So I had a really rough year in 2013 and it's definitely brought me a new perspective coming into 2014 and my 4th Whole30. I completed my first Whole 30 in September 2012 and I have to admit, I did it for all of the wrong reasons. I was training for my 2nd marathon in 4 months, cross fitting 3-4 times per week, and working a very active job at the time. I wasn't eating enough and felt like crap most of the month, but I did see gains at the box. While I looked really fit at the time and was the skinniest I've ever been, I was also exhausted, miserable, and still unhappy with the number on the scale at the end of the 30 days. I mean, I only lost 6 pounds and I was exercising like a crazy personâ€¦how could I not be within my normal BMI yet?
Long story short, I decided then that I needed to get rid of my scale. It wasn't doing me any favors to keep weighing myself because all I did was feel bad about the numbers and make myself more miserable. And then I got injuredâ€¦meaning that most of last year, I couldn't work out. Want to know what happened? Yea, I gained about 40lbs back because I threw a healthy diet out the window and never really learned how to treat my body well. I used exercise to compensate for the 80% paleo, 20% junk diet and once I couldn't do that anymore, I didn't know what else to do. It's funny though, I knew I had gained weight back but I hadn't stepped on a scale in months. I didn't feel awesome about myself but I didn't feel horrible either. I wasn't obsessed with my weight and just lived with it until the doctor made me step on a scale. It's funny, I hadn't actually really connected how weighing myself changed my attitude about my body and affected my self-esteem until that moment. I started sobbing in the doctors office on the scale because I couldn't believe what it said. I haven't been back on the scale since then and absolutely refuse to see the number from now on. I don't want to define my self-worth by 3 numbers.
Going into this W30 and this year, I'm still rehabbing my two injuries. I'm back in the box and working out, but still need to take it easy. I'm hoping to get back into running at some point since I enjoyed it, but have no desire to run as many distance races as I was doing in 2012. I'm working on slowly improving my health through my diet and hopefully becoming a stronger, healthier, more fit me. My new mantra this year is "Will the decision you're making right now help you with your health and fitness goals this year?" It's not about my weight or looking skinny for the first time in my life. It's about being aware of my decisions, including what I'm eating and why I'm eating it, and how they affect what I'd like to accomplish in life.
Good luck to everyone! It's a battle to get separate your self-worth from the scale, but it's awfully peaceful on the other side when you get there. In this case, the grass really is greener on the other side.