Dragonslayer

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  1. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @littleg agreed. All very well said. Thanks for the insight. You are right about everything. Hockey was the trigger, I need to give myself those small “treats” that I’m restricting right now, Kerrygold butter is heaven in a stick, and I love almond butter. When I think about what I would eat right now without being strict Whole30, I’m honestly so used to eating Whole30 and so happy with those foods that that is how I will probably eat most days anyways. I think the foods I would like to add occassionally and learn not to feel guilty eating are apples with almond butter (or used in a dish or sauce), Goat/Parm cheese (my 2 favs), brown rice noodles, corn, and hummus. I wrote down my new goals this morning and they are below. Just gonna try and not think strict Whole30 for a while and see what happens. And focusing on the fact that they are GOALS and not RULES. 1. Eat 4 meals a day with no (or very minimal) snacking, following the Whole30 meal template. 2. Do not eat standing in the kitchen by the fridge. 3. Always eat on a plate or bowl sitting down. 4. For everything I put in my mouth, ask myself first, “do you truly want this? will it help or hurt you right now?” And don’t let myself eat it if I feel guilty. Tell myself I CAN eat it first so it doesn’t trigger a “I’m losing control” feeling. 5. No stressing about perfect days in a row. Rather, focus on consistency and behavior changes as much as possible, with some leeway and grace for the slip ups here and there. A proper reset can come after I get back on track. Right now is just not the time. 6. no matter how bad the urge, ONLY EAT REAL FOOD. That means no refined sugar or flour, gluten, processed packaged foods, bad oils, Etc. 7. The leniency here is with real foods like rice, corn, legumes, and some dairy, like at restaurants if it’s in a meal that would be a better option than restricting and stressing which would then cause a binge later. Make smart choices and be kind to myself. 8. No weighing. No counting. No looking up calories. No numbers at all. So that’s what I’m going to focus on for a while. Already not having the “day 1” feeling this morning feels like a huge weight off my shoulders. And even though I will probably eat only Whole30 foods today, being in a different mindset is hopefully going to help me not stress about it as much and just focus on other areas of my life.
  2. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @ladyshanny I’ve never heard of that before. But makes complete sense especially in my world. I do fine at work, but the transition after work to getting home is when I get the urges. Same with going from home to the store, from being super active and busy to all the sudden having a lazy down day, and always going to social situations. I’ll definitely make sure to be more aware of that as a trigger. Thanks!
  3. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @ladyshanny Thanks for the response. I agree with what you are saying. I should find a middle ground. I think maybe I'll try exactly what you suggested. Sounds like a better option for me right now. I have talked to my doctor and other health professional about it. Both agreed with looking at my past that 1. I am definitely an emotional/stress eater, which I am fully aware of, and 2. That its always worse in the change of seasons for some reason (especially from fall to winter). I have worked on practicing other responses to my stress and emotions, and I was doing great for a while, but now I seem to be falling back into my past old habits. I do have a lot going on in my life right now that I know is causing more stress, so I just need to learn how to manage it better. The problem is I have such a stronger, healthier, happier mental state when I am eating whole30, which is part of the reason I think it is so important for me to try and eat that way right now during this time of stress. So I feel torn with being too hard on myself, and knowing that sticking to whole30 is what is truly best for my health. I will try your idea though, and see where that gets me. Thanks!
  4. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    I don’t even know any more you guys. Back from errands where I spent all morning bingeing. Lost control at the store and when I had the craving, I said “well you told yourself last night you could have it today, so now you can.” Blahhh. I’m not sad or depressed about it, or beating myself up too much about it, I just don’t understand why my brain has no rhyme or reason recently. I’m so back and forth and just can’t stick to my plan. And it is what I truly want to do, I just feel like I don’t have the discipline right now. My thinking today is that maybe the pressure of being perfect every day and staying true Whole30 is too much right now. Maybe I’ll just try to tell myself I can eat whatever I want with no restrictions, in hopes that I actually end up choosing the good foods most of the time (which I actually think I might do). I dunno, any advice would be lovely. I’m just frustrated and sick of feeling like I’m not strong enough for this because I know I am. Either way, I’m not going to have the “starting over” or “day 1” mindset for a while. Just to see how I handle it. I think I need to have some kind of “come to Jesus” moment with myself to figure out what’s really going on with me right now But still... I’m not giving up! Just trying to figure out how to fuel success and confidence instead of failure and defeat. And being honest about it on here helps me feel like I’m not hiding it or bottling up my emotions, so thanks for listening!
