Emma

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  1. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    I'm not going to number today.  Not yet, anyway.
    I had a big post started here ~ sounding kind of down, like I was feeling.  Then I had a phone call that strangely lifted my spirits.  (More on that later, perhaps).  Plus my morning coffee is kicking in.
    So I'm going to leave it at this:  I'm going to get off the couch now, and I'm going to go kick this day's ass.  Then tonight, I might have some wine.  With my husband.
    And life will go on.  And it will be good.   
     
  2. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 4 today ~ and the floor is coming along beautifully.  
    You would think, living in a home with four males aged 13-43, that I might have some help ... but I really don't.  I'm not typing that out in a bitter PMS state.  It's just a layer of my onion that I'm putting out here to observe.  
    There is a sense of pride and accomplishment, seeing our home transform ... row after row after row ... and I will always be able to look at it and say:  I did that.  It's not perfect, and it never will be ~ but it's mine.
    I've come to realize that I have a need to create.  I think, perhaps, that need has gone unfulfilled at many points in my life ... and I wasn't even aware of it being a need, until recently.
    Now that I am aware of it, I will cultivate it.  I have a lot of ideas in my mind, all the time.  I will try not to get frustrated if those around me cannot see and share my vision.  I most likely don't need their help ~ I just need their support.  Get out of my way, and let me create.  
    ---
    I popped over to Amy's log today, and it was so interesting to see her talking about her Outlander addiction.
    ...Oh, @Amy_Michigan ... girl ... I so hear you.  
    I read approximately the first three books, before I lost interest.  That was years ago.  But I just finished watching the entire Poldark series, while working on my floor over the weekend.  Then I'm like:  well, crap, now what?  
    So I go to Amazon - realize that apparently I had purchased the first season of Outlander, years ago - and apparently I had watched the first couple of episodes.  I started back up, somewhere in the middle of the third episode.  I'm just thinking, "Whatever ... it's something to listen to while I work on this floor."
    For the past two nights, I have stayed up until close to 2:00 am -- not working on the floor, because that involves banging with a mallet, and my kids are in bed -- but watching this damned show.  Last night was The Wedding, and ... good Lord.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously.  Lol.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing for me to be watching.  It made me want to drink wine with my husband, for one thing.  And it made me realize how far, far, far away it is from my reality.  It's far away from everyone's reality, clearly, and that's why we love it.  It's an escape.
    So I started thinking along these lines:  Is it better for us to shut things like this out, and not stir up those feelings of discontent?  Is it better for us to watch things like this, and acknowledge that perhaps this is an area of our life that could use some ... weed-pulling?  
    Hmmm.  I am going to keep deep-thinking on that one.  The conclusion I come to might decide whether I'm buying wine again anytime soon.  Which brings up the question:  Why do we need wine?  I'm not saying everyone does ... but I am going to call a spade a spade, and say that our level of intimacy is most certainly enhanced by alcohol.
    Man.  Now my brain hurts, and I have to go to work.    As always ~ best wishes for a glorious day!
  3. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 2 today.  Funny how I feel confident going ahead and posting that in the morning, instead of having to wait until the day is over to see if I make it through.   
    My period showed up like clockwork this time ~ none of this "several days early" business like I had last month.  And you know what?  No, I don't feel like a crazy bitch.  I didn't think I felt that way last month, either ... but looking back, I know that I was unhappy/stressed with several things in my life, and I was pretty vocal about it.  I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.  Some things really do need to be said.  But I'm going to keep an eye out over these next few days, and be mindful of both how I am speaking to my family and what I am saying.
    Yes... there is no doubt I am in a better place now.
    ---
    Imagine your gas tank is sitting at "E" with the light on ... you can still drive around, and the car is still fully functioning.  Each night, you have just enough money to fill your gas tank to 1/4.  Whew!  The "E" light goes off, and you feel better.
    Imagine this cycle day, after day, after day.  
