C.B.

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C.B. last won the day on August 10

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  1. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 21 I like having this log here because it reminds me of the motivation I have felt on certain days and the fatigue I have felt on others. Today has been a mix. I have gotten into a rut with my eating and have also fallen back into old habits of deliberately finding time by myself to binge on foods that are technically W30 compliant, but eaten in a way that is not mindful at all. I can see myself on this treadmill, feeling good some days and terrible on others and finding it difficult not only to break out of it but to want to break out of it. This pattern I've developed is so comfortable. It's what I have come to know. Breaking out of it means acknowledging I have a problem, admitting to my friends and family that this isn't just about finding the foods that work for me physically but about breaking free of the toxic relationship I have developed with food and the ways that I abuse it to distract me from what is really going on in my life, whether it's isolation, depression, or stress. I am really grateful that this community is here as a safe space to talk about my relationship with food. I am not honest with very many people about how much of an issue this has become for me, so it means a lot to be able to write this here, let alone have a few people read it and be reassured that other people are going through similar things. All of that said I DID take a mindful minute before my breakfast this morning, and I'm proud of myself for that step, no matter how small
  2. C.B.

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    Sometimes the hardest thing is to hold back and stick to only a few things. It seems simple and too easy at first when our motivation is in high gear, but choosing a few simple habits is the path to success and achieving those goals. Keep up the discipline and hard work!
  3. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 20 Today I woke up feeling blah and generally feeling down. Coming to the end of the day and reading your comments on here is brightening my spirits, though! I find that if I am productive and have some structure to my morning routine, as well as my routine the night before, it sets up my day SO much better. I like to wake up early and get things done before work, but today I felt a bit lost and that feeling followed me through the day. Almond butter made an appearance again today but I did manage to have a great first shift back at an old job. I caught myself thinking a lot of negative thoughts directed towards me today and i know that it drained my energy, confidence, and willingness to eat nourishing foods, and I don't have a replacement thought for those yet. I also ate my breakfast with deliberate mindfulness this morning, and that's the first step. Food wise, I am excited to stock up tomorrow at the farmer's market and meal prep for the last 10 days of W30 and into my reintroduction. While I was away, I was happy to eat whatever the restaurant had as a W30 option and to rely on hard boiled eggs and raw veggies. But I want to return to eating simple yet complete and nourishing meals.
  4. C.B.