  5. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    Good morning! I had the worst craving experience maybe ever last night. Day 1 which is normally pretty easy for me. I came home, made a delicious dinner, and was then hanging out with my fiancé before he had to leave for a hockey game. All the sudden I got this random rush of sugar cravings, so intense and out of no where. My head said maybe you are just still a little hungry, so I opened a bag of cashews I found in my pantry that I should have thrown away. They were actually Whole30 approved bc they were coated in olive oil, salt, and cinnamon. Sounds not the greatest but let me tell you they were amazing. I knew I was panicking in my head but couldn’t stop eating them and finished the bag. Then my mind went even crazier and my dragon was screaming for all the foods and telling me to go to the store. I was mindful enough to recognize I needed to go something to calm down, so I just went to bed. Then for hours all my lower brain was yelling was “just go to the store. He’s at hockey. You can restart tomorrow.” And visions of all the sugary foods would just not leave my head. Fell asleep for almost an hour, but woke up after dreams of the same sugary foods! Then my mind was still in binge mode. I couldn’t believe it, after even falling asleep. It was late by that point and I just told myself if you still want it in the morning you can have it. All the sudden I felt a little better and fell back asleep. Obviously I am so happy I didn’t crack now, but it was really hard dealing with such an intense and sudden craving and those voices on day 1, especially after these past few weeks of doing well for at least the first 5 days. Not sure why it happened, but so happy it’s day 2. Stomach isn’t feeling great after my cashew binge, but it’s way better than a true sugar binge would have been. Finally off today and planning a not so fun errands day. Got to meal prep, do laundry, clean the house, and run some errands. There’s one more bag of nuts I found that I am either giving or throwing away today, as well as my jar of coconut butter. Had some of that too last night and realized it’s not a safe food to have around either. But the “If you still want it later you can have it” technique worked way more than I thought it would for me. Will definitely be trying that again in the future. It really calmed me down for a least a little bit.
  6. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    Yes! Make today day 1 with me! I need a new accountabilibuddy! only if you really want to though. Seems like you have been doing really well with what you had going, so do what you think works best! Good day for me. My 10 day stretch officially hit me around lunch. I’m so tired and ready for my weekend, but I’ve had no cravings and had just my planned meals so far. Probably will have a light dinner, not too hungry after a few days of bingeing/indulging. Oh and my new favorite quick lunch for work or fast dinner- sheet pan of broccoli, red onions, and diced sweet potatoes baked until desired crispiness. Add It all to a pan with some zoodles. Pan fry for a few minutes and add quick Asian sauce: 1/4 cup coconut cream, tablespoon of coconut aminos, desired amount of salt, pepper, garlic powder, and ginger.
  7. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    Haha, my fiancé often also has meat with a side of meat. And since I’ve been doing Whole30, sometimes it doesn’t seem so crazy to me now! Sausage with a side of bacon?! Uh yeah sounds great! So my “buddy” just texted me this morning before we got to work saying “uhh this is way too hard. I had a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast. Not sure I’ll be able to do it.” I was nice about it but am so sad she didn’t even give it a try for one meal! Maybe she will try again for tomorrow but I have a feeling that won’t happen. Oh well. At least I still have you guys! Its finally my Friday after a 10 day stretch. I’m soooo excited. Have my meals planned for today and then doing some hard core meal prep tomorrow for the coming week. My parents get to town next Wednesday which will be so nice to see my mom, so only good things to look forward to from now on!
