JessFind

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  1. Like
    JessFind got a reaction from Brezymurph in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    Aw thank you for being open about your emotional journey! I know a lot of us can relate. Forgiving ourselves is a long process. And dang, if my husband asked me to get him fast food right now that would be a real test of our love! haha! 
  2. Haha
    JessFind got a reaction from BabyBear in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    Aw thank you for being open about your emotional journey! I know a lot of us can relate. Forgiving ourselves is a long process. And dang, if my husband asked me to get him fast food right now that would be a real test of our love! haha! 
  3. Like
    JessFind reacted to BabyBear in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    Its Day 6 Y’all!  Warning I cried writing some of this!
    6:40 up and at em! I have to get My 13 yr old son out the door to his class that is an hour away.  I got me dressed baby up and pottied and dressed.  Helped My 13 DS get his lunch together.  I grabbed a banana and my water for a snack to hold me over the until I get home to make breakfast.  I know it’s not an ideal snack, but I figure it’s better than going to BK and getting a double croissant sandwich which was my custom a few months ago.  
    Lol oh me! Hubby called just before I was about to turn on our road and asked if I could go get him a steak biscuit from Hardee’s.  How could I turn him down he sounded so pitiful, gosh darn it I love that man! Of course I would! Thank goodness I ate the banana.  I got his food, and it surprised me that I didn’t have any desire to eat it.  I should mention at that point I was listening to Melissa’s pod cast “Do the thing” and the whole 30 and weight loss  episode was on, and I was crying like a little girl who lost her puppy.   When she started talking about why you shouldn’t remain on the whole 30 if you still have more weight to lose it struck a very deep chord with me.  It finally connected with me that I believe deep down subconsciously that I deserve to be punished for my weight and how that has affected the way I see me and any efforts I make at weight loss,  why even the 12lbs I lost in December (IN DECEMBER) wasn’t enough.  I have been so angry, upset, disgusted  with myself for allowing the weight to pile back on 8 years ago. What I didn’t stop to realize is that it piled back on because of an traumatic injury that broke me physically mentally and emotionally.  I have to heal from that and give myself space and care to overcome the trauma I endured.  Even now the physical injury is not 100% I still deal with nerve issues, strength issues, pain and aching although I have come so far in the physical recovery there is still the reminder.  Even more damaging than the physical was the mental and emotional and until today I don’t think I realized how damaged I was and I have done nothing to heal my mental and emotional.  I have apologized to myself profoundly for being so cold, so mean, so judge mental when what I needed was care, healing and grace.  Wow! I would have never thought a food experiment would lead to all this.  I will definitely be listening to this podcast again to glean more because I kind of got lost in my tears and snot this go around.  
    10:30 finally eating breakfast! I heated up some leftover fajita steak and peppers.  Sautéed a large handful of spinach and then scrambled both of those in with two eggs.  I put em in a bowl and topped with tomatoes avocados and some compliant roasted garlic red chili salsa.  It was tasty, so very tasty.  I used my new bamboo utensils my mom bought to make breakfast.  I used the one with Joy,  it says serving up Joy and you know I did just that!  Today is going to be a great day.
  4. Like
    JessFind reacted to BabyBear in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    3:30 M2 chicken, carrots, broccoli with ghee and a clementine 
    7:30 M3 venison steak with herbed ghee, sweet potato with cinnamon, 1/2 cucumber.
    I did it!  I was strong today, I didn’t cave when French fries were being waved about.  I made food.  I took care of me.  
    Day 1 - is in the books.
  5. Like
    JessFind reacted to Emma in Whole 30 (July 2)   
    Day Something Or Other - Long enough that I'm no longer dealing with the hard work of those first 30 days which I'm appreciating. 
    I weighed myself today. I guess I didn't weigh myself when I started because I have nothing written down, but I know what I was in April and I know I gained some weight when traveling in June so I'm definitely down twelve solid pounds from April and possibly more given my plumping up while traveling.
    Twelve doesn't sound like a whole lot, but I'll tell ya - it feels like a whole lot. It's also a break from some dumb overweight place that my body seems to be fairly content to hang out at. When I went above that April weight like I did last year, I feel really lousy. When I lost weight and got to that dumb weight my body likes, I felt SO much better. Then I plumped up some and felt worse and then at some point I got back to it and probably hung out there for most of those first 30 days. But then things started to change and so I am in a whole new set of tens on the scale!
    I was feeling pretty good, but then I started having those panic thoughts like, "How long can I keep this up?" THAT is what scales do. I have been ULTRA content to keep plugging along and eating clean and making choices that allow me to stay feeling good. And then comes the scale and the hopes and wishes and the weight issues.....blah blah blah.  So, I can celebrate feeling thinner and baggy clothes and seats that I can now fit into, but the scale thinking is not really my friend. My body is doing what it needs to and it will get to a healthier space in its own time. All I need to do is appreciate and honor what it is that allows me to feel so much better - how I eat.
    On another note - I went to the gym this evening. I had a beast of a day so once home I tried to do the things that are also important: the yardwork, my practicing, visiting with our guest, and the gym which I haven't been to in ages. I didn't work out much, but I was there and did some treadmill walking and some weight machines. The tricep machine used to scrape past my hips when I sat on the seat. It no longer does! The treadmill felt good, but now my left ankle is really stiff again - in a somewhat different place then when I tried that Run To None program (which I flaked out on, but which is okay that I flaked because I have a lot going on and my priority is the eating, not the exercise)
    And now it's time for bed. I really need to do work, but I also need the sleep. The sleep makes a world of difference. I'm hoping I wake up early and can do some work in the am, but if I don't, oh well. Tomorrow is bound to be a bit of a beast as well. That's okay. It's just how things are for now. 
    Again, I am SO glad that I am feeling confident in myself again and feeling like I have some power and control in my life and over myself.  It's a nice place to be and a stark contrast from how I felt before.