    Amy's Whole 30 Log Starting July 15, 2019

    It sounds like your rest day was much needed and deserved today, good for you for taking it. Taking time to reflect is totally important, I agree! Sometimes things need to sit before we can process them. I second Emma - the day moved along and you held it and your family together, even if it wasn't what you had planned/hoped.
  5. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 13-19 recap I'm back from a being away for the long weekend (I got to visit Waterton in Alberta and Glacier National Park in Montana and both were totally stunning!!) and ready to recap & share how the past few days have been. Going into this weekend, I had the feelings I posted about earlier of apathy towards my W30 and was contemplating eating the goodies and drinking the beer that I knew my friends would be indulging in. Thankfully, a solid therapy session and some reflection afterward got me thinking about how I have been selling myself short throughout the past 1-2 months and helped to turn my mindset around. I finally had reasoning behind why I had come back to the W30 in the first place - to heal my relationship with food. I wasn't connected to this even through the past month of W30 eating because my mindset around foods hadn't changed very much, only the food itself. I was (and am) still eating out of boredom, emotion, and loneliness. I am doing less of it than I was pre-W30, but the behaviour is definitely still prevalent. With these things in mind, I noticed this weekend that a) I was around friends all weekend and felt no urge or desire to over-eat or binge b) When I don't make a big deal of how I am eating, the people I'm with don't either (generally speaking), and if they do have questions I can answer by saying that I am working to change some of my habits around food and that generally dampens any potentially though conversations All of this to say that I connected with the mindful aspect of the W30 and how my approach to eating is just as important, if not more so, than the specific foods themselves. I can learn to eat foods with a mindful approach, and that includes knowing which foods or food groups will wake my sugar dragon or have no brakes and saying no to those all of the time. I am learning, again and again, how important context is to certain foods - like if I'm eating cake alone in my room and hiding it or if I'm eating a slice of homemade pie with my family - and that I CAN enjoy the foods that are nostalgic or delicious or special, there is simply a TIME AND A PLACE. That time and place is not when I'm bored and at home by myself, looking for a distraction but it could be when I'm in a new city and trying a fancy dessert or on my birthday with my mom's homemade pavlova. I am not in that place yet, it will take time and patience with the missteps I will make along the way. Like the one I made this weekend, for example. I was in the states and OVERJOYED when I went to the grocery store and they had ALL OF THE WHOLE30 THINGS! S many cool products that i had been reading about and unable to buy in any stores in my city. One of those products is Larabars - I had tried a few of these flavours on my 1st W30 and quickly discovered that they are a no-brake food for me. Buttt they were on sale and the store had so. many. flavours, plus after a few days of saying no to the drinks and desserts my friends were enjoying, these Larabars felt like a huge win. As soon as I had the chance at home today, though, that sugar dragon came roaring to life. So here I am, learning my same lesson again - if I bring it home, I will eat it. So don't buy no-brake foods. For now! This could be temporary, who knows! Okay wow, if anyone has read all of this, thank you! I had a lot to catch up on, obviously I am feeling a lot better about this journey and the last week of my W30 and my subsequent reintro are feeling more like an opportunity for growth than a burden. The tool was always here, I simply need to find the best way to use it. Big ups to my fellow Day 19ers and I am sending us all of the best vibes for the next week!
  6. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 12 I totally feel what you said, Emma, about being conflicted in wanting to get to the end but also not quite being ready for it. I was struggling yesterday to think of measurable, specific goals in the realm of achieving food freedom. I was looking to the end result, rather than to the process, which is where all of the insights and moments of growth lie (I had my 2nd session with my therapist today and she helped me drill down to this). So in that vein, I will look to set some specific goals about the process of achieving food freedom, because although the whole30 will come to an end, food freedom is simply a part of life! There are no ons or offs, it's just time passing, so it's about cultivating habits and mindset around food, and gradually building up overtime. I also got to thinking today about how I am now doing the Whole30 for a third time and expecting different results - again approaching it from a results-driven mindset rather than a process. I haven't been paying attention to any NSVs, or to a particular thing I am wanting to achieve, so of course I'm feeling bored and apathetic towards the process - if I'm not watching/looking for any successes or changes I will NEVER find them! I'm even learning some of this as I'm writing it out here...thank you to the Whole30 forum I'm not too sure what those goals are yet, but I will share as soon as I have one.
  7. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 11 I felt much more in control of my choices and thoughts around food today, although everything felt generally lacklustre. I did have a yummy dinner, though, of ground beef, green beans with onions and carrot greens, all sauteed together and topped with nutritional yeast and kimchi. I have some leftovers that I am looking forward to for lunch tomorrow! I think I need to get clearer on why I am doing the Whole30 and how this specific program is helping me work towards my goals...and what "food freedom" specifically means for me. At the moment, I feel like I am going through the motions of the program but not truly understanding how it is benefitting me. I will keep eating Whole30 while I work through that and see what I come up with at the other side! I want to, if anything, see through this commitment I made to myself to complete the Whole30 & Reintroduction but my setback of having started over again is weighing on my motivation. My burst of motivation from the other day is still here but levelling out. I think I will hit the books and get quiet over the next few days to distill all of this down.
  8. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    100% - I think that's the mindset shift that makes all of the difference!
  9. C.B.

