Emma

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  1. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Amy's Log for 2020   
    Oh Amy - I laughed out loud at that! I was so embarrassed also at my falling apart. I'm not cheering on your chocolate eating, but I sure do get it! I guess part of this process if figuring out what blindsides us and then how we react to it. YOU reacted far more gracefully than me!!!
  2. Like
    Emma got a reaction from BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    Smiling and a bit of laughing out loud - Well, @BabyBear and @Amy_Michigan I did slip a bit into the abyss and I did do some justification about taking advantage of a slip up to postpone things, but I am still here - just not back in the saddle or on the trail.  I sure do love that I was gone a few days (maybe even more than a few) and that I knew when I came back, there would be people still here most likely hoping I was still around. I am very thankful for that and it was nice reading your words and encouragement.
    I was trekking up a mountain with my backpack, just plugging along, when I started to take some liberties. I felt myself floundering and I knew my load was heavy and I knew I'd been staying to the path and persevering, but boy - I just toppled. I didn't topple quickly. I kinda slow toppled and then went with it....quite a ways down the hill. And then I'd dust myself off and eat something healthy and then eat some junk and topple some more.
    The crazy thing is...I have felt horrible physically. Nothing in the things I have been eating have felt good. And a couple things left me feeling horrible in my head and crazy tired like I had some allergic reaction, but was semi numb to things so I couldn't isolate it. And even while I've felt bloated and headachy and fat and grumpy and behind, I've just eaten more and more sugar. And not just one, but numerous bars of ice cream. And each day, I say, I'll get back up on the trail tomorrow and each tomorrow, I find myself loving the "freedom" of eating whatever the f I want. 
    Except I don't really want those things. I do in the moment. But they don't taste near as good as a good meal and they all leave me feeling sh----.
    Again, I'm reminded that this is exactly like an addiction for me. I don't want to eat the crap and yet I do. And I justify it or deny what I'm doing and eat some more.
    But....the good news...there's still a lot of good food in my fridge  My cauliflower had some brown edges on it, but once roasted, who cares! My pork tenderloin didn't smell bad so I cooked that up too. My coleslaw in a bag looks just fine (I love cabbage for its staying power). My spaghetti squash sounds so unappetizing, but it's still probably okay.
    I guess the also good news is that I have continued to go to the gym. Laughing. I feel like I was gone for WEEKS! Or MONTHS! I just scrolled back - it was only last Thursday. Wow - what a lot of screwed up eating I managed to do in such a short time!
    So...back to the good news. I went to the gym Thursday night, Sunday, and Monday. I'll go again tomorrow. Good news....I ate asparagus the other day (in between ice cream bars). I ate spaghetti squash with the cashew sauce Saturday night instead of the store bought pesto sauce.
    The bad news: lots of chocolates, shortbread cookies, dairy free ice cream bars, dairy free cheesecake, more sugary crap.
    I watched Brittney Runs a Marathon last night and enjoyed it. I felt a bit like Brittney at times as I went back to the kitchen to get some more food to eat that I didn't even really want.
    My thoughts about my toppling off the trail....I was eating a lot of nuts and I remember my system feeling bloated and full and not being able to use the restroom and I think when my body feels "off" I try to fix it by eating things - seeking the thing that will make it feel better. Even coffee isn't doing it these days. There isn't really a magical "fix" other than letting this stuff pass through my system and then just putting the clean stuff in.
    Blech blech blech! I'm still here and I'm hoping tomorrow is my Day One again.
  3. Like
    Emma got a reaction from BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    Smiling and a bit of laughing out loud - Well, @BabyBear and @Amy_Michigan I did slip a bit into the abyss and I did do some justification about taking advantage of a slip up to postpone things, but I am still here - just not back in the saddle or on the trail.  I sure do love that I was gone a few days (maybe even more than a few) and that I knew when I came back, there would be people still here most likely hoping I was still around. I am very thankful for that and it was nice reading your words and encouragement.
    I was trekking up a mountain with my backpack, just plugging along, when I started to take some liberties. I felt myself floundering and I knew my load was heavy and I knew I'd been staying to the path and persevering, but boy - I just toppled. I didn't topple quickly. I kinda slow toppled and then went with it....quite a ways down the hill. And then I'd dust myself off and eat something healthy and then eat some junk and topple some more.
