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bumblebeebottle last won the day on October 6 2019

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  1. A few more months into this life and things are pretty stagnant. I am feeling the New Years Resolution itch, but still not sure I can dive in to a whole30. I haven't been wanting meat lately. I just want to eat veggies until I'm full. Over the holidays I've had plenty of junk, enough for me to want to reset. I have decided the 2020 will be the year that I do the hard thing. The hard thing is to take the risk and leave my current job. Last week I was all in on this idea, and now this morning, just like most things, I started talking myself out of it! I've been in the same job with the SAME
  2. I don't know what is going on with me but I find this journal totally unfinished. It has been 8 months of going back and forth between hating diets and never wanting to do them again, to trying to do very restrictive diets. This cycle goes around and around. At times I think I need therapy, but what's interesting is even though I'm no smaller than I was in February of this year, I am so much stronger. I love my body! Except when it's photographed but that's another story. I'm so much clearer on how I want to live my life. I just have this terrible time with executing. My future self would comp
  3. I woke up with some clarity that today is my day to start. I have some obstacles coming up, but I can't put this off any more. I have to hop off the roller coaster of dieting mentality and it starts today.
  4. I had a nice whole30 dinner of steak, roasted cauliflower, carrots and pan fried potatoes last night. I am still not on whole30 but trying a food-freedom type of approach until I have a solid 30 days where it won't be stressful to say no to things. After that healthy dinner I ate a non-whole30, non-paleofied brownie last night. The sweetness and richness of it compelled me to continue to pick at the half of a brownie I had left behind until the whole thing was gone. This was in no way a binge, it was concerted decision, and I ate a typical serving of one brownie. Even though I was super satisf
  5. Day 4 without dairy and I am feeling itchy. An itch I haven't felt in a while. I wonder if it is my slight increase or carbs or some sort of reaction to lacking dairy. My skin overall is dry. I don't want dry skin. My energy is starting to get good. My mood is stabilizing in terms of irritability. But I am sad today, feeling some feelings about my mother... less just my mom and more about the loss of my parents' devoted marriage. I'm trying to live the feelings and love myself today. I'm taking the time to write. I'm going to pilates. I'm having my father over for dinner so we can be toge
  6. I can't believe my last entry was 3.5 months ago and I am really in the same place I was where I left off. I have been about 80/20 consistent, and my weight is stable. My friends tell me that not gaining weight over the holidays after losing a loved one is a victory. I suppose they are correct. It was an exhausting few months. My energy is improving and I attribute it to not giving up on my pursuit of wellness. I have slipped. I've had some grain/sugar/alcohol indulgences over the past 3 months, but no major hangovers, no indulgences lasting more than a few meals. I have had moments of feeling
  7. I am starting to feel better, though I know the lack of sugar is making me a bit... irritable. It's interesting going through a little withdrawal without doing an actual W30, maybe it will make my w30 easier when I get there. Weighed myself today and I'm down over 3 lb since last week. Nice to have the bloat gone. This is not about weight loss, but it's nice that I'm not feeling that pudge. I am not a halloween candy type of person, and it doesn't even tempt me, but with the road I was on, I would have had at least a couple of pieces "just because" and then I would have eaten some cracker/salt
  8. I really didn't know how to label this journal, I just threw something up there and not really sure if it means anything. I am a whole30 believer, starting back in 2015, but I didn't do it 100% correctly, I just followed food rules, so in fact I've never seen through a whole30 utilizing the template and hunger cues. Even still, I felt so amazing back then. The problem was that doing the whole30 this way, I was still fixated on the scale. When I was in my paleo glory, I got to around 153 lb and was pretty lean and I have to say in retrospect that is where my body thrives (I am 5'9"). I got caug