Brewer5

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  1. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 2 today.  Funny how I feel confident going ahead and posting that in the morning, instead of having to wait until the day is over to see if I make it through.   
    My period showed up like clockwork this time ~ none of this "several days early" business like I had last month.  And you know what?  No, I don't feel like a crazy bitch.  I didn't think I felt that way last month, either ... but looking back, I know that I was unhappy/stressed with several things in my life, and I was pretty vocal about it.  I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.  Some things really do need to be said.  But I'm going to keep an eye out over these next few days, and be mindful of both how I am speaking to my family and what I am saying.
    Yes... there is no doubt I am in a better place now.
    ---
    Imagine your gas tank is sitting at "E" with the light on ... you can still drive around, and the car is still fully functioning.  Each night, you have just enough money to fill your gas tank to 1/4.  Whew!  The "E" light goes off, and you feel better.
    Imagine this cycle day, after day, after day.  
    Imagine that your tank never sits at 1/2 ~ let alone full.  Is it possible to function and be happy this way?  Sure, it is.  But you won't go any further than your current routine.  You will have just enough to get where you need to go, and back home again.
    But what if, one day, someone handed you an extra $10, and you put that extra $10 in your gas tank?  If you are smart at all, that's exactly what you'd do -- and now, you have created a new baseline.  Not only can you get through most days without the "E" light having to come on at all, but if you needed or wanted to go further in a day, you could.
    And you'd enjoy that feeling of not running on "E".  It would boost your confidence in your ability to go places, and it would reduce your overall daily stress.  And you'd think to yourself that, the next time someone gives you $10, it is most definitely going in your gas tank.
    ---
    This is how Whole 30 is for me.  I'm not in it for the 30 days ... I have been there, done that.  I am in it for the long haul.
    ---
    I realized, after I posted yesterday morning, that I referred to my grandmother as my great-grandmother.  I sort of laughed to myself and thought I'd make a joke here about "Mexican food brain".  Haha... I blame the Mexican food!  
    But that's not funny.
    I read Grain Brain and Brain Maker by Dr. Perlmutter years ago, and I was a big fan of his work at the time.  I read both of them more than once, and they were heavily highlighted and loved.
    What happened to me?  Where did I go?
    I took a journey that was necessary, and I did what I thought I had to do to survive that journey.  I've been in survival mode.  For years now.  Holy shit.
    I was having those "Grain Brain" moments before I came back here ... more often than I'd like to admit.  
    But there is a force, deep within us, that says:  WAKE UP.  
    Like Percy Jackson and the lotus flowers.  Poseidon says to him:  WAKE UP.  And Percy realizes that he's been in a dream-like state, and that time has been passing by -- quickly.  He begins to refuse the lotus flowers -- which, keep in mind, pisses off those around him (!) because they all want him to stay in this state, in this place.  Forever.  
    But Percy is a smart guy, and he's got Poseidon watching out for him.  He runs away from those &$%! lotus flowers, and he goes on to accomplish great things.  Huge things.  Meaningful things.
    ---
    So Grandma: I'm sorry.  You are a Great Grandmother, and even a Great Great Grandmother.  But to me, you are Grandma.  The picture of strength and mental clarity for the first ~38 years of my life ... and an inspiration to me like no other.
  2. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  3. Haha
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Day 4 today ~ and the floor is coming along beautifully.  
    You would think, living in a home with four males aged 13-43, that I might have some help ... but I really don't.  I'm not typing that out in a bitter PMS state.  It's just a layer of my onion that I'm putting out here to observe.  
    There is a sense of pride and accomplishment, seeing our home transform ... row after row after row ... and I will always be able to look at it and say:  I did that.  It's not perfect, and it never will be ~ but it's mine.
    I've come to realize that I have a need to create.  I think, perhaps, that need has gone unfulfilled at many points in my life ... and I wasn't even aware of it being a need, until recently.
    Now that I am aware of it, I will cultivate it.  I have a lot of ideas in my mind, all the time.  I will try not to get frustrated if those around me cannot see and share my vision.  I most likely don't need their help ~ I just need their support.  Get out of my way, and let me create.  
    ---
    I popped over to Amy's log today, and it was so interesting to see her talking about her Outlander addiction.
    ...Oh, @Amy_Michigan ... girl ... I so hear you.  