    Imagine that your tank never sits at 1/2 ~ let alone full.  Is it possible to function and be happy this way?  Sure, it is.  But you won't go any further than your current routine.  You will have just enough to get where you need to go, and back home again.
    But what if, one day, someone handed you an extra $10, and you put that extra $10 in your gas tank?  If you are smart at all, that's exactly what you'd do -- and now, you have created a new baseline.  Not only can you get through most days without the "E" light having to come on at all, but if you needed or wanted to go further in a day, you could.
    And you'd enjoy that feeling of not running on "E".  It would boost your confidence in your ability to go places, and it would reduce your overall daily stress.  And you'd think to yourself that, the next time someone gives you $10, it is most definitely going in your gas tank.
    ---
    This is how Whole 30 is for me.  I'm not in it for the 30 days ... I have been there, done that.  I am in it for the long haul.
    ---
    I realized, after I posted yesterday morning, that I referred to my grandmother as my great-grandmother.  I sort of laughed to myself and thought I'd make a joke here about "Mexican food brain".  Haha... I blame the Mexican food!  
    But that's not funny.
    I read Grain Brain and Brain Maker by Dr. Perlmutter years ago, and I was a big fan of his work at the time.  I read both of them more than once, and they were heavily highlighted and loved.
    What happened to me?  Where did I go?
    I took a journey that was necessary, and I did what I thought I had to do to survive that journey.  I've been in survival mode.  For years now.  Holy shit.
    I was having those "Grain Brain" moments before I came back here ... more often than I'd like to admit.  
    But there is a force, deep within us, that says:  WAKE UP.  
    Like Percy Jackson and the lotus flowers.  Poseidon says to him:  WAKE UP.  And Percy realizes that he's been in a dream-like state, and that time has been passing by -- quickly.  He begins to refuse the lotus flowers -- which, keep in mind, pisses off those around him (!) because they all want him to stay in this state, in this place.  Forever.  
    But Percy is a smart guy, and he's got Poseidon watching out for him.  He runs away from those &$%! lotus flowers, and he goes on to accomplish great things.  Huge things.  Meaningful things.
    ---
    So Grandma: I'm sorry.  You are a Great Grandmother, and even a Great Great Grandmother.  But to me, you are Grandma.  The picture of strength and mental clarity for the first ~38 years of my life ... and an inspiration to me like no other.
  4. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  5. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Thanks, ladies!  
    Day 9 yesterday ... and @BabyBear had me thinking a little bit this morning about the psychological effect of choosing to eat at Qdoba this Friday, and start my numbering all over again.
    It went a little bit like this:
    Google to find out who Ric Flair is Realize that possibly everyone but me knows who Ric Flair is Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that I didn't know who Ric Flair is Have a moment of thankfulness for the reference, because now I know who Ric Flair is. Realize that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Have a moment of thankfulness for W30, because I think that's a pretty good place to be.
  6. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Beautiful day to you.
    As for your onion title - I loved it! I thought, "Ahhhh, heaven, another person who speaks in metaphors!" I once heard a trauma counselor refer to an onion as similar to talking about traumas and each time you talk about it, you get closer to the inside, but it takes a lot of layers. Onions are cool things. 
     
  7. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    What you don’t visit my log? Ha ha just kidding.  There is so much wisdom in knowing where you are and what you need and then giving yourself space for just that rather then trying to cater to everyone.  I’m a pleaser and learning to set boundaries for my own health and well being and stick to them was hard.  I hope you have a lovely day no matter the outside circumstances.  
    Oh and you get a rick flair woooooooo day 8. You go girl!
  8. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    I've quite enjoyed reading @Brewer5 and @Emma's metaphor posts on this log.  It stretches my brain a little and makes me re-read sometimes, but I appreciate learning/looking at things in a different way.  Thanks for the idea about the jobs website.  I heard about it from my web-designer brother in law once, but I completely forgot about it.  Would love working from home in my comfy space.
