wyoinap

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  1. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    hi all. great book suggestions...I'm looking into reserving Chodron's book at the library. Thanks Deb. Back home and have to find a new "rhythm" since the last two weeks allowed me to set a different one (in a good way). Here are the things I am working on in August: 1. Listening to body cues. Tired >>>>eat food? (is it truly out of hunger or not?) and Sleep. If I keep getting cravings, think about sleep levels and activity levels from day before. 2. I am not going to track 10,000 steps anymore. I've been doing it for years and what was originally a great tool for me, I want to stop. Subconciously, when I see how many calories I burn from running vs walking, or whatever activity, it does put a little seed in my head. If my head space isn't in the right place, that calorie burn becomes problematic. So I'm a big girl, I know I could use low impact days and do high impact days mixed in. Every day doesn't have to be high impact. my two week getaway did show me how beneficial long walks and some strength training can be for the mind and legs! 3. Also, I have been dabbling with supplements the past couple of weeks. Currently I'm doing l-glutamine and 5 htp. I've been working on dosage the past two but for this week I think I figured out the right protocol (for me) to start with. I'm going to see how the next 7 days go. anyone else do supplements? The Diet Cure is a very eye opening book and has resonated with me greatly. Those 3 areas are enough for august. Each deal with mind,body and soul so I am very confident I will gain further insight within myself. CC--interesting thought on Fat. As you know I stopped track calories months ago but I do understand you have a healthier relationship with that. Fat has worked for me but I'm also fairly active and without fat in one or two meals, I don't do well. I haven't weighed in and I probably have gained a couple of pounds but for now I have to accept that. just be aware since you are active now, see how you feel for several days after you cut back. if your energy is low or you feel blah, you may need to add some back. Happy weekend.
  2. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    checking in and catching up. doing well and still "on the road". glad to see everyone is still here! you all are amazing! Whole foods has been my friend that last few days. not every meal but somehow at night we end up there or near one so we all pick up dinner there. It's kind of nice since everyone can pick what they want (though$$$$) but worth it. i gotta say i'm tired of eating bland salad bar guacomole in an attempt to get more fat in. also i haven't given a flying fig about portions especially with protein. I"m hungry and i've been satisfying the hunger. Guess what? i'm still alive and feel fine. Need to embrace this mindset every day irregardless of my eating choices in the future. staying active and busy. despite eating out most meals, have managed to stay on track without scrutinizing ingredients. feel fine. even have had diet iced tea here and there but i'm still alive and it didn't lead me into all sorts of other things. water and herbal tea are still my best friends. i see some plank challenge going around. sounds great! my running/walking has been fine but now bored. being away you sort of have to do the same thing since a fitness classes aren't readily available. but thankfully i'm waking up and moving each day. once in awhile i have those small moments where i see my body and pick it apart. But i quickly snap out of it and remind myself of the physical i've done with this body so it is what it is and it's just dandy for my age. i'm having a hard time with "down" time. What do you all do during down time? it's hard for me to sit for more than hour and just read or watch tv. i want to sign up for a knitting class or art class so i have something to work on and look forward to doing. you can only read, clean, etc. i can't always talk on the phone or go out with friends. i also think it's the guilt thing I feel when i feel like i'm not doing enough (note that I feel this way, not others). I will be honest and say when I don't exercise on a day (even if it's a walk), i feel like i didn't do anything. I'm certainly not an over exerciser but I feel so much better if I do something 30-60 minutes a day--even if it's just a walk. Is that bad? Happy day to all of you!
  3. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    Meadow, you signature quote is SPOT on for me today. I needed to read that and absorb it.
