especially on the weekend, and usually "to exercise" is not the reason if I do. She did it somehow though, and she cares enough to keep walking with me and keep taking me out to eat better and help me. I took a "before" picture with her and I hope sometime in the next year we'll be able to take a great "after" picture. I've lost weight many times before and I have pictures to prove it and motivate me, but each time I gained more back. It almost seems impossible because I feel like I've tried everything, including very low carb ketogenic diets, but I need to start something again.
Also, I'm studying networking and cybersecurity, and I'm very excited about the opportunities I could have working in the field, but I feel like I don't even deserve those opportunities. I don't feel the part. I want to be on the front lines defending a company or even our country's infrastructure from attackers, and I want to look the part as if it were the army or navy or air force or the marines. I don't look like I can move fast enough to make quick, touch decisions, nevermind THINK fast enough with absolutely no confidence. I know in this case weight has nothing to do with skills, but I'd still feel much better about it being in shape. I definitely have the motivation and the support, and now I need a jumpstart. WHOLE30 sounds perfect.
I plan on starting on May 12th, which is Friday, despite knowing I'll be going to brunch or dinner for Mother's Day. See, the thing is, I know my issues are all inside my head, every single one of them. Every time I go out to eat, I tell myself to order a chicken breast with vegetables, but when I get there I order the whatever sounds good at the time. It's a matter of listening to my own thoughts and letting myself move on after ordering something healthy instead of missing out on something that would have tasted better. So what, I didn't get the pasta loaded with cheese and bacon and ham and alfredo sauce - big deal, I won't even miss it. Nobody needs any of that junk, at least I know I don't.
Now I have to get the chicken and vegetables, because it's my only choice. The reality is there are probably plenty of whole foods on a restaurant menu, but they're slathered in mayonnaise or bbq sauce or something thick and rich and creamy. Behind every great recipe is a main source of protein that you just need to cook. We'll all survive if we eat to live. That's exactly what I need to start doing - living to eat instead of eating to live. I'm looking forward to beginning WHOLE30 and repeating it as many time as possible to help me reach my goal of a WHOLE new me.
If you've gotten this far, thanks for taking the time to read this. I hope to read your story soon as well!