    And don't worry.  I think we all are doing these logs for ourselves- our own personal reflection to help us get through the ups and downs of the whole30 and life in general.  If people happen to read them, it provides an extra connection we might have for motivation to keep coming back on the days we need it, but not the true intention of the log.  That's the way I feel anyway.  
  9. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 8 yesterday ~ and, nothing much to report as far as food goes.  I love how, in the beginning (of any new journaling/getting back to basics with food), the posts ARE more focused on food for me ... and as time goes on, it gravitates more toward experiences and, as @Amy_Michigan said, sharing that positive energy I am feeling.
    I think when I first posted here again ~ some people might have been like, "Like an Onion ... wtf is this ... weirdo ..."  LOL.  I knew exactly what I meant at the time I first posted ... I knew that the real me was hiding under several layers of bullshit that I had either piled on myself or allowed to be piled on by others.  I knew it was time to find my voice again ... to peel - and dig deeply, if needed - to cut out the bad parts of this onion and be rid of them.  And, as we all know when cutting onions ... I knew there would be some stinging and tears.  
    But man... when you start to get past some of that ugly and rotten stuff... the inside of that onion can be SO worth the work.
    ---
    Amy, I won't tag you here again, because I know you're already here ... but I wanted to say that I saw you tagged me in your journal yesterday, and I did read the post when it showed up in my email.  As I kept reading, I started thinking, "Dang, this is long... she doesn't usually post things this long in my journal..."   and then I was like:  OH!  This is in her journal!  Lol.
    I'm glad you tagged me.  Because it was great to read more detail about what's going on in your life, and because I honestly have not been traveling outside of my own journal at this point.  So I had a moment where I felt a little bit like an asshole ... and I wanted to apologize to you, and others who have been here daily to offer your support and kind words along my journey.  It means a lot.  I've been on a tiny carnivore group in the past, where it got to the point that it just felt like I was talking to myself all the time ... and that gets old pretty quickly.
    So again, I'm sorry that I haven't "ventured out" more to support others.  There is a longer, more complicated reason for that ... but also a very basic reason ... and it's not that I'm just an asshole.  
    I assume that we're all familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ... but if anyone isn't, please google it now.  Not just because it's important to my next point, but because I think it is important for all of us to have as a tool in the back of our minds, as we think about ourselves and what is going on in our lives.
    I am still in the bottom two layers of Physiological needs and Safety needs for much of my time.  
    That is not to say that I'm not also floating up to those higher levels at times -- most certainly, I am.  But my two bottom levels are not concrete right now ... they just aren't.  And they haven't been since my entire world got turned upside down in the Fall of 2016.
    So I'm still going to stay here and post, because I have to for now ~ but yes, please continue to tag me if there's something you want me to see.  I do care.
    And on that note -- I want to share something I discovered a few months ago.  It's 100% legit ... I can assure that I am a researcher, and I would never steer anyone in a direction unless I knew it was a good one.  Maybe you already know about this -- (FYI I do not read the news, watch TV/commercials, or partake in social media, so I really don't know what is common knowledge these days) -- it's a site called Flex Jobs.  I'm not even going to post a link, because I don't want anyone to think I'm somehow profiting from this.  I'm not.  Just check it out, if you haven't already.  I think it's pretty freakin cool.  The status quo of the workplace is changing.  My boss's husband is a mechanical engineer for 20+ years, and they have now joined the site and have been checking out opportunities for him, too, since I told them about it.
    ---
    As always ~ to anyone out there reading ~ I wish you a beautiful day!  
  10. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Ha, yesterday was Day 7 and I almost forgot to post about it!  
    All is good.  Had some funny stories from Lowe's ... don't have time to post about them right now.  
    I've decided to do the flooring in this house by myself.  Do you think I'm feeling better?
    Some may think I'm crazy.  I say:  I'M BACK.
    My mom was like, "well you know, there's such-and-such installer down on such-and-such street" and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm gonna do it myself.  Then she's like (etc etc) and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm gonna do it myself.  Then she's like (etc etc) and I'm like, yeah mom, I think I'm just going to do it myself.  That is what I'm telling you.  Lol.  There's more.  But alas ... today I must go to work.
