LadyM

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  1. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 46
    No worse for the wear. Feeling like I'm recovering.
    In other good news, we have a closing date on the house: October 26! I scheduled movers for Oct. 30, so I have two weekends to finish packing. Even though I'm not 100% yet, I do think I can start packing some small bathroom and kitchen boxes. Just a couple a day will get me there. And I think I can make it the rest of the month without my full supply of spices.
    The Dude is super stressed about my COVID diagnosis and its implications for him and his mom in having been exposed. I feel so bad about having brought more stress to him in an already incredibly stressful time. I pray they both don't have it. My pilates instructor I saw on Friday tested negative. So that's a grace.
    I'm going to push for a longer fasting window tomorrow. I'm not hungry anyway, so why not keep tweaking and playing with it. I threw away my biggest, stretchiest quarantine jeans today. That feels really good. My new "fat jeans" in which I test my fluctuating belly size are now one size smaller. I'm calling that a W30 NSV!
  2. Sad
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 45
    COVID test came back positive. I'm still fatigued and kind of feverish, but feeling better every day. I haven't taken any OTC meds or anything. I hope my body is in a good place to fend off this nasty virus!
    I also think the IF is probably helping. Fasting is the best thing when the body is fighting off the crud. Any energy that would have been directed to digestion can be directed to healing. That's what I've read, anyway.
    Who knows. I'm just going to focus on getting better. And I have no plans to change my diet from W30. Why would I?
  3. Like
    LadyM reacted to BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    This!  Such a relief when I realized it’s not my job to make people feel comfortable by eating food I don’t want.  I have to circle around back to this often and remind myself, but wow the amount of pressure this takes off of me when making decisions about food!
  4. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 44
    Woke up VERY early this morning, feeling like I'm going to get better, and optimistic about life. Hooray for that!
    Feeling rather certain I'll be sticking to W30 through the end of 2020. I will have some social situations to navigate, but mostly folks coming into my new home, so I can much more easily control the food that's on offer. I just can't see myself really wanting anything off plan anytime soon. Why mess with a good thing when healing is obviously still underway? I don't want the added stress of reintroductions, nor do I want the added stress of feeling like garbage and gaining weight and the usual, predictable stuff that tends to come with the holidays. I'm really contemplating the possibility of just doing holidays in a different way. Like, forever. 
    Part of my journaling this morning was reiterating to myself that I am in command of my own life. I make the choices. I'm not always in control of everything, certainly; however, I get to decide, by and large. I'm not at anyone's mercy, certainly not when it comes to what I put in my mouth. It was liberating to realize on another level and write down.
  5. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 43
    I woke up feeling a lot better than I did yesterday, like whatever this crud is will pass. I'm still going to have my COVID test in an hour, but I'm not too worried about it.
    As I mentioned already, I see bone broth and greens in my immediate future. I also have my usual standbys on hand: baked fish with fennel and other veggies, shrimp and green beans with tomatoes . . . so there's plenty to eat. I'm craving grapefruit, though it's definitely best to continue to quarantine, so I'll just set that aside for the moment. However, I may go for a gentle walk in the woods later if I'm feeling up for it. I've just been a slug the past couple of days. Of course, I'm planning to wear my jammies to my drive-by COVID test and a walk in the woods would require putting on actual clothes, so I might put that off another day.  
  6. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Indeed, and thank you! I wondered myself about detoxing . . . I was so sick throughout my first W30 I thought I wouldn't actually receive any of its benefits! But I learned the body will sometimes only allow itself to release the toxins when it has proper immune support. I dunno. But this morning I do feel like things are moving in the right direction and that this more than likely is just a cold. Grateful for the bone broth and greens in my fridge--there is definitely soup in my immediate future!!
    Thank you so very much!! It's feeling possible and like a whole new chapter for me. A major step in the direction of positive change in the realm of what we were discussing on @BabyBear's log about scarcity and coming from a place of poverty. I grew up in apartments. After my parents divorced when I was 9 neither one of them could afford to own a home, and so home ownership just seemed like something that wasn't in the cards for me. I spend my 20s and 30s getting educated and traveling and, let's face it, living the single-girl life spending money on stuff I didn't really need; and it's only after 40 and reaching some career milestones that I realized I am in control of my money and that getting out of debt and building wealth is my responsibility if I want it.