    I read approximately the first three books, before I lost interest.  That was years ago.  But I just finished watching the entire Poldark series, while working on my floor over the weekend.  Then I'm like:  well, crap, now what?  
    So I go to Amazon - realize that apparently I had purchased the first season of Outlander, years ago - and apparently I had watched the first couple of episodes.  I started back up, somewhere in the middle of the third episode.  I'm just thinking, "Whatever ... it's something to listen to while I work on this floor."
    For the past two nights, I have stayed up until close to 2:00 am -- not working on the floor, because that involves banging with a mallet, and my kids are in bed -- but watching this damned show.  Last night was The Wedding, and ... good Lord.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously.  Lol.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing for me to be watching.  It made me want to drink wine with my husband, for one thing.  And it made me realize how far, far, far away it is from my reality.  It's far away from everyone's reality, clearly, and that's why we love it.  It's an escape.
    So I started thinking along these lines:  Is it better for us to shut things like this out, and not stir up those feelings of discontent?  Is it better for us to watch things like this, and acknowledge that perhaps this is an area of our life that could use some ... weed-pulling?  
    Hmmm.  I am going to keep deep-thinking on that one.  The conclusion I come to might decide whether I'm buying wine again anytime soon.  Which brings up the question:  Why do we need wine?  I'm not saying everyone does ... but I am going to call a spade a spade, and say that our level of intimacy is most certainly enhanced by alcohol.
    Man.  Now my brain hurts, and I have to go to work.    As always ~ best wishes for a glorious day!
  4. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Amy's Log for 2020   
    @Amy_Michigan ~ how is your knee?  ...Why, yes, I did pop in here just to see how you're doing...    
    I am going to throw this out there one time, and one time only ~ because I think I got quite the reputation here, years ago, of being a Potato Hater.  Lol.
    I'm not a Potato Hater.  You know I've been eating them.  I think they can be a great transitional food and a sanity-saver for those coming to W30 from SAD, in particular.
    But I do have a long and proven history of arthritic feelings showing up on Whole 30 when I am consuming potatoes / most likely nightshades in general.  I get swelling and pain in the joints of my fingers, aches and stiffness in my knees, and popping in my knees and ankles -- all things that are not occurring when I am not consuming potatoes.  It's been tested and obvious enough over and over again ... that for me, it is now a Personal Fact.
    That is all ~ I just wanted to share my experience.  If it helps one other person out there have a lightbulb moment, then my time away from my onion was well-spent.    I hope you have a wonderful day!
  5. Like
    Brewer5 reacted to Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Good work making progress on your house project!!  Laughed when I saw you mentioned me and my Outlander addiction in your log.    It's sooo good.  And for some reason I find it better watching on a tablet/ipad up close instead of all the way across the living room.  I do both, though.  I subscribe to Starz every time a new season comes out.  And then I watch the new episode like three times before the next episode comes out a WEEK later.  I also started watching episodes backwards from the last available episode.  A new way to watch!  LOL.  My husband and I are watching/making fun of the show The Witcher on Netflix.  He doesn't watch Outlander with me.  Lately I've been picking up the next book (partially pictured in my Day 17 meal pic)- "A Breath of Snow and Ashes" (book 6 I think) and it has been a real dilemma on whether to read or keep going on my backwards series-watching during the week between new episodes.  Yes, I could be doing better things with my time, but as long as I'm whole30-ing, I go easy on myself with other things.    I'm a type B, not a type A personality so I take things nice and slow and I never over schedule myself (if I ever schedule anything at all).  As for my knee, it only hurt that one day!  If it happens again I will take a look back at my log entries and try to figure out a correlation between foods I eat before experiencing the pain.  I've been having sweet potatoes nearly every day since starting the Whole30 (at least 2/3) so I think those are safe- yay!  I haven't added any white potatoes into my diet so far because I like sweet potatoes just fine.  Sorry you experienced yuckiness when you have potatoes!!   I might have to cut out nightshades eventually if my face redness/eczema doesn't go away with my Whole30... hope it does.  
  6. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Amy's Log for 2020   
    @Amy_Michigan ~ how is your knee?  ...Why, yes, I did pop in here just to see how you're doing...    
    I am going to throw this out there one time, and one time only ~ because I think I got quite the reputation here, years ago, of being a Potato Hater.  Lol.
    I'm not a Potato Hater.  You know I've been eating them.  I think they can be a great transitional food and a sanity-saver for those coming to W30 from SAD, in particular.