    Everybody have a great day!
  11. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    I related a lot to the back and forth grocery instructions to my husband.  The depression thing is hard to gauge for me.  Some days I don't know if I have anxiety from SAD or just being unhappy at my job.  When I think of how my body feels after 10 days on the whole30, it feels pretty great.  I feel a bit of an Eeyore cloud over me on cloudy days, but my body feels fine, and my head feels pretty clear.  As for feeling more energy, and acting on that energy...well, that is still something I am still working on.  I could go home and lay in my bed all day.  I don't know if that is my lupus, my SAD, or just me being lazy.  I hate that I always have to think about who I should blame- myself or my diagnoses.  My doctor says it's not me, but she doesn't really even know me.  
  12. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    I don't really even know you, either ~ but I will confidently say it is not "just you being lazy".  I don't believe laziness is even a real thing.  What appears to some as laziness is a symptom of something bigger ... and I don't think anyone is going to change my mind on that.
    ---
    Let's think in terms of nature:
    If we see a bird who remains on the ground as we approach, we almost immediately and instinctively know there is something wrong with that bird.  It is not acting on its primal instinct to flee -- because it can't.
    We are aware that if we see a possum or a raccoon out in the broad daylight -- it is most likely sick.  Yes, it could be starving (which is sickness), and yes, it could be fleeing because something just invaded its home ... but the bottom line is this:  If a nocturnal animal is out in the daytime ~ something is up.
    If I get out the dog treats, and one of my dogs remained lying on the floor ... that would immediately set off alarm bells in my head.
    ---
    So, I ask you:  Have you always wanted to lie in bed all day?  Always?
    That's a rhetorical question.  As children, we ran, and laughed, and played.  We used our imaginations.  We had fun.  
    In high school and college, we could (most likely ~ I realize I am generalizing) eat what we now realize was total shit ... yet we could still manage to go out and have fun with our friends, or go out on a date and enjoy it.
    If I see a human who wants to -- or feels like they need to -- lie in bed all day, I absolutely do not think "lazy".  Humans were not designed/wired to be "lazy".  
    It is the absolutely ridiculous disconnect we have with nature, and the completely artificial, man-made "normal" lifestyle we as humans have set up for ourselves ~ all in the name of Progress.  If you look at how rapidly things have changed in recent years ... yet the makeup and the fundamental needs of humans has not ... surely you will see why conditions like anxiety and depression are being diagnosed at an all-time high.
    @Amy_Michigan ~ I am not pinning blame on you, nor am I saying that you should (or should not) lie in bed all day.  I am simply giving you my perspective, in hopes that you will see that you really are on a good path ... you are peeling back layers of your own onion.  Love yourself through this, show yourself grace.  Think about what those fundamental needs of humans are -- the ones we can see, as evidenced throughout history -- and take stock of whether yours are being met.
  13. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    My husband has heard this before.  Then ~ next thing he knows ~ he's hearing, "whatever you do, don't buy me any dark chocolate!"  
    It's one of those things I had a real problem limiting in the past.  I'd eat an entire 90% bar all at once, then have heart palpitations and rushing trips to the bathroom.  I haven't done that in a long time.  I either avoid it altogether -- or, if I decide to try it again for some reason, I buy the small individually-wrapped squares.  It doesn't take long before I remember: "Yeah, that's why I stopped eating dark chocolate."
    ---
    I think one of the biggest successes I've had since I returned here at the end of December is conquering the Diet Mt. Dew addiction.  
    That began early in 2017, when I went back to college.  I remember clearly ... buying one from the vending machine at school, to have in class.  It was a "treat".  And I started to really look forward to it ... because, of course, I didn't keep that stuff in the house!  
    Now, there's some REAL psychoanalysis stuff that could happen (--> right here <--) but for now I will just say, this turned into an addiction for me ... which lasted throughout most of 2017, 2018, and 2019.  Three years.  Three years of putting artificial sweeteners, dyes, and a list of other unsavory items into my body -- and, by the end of that time -- like water.