    The crazy thing is...I have felt horrible physically. Nothing in the things I have been eating have felt good. And a couple things left me feeling horrible in my head and crazy tired like I had some allergic reaction, but was semi numb to things so I couldn't isolate it. And even while I've felt bloated and headachy and fat and grumpy and behind, I've just eaten more and more sugar. And not just one, but numerous bars of ice cream. And each day, I say, I'll get back up on the trail tomorrow and each tomorrow, I find myself loving the "freedom" of eating whatever the f I want. 
    Except I don't really want those things. I do in the moment. But they don't taste near as good as a good meal and they all leave me feeling sh----.
    Again, I'm reminded that this is exactly like an addiction for me. I don't want to eat the crap and yet I do. And I justify it or deny what I'm doing and eat some more.
    But....the good news...there's still a lot of good food in my fridge  My cauliflower had some brown edges on it, but once roasted, who cares! My pork tenderloin didn't smell bad so I cooked that up too. My coleslaw in a bag looks just fine (I love cabbage for its staying power). My spaghetti squash sounds so unappetizing, but it's still probably okay.
    I guess the also good news is that I have continued to go to the gym. Laughing. I feel like I was gone for WEEKS! Or MONTHS! I just scrolled back - it was only last Thursday. Wow - what a lot of screwed up eating I managed to do in such a short time!
    So...back to the good news. I went to the gym Thursday night, Sunday, and Monday. I'll go again tomorrow. Good news....I ate asparagus the other day (in between ice cream bars). I ate spaghetti squash with the cashew sauce Saturday night instead of the store bought pesto sauce.
    The bad news: lots of chocolates, shortbread cookies, dairy free ice cream bars, dairy free cheesecake, more sugary crap.
    I watched Brittney Runs a Marathon last night and enjoyed it. I felt a bit like Brittney at times as I went back to the kitchen to get some more food to eat that I didn't even really want.
    My thoughts about my toppling off the trail....I was eating a lot of nuts and I remember my system feeling bloated and full and not being able to use the restroom and I think when my body feels "off" I try to fix it by eating things - seeking the thing that will make it feel better. Even coffee isn't doing it these days. There isn't really a magical "fix" other than letting this stuff pass through my system and then just putting the clean stuff in.
    Blech blech blech! I'm still here and I'm hoping tomorrow is my Day One again.
  4. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 4 today ~ and the floor is coming along beautifully.  
    You would think, living in a home with four males aged 13-43, that I might have some help ... but I really don't.  I'm not typing that out in a bitter PMS state.  It's just a layer of my onion that I'm putting out here to observe.  
    There is a sense of pride and accomplishment, seeing our home transform ... row after row after row ... and I will always be able to look at it and say:  I did that.  It's not perfect, and it never will be ~ but it's mine.
    I've come to realize that I have a need to create.  I think, perhaps, that need has gone unfulfilled at many points in my life ... and I wasn't even aware of it being a need, until recently.
    Now that I am aware of it, I will cultivate it.  I have a lot of ideas in my mind, all the time.  I will try not to get frustrated if those around me cannot see and share my vision.  I most likely don't need their help ~ I just need their support.  Get out of my way, and let me create.  
    ---
    I popped over to Amy's log today, and it was so interesting to see her talking about her Outlander addiction.
    ...Oh, @Amy_Michigan ... girl ... I so hear you.  
    I read approximately the first three books, before I lost interest.  That was years ago.  But I just finished watching the entire Poldark series, while working on my floor over the weekend.  Then I'm like:  well, crap, now what?  
    So I go to Amazon - realize that apparently I had purchased the first season of Outlander, years ago - and apparently I had watched the first couple of episodes.  I started back up, somewhere in the middle of the third episode.  I'm just thinking, "Whatever ... it's something to listen to while I work on this floor."
    For the past two nights, I have stayed up until close to 2:00 am -- not working on the floor, because that involves banging with a mallet, and my kids are in bed -- but watching this damned show.  Last night was The Wedding, and ... good Lord.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously.  Lol.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing for me to be watching.  It made me want to drink wine with my husband, for one thing.  And it made me realize how far, far, far away it is from my reality.  It's far away from everyone's reality, clearly, and that's why we love it.  It's an escape.