    Part of me felt I needed or wanted a man to buy a house with, but with The Dude taking care of his parents full time, he's not available for that right now. And in the past year or so I was forced to move from an apartment I loved because the owners sold it--and my dad committed suicide the very week i moved into an apartment I don't love and frankly don't feel safe in. Then COVID and quarantine, and . . . anyway, I think you can see how the universe set things in motion for me to buy this house on my own. I hope The Dude joins me there. I chose a house that works for us both. But I also chose a house I can make work on my own if need be. It's been quite a transformative process. 
    That's all to say thank you @Jennifer Jensen for your prayers!!
    Oh, and a W105 or maybe longer also feels more and more possible for me. Part of it is that I've been playing with macros and further restrictions overseen by my doc for thyroid health since Day 23, so when the time comes, likely November now, to increase my food options in phases within W30, it'll feel like Christmas to me! Also, I have a dear friend who has successfully treated her Graves Disease without removal of her thyroid with an AIP W30 protocol and maintained it for over two years. She's simply decided it's now her way of life because it's how she finally feels good and manages her health. So she's an inspiration to me. And more than two years doing a super strict protocol makes 105 days seem like a walk in the park.
    Not sure when I'll begin reintroductions, but right now the only thing I'm even remotely interested in testing is a glass of wine. But I'm in no hurry. It's more for the social aspect of drinking during the holidays. The thing that's calling my name right now is potatoes. Back in the day when I did my first W30 potatoes weren't allowed. Now that they are, it's the first thing I'll be adding back in when the time comes to bring in more starches. Seriously. I'm dreaming about the potatoes I used to eat in Ireland--par boiled then smashed and roasted in plenty of ghee at high heat in the oven. Cue Homer Simpson drool face. 
    I'd say if this is me doing my worst I'm in pretty good shape at the moment!
    Thank you for all your loving support, friends!
  7. Like
    LadyM reacted to Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Hoping and praying you get your house this time! Wow, a plan for a W105! At the moment I can't even imagine but I also think it IS doable. Really, I like my food. 
  8. Like
    LadyM reacted to BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    @LadyM oh hurray on the house! That is exciting!
     Isn’t it odd how much we resist returning to a healthy habit that made us happy and made us feel better once we have had a momentary stepping away.  
    i hope you feel better soon, and that it is nothing more than a change in weather, or detoxing.  
  9. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 42
    Feeling pretty run down with what feels like a cold but makes me worried it could be something else. I scheduled a COVID test in the morning to be sure, especially because I may have exposed the Dude and his Mom.
    Nothing much to report here on the food front, except I had a phone consult with my doc's office and will be continuing phase 2 of this Whole 30 for at least 10 days longer. I'm good with that. It seems drawing things out is what it's about in my life these days.
    Which brings me to the house and the good news that it appraised at exactly our agreed-to price. Which means, fingers and toes crossed, the house will be mine and I'll get to move in at the end of the month. Ahhhhhhhhh! So much packing to finish up. It'll get done, though. Everything will work out just fine. 
    Now to get some rest and stop stressing. I think it's time to make meditation a daily priority again. My trip to Wisconsin to eulogize my Grandmother threw me off that practice. Time to return to the mat. It's as simple as that. . . . 
  10. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 20
    Very nearly 3 weeks down. Amazing.
    Sleep last night was fitful, largely because I ended up only eating one meal yesterday and I got some very exciting news shortly before bed: my offer on the house was accepted! Mind you, this is the same house for which the sale went through last month, the house I've been visualizing myself in and purging furniture and appliances for and even buying a Mid Century Modern piece of furniture or two for. The appraisal last time was way off my new realtor confirmed after walking through the house with me, and so we're going to give it another shot with a new lender and a much more experienced realtor and I'm praying this time around will mend my broken heart and get me HOME.
    As for eating yesterday, I made Kalua Pig in the instant pot as promised, finishing it with a pile of kale, collards, and cabbage, and ate it with a baked sweet potato and the Whole30 recipe for bbq sauce which is pretty darn good. It all was so unbelievably delish, I ate my fill at 2 p.m. (slow start yesterday), and didn't get hungry again until about 2 am when I woke up with a rumbling tummy four and a half hours after going to bed. I'm still glad I listened to my body and didn't eat dinner when I wasn't hungry. That's a big ol' NSV for this gal.
    Projected meals for today are all about finishing leftovers:
    M1: salmon cakes with awesome sauce
    M2: Moo shu pork
    M3: pad thai with the last of the bahn mi meatballs and whatever veggies need to be used up
    [By the by, I discovered the joy of making a pile of zoodles to have on hand (after cranking the zucchini into strings, salt them, let them sit, rinse, dry, then keep in a big ziplock with paper towel). So helpful, and infinitely better texture than store bought frozen or skipping the salting and draining and drying steps.]