  8. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @littleg same for me. Usually just 1 Glass actually helps me and I don’t lose control. But went a little overboard last night. I’m actually going to start my day 1 tomorrow bc I have a friend at work who decided she wants to try it with me! I’m so excited bc at least I’ll have someone to relate to and talk about it with. And help keep me accountable. Today was rough. Hungover, craving all the foods, hard day at work, and I’m so tired. Going to the store to stock up on my Whole30 groceries after work and heading straight to bed.
  9. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @hmg1993bummer about the antibiotics, I agree with @littleg. Hope you get better soon though!! And amazing you got to 30 days feeling so poopy. Good on you. @littleg I worked in a daycare for 5 years and totally feel your pain with the smells and types of poop. I always loved working with the younger newborns for that reason! Unfortunately, I can’t lie and tell you it gets better. Toddler poop is pretty unreal sometimes haha. Very strange about your PT. I don’t know your relationship, but maybe it could be since you have been going so long without great results he feels like he’s not doing his job well enough or feeling rewarded by his patients? I honestly have no idea, but I think asking if you should see someone else might sound pretty offensive to him, so maybe just try another one one time and see how it goes before you end your meetings with him? He could have just been having a bad day or had personal stuff going on too so maybe wait until next time and see if it changes. Not sure. That’s a tough one. As for me, the broken record plays on and on... I cracked last night. Day 8. Shocker. Just kidding. I had a potato with ghee and nutritional yeast before I left. The party ended up being finger foods and a sit down dinner with salad, entree, and dessert (no options to pick from, just one meal for everyone). And I ended up sitting right across from my director and supervisors who all paid for the party. I love them but it was intimidating and I felt major pressure to eat the food bc of it. I found a great friend who I haven’t seen in a while and stupidly decided to let loose with her and start drinking wine before we sat down. That was my downfall. A plate of some kind of fancy fried chicken, creamy mashed potatoes, and some other sides later, I was all in. Then came dessert. Multiple trays of brownies, snickerdoodles (my favorite!!), and chocolate chip cookies placed at all the tables for people to eat after dinner during the drinking and mingling. A binge eaters recipe for disaster haha. No portions on plates, no one watching me eat, i made my way all around the room chatting and eating at every table. Approximately 6 brownies, 10 cookies, and too much wine later, here I find myself back at day 1. The only reason I’m not upset is bc I know I would have stayed in control had I not had the wine. Alcohol is evil! Haha. My fiancé was there last night but also drank too much and although I told him my behavior when we got home, I spent the whole night making sure I only ate when he wasn’t looking. I should have used him as a resource to help but obviously I wasn’t in that mindset. He was upset that I hid it from him and we talked it out and he made a good point that he thinks I’m making huge progress at home and Work, but that my social anxiety and these events are where I’m overwhelmed and seem to struggle so I should just give myself some grace and know it’s an area I need to work on. Anyways, I’m erasing my first few days of notes in my Whole30 day to day book and starting at true day 1 with it today. I have a sheet pan in the oven right now and hard boiled eggs for later if and when I get hungry. I swear I’m going to break out of this weekly cycle soon. Not giving up! And for the record, the snickerdoodles weren’t even worth it. My mom makes way better have a great day ladies.
