fmb16 started following Not doing this for the right reasons--history of eating disorders
fmb16 posted a topic in Troubleshooting your Whole30Hi all, I'm on day 7 of my second Whole30, and it's becoming pretty clear to me that I'm not doing this for the right reasons. As background, I have a history of pretty severe eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia through all of my teenage years--I'm 24 now) and have considered myself pretty much recovered for the past 4-ish years. However, I've definitely noticed some (by my assessment) pretty garden-variety disordered eating tendencies in the past year: restricting my calories a bit, but not to particularly unhealthy levels, feeling a little compulsive about exercising but not overdoing it by any objective standards, &c. I started this Whole30 partly because I had been eating junk throughout the holidays and my sugar dragon was in full force, but, if I'm being honest with myself, my primary motivation was to lose the couple pounds I had gained over the past few weeks. I recently lost a fair amount of weight due to loss of appetite after a bad breakup and was hovering a little above the underweight mark, and I was feeling uncomfortable after gaining 3-ish pounds. I know that the Whole30 is not intended to be a weight loss program by any means, but I've definitely been using it that way this time around: I've been weighing myself, which I know is totally against the rules, and counting (and restricting) calories, which I know is strongly discouraged. I'm also running 30 miles a week, which is normal for me, but I'm aware that I'm consciously undereating based on my activity level. Given all of that, I'm having some serious doubts about whether I should continue this Whole30. I'm clearly not doing this right--or for the right reasons--at the moment, but I'm not sure whether it's better to stick with it and try to work on my relationship with food while on the Whole30, or whether I should stop doing this and take some time to work on these issues in a different way. I've read the "Dear Melissa" piece about doing the Whole30 when you have a history of eating disorders, but I'm still at a loss about what I should do. On the one hand, I'm getting the sense that this might not be the best thing for me, at least at this time; on the other hand, I feel pretty guilty and anxious at the idea of not finishing this. I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something like this before, or any thoughts or advice that any of you might have.