    It's not that I'm stupid, or that I don't know any better.  In fact, in this case, I will say that my self-education worked against me.  Because, you see, I've read all about the amino acid phenylalanine, and I know exactly what it does for my brain.  It's an antidepressant, among other things.
    So my husband heard:  "Please make sure there is ALWAYS a supply of Diet Dew in the fridge."
    And occasionally he'd hear:  "I have GOT to get off the Diet Dew.  Whatever you do, do NOT buy any more."
    Then he'd hear:  "We don't have any Diet Dew here.  Please, please bring me one on your way home from work.  Please."
    ---
    I've been drinking black coffee and sparkling water.  I really don't care if it's flavored or not ~ there are just times when I still really do like to have the carbonation.
    And I don't feel depressed.  Sure, I have days that I feel worse than others - like when the sun does not come out at all.  But in general ... I feel pretty good.  And note:  I am saying that in FEBRUARY.  
    So what has changed since I thought I "needed" Diet Mt. Dew to get through my days and function like a normal person?  
    ...Well, a lot has changed.  It isn't JUST coming back to Whole 30.  But I think coming back to Whole 30 was the impetus for a lot of other really good things.  And I think I knew that deep down for quite awhile, before I returned.
  14. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 6 coming to a close ...
    Man, I had "a moment" again this afternoon.  Craving that damn Lindt bar in the cabinet.  It isn't even that good!  I bought those when we could not find Sno-caps ANYWHERE on movie night.  The caramel inside had a very artificial taste.  I know this.  Yet ~ still, it screams to me.  Ridiculous.
    I did have my husband bring me an RX bar from the store ... chocolate sea salt ... and that took care of it.  
    I'm going to just go throw the Lindt bar in the trash right now.  It cost like $1.  It's not worth the temptation.
    Today was good & productive.  We are finally going to do a cash-out refinance on our house and do some much-needed home improvements.  So I spent a lot of time moving furniture, etc.  I love that.  I love being active!  Winter just doesn't offer as much opportunity.  So I'm glad we are starting some inside projects.
  15. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Yes yes yes!  I knew this before my story was turned inside out, and it was anchoring point for me.  Knowing the very core things that I would never compromise is what helped me climb out of that pit.  One of those was I would homeschool my children, which led me down one of the craziest adventures as a single mom.  They told me it couldn’t be done but where there’s a will there’s a way.  I also knew my number that I had to be offered in my field to work outside of the home.  I’m glad I did because I had a lot of tempting offers, but knowing my number and my reasonings behind that number made it easy to turn down those offers.  You don’t know what life will throw at you but you can truly know yourself and what you want out of life and then throw everything you’ve got at that.
    ah good stuff for a young person to internalize now before the distractions get louder than their own thoughts.
  16. Thanks
    Emma got a reaction from Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    I love this. I may even throw it on my to-do list today to write up on the wall for all of us to consider. We talk a lot in our house about what we want for our kids in school and our own selves, but I think I need to get it in print up on the wall for me to see and refer to.
  17. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    @Brewer5 so much truth and fuel for thought in your post!  Thank you!  I would add just because your story doesn’t turn out exactly the way you had planned or envisioned doesn’t mean it’s the wrong story or a bad story.  I know my life story so many people “messed” it up.  I had to learn I couldn’t control what others did to me but I could control how I responded to that.  I’ve made it through some pitch black dark days.  The kind of dark ness that sucks the very oxygen from your lungs.  I struggled and clawed my way out of a pit I was left in for 10 years.  Just this past year I feel like the clouds have finally gave way and I’m finally basking in the sunshine of life.  Is my story what I had pictured in my youth, No! But I am stronger and more fierce when it comes to writing my own story even when the plot twist.