  4. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    hi all. checking in and caught up. had a few chuckles and nodded to some deep insightful thoughts shared here. i see a lot of you just speak about your days, families, etc. I'm not a sharer per se so I don't want my thoughts i may share here to be perceived as downers or anything. I mean everything is generally going well. but of course i deal with pop up thoughts that can wreak havoc every now and then. however, from all the posts, I see all of us have them! Mind, body, and food connection going well. almost had crash and burn this morning but really had to talk to myself and analyze the situtation. after several late nights, not enough sleep, etc I woke up with the SUGAR craving. I really wanted donuts, bread etc this morning. I normally wake up, stretch, and head out for a morning walk or quick run. today my body wasn't feeling it (doesn't happen often). so its 6am and i'm laying in bed thinking wow, i can't even muster up the energy to go walk for 15 minutes (1 mile), so that is telling me something. Rest day. perhaps just get up eat breakfast FIRST, not after and see how you feel energy wise. Since there was no coffee at home, i went out to get some and walked by all the donuts, cakes, etc but walked out with just coffee. came home made my eggs with lots of extra coconut oil for fat and sauteed a small container of greens. I think the last few days I've been eating well but not enough to tame the hunger...know what i mean? so far so good (2 hours later) but i still have that gnawing craving feeling so i know today's fight isn't over. I know CC would understand. I"m unable to go back to sleep so i'm going to just stay busy and hope 1. i do fall asleep later or staying busy and going to lunch, walk later (rare for me) will pull me out of it. Putting it out here makes me feel better just writing that all out. I'm hopeful instead of reaction immediately to a deep craving, I can re-learn to analayze the feeling and react properly. I also need to cut myself a little slack when I don't feel like working out (though i'm usually a grumpy wench if I don't get some movement in the morning). I have been doing well with eats and had a bite of a dessert here and there. Success was I had a bite and moved on. I did not put away the entire cake and go to town on a crazy food binge after :-). Fat and protein are things i'm eating with little concern as to palm size, thumb size or whatever. I eat to feel satisfaction and enjoyment. If i eat well, i don't crave the sugary, carby stuff like I did this morning. Anyway...another thing I wanted your thoughts on. I am REALLY tired of my family's comments on how much I can "put away" at meals. I mean I eat vegetables and protein. And I am not stuffing myself. But if I'm still hungry, I eat more veggies and bit more protein. I'm not sure why they feel they have to comment on that. Sure someone may eat a 2 taco plate but they eat the chips, salsa, rice, beans, etc. I'm not doing that. I don't really engage much in the conversation and smile but I get the volume of my food is big but enough already. Also, i eat only 3 time a day. Not 3 plus a snack here and there. I know I don't need to explain to you all but it's so annoying. Just venting. if you read this far, thanks!
  5. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    Meadow.... If you are in wy - not sure if you are revealing that :-) or not --- I'm here too lol. I'm visiting and at CFD for a couple of days! Small world. I may not "get" all your pics but I recognized those immediately! Ladies-- cowboys galore. All ages, sizes and demeanors.
  6. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    Meadow, Are you in Cheyenne?!
  7. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    Hi all. quick check in. seems like all are doing well and humor is still in tact :-) i'm travelling. so far so good. visiting family and enjoying time. trying to stay present in the moment and not be too sensitive. everyone means well and carrying on to past baggage isn't going to help me. it will in fact drag me down. having fun with family and food. this trip is giving me good challenges i need to face. my emotions, my reactions, nourishing myself and balancing work and play. it's only day 3 but so far so good. i take it day by day speaking of food....im learning when engaged and busy, i don't think too much about food. yes, too much time lapses between meals (more than 6-7 hours) but i'm okay. it's amazing how emotions dictate so much. sugar cravings kick in when time really has lapsed between meals so work hard on drinking water and staying busy to get to next meal. (trying not to snack) workouts are challenging in that i'm out of my routine. but i'm taking this as a new challenge to try different things and focus on doing the "same" workouts as home isn't the goal. getting active and getting a good release is. In other words, I have to be creative! i'm having FUN! Yay me! PS: i started drinking kombucha (GT brand) since i didn't have access to my sauerkraut. I drink half a bottle a day...no issues. i didn't give me any problems nor did it move things along. so maybe my gut is balanced (?) and there is no sugar in the ingredient list on the flavors i tried.
  8. wyoinap

