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Found 1 result

  1. Call me Phoenix. I started the Whole30 on March 17th 2018. It was absolute hell. I've never had my body feel worse. For 10 straight days I had a pounding headache/migraine, I had no strength in my body, I couldn't sleep, and I just felt completely miserable. I could hardly move around the house. Granted, all I had been eating was carbs, dairy, sugar and more sugar, so I knew stopping it all at once would be harsh, but I felt it had to be done. I didn't except the fallout to be so hard on my body; that was a wake up call. Then day 10 hit, and I don't know if it was some new medication I started for anxiety or what, but s--- hit the fan. I went from following the plan completely for 10 days to running out to the store for some lemon juice and coming back with a handful of candy bars, 4 slices of pizza from Pizza Pipeline, and devouring half a carton of Tillamook ice cream with 2 cans of diet and caffeine free soda. And I hated myself for it, because I instantly felt better. My headache went away, I got my energy back, and I've slept better last night and today than I can remember sleeping in weeks. But then the reality hit me. I was 10 days in to the Whole30, and I threw it all down the drain. And my cravings for junk are worse than today than they were yesterday. At my heaviest, I was 280lbs. Before my binge yesterday, I was at 225lbs. This morning, I was back up to 230lbs. Is that even possible? Did I eat 5lbs worth of crap? I'm totally devastated. Not only do I have to start over completely (Yes, I absolutely have to start over 100%) I have no idea what made me break so badly yesterday, but the worst of it is, IS THAT I KNEW EXACTLY WHAT I WAS DOING. No one forced pizza down my throat. No one scooped ice cream into the bowl for me. I did it all on my own. And I hate myself for it. This time last year I was down to 170lbs. Long story short, calling off my wedding 3 days before did not help matters, and I spent a good 4 months in bed crying, depressed, and eating everything within sight, which rocketed me up to 250lbs. But I don't want to live like this anymore! I don't want food to control me or my life! I am desperately, desperately ready to get over this garbage and eat well. I've made sure my meals were balanced with the whole 30... good fats, a fair amount of protein, lots of veggies and some fruit with a meal, and as much water as I can remember to make myself drink. But for some reason, I AM HUNGRY ALL THE TIME NO MATTER HOW MUCH I EAT and I hate it. I did finally go to the doctors yesterday to have them test my thyroid and hormone levels, because intense hunger is something I've been dealing with for years now. But I feel like I let myself down so badly. I mean come on.... I had made it 10 whole days!!!! My plan is water fast Thursday, Friday, and Saturday (if I feel like I'm dying I'll have a small amount of veggies and protein once a day) and then to restart my Whole30 on April 1st. I'm just hoping that I wont have to deal with the miserable fly like symptoms I got the first week I tried. Do any of you have any advice for getting through this? And for not feeling like a total failure when you mess up? I know what the rules are, and this wasn't a tiny slip. It was a major one. And starting over is the only choice I have if I'm serious about really doing this. But man. I just feel worthless. My goal weight is 130-140lbs. I just want to be there by this time next year. So why do I feel like I won't make it?