    But I do have a long and proven history of arthritic feelings showing up on Whole 30 when I am consuming potatoes / most likely nightshades in general.  I get swelling and pain in the joints of my fingers, aches and stiffness in my knees, and popping in my knees and ankles -- all things that are not occurring when I am not consuming potatoes.  It's been tested and obvious enough over and over again ... that for me, it is now a Personal Fact.
    That is all ~ I just wanted to share my experience.  If it helps one other person out there have a lightbulb moment, then my time away from my onion was well-spent.    I hope you have a wonderful day!
  7. Haha
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Day 4 today ~ and the floor is coming along beautifully.  
    You would think, living in a home with four males aged 13-43, that I might have some help ... but I really don't.  I'm not typing that out in a bitter PMS state.  It's just a layer of my onion that I'm putting out here to observe.  
    There is a sense of pride and accomplishment, seeing our home transform ... row after row after row ... and I will always be able to look at it and say:  I did that.  It's not perfect, and it never will be ~ but it's mine.
    I've come to realize that I have a need to create.  I think, perhaps, that need has gone unfulfilled at many points in my life ... and I wasn't even aware of it being a need, until recently.
    Now that I am aware of it, I will cultivate it.  I have a lot of ideas in my mind, all the time.  I will try not to get frustrated if those around me cannot see and share my vision.  I most likely don't need their help ~ I just need their support.  Get out of my way, and let me create.  
    ---
    I popped over to Amy's log today, and it was so interesting to see her talking about her Outlander addiction.
    ...Oh, @Amy_Michigan ... girl ... I so hear you.  
    I read approximately the first three books, before I lost interest.  That was years ago.  But I just finished watching the entire Poldark series, while working on my floor over the weekend.  Then I'm like:  well, crap, now what?  
    So I go to Amazon - realize that apparently I had purchased the first season of Outlander, years ago - and apparently I had watched the first couple of episodes.  I started back up, somewhere in the middle of the third episode.  I'm just thinking, "Whatever ... it's something to listen to while I work on this floor."
    For the past two nights, I have stayed up until close to 2:00 am -- not working on the floor, because that involves banging with a mallet, and my kids are in bed -- but watching this damned show.  Last night was The Wedding, and ... good Lord.  I mean, seriously.  Seriously.  Lol.  I'm not sure if it's a good thing for me to be watching.  It made me want to drink wine with my husband, for one thing.  And it made me realize how far, far, far away it is from my reality.  It's far away from everyone's reality, clearly, and that's why we love it.  It's an escape.
    So I started thinking along these lines:  Is it better for us to shut things like this out, and not stir up those feelings of discontent?  Is it better for us to watch things like this, and acknowledge that perhaps this is an area of our life that could use some ... weed-pulling?  
    Hmmm.  I am going to keep deep-thinking on that one.  The conclusion I come to might decide whether I'm buying wine again anytime soon.  Which brings up the question:  Why do we need wine?  I'm not saying everyone does ... but I am going to call a spade a spade, and say that our level of intimacy is most certainly enhanced by alcohol.
    Man.  Now my brain hurts, and I have to go to work.    As always ~ best wishes for a glorious day!
  8. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 3 today ~ and back to work!  
    It's amazing that I can type that out and realize that I actually look forward to going to work.    What the heck?  Is that a thing?  Do people do that?  Haha...  
    I've always liked this job ~ and there were some days in nursing where I was happy to go back on some level.  Those days just also had an impenetrable, underlying sense of anxiety, because it's the nature of the profession to never know what the day is going to bring.  I can handle "rolling with it" pretty well in most areas of life, but when people's lives are in your hands ... it requires a level of constant vigilance that is just exhausting.  I did that day after day after day, often for 15-16 hour shifts.  {I wonder why I feel burnt out on nursing.}
    So I'll keep it short today and just say:  I'm so glad I listened to that little voice.  
    I searched on indeed one time for the word "manager" to see what came up in my area.  "I also have the business management degree ... let's just see what else is out there."  My employer had listed this job as "Executive Assistant/Office Manager" -- and if she had not included the word "manager" -- we never would have found each other.  That is crazy.  I have become a part of the family, and I cannot imagine where I'd be and what I would be doing today if I hadn't listened to that little voice in that moment.