    Too much fat?

    I have found I go well above what the template suggests though some moderators like Tom do support more fat. for example, I cook veggies and meat in lots of ghee, then add 1/2 avocado to the same meal and at times, when my hunger has been raging over from meal 1 or 2, I'll even drizzle more ghee on top of that meal. For some people, they prefer more protein but I mix it up where I have extra fat some days or more protein on others in meals. Sometimes I marvel at how my eating has changed (for the better).
  9. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    CC, you are right. Let's move to what we have been working on to help us each day or moment. Morning exercise 3 large meals a day (no snacks for now) every 5 hours usually. I love vegetables so honestly I have to hold back on eating more. I'm learning I can enjoy them in abudundance but there is a thing as eating too many in one sitting. I'm working on adding snacks but for now may add large cup of tea with coconut milk if necessary. I'm not comfortable with this yet. and the steamed fish + broccoli test is a great gage for me when I get "antsy". I have not reintro'd much new stuff (I've been grain free for a number of years now sans a wedding/birthday cake taste here and there) Staying busy and doing things that feel purposeful to me. caring for family, cooking, friends, work, etc. Like CC said, food is the thing my mind races to in any down time or dire situations. keeping mind and hands busy is helpful.
  10. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    I so get the bridge analogy with the intent of weakening it (or destroying it for me) by stopping the same thoughts that keep it erect time and time again. Yesterday, gawd I battled some serious binge thoughts even though I ate to fullness and satisfaction. I did what I've practiced the past few days and just sat with the thoughts (read, watched tv, etc). It's the Full feeling that makes me want to purge. It's just an uncomfortable feeling for me when I'm dealing with anxiety. My anxiety is what many of you deal with everyday but I deal with differently. Turning to binging and purging for many years was my way of dealing with emotional release. I grew up in strict environment, was very shy, didn't have confidence in my appearance and was socially isolated for looking different. yes I was called fat, etc. You'd think I'd get over it but for so many years I had nobody to talk to, nobody to confide in. It was awful. I think when you form a habit of dealing with anything stressing you out, it takes over. Soon it became about being thin and pretty. so couple an inability to deal with emotional issues or having someone to talk to and then throw in self image improvement, I unwillingly created a horrific storm for myself in my 20's that led me here to today in my 40's. While I've had on/off years and then times where I was simply out of control because of all the anxiety…I am truly reeducating myself on all this. Several years ago, I took on the mantra I want to FIT and Healthy. Yes, I exercise regularly but I was now doing it for a purpose (a release, setting goals of half marathons, etc). This allowed me to view food as fuel which was a turning point for me in terms of eating good, nutritious food. As i've gotten stronger, I don't want to mess too much with my eating because I won't have the strength and energy to do my runs, walks, or whatever i'm doing on any given day. I also know i'm was getting my health, organs, etc back in order. For a year or so, I saw my patterns of exercising being great. I never exceeded an hour but I began to notice if I didn't get a release, I was an anxiety filled mess. So in some ways, I did remove the purging but I replaced with something I needed to do every day. Mind you, every day was not intense. Nor did you catch me working out at midnight. Basically I like doing a workout in the morning first thing. It starts my day off right (similar to showering, brushing your teeth etc). I still do this to this day except I cut out running 5 days a week to 3 and only do short runs. The other days I do group classes (i do not engage in cross fit or anything remotely close to that) The whole30 way of eating has been amazing. I get to EAT! I love to eat good food and not think twice about it. So my I have two goals: 1. to get with my recovery. I am nearing what would have been 2 years without binging/purging. I made it to 15months last year. I intend to make it longer but know I have to do more "mental" work this time. Mental meaning learning to deal with anxiety and not let that lead me to binge/purge. 2. After I get a handle on the emotional stuff, I think I need a good 3-4 weeks, I'm going to work on the food part. I think I will always eat along these lines but just no scrutinize ingredients when I go out. However, I want to reintro some foods. before the whole 30 a few months ago, I ate dark chocolate or coconut ice cream every night (i was carb loading for runs). Now that I'm not using sugar for energy and relying on fat, I want to still be able to freely (mentally) enjoy these foods. I look at my family and friends and I just want to be "normal" like emotionally around food. If I'm in a good place mentally (which is most days), I'm fine. But if something even remotely small is gnawing at my insides, I'm a sugar, binge craving lunatic. I've got to get control of the mental part now. I'm always working on it but I know i'm almost there as I'm slowly peeling back layers and learning to feel the discomfort of things because there will always be ups and downs in life. So when I say I'm sitting on it…I mean i'm sitting on the fullness of the meal and holding the emotions in but dealing with them. Purging the food will give relief BUT for a second. I will only fill back the emotional turmoil ten fold because now i'm still dealing with the damn issues bugging me but also the GUILT of going back to square one. I value my health, i value my life, i value my family and i know the powers above have been looking out for me so I have no choice but to press on and know I am getting there inch by inch.
  11. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    wow….i have to to refrain from watching any cooking shows especially ones with baking! it just makes me want things so it's best to avoid watching images in front of my face. LOL.
  12. wyoinap

