Thanks @BabyBear ~ I appreciate your support.
This journey back to food that is not causing a chemical shit-show in my brain and my entire body ... it is very, very much like quitting smoking. We've had discussions on the forum about this in the past. I don't think the majority of people are aware of how much food really does interact with every part of our being.
I can go one day, EASY. And I feel better -- good! Productive! Two days ... probably even easier. Things start to become habit again.
It's day 3 that is the hardest for smokers. They say it's because after 72 hours, all of the nicotine is gone from your body. But we all know there's more to it than that.
It's those layers of myself and how I got to this point that I need to peel back here. And it can be downright painful.
We self-medicate with food, smoking, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling ... and our brain is literally wired to expect those big hits of dopamine. Not only do we have withdrawal symptoms from the absence of whatever we have removed ~ but we have to FACE those things we were self-medicating for in the first place. Whew. Ugly.
The great news is -- I am a strong and confident person. I have grown and learned so much. I love myself for who I am. And I really don't engage in the "beat myself up" behavior. So what you are saying resonates with me.
If I have 50 "Day 1's" throughout this year ... that's still 50 days of good eating that I wouldn't have had otherwise. Lol. That's not my goal ... but it IS a tiny win.