  10. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @hmg1993 I mean I lied. I’ll never get sick of sweet potatoes either haha, I ate a whole one last night and loved every bite. BUT purple potatoes are my favorite and I can’t get them in my town! Grrr. It’s always my first thing to stock up on in Denver, although if I get too many they go bad. Can I freeze them you think? Or cook and then freeze? Just thought of that. Could be a game changer! ALSO, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! You made it to 30!! So so proud of you and truly using your strength and success as my motivation to join you in this feeling of completion (one stage 1) in a few weeks! You should be so happy and continue on with pride and confidence. Don’t let today be the “oh I deserve a treat to celebrate” though! Stay strong and finish through your whole plan. @littleg definitely wins for WCB! So adorable and I’m obsessed with the shoes. So sorry to here about your struggles since the birth. That sounds so difficult to deal with. Not being physically strong or comfortable makes this whole process so much harder I bet. But don’t think it’s forever. If you stay positive and keep working towards recovery both physically and mentally, it can always happen! It’s just another bump in this road that will help build your upper brains strength and voice in more ways than one, and another area where you can practice developing the voice that’s not good related. I actually have realized my family issues right now are helping me in that way bc I’m working on my stress responses and it’s helping to practice in an area that has nothing to do with food so I can then transfer what I learn and do to my urges. I agree about the fruit now. I think I was just craving it for a few days bc I saw someone eating an apple yesterday and I realized it was my dragon just yelling at me. Also since my muscles need glucose to refuel instead of fructose from fruit anyways, I’ll stick to the potatoes, squash, parsnips, possibly plantains (although I lost control a bit last night with those), and maybe try rutabaga (never had before I don’t think). Last could have been better but also could have been way worse. I was kind of arguing with my fiancé all afternoon about some personal stuff and it really put me into compulsive eating mode. I honestly thought while I was frustrated and cutting veggies for dinner, “I’m just going to eat a sweet potato before dinner to calm me down and make me feel better.” Obviously afterwards I realized how ridiculous that thought was. A potato is not going to resolve our argument, and I felt the exact same afterwards, and actually worse because it just fueled my urges to continue eating, and it was such a huge potato that it gave me some serious digestive weirdness. I wast that hungry afterwards but didn’t listen to my stomach and just ate a huge dinner plate later on as well. I had probably 2 full plantains fried in coconut oil (kept eating pieces right out of the pan before we sat down), and a large pork chop and green beans. I was so full afterwards and then sat down and told myself to calm down. We talked everything out and I didn’t continue to eat after dinner, but I shouldn’t have used the plantains and potato as my comfort. I ended up buying the one Geneen Roth book I haven’t read yet called “When Food Is Love” on my kindle. It was so relevant to my emotional eating and just the first few chapters made me realize I need to continue exploring the reasons for my compulsive behavior on a more emotional level. Tonight is our work x mas party. They switched the venue and now it’s at a place where there will be finger foods and appetizers but no sit down dinner. Based on the description I’m assuming there won’t be too many (if any) options for me. Can’t decide if I should just eat something before I go or wait it out and see what they have. I guess I’ll see how hungry I am after work. Anyways, sorry for the long post and hope everyone has a good start to this week!
  11. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @littleg I have had those same thought out feelings about binges a lot in the past few months. Like it’s getting more mindful in a way and I’m actually recognizing that I’m making the choice and not feeling like I can’t control my thoughts. I’ve been having urges all day today too. I’ve had all of my planned meals so far and honestly can’t tell if I’m full, hungry, or just having cravings. (Pretty sure it’s cravings) I came on here to get a little more clear headed for a minute and just saw your post. For some reason your reasoning about wanting to have that urge to eat Healthy made me realize I don’t want to NOT have that feeling for the rest of the day. So thanks! It helped me! Sounds like you had a more mindful binge which in my opinion is the next step in recovery. Seems like you just wanted to eat those foods which is totally fine, and now you are choosing to eat Whole30 again tomorrow. There’s nothing bad about all that if it was your choice. That’s the goal I think, learning to have control over our choices, regardless of what they are. And 2 weeks is a long time to be so disciplined! I’m sure your brain just wanted to take a break for a bit. I also love your potato quote. Totally true! Although now I’m kinda over sweet potatoes and moving on to Russet haha. So good baked with ghee, nutritional yeast (tastes like Cheese!) salt, and garlic. I think I’m always wanting the potato at night bc I’m not eating enough carbs throughout the day for my activity level now. I also feel like I’ve been eating possibly too much protein and fat to compensate, bc I’m getting headaches, some digestive issues, constipation (sorry TMI!) and other weird side effects after I eat a lot of meat or fat. Anyone else ever feel this problem? I think I’m going to incorporate some more carbs in my meals that I was originally going to stay away from bc I think if they are in the meal and not alone, my dragon won’t get crazy and I’ll be giving my body the carbs it’s craving. So I’m thinking plantains, some whole fruit, and more white potatoes with lunch. We will see, but I’m pretty sure I need more of a balance and I’m overloading on the protein and fat.