    So I started thinking along these lines:  Is it better for us to shut things like this out, and not stir up those feelings of discontent?  Is it better for us to watch things like this, and acknowledge that perhaps this is an area of our life that could use some ... weed-pulling?  
    Hmmm.  I am going to keep deep-thinking on that one.  The conclusion I come to might decide whether I'm buying wine again anytime soon.  Which brings up the question:  Why do we need wine?  I'm not saying everyone does ... but I am going to call a spade a spade, and say that our level of intimacy is most certainly enhanced by alcohol.
    Man.  Now my brain hurts, and I have to go to work.    As always ~ best wishes for a glorious day!
  5. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 2 today.  Funny how I feel confident going ahead and posting that in the morning, instead of having to wait until the day is over to see if I make it through.   
    My period showed up like clockwork this time ~ none of this "several days early" business like I had last month.  And you know what?  No, I don't feel like a crazy bitch.  I didn't think I felt that way last month, either ... but looking back, I know that I was unhappy/stressed with several things in my life, and I was pretty vocal about it.  I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.  Some things really do need to be said.  But I'm going to keep an eye out over these next few days, and be mindful of both how I am speaking to my family and what I am saying.
    Yes... there is no doubt I am in a better place now.
    ---
    Imagine your gas tank is sitting at "E" with the light on ... you can still drive around, and the car is still fully functioning.  Each night, you have just enough money to fill your gas tank to 1/4.  Whew!  The "E" light goes off, and you feel better.
    Imagine this cycle day, after day, after day.  
    Imagine that your tank never sits at 1/2 ~ let alone full.  Is it possible to function and be happy this way?  Sure, it is.  But you won't go any further than your current routine.  You will have just enough to get where you need to go, and back home again.
    But what if, one day, someone handed you an extra $10, and you put that extra $10 in your gas tank?  If you are smart at all, that's exactly what you'd do -- and now, you have created a new baseline.  Not only can you get through most days without the "E" light having to come on at all, but if you needed or wanted to go further in a day, you could.
    And you'd enjoy that feeling of not running on "E".  It would boost your confidence in your ability to go places, and it would reduce your overall daily stress.  And you'd think to yourself that, the next time someone gives you $10, it is most definitely going in your gas tank.
    ---
    This is how Whole 30 is for me.  I'm not in it for the 30 days ... I have been there, done that.  I am in it for the long haul.
    ---
    I realized, after I posted yesterday morning, that I referred to my grandmother as my great-grandmother.  I sort of laughed to myself and thought I'd make a joke here about "Mexican food brain".  Haha... I blame the Mexican food!  
    But that's not funny.
    I read Grain Brain and Brain Maker by Dr. Perlmutter years ago, and I was a big fan of his work at the time.  I read both of them more than once, and they were heavily highlighted and loved.
    What happened to me?  Where did I go?
    I took a journey that was necessary, and I did what I thought I had to do to survive that journey.  I've been in survival mode.  For years now.  Holy shit.
    I was having those "Grain Brain" moments before I came back here ... more often than I'd like to admit.  
    But there is a force, deep within us, that says:  WAKE UP.  
    Like Percy Jackson and the lotus flowers.  Poseidon says to him:  WAKE UP.  And Percy realizes that he's been in a dream-like state, and that time has been passing by -- quickly.  He begins to refuse the lotus flowers -- which, keep in mind, pisses off those around him (!) because they all want him to stay in this state, in this place.  Forever.  
    But Percy is a smart guy, and he's got Poseidon watching out for him.  He runs away from those &$%! lotus flowers, and he goes on to accomplish great things.  Huge things.  Meaningful things.
    ---
    So Grandma: I'm sorry.  You are a Great Grandmother, and even a Great Great Grandmother.  But to me, you are Grandma.  The picture of strength and mental clarity for the first ~38 years of my life ... and an inspiration to me like no other.
  6. Like
    Emma reacted to Brewer5 in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  7. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    RI Day 14 (2/13) 
    6:00 get up potty baby and find out schools in the area are closed due to flooding.  It took over an hour to get a definitive answer regarding our tutorial day.  Anyways they decided to follow the schools.  So back to bed!