    We're looking at a closing date the end of October, and I have every intention of continuing W30 through then and beyond. This week I begin phase two of this W105 (or whatever it ultimately turns out to be) wherein I deliberately play with macros under doctor's supervision. And that means a run to the store for a green plantain to make patacones and maybe some potatoes to have hash browns with breakfast.
    I'm feeling hopeful, y'all! And still ever-grateful for the support of W30 right now.
  11. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 42
    Feeling pretty run down with what feels like a cold but makes me worried it could be something else. I scheduled a COVID test in the morning to be sure, especially because I may have exposed the Dude and his Mom.
    Nothing much to report here on the food front, except I had a phone consult with my doc's office and will be continuing phase 2 of this Whole 30 for at least 10 days longer. I'm good with that. It seems drawing things out is what it's about in my life these days.
    Which brings me to the house and the good news that it appraised at exactly our agreed-to price. Which means, fingers and toes crossed, the house will be mine and I'll get to move in at the end of the month. Ahhhhhhhhh! So much packing to finish up. It'll get done, though. Everything will work out just fine. 
    Now to get some rest and stop stressing. I think it's time to make meditation a daily priority again. My trip to Wisconsin to eulogize my Grandmother threw me off that practice. Time to return to the mat. It's as simple as that. . . . 
  12. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    @BabyBear NO WONDER you have such wisdom about my situation. Your words give me so much clarity and hope. Thank you! It's been a little over three years for us, too, and in that time he moved home to a rural area from his life in Chicago, cared for both parents, put his dad in a home and watched him die from a distance during quarantine on Easter; then within weeks his mom received a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and began chemo sometime after that. It's certainly been a rough go, and it's hard for me to understand why he doesn't respond to my texts, etc., and, for example, on Friday he didn't call me until 4 p.m. to invite me for a visit when he knew I had to work today and had limited time. However, he was cleaning the house in preparation for my visit. I just think he's drowning in all of it, most of all his emotions that have little to no outlet right now. That's part of what we talked about yesterday.
    Anyway, thank you again for your insights and empathy. So very, very helpful! He is a wonderful, caring man, for sure, and though I can't know how things ultimately will play out for us, I can do my best to be in the moment and supportive in ways that aren't destructive to me. That's a huge part of the learning for me here, and very much a gift. And it helps to know you've gone through this and come out the other side stronger together!
  13. Like
    LadyM reacted to BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    The distance makes it hard on both.  The years prior to marrying my hubby he was the sole care giver for his mom as her health failed for three years.  Within that year his last member of his family his older brother started getting really sick and my man insisted on getting him in front of a doctor.  Stage 4 cancer in his lungs and 8 brain tumors.  He basically became the sole care provider for his brother as well.  We lost his brother exactly one year after his mom passing.  We lived 1.5 hours from each other (not the 4 hour drive you had) but even that distance made it so hard.  Communication on your part and understanding is key.  When I got my head out of my own feelings to realize some days he didn’t have the fortitude or energy to even text back “ok” or “hi”  I remember having a hard heart to heart with him while his mom was sick and afterwards seeing that my good morning messages and my sporadic I love you and thinking about you messages throughout the day we’re keeping him going (even though I felt like they were being ignored) help me put my role of support from a distance into perspective.  I had offered many times to help relieve him to sit with his mom or brother but he never wanted me there.  I felt like I was being stuffed armed until he explained for his own sanity sake he wanted to keep me separate from all the pain.  His association with me was his happy place his place of escape as little as it was at the time and he didn’t want to taint that or expose me to the deep deep painful moments he was walking through.  I never understood his thought process there but i learned to be okay with it if it was what he needed.  After all was said and done and he had a year to really grieve and process he asked me to marry him.  He is the most wonderful man and I’m so glad I weathered that very very long storm.  I also saw how well he cared for his family and I knew that he would provide the same care for me and my kids.  Be patient with each other, stay out of your head on things. Communicate every day your support and thoughts and on goings of life even if he can’t. I’m sorry for carrying on and crying all over your log.  I just want you to know you have at least one person who understands and you can feel free to message me anytime for support.  *hugs*
  14. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Thank you, @BabyBear. You got it right 100%. I cared for both my parents in the end and have also helped him with his parents, so I absolutely know the truth of what you say. Sometimes the distance between us can lead to a feeling of disconnect that allows me to focus more on how things are affecting me rather than him, try as I do to be empathetic. We had some important heart-to-heart conversations. It's been an interesting journey to start and build a relationship while he's been the primary caregiver to his parents. I often feel I'm not the primary, because I'm not; but it's also meant I haven't ever really been able to lose myself in the relationship, which is something I've certainly done in the past. In any measure, it's been a huge period of personal and spiritual growth for both of us. And that's definitely a good thing.