  18. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    I use this as one of my gauges to see how I'm doing mentally. When I find myself thinking jealous thoughts or resentful thoughts or SNARKY thoughts...I know I need to focus on myself for a bit. I turned 50 last year and I really wanted to turn 50 on a positive note, which I did. And now I want to maintain and thrive in this second part of things so I've been doing lots of questioning on what makes me feel good at the end of the day or what am I proud of over the last week, month, year.  And then there's regular life and I'm still me, but I'm more compassionate AND I'm healthier and I like who I see when I look in the mirror. I'm in process and I'm enjoying the process.
    I'm not loving the Walmart frozen meals, but I'm sure appreciating that they are in my freezer and available when I don't have anything else. And their existence means that other companies are going to pick up that ball and run with it and who won't benefit from frozen meals that are a little less processed as an option.
    I'm also not thinking about the 30 days - well, I enjoy the daily counting of days, but at Day30, not much will change - some feta on my salad, some dairy in a recipe, rice...the things that don't take me down the slippery slope.  I think I like the 30 days because it makes me clean up my act past the timeframe long enough to break out of the addictions that pull me down.
    Also, yay for spouses that like to cook!
     
  19. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 5 yesterday (I think ...) ~ and it's always a good sign when I have to go back and look at where I left off.  That means I'm not really thinking about "Whole 30" ... I'm not counting down the days until the end, you know?  I'm just living my life and eating W30 food ~ and it's fine.  
    Most of the time, I really do like having the simplified options.  Instead of considering every restaurant in town and trying to decide what sounds good, I'm often opening up the freezer and choosing from one of my frozen meal options:  "Let's see ... no, I don't want that one right now, it's spicy ... that one has too many potatoes ... ah, yes - that one tastes like something Italian - let's do that!"  
    So I can think about and do so many other things.  Whole 30 no longer means that you've devoted your entire month to the blankety-blank kitchen.
    I mean, honestly.  As much as I am not a fan of Walmart ... I'd like to hug the people who came up with these recipes.  And ~ whatever anyone's feelings about Melissa may be ~ I'll just say, I think she's a freaking genius.  I've read some articles recently - spurred by @BabyBear recommending the new book - and my gut feeling is that some of them were written by:  just, really unhappy people.  
    When you're in a generally happy place, I think you can look at the success of another person and be inspired by it, instead of feeling the need to pick it apart and tear it down.
    My boss recently told me a story about a woman who was a single mom and CEO of a company, who had put an ad out for help with her child(ren).  She said people online were bashing her, because the ad listed so many requirements.  But, according to my boss, the pay she was offering was unbelievable.  Whomever ended up with this role was going to be well-compensated for it.  But people said she was basically paying someone else to be the mother.
    Here's my thing:  ...AND?   ...SO?
    Tell me how it's better for a child to have a mother who does not pursue her dreams, who trudges through each day trying to do it all, all by herself?  And probably feels like shit and is tired all the time.  She most likely doesn't resent the child ... but she does resent all of the other daily BS that holds her back from spending quality time with her child.
    ---
    My point is simply this:  Each of us has our own journey ~ and no one else can walk it for us.  There are certain parts of ourselves that will not change.  So we really should stop trying to work against them.  Amazing things happen when we focus on maximizing our strengths.  
    My sister loves to cook ~ she loves to spend time in the kitchen.  She loves to create new recipes.  She shows love to her family through food.
    I hate spending time in my kitchen.  It's not my thing.  My husband threw some kick-ass Butcher Box frozen steaks in the air fryer last night, while I sat here and intently worked on a cover letter for an intriguing new position I'd found.  I was excited about doing that -- and if I'd have had to stop in the middle and go make supper for everyone -- umm, yeah, I'd have probably been pissed off and resentful about it.  My husband doesn't mind cooking and taking care of the kitchen, so {shrug} I let him do it.
    ---
    Our oldest son is 18, and will be graduating high school this year and moving on to college.  He has a serious girlfriend.  They are just starting out in life.