  12. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    Well I’m at day 7! One week and feeling great. I’m ready to bust through these next few days with confidence and strength. I’m so over restarting my reset. Last night was a good night. I drove home from work upset about a few things and was having “I just need to eat something comforting RIGHT NOW” thoughts. Planned in my head what I wanted, but then got home and said, “No. this will not help change your habits. Make dinner and be patient.” I popped some baked potatoes in the oven, made pumpkin chili, and let the urges go while sipping on some lavender tea. I may have still had more for dinner than I needed, but I didn’t binge and was mindful. My new routine instead of munching when I get home will be to have tea. I think it’s a good new practice. Today I have leftover pumpkin chili, a cabbage wrap with sweet potato chunks, artichoke spin dip and some veggies, and a Mexican scramble for breakfast. Hope everyone has a great Sunday!
  13. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    Good morning! Hope everyone is able to have a relaxing and enjoyable weekend. Weekends are the busiest time at work for me, so it’s never relaxing, but I love them because the days just fly by. I had a good day yesterday. It was so exhausting physically, but stayed well fueled, and never felt the panicked starvation. We went out to dinner after work bc cooking was not gonna happen. The restaurant we chose had probably the least amount of Whole30 options I’ve ever seen which sucked, but I was able to get a burger and side salad. Obviously didn’t eat the bun, but the burger and onions I could tell were cooked in lots of what I’m assuming was either vegetable or another typical restaurant oil. Oh well, I did my best. Had to go grocery shopping afterwards bc our fridge is empty, and while at the store I felt like I was still a little hungry. I needed some kind of carb after my active and cold day. Stayed mindful through the whole shopping experience, then came home and ate a plain sweet potato to satisfy my carb craving. I just know if I don’t get enough carbs regardless of my quantity of food intake, cravings go bad, so I’m making sure to stay aware of this for the next week or so until my tough days are past me. I bought the new Whole30 day by day book that just came out. I started it yesterday (day 6) instead of day 1 bc the 2nd week is when things start to feel hard for me. I like it so far. Lots of tips and tricks, with journaling included at the end of each day. Hopefully it helps!
  14. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @hmg1993that’s so cool! I really wanted to be able to hear one of her seminars after reading all her books, but the price and distance to travel was a little too out of my realistic zone. I also don’t agree with some of her stuff. Like eating cookies every night for dinner until you don’t want to eat them anymore. I tried some of her techniques like that and was miserable for months. Didn’t work for me. But I always do try to use her mindfulness techniques like not eating standing at the fridge, and really trying to sit focus on and enjoy everything I eat on a plate without distractions and with good intentions. Busy day at work today which I’m really excited about. We are opening a bunch of new ski terrain so it will be exciting and distracting all day. I feel like a lost puppy this morning bc I just realiZed we are out of eggs haha. But I managed to put together some leftover deer with sautéed mushrooms and zoodles and some avocado. 1st Lunch will be leftover chipotle chili salmon, bacon wrapped asparagus, and spaghetti squash, and 2nd lunch is baked delicata squash smothered in the leftover spinach artichoke dip with chicken sausage. Planning to eat a lot today bc I know it will be cold, exhausting, and I don’t want to come home ravenous.
  15. Binge eating and re-starting Whole30

    @hmg1993 I am just super into nutrition and learning all about the human body and how foods affect it etc, I have been ever since I started cutting out sugar about a year ago. So all my reading is usually Health or nutrition related. I don’t always agree with some of the extreme opinions in some stuff, but it’s all very interesting to learn and compare to other sources that say contradictory things and be able to make my own opinions. Probably my top 3 I read recently were “The Omnivores Dilemma”, “Grain Brain”, and “Women, Food, And God.” The last one isn’t about religion at all really, if you are wondering. I’m just obsessed with learning more all the time, so I try and always do research in different categories and then usually my findings in one book lead me to another on a slightly different topic. But nothing I read lately is fiction or about anything not related to health, except maybe the habit books, but they still relate too actually.