    8:30 up and get hubby and baby out the door to take hubby to doctor.  It is gout in his elbow.  Poor guy!  He’s talking about cleaning up his diet to get his flare ups under control.  He’s very upset because he was suppose to be headed to Skate party to vend out in Tx, but he can’t drive that distance like this let alone lift any of the inventory to load and unload.  So he’s upset about the money loss, he normally does 5k on this weekend.  Hopefully we can get him better for next weekends party.
    10:00 M1 - 3 eggs with Italian seasoning, sautéed 1/4 head of cabbage in bacon fat.  
    1:30 M2 - LO cajun chicken Alfredo (nomnompaleo sauce) with spaghetti squash and broccoli
    Lunch was tasty, but I filled up quick.  I got all the dishes done I had been avoiding and then went down for a nap while baby slept.
    7:00 M3 - dinner out with hubby and baby.  Grilled chicken and peppers with a green salad with olive oil lemon and Italian seasonings
    Shopping with the baby was interesting to say the least, but I came out triumphant.  I had to get new bras as my others are too big to provide support. NSV went from a 40 DDD to a 38 C/D depending on the cut.   Oh and I’m back down to that last belt hole!    
    I feel like I have successfully completed my whole 30 and reintroduction and I am now beginning my Food Freedom journey.  It’s exciting and scary all at the same time, but so was the whole 30.  I am closing out this thread, and I will begin a thread on the post whole 30 log board.  Thank you to everyone who has offered their kind words of encouragement and given me a tribe in all this crazy food stuff.  I hope you venture over to find me on the other board.  XOXO
  8. Like
    Emma reacted to SchrodingersCat in Amy's Log for 2020   
    You're recognizing risk before you give into it, and that's half the battle! Some days our eating times are going to be out of whack, that's life! But don't go slashing the other 3 tyres just coz you got a flat  you can keep this on track!
  9. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    Stopping by to check on you.  How was your weekend?  
  10. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    Hope you are having a good weekend @Emma.  Remember that more than anything we are rooting for each other to make healthy choices, but we don't expect each other to be perfect.  We need to do what we need to do, and then hop back on the healthy lifestyle bus when the time is right.  
  11. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    @Emma  I’m proud of you for not slipping away into the abyss of unknown  never to return again.  You ate some non-compliant food and reset your reset.  The good news is you got a lot of the hard work out of the way.  Although you go back to day 1 because you introduced unknown possible inflammatory markers back into your blood stream the hard work of those early days are behind you.  I also love that you aren’t say the heck with I already screwed up I’m going to eat what I want at dinner and start after Valentines.  That’s a huge win.  Don’t beat yourself up.  Take note of what triggered your behavior and why, and also what the results were and if they were really worth it.  Chin up girl, you’ve got this!
  12. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    It's hard to come and post after a screw up.  The weird thing is- I ALSO messed up today and it is my Day 15.  Crazy!  I'm just going to keep going, though.  Something about valentines day, and the weird half-way mark in the whole30.  Ah- well.  I'm not going to give up, and it doesn't seem like you are either.    
  13. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    @BabyBear @Amy_Michigan I saw your messages last night before bed and I so appreciated the words and I so felt guilty and ashamed - I feel like I've let down the team.  I couldn't even write. I know it's okay. This is all part of the process and it's certainly supposed to be about me and not the feelings of others....but I still felt badly. And I think this is a good thing! It's seeing things from the perspective of the person with the clear eyes (you guys) instead of my own muddled self.
    So yes, I totally biffed it yesterday. And I'm super thankful to have messages from you guys instead of feeling lost in some "woe is me all alone" type of screwed up mental scenario!
    And I have to tell you that this morning, I am feeling it the effects of biffing it. I have a headache. I'm bloated. I feel like I want to throw up. I'd like to go to the bathroom, but I can't. I'm up too early. This will all pass - eventually all the things causing issues with my system will move on through, but for now....crud...what an icky way to start a day.
    The good news is that I did go to the gym last night and I did a really good beginner workout of the treadmill, the 30 minute circuit routine, and stretching. THAT was all good.