    I really appreciate your wisdom and support!
    Day 41
    I've had a sore throat on and off for the past two weeks, and this morning it finally broke into sniffles. Pretty sure it's just a cold. I'm having garlicky scallops with turmeric cabbage and onions for meal 1 and inviting healing. I think I'll be OK. Just hoping I didn't bring any crud to the Dude and his mom.
    Back to my coffee and CBS Sunday Morning. My favorite ritual of the week.
    Happy Sunday, friends!
  15. Like
    LadyM reacted to BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    I’m so glad you had a good visit.  Sounds like you came home in a better frame I’d mind and lighter spirits.  I’m sure it nourished his soul too.  Being the care giver to an ailing parent takes such an emotional, mental, and physical toll on a person.  I’m sure your presence provided a small sense of rest and escape from all of that.  
  16. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Thank you @BabyBear! I think it worked!
    Day 40
    I did end up going to see the Dude for about 24 hours and it was a good thing. Now I'm home again. Packed all my food, ate all my food, and am now ready for bed. We had a nice visit and spent some time hiking and enjoying the fall colors. It was good for both of us.
    Happy weekend, all!
  17. Like
    LadyM reacted to BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Ah hormones they bring out the devil in me.   At least you have an understanding of why you feel this way.  As my mom always said, if you know the reasoning you can adjust accordingly.  Sending you happy thoughts for next few days.  
  18. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 39
    According to FitBit, I'm three days out from TOM, so my cruddy mood is, I guess, right on time, unfortunately. 
    However, I'll keep on keeping on, and eat some delicious grass fed beef. So very low energy right now, though. Pilates was kind of disastrous this morning. I think I need rest. 
    I may have a nap, actually, before I do lunch, an infrared sauna, and a walk in nature. The dude asked me to travel to see him, but I suspect that will be disastrous as well, so I'll probably just stay home and rest. The thought of driving for four hours to watch him take care of his mother makes me want to poke my eye with a stick. So, yeah. I'd better go back to bed where I can't hurt anybody. . . . 
    Happy Fri-YAY to all of you not currently completely unstable.
  19. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 38
    Now deliberately playing with IF, and so far so good. Grateful for the drawn-out process this time around. Learning so much about myself and my body with little-to-no white knuckling. I think it's the cumulative effect of all the years of W30s and experimentation. Good to know I'm still learning--and teachable!
    Not entirely sure what my meals will be today, but I have plenty of options prepared and ready to go. It's amazing to me how returning to W30 began with a renewed food obsession and now I've wended my way through to not really thinking about food much at all. It's a good thing.
  20. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 37
    I was so hungry yesterday I ate an extra meal. TOM is due in less than a week, so I'm just calling it normal and celebrating that I listened to my body.
    Today I'm playing with Intermittent Fasting. It's part of my experiment going forward. I'm also reading up on keto, and though I've played with both in the past with lackluster results, I'm convinced again that it might be something worthwhile if I'm to stave off diabetes, the thing that killed my Mama seven years ago. I know I have a predisposition, and I'm willing to do what it takes to live healthier and happier longer. 
    Anyway, this morning has been a big cook up for me after yesterday's focus on teaching. I slept in, journaled, meditated, then got to work. Baked orange roughy with fennel and tomatoes, crock pot chicken with salsa, shrimp with garlic green beans. So happy to have plenty of meals on hand. Friday is my day to replenish what needs replenishing after pilates and a long walk in the woods, but I have plenty until then. That makes me feel good.
    Going to soak in a hot tub with BFF, hit the library, and refill my water jugs. Yoga on tap tonight via zoom with one of my favorite instructors. I signed up for a month-long of Wednesday nights with her. It'll be a very nice treat!
    Look at that: a treat that has nothing to do with food. That's what I'm aiming to fill my life with.
  21. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from BabyBear in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 37
    I was so hungry yesterday I ate an extra meal. TOM is due in less than a week, so I'm just calling it normal and celebrating that I listened to my body.