    Amy's Whole 30 Log Starting July 15, 2019

    I went to see a therapist for the first time ever last month and I can only recommend that you give it a try! Being able to be open and honest about my relationship with food in a safe space was a game-changer and she provided some actionable tips on how to heal. To your point about not quite knowing what will come up, my reasons for booking an apt was to discuss food but we ended up going over depression and how they are related. The experience has made me more curious about mental health and food, and I think it has been beneficial to have my therapy and Whole30 journeys side by side.
  10. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 10 Soooo today I fell into old habits, and my energy today (both mental and physical) suffered for it. I dove into fruit and almond butter and I felt committed to then continuing to eat the whole jar of almond butter that I KNOW is a no brakes food for me. After having the first spoonful, I felt shame for eating a food that I know has negative attachments for me and that slump in my mood and energy carried on through the rest of the day. My productivity suffered big time and I didn't feel like doing much of anything for the rest of the day. I know, from several versions of this same story, what path I chose to walk down today with the choices I was making and I knew in the moment that I was self-sabotaging but I ignored it. I was contemplating giving up on this Whole30 all together, thinking that I don't need to structure and the black and white and why was I putting these restraints on myself voluntarily? Well, looking back on today is reminding me of exactly why I am here and why the Whole30 is going to help me grow through these very experiences. This is hard! And it's also not. It takes acknowledging my faults, my weaknesses and taking deliberate in-the-moment actions to change them - something that is completely within my control. I have been focused on visions and goal setting lately, listening to a lot of interviews and journaling, getting specific about what I want in life. Food Freedom is on the top of the list. If completing this Whole30 and the subsequent reintroduction is going to help get me to food freedom, then I want to be on board. There's my personal pep talk for the night, and to everyone in the trenches, let's remember WHY we're here and get after it. Here's to making it through to the double digits!
  11. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Day 9 (yesterday) Right on schedule, my guts were in a bit of a bind yesterday but it only lasted for a few hours in the morning and then settled down later on, which is a (welcomed) changed from past W30s. I was fairly high energy yesterday and did not have fruit dessert after lunch, which made a noticeable difference on my mental game in the afternoon. I was hungry a couple hours later and ate an egg scrambled with sunflower seeds and saskatoon berries, which satisfied me and kept me full until a late dinner. I've been eating a lot of canned salmon and tuna this past week and am starting to tire of it, so I mixed some tuna up with 1 egg and some seasonings and it tasted awesome after a few minutes in the frying pan and it transformed the tuna into something new. Will definitely be keeping this in my go-to - they're similar I guess to the Salmon Cakes in ISWF recipe section. Starting to feel some of the boredom of my Whole30 as well, so trying out new ways of eating is going to help me right now! I realized I haven't been eating really any soups or curries, so that is on the menu next week.
  12. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    I think you hit the nail on the head, Jihanna! I like your method of skipping fruit for a while as well and see how that changes things. Thank you for sharing
  13. C.B.

    Whole 30 (July 2)

    I totally agree - Day 8 feels like an accomplishment. Great work everyone!!
  14. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Days 7 & 8 Thank you all for your messages and comments on here - I really appreciate reading your thoughts when I come to write my log and knowing that you're out there somewhere going through these same things (or have gone through them at a different time) is incredibly reassuring, and it makes this experience feel much more communal! This weekend was a combo of great food and some more stress/boredom binge eating. I stayed compliant, which I am happy about, but I ate a LOT of nuts last night with berries and I felt bloated and tired today because of it. I am seeing a pattern that when I have some fruit after a meal, I tend to feel more snacky for the next few hours and am mindlessly eating. So, my goal for this week is to eat three square meals + pre w/o meal, resisting the urge to use fruit as a dessert replacement. I picked a bunch of saskatoon berries this weekend and will put them right into my meals so that I am still getting some sweetness from the fruit but without the dessert mentality. On the yummy food side, I ate out on Saturday for the first time (I think?) on this Whole30 and had a delish warm kale & cauliflower salad with roaster sweet potato, mushrooms and a mustard dressing - it was BOMB! Going to defs recreate it at some point. Now I'm bracing myself for the GI discomfort that is likely to come in the next few days...
  15. C.B.

    Round 3.2 - Learning As I Go

    Interesting insight about them never overlapping. Thank you for sharing!