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Everything posted by Brewer5

  1. I decided to change my avatar tonight, in honor of Toby. He's the toad who has spent so much time with me this summer. One morning, I came outside to find Toby sitting backwards in the cab of the dump truck. "Do you ever just feel all turned around?" was my immediate thought. I shared it with my friend, and we had a good laugh. But Toby had a plan. He was working toward a goal. You see ~ I had come outside on a previous morning to find him sitting on top of the cab of the dump truck. And I came out on a later morning (after this avatar pic) to find him fully immerse
  2. Thanks @ShadowInTheKitchen ! I just popped in tonight to say it’s definitely just “making a conscious decision” regarding the alcohol. That feeling hits me around supper time ... I need to work on what I can do to avoid that happening, as well as what to do when it hits. My husband & kids are all out of town right now, so I made it through tonight knowing that if anything were to happen with MIL, I needed to be sober. That’s just one day. I need to do more.
  3. Day 1: 9/5/20 -- Starting weight: 116.0 -- I've lost ~15 pounds since mid-April. That's the first time I see that I recorded my weight here. I was doing W30 with weight loss as one of my goals at that point. It hasn't been a goal recently, but it's happening anyway. MIL says the other day: "Have you lost weight since I've been here?" I shrug and say: "Probably." I keep talking to her about her fall ~ we were getting her cleaned up & ready to go to the doctor. A little bit later she says: "You've definitely lost weight since I've been here."
  4. Hmm, had to hit the pause button here for a couple of days. I might get back to a compliant day tomorrow. "This is so awesome, I'm going to eat W30 forever!" ~ yes. Been there, done that, also. MIL fell down in the bathroom this afternoon, getting out of the shower. Came down on the trash can on her left side - and now we are monitoring to make sure it's not a ruptured spleen. Fun times. It's hard for me to really take care of myself when I'm so busy taking care of everyone else. But it always circles back to --> I need to be taking the best care of myself in order to
  5. Day 2 yesterday: 8/28/20 -- The day was fine & compliant. It was our anniversary - married 21 years - and he was out of town for work. Not the first time & won't be the last ... so, no big deal. @MadyVanilla ~ I'm sorry, I haven't been venturing out to explore other people's logs or any other discussions here. Have you not completed a Whole 30 yet? I think getting that full 30 days in at some point, when the time is right can really be a life-changing experience. It was for me, anyway. But I also think that this way of eating is just the best human diet that
  6. Day 1: 8/27/20 -- Starting weight: 116.8 -- Had some wine last night, dumped the rest of the bottle down the drain. When I asked my husband to get me a bottle for the night of camping with my friend last week - he bought two. Super sweet & all, but ... if it's in the house & I'm in just the right/wrong mood ~ chances are, I'll get into it. I'm going ahead and posting this day, early in the day, because I know it will be compliant. I've already decided.
  7. Thanks @MadyVanilla ~ yeah, there really haven't been any times lately when I've felt "out of control". It's just life. I guess I'm really just riding my own bike, and this is what that looks like for me. Lol. I've said here before ~ if I end up with a bunch of "Day 1" posts ... you know, over a year's time or whatever ... that's still THAT many days that I know I wasn't putting junk in the tank. It counts. In my mind, it counts ~ and that's really all that matters. Things are going well with our son so far. There have been a lot of changes that were necessary. This whole "run
  8. Lol ... Except that if I had a child for every time I decided to "let loose" and eat inflammatory food ~ I'd have a whole gaggle of children here, and would have completely lost my mind a long time ago! Yesterday, I decided it was the day to go retrieve our middle son and bring him home. My parents were there visiting, so it ended up being a big family gathering. My sister made a huge pan of pulled pork, mashed potatoes, butternut squash with some kind of butter/syrup concoction all mixed up in it, etc. There was no way I was going to keep that day W30 - so I didn't even worry about i
  9. Day 1: 8/22/20 -- Weight: 117.2 -- So I said "no regrets" a little too early - I paid dearly for the pizza in the digestive department ALL of the next day. 100% not worth it ... geez. That's the thing about W30 - I get to feeling so much better, it's like I forget how bad it can be. Had my evening at the campground last night with my friend from high school & a group of her work friends. Drank *almost* an entire bottle of Pinot Grigio, and slept maybe 5 hours before waking up and heading home at sunrise. I don't feel too bad today, but I sure don't want to fe
  10. Thanks @ShadowInTheKitchen for your kind words & continued support. Our middle son is in good hands, surrounded my family who loves him ... getting to have lots of good talks and spend a lot of time out in nature and with animals. They’ve acquired a pot-bellied pig & rescued an abandoned puppy just in the last couple of days. So the farm is really growing! Lol. I’m taking a couple of days off from W30. Last night, I drove up to have a “treasure hunt” with my dad at my grandmother’s house - she’s owned the home for 70+ years, and today it is being closed on to go to a ne
  11. Day 5: 8/19/20 – Woke up too early today, and probably undereating overall. Just time to go to bed & start fresh. The day was fine - took my youngest to the office with me so that he could get some school work done and finally meet my Irish Setter workmates. It’s peaceful there. He liked it.