    As it is ~ I did listen ~ and now I get to go spend my day away from the chaos of my house ... in a wonderful, quiet, uncluttered, office space with the two beautiful Irish setters who have become my very best work buddies.  ...Sorry, boss, if you read this someday.  You know the dogs are why I stay.  
    Everybody, as always, have a fantastic Monday.  I hope you listen to that little voice and make great things happen.
  9. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 3 today ~ and back to work!  
    It's amazing that I can type that out and realize that I actually look forward to going to work.    What the heck?  Is that a thing?  Do people do that?  Haha...  
    I've always liked this job ~ and there were some days in nursing where I was happy to go back on some level.  Those days just also had an impenetrable, underlying sense of anxiety, because it's the nature of the profession to never know what the day is going to bring.  I can handle "rolling with it" pretty well in most areas of life, but when people's lives are in your hands ... it requires a level of constant vigilance that is just exhausting.  I did that day after day after day, often for 15-16 hour shifts.  {I wonder why I feel burnt out on nursing.}
    So I'll keep it short today and just say:  I'm so glad I listened to that little voice.  
    I searched on indeed one time for the word "manager" to see what came up in my area.  "I also have the business management degree ... let's just see what else is out there."  My employer had listed this job as "Executive Assistant/Office Manager" -- and if she had not included the word "manager" -- we never would have found each other.  That is crazy.  I have become a part of the family, and I cannot imagine where I'd be and what I would be doing today if I hadn't listened to that little voice in that moment.
    As it is ~ I did listen ~ and now I get to go spend my day away from the chaos of my house ... in a wonderful, quiet, uncluttered, office space with the two beautiful Irish setters who have become my very best work buddies.  ...Sorry, boss, if you read this someday.  You know the dogs are why I stay.  
    Everybody, as always, have a fantastic Monday.  I hope you listen to that little voice and make great things happen.
  10. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 2 today.  Funny how I feel confident going ahead and posting that in the morning, instead of having to wait until the day is over to see if I make it through.   
    My period showed up like clockwork this time ~ none of this "several days early" business like I had last month.  And you know what?  No, I don't feel like a crazy bitch.  I didn't think I felt that way last month, either ... but looking back, I know that I was unhappy/stressed with several things in my life, and I was pretty vocal about it.  I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that.  Some things really do need to be said.  But I'm going to keep an eye out over these next few days, and be mindful of both how I am speaking to my family and what I am saying.
    Yes... there is no doubt I am in a better place now.
    ---
    Imagine your gas tank is sitting at "E" with the light on ... you can still drive around, and the car is still fully functioning.  Each night, you have just enough money to fill your gas tank to 1/4.  Whew!  The "E" light goes off, and you feel better.
    Imagine this cycle day, after day, after day.  
    Imagine that your tank never sits at 1/2 ~ let alone full.  Is it possible to function and be happy this way?  Sure, it is.  But you won't go any further than your current routine.  You will have just enough to get where you need to go, and back home again.
    But what if, one day, someone handed you an extra $10, and you put that extra $10 in your gas tank?  If you are smart at all, that's exactly what you'd do -- and now, you have created a new baseline.  Not only can you get through most days without the "E" light having to come on at all, but if you needed or wanted to go further in a day, you could.
    And you'd enjoy that feeling of not running on "E".  It would boost your confidence in your ability to go places, and it would reduce your overall daily stress.  And you'd think to yourself that, the next time someone gives you $10, it is most definitely going in your gas tank.
    ---
    This is how Whole 30 is for me.  I'm not in it for the 30 days ... I have been there, done that.  I am in it for the long haul.
    ---
    I realized, after I posted yesterday morning, that I referred to my grandmother as my great-grandmother.  I sort of laughed to myself and thought I'd make a joke here about "Mexican food brain".  Haha... I blame the Mexican food!  
    But that's not funny.
    I read Grain Brain and Brain Maker by Dr. Perlmutter years ago, and I was a big fan of his work at the time.  I read both of them more than once, and they were heavily highlighted and loved.
    What happened to me?  Where did I go?
    I took a journey that was necessary, and I did what I thought I had to do to survive that journey.  I've been in survival mode.  For years now.  Holy shit.
    I was having those "Grain Brain" moments before I came back here ... more often than I'd like to admit.  
    But there is a force, deep within us, that says:  WAKE UP.  