    Legs feeling very heavy last few days

    yes still whole30 stress is there but i take time to sit and do nothing (i force it) i've been sleeping 7-8 hours so that's not an issue. I wonder if i'm burn out on running even though i only do it 3-4 times a week (4 miles or less). I cut back on any longer distances awhile ago. i do wonder if i'm a fat burner now and that may be it…. I sweat a lot more quickly than i used to but then again my short runs I incorporate HIIT. I do a lot less steady runs at about the same pace. I realized awhile ago it was getting me nowhere in terms of fitness. any thoughts on the fat burning thing?
  13. B.C., I haven't off roared too much but have eaten out and not asked about oils etc. Alcohol I've had a drink or two of rum and diet but honestly didn't really excite me…know what I mean? And I ate out that same weekend I had alcohol and got a subway salad with grilled chicken and olives and other "compliant" veggies. I felt like crap and was stopped up all day the next day (sorry, TMI). Well look up the ingredients of subway grilled chicken breast…GROSS. Seriously--brown sugar, gluten and bunch of other garbage in a chicken breast? It's easier for me to stay on the plan when eating out but I don't scrutinize over oils etc. We ate a peruvian restaurant yesterday and I started with a plate of olives in oil, had the peruviian chicken with salad topped with their hot sauce. I was fine but truthfully, eating out leaves me hungry as I don't have the extra veggies available to me that I"m used to eating. If anything, restricting is causing me to want to "binge" so I work hard every day to make sure I eat til i'm FULL. Not stuffed but FULL. It's hard but I'm better for it. Guess that's what I have truly learned. EAT. Eat well and nourish myself. and deal with my anxiety (i stress about everything). And I really don't want to take meds for that so I have to work on my inner thoughts and self. every. day. Sorry the the novel but that's where I"m at.
  14. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    Dear group, Thank you for opening up your hearts and your life journeys. I'm not ready to share just yet but have been battling "food" as a release for over 20 years. I cannot believe I even wrote that…20+ friggin' years. Ugh. I've won the battle many times and then sunk low and back into. The whole30 really truly released me from a lot (counting, tracking, etc). Now I just need to work on FOOD not being my source of comfort or release when I have something or anxiety making me uncomfortable. At this very moment I came home from riding bikes with my lovely family. We had gone out to lunch and I had a decent meal of salad, grilled chicken with olives. But I'm still hungry. but i ask myself am i hungry enough to eat broccoli and fish. the answer is NO. But I still want to EAT. Something is giving me anxiety and of course, I want to do what I've always done the in past is eat a crap ton of junk and go purge it. It disgusts me to even write that. So I'm sitting here on the couch and watching tv. Because I need to learn to Sit with these emotions and get through it. Breathe, focus on how far I've come and take it meal by meal. Some weeks are so effortless and one day it all just derails. It amazes me how that happens. I try to live day to day and always picture my future days in a healthy, happy context so I recognize that recovery is very important to me and I fight every damn day for it (in addition to being a wife, mother, working gal, friend, etc). There is so much for me to live for, I just wish my body image issues didn't affect me as much as they do. It sucks-for lack of a better word. Last night I sadly went to bed thinking I wish I struggled with NOT eating than having to be someone who likes to eat. I feel awful thinking that but I'm so sick of the daily mental struggle. I'm enough to those around me, why the he** can't I be enough for myself? Your words do lift me and remind me of all the good I have going for me and also we all have demons we are grappling with. I wish my demon I battle wasn't anxiety and food as my "answer".
  15. wyoinap

    Dirty 30 "Best Group on W30"

    okay, I'm from the june 1st group but have read all the posts during and currently with this group. And what an amazing group you are. I can relate to many of your but mostly CC and Laurie. You all remind me to take the good with the bad but focus on the good. It's comforting to know as a grown woman that others (all normal functioning adults) have "issues" that we are all working on. It's easy for some, a daily minute by minute struggle. I just want to say thanks and appreciate all of your honest posts and support you offer (and unknowingly the support you offer to forum members like me).