    The bad....well, I think the eating the night before triggered digestive stuff. I didn't poop yesterday morning. I needed to, but couldn't yet. At work I felt bloated, but was in a good mood. At lunch, I saw chocolate cake and felt a desire to have some so instead I made a big bowl of frozen veggies with ghee. I felt good about that. At a meeting someone passed out fruit cups in a cupcake shell. I ate the fruit and then a couple bites of cheese and then the shell. What the heck! And then around five I ate some chocolates and some more and then went to the gym and came home tired and ate the Daiya bars and the chocolate covered seed clusters that are probably filled with salt (because they're wonderful good and crunchy and crispy) and I didn't just eat an appropriate amount of any of that. I totally binged which is something I really don't do. And I was cognizant of everything as I did it.
    So....no pooping yesterday morning. Bloated and feeling "off" from the previous night's non-balanced foods. No protein during the day. No Rx bars or anything to eat instead while at work. And then gluttony.
    But the thought of any of those foods makes me feel nauseous so I think that's a good thing - kinda like the cigarette smokers that are supposed to fill a jar of water with the butts and get disgusted by it all (except that I don't think that is very effective). This good unpleasant reaction in my body and a clear cause and effect IS effective. Except that people get hangovers and clearly know the cause and effect and that doesn't change things. BUT, I have reasons for wanting to eat well. Maybe I also lost sight of those reasons. Well, certainly I lost sight of all of my moorings yesterday. 
    I'm not lost thankfully. As I showered I tried to figure out the formula. Is it "plus three, minus two" or is it, "plus 12, minus 1". I don't think it's that. One big screwup day causes more backsliding than just one day. So maybe it's "plus three, minus two". I'm calling it Day Zero. I know I didn't like how I ate yesterday, but am I ready to get back on today to Day One. It's Valentine's. We're going out. I was planning on bringing my own foods and sneaking them in. Perhaps I will. It's not a place with food I like. In fact, it's the same place the evening we went before starting this Whole30 on February 1st.
    The crazy thing about yesterday was the first bites of the things that didn't serve me well. I knew they didn't. I didn't really try not to. I let them serve as a floodgate. I felt my addictive brain saying, "Eat it - and then let's go get all those other things - Let's go to McDonalds" I did not go to McDonalds. I did not eat any baked goods at work in the staff room, but the two chocolates that led to four more chocolates.....that sugar. And my body feeling out of sorts.
    In our fridge is spaghetti squash already cooked, asparagus waiting to be grilled up with buttery ghee and a dash of salt. There is pork tenderloin ready to get cut up into small pieces and lots of broccoli slaw to make some Egg Roll in a Bowl. And ALL of those things (not the Egg Roll cuz it's too salty) sound really good to me right now. Except that I'm too bloated and uncomfortable to eat.
    It's just another lesson pointing out why I should be eating cleaner foods.
    But gadz - the addictive behavior of falling apart and only two weeks in. But, it was on Day 15 that I screwed up in my Whole30 last year. This is definitely a tricky time period.
    So....as I begin this day...I am thankful for other people and their support. I am thankful I went to the gym. I am thankful I have a fridge full of healthy food. I am thankful that I feel like crap from the crappy food. I am reminded that I need to remember why I am doing this process.
  14. Like
    Emma got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    @BabyBear @Amy_Michigan I saw your messages last night before bed and I so appreciated the words and I so felt guilty and ashamed - I feel like I've let down the team.  I couldn't even write. I know it's okay. This is all part of the process and it's certainly supposed to be about me and not the feelings of others....but I still felt badly. And I think this is a good thing! It's seeing things from the perspective of the person with the clear eyes (you guys) instead of my own muddled self.
    So yes, I totally biffed it yesterday. And I'm super thankful to have messages from you guys instead of feeling lost in some "woe is me all alone" type of screwed up mental scenario!
    And I have to tell you that this morning, I am feeling it the effects of biffing it. I have a headache. I'm bloated. I feel like I want to throw up. I'd like to go to the bathroom, but I can't. I'm up too early. This will all pass - eventually all the things causing issues with my system will move on through, but for now....crud...what an icky way to start a day.
    The good news is that I did go to the gym last night and I did a really good beginner workout of the treadmill, the 30 minute circuit routine, and stretching. THAT was all good.