    We had a conversation a couple of weeks ago ~ and I found myself saying this to him:  
    "Each of us are writing our own story.  One of these days, people will gather at your funeral, and they will sum up your life, in just a few short paragraphs.  What do you want them to say about you?"
    The answer to that will be different for each of us ~ and I don't think any of them are wrong.  But I want my kids to live their lives purposefully.  Write your own story.  Don't let others write it for you.
  20. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    @Amy_Michigan I am laughing with you ... not AT you, of course.  But seriously, can you imagine what all these moderators have seen and dealt with over the years?
    I think it's very interesting that at least a few of us who have gathered here, in this one spot, have been around that long.  I'm glad.   
  21. Haha
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    I remember back in 2014 I wrote a message to a moderator that hurt my feelings and I demanded that she delete my whole30 log and and told her I was leaving the site because of how she made me feel.  LOL. I was more dramatic at that age.
  22. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    @Brewer5 I am turning 40 next month and I agree with you, it has been the freaking hard things that have molded me into the person I am.  The hard things have made me appreciate the nicer things.  I can’t control the ups and downs that life throw my way but I can control my attitude and learning to live above it all.  To no longer see myself as a victim but as more than a survivor. I am a Thriver! I am learning to as you put it “live each day to its fullest”
    such great thoughts and wisdom.  
  23. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Phew! I was worried maybe I said something out of line, or something irritating. Heck -  - maybe I did, but you're like the picture of grace! I too really need the accountability and really find the community of like minded people extremely helpful.  The heavy cream thing is a great story! That perspective piece is so important. I know for much of my adult life, I refused to diet. I disliked the culture around dieting and didn't like the restraints it put on me. The result was an obese me and an unhappy me. I don't know what this has to do with heavy cream  Maybe that I don't like following rules and I tend to push boundaries - tight clothing that pulls at your neck. I could never wear neck ties. Unless I wanted to. And then I could. I think part of my journey with this Whole30 gig is finding that I want to eat healthier because I feel better so I come back to it as my baseline. I remember in the old days when I first did Whole30 and this forum was moderated. I said I ate some banana pancakes with my kids (eggs, bananas, vanilla) and was immediately scolded for doing so. OMG! I get the rule about SWYPO but this was not that. This was a totally good nutritious tasty breakfast that I enjoyed and my kids enjoyed. Oh - I can feel my irritation going right up at the reprimanding that took place. Deep breath. Makes me think a lot about power and self-control.
  24. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    I'm with ya.
  25. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Oh, @Emma ... no worries!  You didn't say anything that offended me.  {shrug}  Even if you are feeling that way when you post, it does not mean that the feeling will necessarily be radiated through the internet.  I have learned that people's words really have way more to do with them, than they ever actually have to do with me.  That said:  No, I'm not examining your posts for hidden meaning, and micro-analyzing your personality.  Lol.  I've got a list a mile long of other things/people/dogs/projects that are swirling around in my head each day.
    And I am trying to live each day to the fullest.
    I don't know anyone else's ages here ... but I'll just say:  I'm 40.  Will be 41 soon.  There's been a transformation in me over these past few years, that I really could not have imagined when I was active on this forum years ago.  It is the result of many factors converging simultaneously ... and I won't get into all of them at the moment.  Perhaps later.
    I do want to say that I was not shaped into stronger and more confident person as a result of everything in life going my way.
    I've been shaped and molded into the person I am today as a result of things going wrong.  And then choosing to do things that were freaking hard.  Pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, being willing to take a leap of faith ... and being able to say:  "You know what, shadows lurking around that corner?  Screw you.  And you.  And you."
    ---
    There was a day when I (thought I had) time to worry about whether my egg+banana+vanilla was going to be considered a pancake, whether I was going to be ostracized for it, whether this meant that I was officially a pancake addict -- but knowing that I was not, and then thinking of the right words to justify sometimes eating this pancake-ish creation I made with my kids.
    ...Ho-ly.  Shit.    Yeah.  Those days are gone ~ and I say, good riddance.