BabyBear

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Posts posted by BabyBear

  1. This last half of the month is going to be busy and exciting!  I’m glad you are on the mend.  Don’t push yourself too hard give time for rest.  
    I do hope “Dude” and his momma come out from the visit unscathed.  Please don’t beat yourself up.  You’ve made him aware of the circumstances, you’ve done what you can do and his response to all this is his own.  
    tossing out the “fat jeans” what an accomplishment and a show of confidence that you won’t need them in January!  Seriously it feels good to let those old things go.  

  2. 6 hours ago, LadyM said:

    Part of my journaling this morning was reiterating to myself that I am in command of my own life. I make the choices. I'm not always in control of everything, certainly; however, I get to decide, by and large. I'm not at anyone's mercy, certainly not when it comes to what I put in my mouth. It was liberating to realize on another level and write down.

    This!  Such a relief when I realized it’s not my job to make people feel comfortable by eating food I don’t want.  I have to circle around back to this often and remind myself, but wow the amount of pressure this takes off of me when making decisions about food!

  3. 18 minutes ago, LadyM said:

    Sometimes the distance between us can lead to a feeling of disconnect that allows me to focus more on how things are affecting me rather than him, try as I do to be empathetic.

    The distance makes it hard on both.  The years prior to marrying my hubby he was the sole care giver for his mom as her health failed for three years.  Within that year his last member of his family his older brother started getting really sick and my man insisted on getting him in front of a doctor.  Stage 4 cancer in his lungs and 8 brain tumors.  He basically became the sole care provider for his brother as well.  We lost his brother exactly one year after his mom passing.  We lived 1.5 hours from each other (not the 4 hour drive you had) but even that distance made it so hard.  Communication on your part and understanding is key.  When I got my head out of my own feelings to realize some days he didn’t have the fortitude or energy to even text back “ok” or “hi”  I remember having a hard heart to heart with him while his mom was sick and afterwards seeing that my good morning messages and my sporadic I love you and thinking about you messages throughout the day we’re keeping him going (even though I felt like they were being ignored) help me put my role of support from a distance into perspective.  I had offered many times to help relieve him to sit with his mom or brother but he never wanted me there.  I felt like I was being stuffed armed until he explained for his own sanity sake he wanted to keep me separate from all the pain.  His association with me was his happy place his place of escape as little as it was at the time and he didn’t want to taint that or expose me to the deep deep painful moments he was walking through.  I never understood his thought process there but i learned to be okay with it if it was what he needed.  After all was said and done and he had a year to really grieve and process he asked me to marry him.  He is the most wonderful man and I’m so glad I weathered that very very long storm.  I also saw how well he cared for his family and I knew that he would provide the same care for me and my kids.  Be patient with each other, stay out of your head on things. Communicate every day your support and thoughts and on goings of life even if he can’t. I’m sorry for carrying on and crying all over your log.  I just want you to know you have at least one person who understands and you can feel free to message me anytime for support.  *hugs*

  4. 8 minutes ago, LadyM said:

    I did end up going to see the Dude for about 24 hours and it was a good thing.

    I’m so glad you had a good visit.  Sounds like you came home in a better frame I’d mind and lighter spirits.  I’m sure it nourished his soul too.  Being the care giver to an ailing parent takes such an emotional, mental, and physical toll on a person.  I’m sure your presence provided a small sense of rest and escape from all of that.