    Like Percy Jackson and the lotus flowers.  Poseidon says to him:  WAKE UP.  And Percy realizes that he's been in a dream-like state, and that time has been passing by -- quickly.  He begins to refuse the lotus flowers -- which, keep in mind, pisses off those around him (!) because they all want him to stay in this state, in this place.  Forever.  
    But Percy is a smart guy, and he's got Poseidon watching out for him.  He runs away from those &$%! lotus flowers, and he goes on to accomplish great things.  Huge things.  Meaningful things.
    ---
    So Grandma: I'm sorry.  You are a Great Grandmother, and even a Great Great Grandmother.  But to me, you are Grandma.  The picture of strength and mental clarity for the first ~38 years of my life ... and an inspiration to me like no other.
  11. Thanks
    Brewer5 reacted to Terra Milliken in Like an Onion   
    @Brewer5 that's so cool you got a sign! I love when that happens. I just put that book you mentioned on hold. I cannot wait to read it. Thanks for sharing!
  12. Thanks
    Brewer5 reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Wow talk about timing!  If you were looking for a direct answer, it doesn’t get more direct than that.  We change as we grow and age.  It sounds like at one time healthcare/nursing was your thing, but as you have evolved that passion has moved else where and that is okay.  Very few people stay within their original profession their whole life.  It certainly is not a waste if you are learning and growing as person to develop yourself outside of your original profession.  I’m proud you for exploring what excites you!  Have a beautiful weekend filled with enjoyment and laughter!
  13. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  14. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  15. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 1 again today.  
    I'm posting now ~ because this is my quiet time to do so.  The rest of the day will be filled with running kids here and there, conversations with my family ... and putting down the new flooring.  I worked on it for a couple of hours last night ~ and it is going to be beautiful.  But boy-oh-boy ... it's going to take me awhile.  That's okay.  It's winter and I would rather have a project to focus on, for sure.  It's satisfying, seeing each piece click into place.  Hmm ... progress that can be seen before my very eyes ... I like that.
    I had originally gone to a nearby flooring store and stamped my foot like Veruca Salt, saying, "I want it now!"    You know, not really, but ... at first I did just want to pay the "professionals" to come in here and get it done quickly.  There's a little bit of Veruca Salt in there sometimes ... it's good for me to be aware of her presence, and keep her in check.
    ---
    My computer was doing some update crap this morning, and I couldn't use it to do things with my morning coffee like I usually do {Veruca was pissed}.  So I finally picked up this new book I had ordered:  The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD.
    I like holding real books in my hands ... and I like highlighting.
    That's a part of myself that does not get honored nearly enough lately.  I have always had a love of learning, and I especially like reading books about the human body.  I don't know a lot about Mark Hyman, and I don't revere any doctors as Gods.  But these books usually have some great information that I did not know before ~ and, if they are worth anything as an author ~ some deep and thought-provoking quotes.  
    I hit a point in the very first paragraph of Chapter 1 that made me tear up this morning.  He is talking about the epidemic of "broken brains":
    "It deprives children of their future, the elderly of their past, and adults of their present."
    Indeed.  This hit me right between the eyes.  I have children - one, in particular, whose mood and behavior is highly affected by his food choices.  I am the adult, and so is my husband.  And I have a great-grandmother, dear to me, who is 93 years old ... and the deterioration I have had to sit back and watch over the past few years is painful.  Downright, almost, seriously, physically, painful.  The way her "care" has been handled has caused a rift in our family that I think will never fully mend.
    ---
    Whew -- I hate to end on a sad note!  Let's not do that.  
    So I will share one more thing, and maybe go into more detail later.  I have been undecided on whether I am ever going to work in nursing again ... very up-in-the-air, and I hate that feeling.  I know, sometimes it is necessary, and those uncomfortable times are often when we really grow the most.
    I have decided to go back to WGU for a bachelors in business management -- that choice I decided on awhile ago.  
    What's crazy is this:
    I spoke with my admissions counselor yesterday.  I said yep, I like the way you transferred my credits, looks good, green light - let's go.  But I want to change my start date from March 1 to April 1, after spring break.  (That's no big deal - WGU starts every month, all year round).
    Turns out, the program catalog is changing for all students who start April 1 and later.  So now, instead of just having a straight-up business management degree, you get "micro credentials".  And the two choices are:  Marketing track, or Healthcare track.
    I'm working for a marketing company right now, and I love it.  But I'm also a nurse.  Lol.  I'm like ... are you freaking kidding me?   