    The bad....well, I think the eating the night before triggered digestive stuff. I didn't poop yesterday morning. I needed to, but couldn't yet. At work I felt bloated, but was in a good mood. At lunch, I saw chocolate cake and felt a desire to have some so instead I made a big bowl of frozen veggies with ghee. I felt good about that. At a meeting someone passed out fruit cups in a cupcake shell. I ate the fruit and then a couple bites of cheese and then the shell. What the heck! And then around five I ate some chocolates and some more and then went to the gym and came home tired and ate the Daiya bars and the chocolate covered seed clusters that are probably filled with salt (because they're wonderful good and crunchy and crispy) and I didn't just eat an appropriate amount of any of that. I totally binged which is something I really don't do. And I was cognizant of everything as I did it.
    So....no pooping yesterday morning. Bloated and feeling "off" from the previous night's non-balanced foods. No protein during the day. No Rx bars or anything to eat instead while at work. And then gluttony.
    But the thought of any of those foods makes me feel nauseous so I think that's a good thing - kinda like the cigarette smokers that are supposed to fill a jar of water with the butts and get disgusted by it all (except that I don't think that is very effective). This good unpleasant reaction in my body and a clear cause and effect IS effective. Except that people get hangovers and clearly know the cause and effect and that doesn't change things. BUT, I have reasons for wanting to eat well. Maybe I also lost sight of those reasons. Well, certainly I lost sight of all of my moorings yesterday. 
    I'm not lost thankfully. As I showered I tried to figure out the formula. Is it "plus three, minus two" or is it, "plus 12, minus 1". I don't think it's that. One big screwup day causes more backsliding than just one day. So maybe it's "plus three, minus two". I'm calling it Day Zero. I know I didn't like how I ate yesterday, but am I ready to get back on today to Day One. It's Valentine's. We're going out. I was planning on bringing my own foods and sneaking them in. Perhaps I will. It's not a place with food I like. In fact, it's the same place the evening we went before starting this Whole30 on February 1st.
    The crazy thing about yesterday was the first bites of the things that didn't serve me well. I knew they didn't. I didn't really try not to. I let them serve as a floodgate. I felt my addictive brain saying, "Eat it - and then let's go get all those other things - Let's go to McDonalds" I did not go to McDonalds. I did not eat any baked goods at work in the staff room, but the two chocolates that led to four more chocolates.....that sugar. And my body feeling out of sorts.
    In our fridge is spaghetti squash already cooked, asparagus waiting to be grilled up with buttery ghee and a dash of salt. There is pork tenderloin ready to get cut up into small pieces and lots of broccoli slaw to make some Egg Roll in a Bowl. And ALL of those things (not the Egg Roll cuz it's too salty) sound really good to me right now. Except that I'm too bloated and uncomfortable to eat.
    It's just another lesson pointing out why I should be eating cleaner foods.
    But gadz - the addictive behavior of falling apart and only two weeks in. But, it was on Day 15 that I screwed up in my Whole30 last year. This is definitely a tricky time period.
    So....as I begin this day...I am thankful for other people and their support. I am thankful I went to the gym. I am thankful I have a fridge full of healthy food. I am thankful that I feel like crap from the crappy food. I am reminded that I need to remember why I am doing this process.
  15. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Very hungry mommy 1st Time whole 30 Jan 2020   
    RI Day 13 (2/12) cont
    after a very long day and horrific drive in torrential rain, I arrived home to find my poor hubby in excruciating  pain from his elbow.  After looking at it I’m certain he has gout in his elbow.  I oiled (essential oils) him up and as a small amount of relief came to him he started talking with no filter, but he was oh so sweet.  He told me how proud of me he was, and how he wished I hadn’t tossed the little white shorts I used to wear (8 years ago) that he really liked on me because he thinks I could get in them again.  (I didn’t tell him those are still 50lbs away). He said how much he likes the results of the hard work I had put in.  He knows I said I was doing it for me, but he has benefited from the change too.  He said he would love me no matter the size but he likes the improvements and how happy I’ve been.  He went on to talk the things he has seen me overcome over the past 10 years.  how the arm break was so traumatizing for me and how he still doesnt know how I survived that mentally.  He talked about how strong I am and what a wonderful mother I am and that he is so grateful to have me as his wife.  He talked about taking me shopping for some sexy stuff like I use to wear.  I am pretty sure I started crying because he hadn’t really said much other than do you feel better eating like this.  I had no idea he had even noticed a difference.  
