People assuming gluten-free can only mean you replace all your packaged franken food with more expensive gluten-free versions of the same garbage:
Friend: But all that gluten free stuff tastes like crap!
Me: Yeah, a lot of it does which is why I don't buy it - among other reasons.
Friend: How do you eat sandwiches? *look of astonishment*
Me: I don't, I use a fork. I guess sometimes I use lettuce cups or bell pepper slices as a vehicle for sandwich fixins'
Friend: *blank look*
Aunt: Cousin K went gluten-free thinking it would help her health but she said her stomach hurt terribly the entire time she was on it.
Me: Not surprising since she probably went nuts with gluten-free replacement products.
Relative: What causes gallstones?
Me: Packaged and processed foodsâ€¦ low-fat crapâ€¦ caffeine...
Relative: *rolls eyes* You say that about everything.
Me: Because it's true.
A vegan retail clerk at a make-up store: Oh, you're a nutritional biologist? Are you vegan? I bet you're vegan. I'm vegan. Wouldn't you agree all that red meat and milk consumption are what's killing our society?
Me: *system overload - shocked silent*
Friend: I just can't eat bacon after seeing all that grease splattered on my stove last time I cooked it. I picture it floating around in my veins.
Me: You know it doesn't really work that way.
Friend: Yeah, but I need to be healthy.
Me: *no response* (this friend KNOWS "low-fat" is a farce and agrees whole foods are superior to packaged... but won't consider giving up grain or dairy, even temporarily as an experiment, and still says things like this about fat and switches cream cheese out with low-fat greek yogurt in recipes to lower the calories. I don't get it)
Friend: That broccoli cheese soup is loaded with fat.
Me: Even with cheese, it's probably a better choice than the noodles with flecks of chicken aka chicken noodle soup. Besides, eating fat doesn't make you fat.
Friend: How do you figure?
Friend: Are you still not eating good food?
Me: Don't be an ass. (this is a very good friend)
Friend: You were more fun before. When will fun Megan come back and go out to eat with me?
Me: *no response* (this really burned)
Friend: You should never deny yourself a treat if you've earned it. Besides, it's not healthy to cut out entire food groups.
Me: What about heroin? Should I deny myself that special treat? I'm sure I'd really enjoy it and I have worked exceptionally hard this week.
Friend: Don't be ridiculous. I'm just saying moderation is the answer.
Me: Should I start smoking cigarettes again, in moderation? I recall really enjoying themâ€¦ I don't use tobacco at all and I assume I probably shouldn't have cut out all tobacco products altogether.
Friend: Do you have to be so difficult?
Dad: One bite won't kill you.
Me: Right, but me not taking one bite won't kill you. *said jokingly with big smile*
Dad: (took this personally and didn't make eye contact with me rest of dinner. there are other issues there mind you, but I thought this was quite silly)
In line for "healthy lunch" at work lunch 'n learn:
Me: *said under my breath but apparently too loudly* Shoot, it's breaded [chicken].
Coworker/friend: Oh, get over it!
Me: I HAVE CELIAC! (I don't, I'm sensitive/intolerant to gluten but do not have an autoimmune response. I don't know why I yelled this... I felt attacked by this person I thought was my friend and was very frustrated. I was also super annoyed the lunch was advertised as "healthy lunch of Mediterranean chicken" and I find breaded chicken with oregano flakes as the only option.)
Coworker/friend: Oh, I didn't know that.
Me: (left thinking maybe I need to be more comfortable with my own choices so I can respond appropriately, or not a all, to snide remarks made by acquaintances and "friends" alike)