    And it brought me clarity.  Looking through the marketing classes causes excitement.  Looking through the healthcare classes makes me want to barf.  I'm not sure it can get much more clear than that.
    If you've actually read this far ~ Ric Flair "woo!" ~ I'm thankful for your presence here.  And I hope you have a fantastic weekend.
  16. Thanks
    Brewer5 reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    @Brewer5 I cheering so loud for you!!! This is awesome!  You made a choice, and then continued on your happy whole 30 way. This sounds like so food freedom to me.  Mexican! I struggle with Mexican, that and pizza are typically the foods that I’m like hook me up with a Sundrop or a Mountain Dew.  They just seem to go so well together. So I have not ventured out into that part of my food feeedom yet, but someday I will.
     
  17. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    So glad I could give you a hearty laugh, @BabyBear .  I was laughing, just picturing you laughing.
    Yesterday, of course, was Day 10 ... I was just too busy with other things to post.
    Today - the long-awaited trip to Qdoba - which my boss was literally counting down the hours to, she has been craving so much ........  Well, we got there and there was a sign on the door that said they were closed due to a water main break.  
    We ended up going to a local Mexican restaurant instead.  I got my usual chicken, cheese, rice (arroz con pollo) and ate it with some chips and a few bites of salsa.  The food really had no effect on me, one way or the other ~ I mean, it was good, but I really didn't think about it too much.  The company and the conversation was good, and I was glad to be able to just go with it and not feel (at all) like it was going to cause me to go off the rails on the crazy train.  Things have changed for me, so much.
    The rest of the day has been, and will be, my W30 food.  There's really not anything else I want to have ~ it was just this one meal, because my boss wanted to take me out for lunch.  I didn't even get a diet dew, and I totally could have.  I drank water.
    And life goes on.  And it is good.   
  18. Like
    Brewer5 reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    @Brewer5  I’m laughing so hard right now envisioning you researching Rick Flair.  Woooooo.  I’m so glad I could positively influence your cultural circle just a bit.  Again I’m laughing so hard I have tears!!!  Keep on keeping on.  You are figuring out you and what your best life should look like.  I love how you are making deliberate worth it choices and then choosing to come back to home base to keep from going of the rail and down the ravine of food choices.  You are inspirational!
  19. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Thanks, ladies!  
    Day 9 yesterday ... and @BabyBear had me thinking a little bit this morning about the psychological effect of choosing to eat at Qdoba this Friday, and start my numbering all over again.
    It went a little bit like this:
    Google to find out who Ric Flair is Realize that possibly everyone but me knows who Ric Flair is Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that I didn't know who Ric Flair is Have a moment of thankfulness for the reference, because now I know who Ric Flair is. Realize that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Have a moment of thankfulness for W30, because I think that's a pretty good place to be.
  20. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Thanks, ladies!  
    Day 9 yesterday ... and @BabyBear had me thinking a little bit this morning about the psychological effect of choosing to eat at Qdoba this Friday, and start my numbering all over again.
    It went a little bit like this:
    Google to find out who Ric Flair is Realize that possibly everyone but me knows who Ric Flair is Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that I didn't know who Ric Flair is Have a moment of thankfulness for the reference, because now I know who Ric Flair is. Realize that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Have a moment of thankfulness for W30, because I think that's a pretty good place to be.
  21. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    Thanks, ladies!  
    Day 9 yesterday ... and @BabyBear had me thinking a little bit this morning about the psychological effect of choosing to eat at Qdoba this Friday, and start my numbering all over again.
    It went a little bit like this:
    Google to find out who Ric Flair is Realize that possibly everyone but me knows who Ric Flair is Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that I didn't know who Ric Flair is Have a moment of thankfulness for the reference, because now I know who Ric Flair is. Realize that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Smile to myself ~ because I think it's just fine that Saturday will be Day 1 again for me Have a moment of thankfulness for W30, because I think that's a pretty good place to be.
  22. Thanks
    Brewer5 reacted to BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    What you don’t visit my log? Ha ha just kidding.  There is so much wisdom in knowing where you are and what you need and then giving yourself space for just that rather then trying to cater to everyone.  I’m a pleaser and learning to set boundaries for my own health and well being and stick to them was hard.  I hope you have a lovely day no matter the outside circumstances.  
    Oh and you get a rick flair woooooooo day 8. You go girl!