    It’s been a good day and a little eye opening too.  Definitely going to keep working towards this food freedom thing for me.  
  16. Like
    Emma reacted to Sofija Dunjic in Sofija's February log - 1st Whole30   
    Ok, so I have started my first Whole 30 with my future husband ten days ago (February 3rd). I haven't logged any previous days, because I have just realised you can do that on this forum 
    Anyway, I am actually surprised how good this is going so far. We haven't had any serious cravings (although, my PMS is killing me right now and I dream of pizza), only suffered through some digestive issues and minor headaches. We feel so good and full of energy, however not completely tiger blood yet. Considering what I read in the books, I am worried if we are doing something wrong, 'cause we didn't have almost any negative side-effects. 
    The food is sooo delicious! And I am almost never hungry, which is really odd for me. 
    Currently, we are both sick with flu, so it's been really hard to keep everything compliant, but we are managing it so far. 
    So, this was a short recap of all ten days so far, hopefully I will remember to log the remaining days.
     
  17. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Amy's Log for 2020   
    Day 13 yesterday
    M3: roasted broccoli, sweet potato basil soup with chicken breast
    Day 14 today
    M1- skipped just because I had to rush out the door
    M2- egg protein box from starbucks (ate the 2 hardboiled eggs, apple slices, and very tiny mandarin orange).  Didn't think this would fill me up so I also bought a squeeze pouch (strawberry banana).  
    M3: Sweet potato basil soup with chicken breast. 
    My husband made me roasted green beans, but I was in a rush to take my daughter to dance and he took them out of the oven right when we had to go.  He quickly put them in a container I could take with me along with a half a banana (he is so sweet), but I still haven't had time to eat it and it is out in the car getting cold.  I feel so bad that I didn't enjoy food he made for me while it was hot.  I don't know why but at the moment I feel like that is the worst thing ever. 
    My left knee is hurting which sucks.  I usually dont have any knee pain so this is so weird and random.  I stayed up really late last night and only got about 5 hours of sleep last night.  That might have contributed.  Usually I get at least 7.
  18. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Amy's Log for 2020   
    Thanks!  I know I feel less like a lump now that I'm more than a week into my whole30.  I want to continue feeling good like this for as long as possible. 
    Also, my pants are looser.  I kind of want to sign up for a "get rented clothes in the mail" subscription so that I never have to buy clothes again that only fit me for a few months.  I checked, though, and the one I found through Express Style Trial and Infitity Loft are $50-60 dollars per box at whatever frequency, and I think it is only 3-4 clothing pieces - not enough for even a week.  You can keep pieces as long as you want, though...so it's like gradually building your closet over time.  You wear them, wash them, and just have to return them undamaged when you do return them. lol, not trying to advertise...but I am going to look for a clothes rental subscription where I can get more clothes to start out with- if it exists.  Then it might be worth it.  They are used clothes, but laundered before they are sent to you.  Kind of weird, but might be kind of cool?  
  19. Like
    Emma reacted to Ktinegv in Ktinegv February log   
    Crazy busy morning this morning due to a snow storm hitting.  Had to clear the driveway early this morning before I ran my son to school.  I was starving, so a banana and raw cashews it was for breakfast before my workout.  Then I was starving again, so I had a huge meal afterwards.  Eggs, green beans, potatoes, with a side of avocado and tomato salad.  Dinner was Steelhead trout, riced cauliflower with homemade pineapple salsa, and a purple yam with cinnamon.  I'm stuffed! 