    Today I'm playing with Intermittent Fasting. It's part of my experiment going forward. I'm also reading up on keto, and though I've played with both in the past with lackluster results, I'm convinced again that it might be something worthwhile if I'm to stave off diabetes, the thing that killed my Mama seven years ago. I know I have a predisposition, and I'm willing to do what it takes to live healthier and happier longer. 
    Anyway, this morning has been a big cook up for me after yesterday's focus on teaching. I slept in, journaled, meditated, then got to work. Baked orange roughy with fennel and tomatoes, crock pot chicken with salsa, shrimp with garlic green beans. So happy to have plenty of meals on hand. Friday is my day to replenish what needs replenishing after pilates and a long walk in the woods, but I have plenty until then. That makes me feel good.
    Going to soak in a hot tub with BFF, hit the library, and refill my water jugs. Yoga on tap tonight via zoom with one of my favorite instructors. I signed up for a month-long of Wednesday nights with her. It'll be a very nice treat!
    Look at that: a treat that has nothing to do with food. That's what I'm aiming to fill my life with.
  22. Like
    LadyM reacted to Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    @LadyM I need some recipes/tips for making kabocha squash. Mine was dry. I have loved the acorn squash, though.
  23. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 34
    Just back from a country drive with BFF that started in the morning. I packed a thermos and snacks and ate what I brought. BFF hit the fast food and bakeries. He's supportive of what I'm doing but not yet interested in making changes for himself. It's all good.
    So, still on track and feeling good. Enjoying a lazy weekend. Loving fall.
    Watched a couple of interesting documentaries yesterday about paleo and lchf diets for healing. Feeling more and more recommitted to this lifestyle long term. Convinced it really is how human bodies achieve optimal health. Really contemplating how to create my own food freedom forever and realizing that a much longer, slower reintroduction phase is going to be important for me. Rereading my first log from 2013 reminded me that I ended it by eating and drinking all the things on a Memorial Weekend celebration. Eager to do a careful reintro this time and really pay attention to how each food, not just food group, affects me. But I don't plan to do that until December.
    Had a food nightmare last night. My first one this round!
  24. Like
    LadyM reacted to Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    @LadyM Glad to know how well this works for you that you have done it so many times that you can't count them.  

    I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis and no thyroid and had thyroid cancer. Much of my life has revolved around trying to live with inflammation. I am hoping this will work! I, too, love the food. I am a foodie anyway and love trying new things. Whole30 has gotten me out of a food rut. I am eating to the season as well and trying all kinds of squash. 

    Are you still trying to sell your house and move? What a life situation! I guess we all have them at times. Wishing you the best this go 'round.
  25. Like
    LadyM got a reaction from Jennifer Jensen in The Seduction of LadyM Returns   
    Day 9 Whole 30 Number eleventy five thousand
    Whole 30 brought me everything it promised and more back in the day, and I largely stuck to the template much of the time, though I also saw my weight and exercise habits fluctuate somewhat and tinkered with tweaks involving a mishmash of things from ayurvedic medicine to weight watchers. 
    A visit to my holistic thyroid doc and bloodwork brought me back to W30. Their office supports paleo 100%, and I figured if I'm going to do it, I might as well do it all in. So here I am, W30 number 7 (or maybe 8 or 9? I stopped counting. Because it doesn't really matter). I've made my long-distance boyfriend aware of what I'm doing, and I've dusted off my trusted old cookbooks as well as invested in a few new ones. And here's what I have to say:
    Holy smokes is this food delicious and do I ever feel good putting my energy into taking care of myself in this way!
    The pandemic and solo quarantine life for me has, to put it mildly, been a roller coaster. The search for a house and the last minute falling through of the sale of said house, complete with packing and sorting and now living amid boxes in the same old space I was trying to leave, with the start of a new school year teaching online, amid a long-distance relationship with a caretaker and his dying mother, has only exacerbated the stress and instability and uncertainty of it all.
    Yet, W30 feels less like an added stressor and more of a great big fat YES to creating stability through self care in a dramatic yet ordinary way. Through food. And as my energy shifts for the better, I'm also getting back to moving this body gently--after months-long hiatus from teaching yoga and barre and my old life of walking everywhere (man did my life have a lot of movement and exercise built in!) and going to the gym and pilates.
    Anyway, it feels good. I'm grateful for the structure of this program, as ever, and looking forward to checking in here now and again as I keep chugging along.