  12. Day 4: 8/18/20 – Finally had the emotional breakdown about our middle son - who is still at my sister’s (doing fine) and has had zero desire to talk to us. I was on my way to the office and suddenly just decided to have an ugly cry. My *normally uplifting* music made me finally lose my composure. I made a U-turn and drove an hour north instead, and spent some time with my parents. Because I have the most understanding employer in the world, she puts up with my life and just told me to take care of myself. Came home and got a surprise phone call from a friend ... and I a
  13. Day 3: 8/17/20 -- So, of course ~ MIL's dr appt went just fine. My husband and I both reassured her that her living situation was not going to change, no matter what was talked about at this appointment. I know what she's been through was genuinely scary for her ~ then compounded by the fact that no one else "believes" her. Deep down she's afraid she's going to get locked up somewhere if she talks about it. I'm not patting myself on the back, but I am going to say out loud what a blessing it is for her that she has us. Because I've seen first-hand: so many people do not have so
  14. Day 2: 8/16/20 – Had a pretty good day. MIL is having anxiety flare up, because we have her first appt with a new doctor tomorrow. She hasn’t seen any drs since she’s been here with us - this is the soonest we could get her in. So we spent quite a bit of time tonight discussing her past issues, how she’s doing currently, and reassuring her that tomorrow will be just fine. My stress is greatly reduced since I decided to stop picking up any nursing shifts for now. We will be feeling it financially soon ... but I do believe it will all work out. No doubt that this i
  15. Day 1: 8/15/20 -- Weight: 119.0 So, the scale still reflecting a loss over the 18 days I managed to stick with this. -- I didn't have any cravings for alcohol today/tonight ... dinner last night did not trigger any big "brain rebellion" in the food department, either. I mostly like having the guidelines, and I don't spend a lot of time thinking about food. There are way too many other things on my mind right now.
  16. Yesterday, my IBS decided to flare up. It has been pretty calm all this time. After 4 explosions spread inconveniently throughout my day, I finally decided to take two Imodium ~ and by then, I was so frustrated that all I wanted was chicken and rice topped with white cheese sauce from somewhere. A glass of wine crossed my mind, but it was not a demand. It was just a suggestion. It was optional. Got home from work ~ and hey, it's Friday night! My husband was home, which is rare ... and he, my MIL, and my youngest all decided they wanted to go out for Mexican. I told my husband a
  17. Day 18: 8/13/20 -- Thanks, ladies. Just got the update from my sister & sounds like they've kept him busy all day. My MIL was pretty upset by the whole thing ... paranoia is part of the mix she has going on, so I have spent quite a bit of time last night & this morning trying to allay her fears. He's a teenage boy with a strong will. We just want to see him use it to do good. Finally, I think she has calmed. We had a nice walk around the neighborhood with the dogs tonight.
  18. Day 17: 8/12/20 -- As I was sitting here typing up last night's post, apparently my middle son (15) was busy cooking up plans to run away in the night. Out his bedroom window ~ and left a note on his bed to the effect of: "Don't worry. I'll be back soon." He was located relatively quickly ... right before I officially reported him as a runaway. And he's now on his way to stay at my sister's farm ~ pretty far from here, in the middle of nowhere ~ and with my brother-in-law, who is a state police officer. He'll be getting lots of nature and animals, and they have work f
  19. Day 16: 8/11/20 -- Thanks so much for the support, ladies. It means more than you know. I'm not sure what direction I will go with this RN title. I've only worked in long-term care, but there are so many options. I'm going to let it rest for a bit. When the path is clear, I will see it. I do know that much. For now, I do still have my marketing job - which I love. That is a position I was led to - zero doubt about that - and it is where I belong at this moment. Rather than suck the life out of me, it brings me joy. It adds, instead of takes away. Honestly, how man
  20. Day 15: 8/10/20 – This is easy now. The food has been easy all along, because it’s how I normally eat, for the most part. After going through what I went through last week - and doing it 100% sober, just digging deep within myself - I have a new perspective. Posting about this feels like one of those people on social media who will post some vague statement about what a bad day they are having, because they just want someone to ask about it. I don’t. I can assure you, I don’t want to talk about it here. It’s not internet material. I will say, it was life-chang
  21. Day 14: 8/9/20 -- I just don't have much to say at this point. Whole 30 works, it just makes sense, and it's not anything new to me. I feel a lot better and I can't really believe where I was a couple of weeks ago. I've reduced my stress considerably by not signing up for any nursing shifts for over a week now. That helps!
  22. Day 13: 8/8/20 – Enjoying being sober. How about that?
  23. Day 12: 8/7/20 – Today was a better day. Finally resolving some of the emotions I have had to work through pretty much on my own all week. Things are looking up again, and I am so happy to be able to say that.
  24. Day 11: 8/6/20 – Compliant. Not amazing ... but productive.