  20. Like
    Emma reacted to learning40 in Almost40, First Whole30   
    Oh, Day 4.  I was supposed to want to Kill All the Things, but my toddler apparently beat me to it. He's teething and has been sick and basically needed to scream or be held (or both!) every waking minute until after lunch, so that was that. Fortunately for both of us, I found myself feeling pretty good. I made my first mayo last night and found today that despite a lifetime of refusing to eat mayo in nearly any form, I actually don't mind this recipe. (I'm pretty sure it was 1980s-formula Miracle Whip that put me off of it all those years ago.) Anyway, today's meals:
    B: Scrambled eggs with salsa and avocado
    L: W30 protein salad with chicken, celery, grapes, pecans and mayo, plus some extra celery with almond butter
    D: Turkey and cauliflower meatballs with butternut squash veggie spirals, grape tomatoes and a little fresh parsley. (I enjoyed this meal a lot more than I expected to, but my absolute favorite part is that all three of my children ate the meatballs without complaining...though the toddler did pick it up, look at it, proudly announce "ball!" and throw it across the room. But after I gave him one in pieces, he ate it.)
     
  21. Like
    Emma reacted to SchrodingersCat in Guess who's back? Round 3 Day 1 on 28 January   
    LOL, we're very lucky - my mum-in-law's yearly Xmas gift to us is a bulk lot of grass fed beef, conveniently sealed up into 2 person packages. So our lazy dinner is to defrost a pack of steak in the sink and throw some veggies on the side
    Happy Valentines, people!!
    Hubster and I don't really valentines. He got me decorative vegetables yesterday, which were gorgeous, but the timing was coincidental!
    I ran out of lunches today, I have roasted veg but no protein and the supermarket didn't have my go-to smoked salmon. I ended up in Court from 9-2:30, so roasted veggies with eggs it is.
    Torn on dinner. I still think I might fancy something up for dinner, just coz I can. I'll have to pop somewhere after work to buy ingredients though. This sounds dumb, but one of the issues with making fanchish dinners every night is it's hard to take it up a notch lol. Maybe I can find some spatchcocks. Ohh, or maybe duck breast...
     
  22. Like
    Emma reacted to BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    @Emma you are in those hard days.  Don’t focus on how far you have to go, look at how far you have come.  Find some new recipes to try in the next two weeks that you will really look forward to trying, that always helped me when I was feeling like the time on whole 30 was never ending.
  23. Like
    Emma reacted to Amy_Michigan in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    If we have done it this long, I'm sure we can get to the end of the 30 days.  Even if it doesn't seem like it, we are cruising towards the finish line!  My clothes are feeling looser and I can't wait to take my measurements, but I'm going to wait to do that until the whole30 is over.
    I am a dark chocolate addict, but this time around, somehow I have passed on all forms of chocolate- even compliant bars with cocoa powder!  It was a personal choice to challenge myself and release the control that chocolate has over me.  Last July, I was always getting the kids Rx bar with chocolate chips for my whole30.  Maybe this time I will save that for after the 30 days when I want a treat.  Anyway, I know all of the treats at the store look delicious, but the fact that we are passing on them today is huge- we are making so much progress!
  24. Like
    Emma got a reaction from BabyBear in Ktinegv February log   
    I love the photos! I take photos of many of my meals and when people start to talk about Whole30 being wacko or unhealthy or something, I show them photos of my meals.
  25. Like
    Emma got a reaction from BabyBear in Emma' Whole 30 (February 1)   
    Day 13 - I think I'm floundering a bit. I'm still here, but not in any type of graceful or "I got this" way.
    I didn't eat much at work yesterday and when we ran by Costco afterwards, I was hungry and wanting all things sweet and savory and labeled "paleo!" or "natural!" or any other marketing ploy. Did you know Daiya makes ice cream bars now? And there are chocolate covered nut and seed clusters? And...
    There were lots of things calling my name. I ate almonds and more almonds and this morning my stomach is reminding me of all the almonds I ate. We never even had an actual dinner last night. The day itself, though, was fine, though I wish I'd gotten more done the last two hours of work - I kinda fell apart. I also haven't meditated in a few days. Meditation doesn't feel like my keystone habit, but I think and suspect there is something to it. Bleh bleh bleh.
    It takes SO much mental energy to stay focused on these things and I'm only on Day 13. It feels like I've been expending energy on this for eons. What's also funny is how well I was just plugging along last Fall without much effort and now, after the slippery slope of Dec/Jan, it's all so hard again.
    Thankfully, I have lots of stuff in the fridge so I can cook up things fairly easily.