  23. Thanks
    Brewer5 reacted to Amy_Michigan in Like an Onion   
    I've quite enjoyed reading @Brewer5 and @Emma's metaphor posts on this log.  It stretches my brain a little and makes me re-read sometimes, but I appreciate learning/looking at things in a different way.  Thanks for the idea about the jobs website.  I heard about it from my web-designer brother in law once, but I completely forgot about it.  Would love working from home in my comfy space.
    And don't worry.  I think we all are doing these logs for ourselves- our own personal reflection to help us get through the ups and downs of the whole30 and life in general.  If people happen to read them, it provides an extra connection we might have for motivation to keep coming back on the days we need it, but not the true intention of the log.  That's the way I feel anyway.  
  24. Like
    Brewer5 reacted to Emma in Like an Onion   
    Beautiful day to you.
    As for your onion title - I loved it! I thought, "Ahhhh, heaven, another person who speaks in metaphors!" I once heard a trauma counselor refer to an onion as similar to talking about traumas and each time you talk about it, you get closer to the inside, but it takes a lot of layers. Onions are cool things. 
     
  25. Like
    Brewer5 got a reaction from BabyBear in Like an Onion   
    Day 8 yesterday ~ and, nothing much to report as far as food goes.  I love how, in the beginning (of any new journaling/getting back to basics with food), the posts ARE more focused on food for me ... and as time goes on, it gravitates more toward experiences and, as @Amy_Michigan said, sharing that positive energy I am feeling.
    I think when I first posted here again ~ some people might have been like, "Like an Onion ... wtf is this ... weirdo ..."  LOL.  I knew exactly what I meant at the time I first posted ... I knew that the real me was hiding under several layers of bullshit that I had either piled on myself or allowed to be piled on by others.  I knew it was time to find my voice again ... to peel - and dig deeply, if needed - to cut out the bad parts of this onion and be rid of them.  And, as we all know when cutting onions ... I knew there would be some stinging and tears.  
    But man... when you start to get past some of that ugly and rotten stuff... the inside of that onion can be SO worth the work.
    ---
    Amy, I won't tag you here again, because I know you're already here ... but I wanted to say that I saw you tagged me in your journal yesterday, and I did read the post when it showed up in my email.  As I kept reading, I started thinking, "Dang, this is long... she doesn't usually post things this long in my journal..."   and then I was like:  OH!  This is in her journal!  Lol.
    I'm glad you tagged me.  Because it was great to read more detail about what's going on in your life, and because I honestly have not been traveling outside of my own journal at this point.  So I had a moment where I felt a little bit like an asshole ... and I wanted to apologize to you, and others who have been here daily to offer your support and kind words along my journey.  It means a lot.  I've been on a tiny carnivore group in the past, where it got to the point that it just felt like I was talking to myself all the time ... and that gets old pretty quickly.
    So again, I'm sorry that I haven't "ventured out" more to support others.  There is a longer, more complicated reason for that ... but also a very basic reason ... and it's not that I'm just an asshole.  
    I assume that we're all familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ... but if anyone isn't, please google it now.  Not just because it's important to my next point, but because I think it is important for all of us to have as a tool in the back of our minds, as we think about ourselves and what is going on in our lives.
    I am still in the bottom two layers of Physiological needs and Safety needs for much of my time.  
    That is not to say that I'm not also floating up to those higher levels at times -- most certainly, I am.  But my two bottom levels are not concrete right now ... they just aren't.  And they haven't been since my entire world got turned upside down in the Fall of 2016.
    So I'm still going to stay here and post, because I have to for now ~ but yes, please continue to tag me if there's something you want me to see.  I do care.
    And on that note -- I want to share something I discovered a few months ago.  It's 100% legit ... I can assure that I am a researcher, and I would never steer anyone in a direction unless I knew it was a good one.  Maybe you already know about this -- (FYI I do not read the news, watch TV/commercials, or partake in social media, so I really don't know what is common knowledge these days) -- it's a site called Flex Jobs.  I'm not even going to post a link, because I don't want anyone to think I'm somehow profiting from this.  I'm not.  Just check it out, if you haven't already.  I think it's pretty freakin cool.  The status quo of the workplace is changing.  My boss's husband is a mechanical engineer for 20+ years, and they have now joined the site and have been checking out opportunities for him, too, since I told them about it.
    ---
    As always ~ to anyone out there reading ~ I wish you a beautiful day!