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2nd try at Whole30


kew

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I did a Whole30 (actually more like Whole 50 or so) last fall, and reintroduced, well, basically everything. I didn't have any of those unequivocal sets of reactions that makes it clear I am intolerant of gluten, dairy, or whatever. Which was somewhat disappointing, because I had hoped that I would learn that my allergies would go away if I didn't eat X and that I would feel suddenly dreadful if I reintroduced Y. But it was a learning experience in another way: I could do it without too much struggle -- some weird dreams, mind! -- and I couldn't count on my body to override my brain. That is, I couldn't rely on an unpleasant physical reaction to help me battle cravings, learned positive food associations, etc. So.... the bad part, of course, was that I dove whole hog into Thanksgiving, Christmas, and etc.

Now, I am on Day 6 of a Whole30 approximation. (The approximation part is simply that I order at restaurants without asking a lot of questions, and I know that this is not a by-the-rules Whole30 and I shouldn't claim that label as a result.) But anyway.....

So far I have (re)learned:

-that dinner-as-breakfast is my friend. Sometimes, a chunk of meat and a pile of dinner vegetables, like cauliflower and broccoli, is much more satisfying than eggs and omelette-veggies (spinach, tomatoes, etc). Perhaps it is simply the fact that I cannot imagine not missing cheese with my eggs. Who knows. But I know it's a good strategy.

- I have to cook and shop my brains out! I must have adequate protein in the house, or I will nose-dive into the Applegate organic pepperoni (right, that's the other way I am not compliant). Ditto the vegetables. Did I mention that I love vegetables? I've always liked my veggies (as a grown-up, anyway), but I love love love them now. Good. (The bad part is hearing my mother's voice telling me I'm eating too many vegetables. Sorry, mom. Your advice is usually spot-on, and most so when I don't want to hear it, but I am not going to be "at home" to suggestions that I am eating too much cabbage or cauliflower or eggplant.)

- I don't need to "jones" on avocados or nuts to get through this. The more protein and veggies I eat (with healthy fat), the less I feel the need for the luscious fats to ward off hunger and feed those reward centers.

And I think I am already feeling a bit of change in my body. Last time I only lost 2.5lbs or so in the first 30 days, which was disappointing. Who knows what the scale will bring this time. My major concern right now is not just dropping weight: it's dropping some fat AND not packing it right back on when I go on vacation with the extended family in July. We are going back to the old country, where bread is the staple of breakfast and lunch, where white potatoes are served at nearly every dinner, and where waffles, chocolates, and cookies lurk around every corner (not quite literally), and where my wine-loving family will be indulging like mad. (Almost enough to make me cry "poor me" and give up!!!) But what I want to do is treat treats like treats. Er.... What I mean is to treat non-Whole30 indulgences as rarities, not as a lifestyle. If it's going to be a great walk-down-memory lane to taste that bread/chocolate/whatever, then I will do it as a once-off. ONE memory-lane chocolate, not every day. ONE waffle, ONE taste of that cheese, etc. (Might go a little more lax with wine, but I know that is a serious gateway.)

However, I do see a real problem....which is my aforementioned dearly beloved and usually wise mother. I do not think she will be at all supportive about having to buy the kinds and quantities of meat and veg I will want. Even if I pay for them myself (not the usual plan -- yeah, infantilization. That's a story for another website!), she will not be on board.... Dilemma city. Fighting over food will send me mouthfirst into temptation. And I am so sensitive to her criticism that even the mildest rebuke sets my anxieties awhirl. Yes, I know that is my problem, not hers. I've even considered lying and saying I've been diagnosed as gluten intolerant after all.....

Then again, even if I spend 12 days noshing on bread, cheese, and potatoes, that's not the end of the world. Yes, I would undo whatever benefits I had achieved with this Mostly30 I am doing now. But I could, worst case, jump back into a genuine Whole30 when I get back. And I would still be better off than if I were not eating clean now!

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I would not choose to spend 12 days eating food that makes you less healthy. Can you tell her you think gluten, dairy, legumes and sugar are things that make you feel poorly so you are eliminating them for 30 days per DR's orders? Little white lie sometimes keeps the peace.

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I have food issues with my mother, too. I've been blaming my "strict diet" on my psoriasis in family settings. I think vaguely alluding to doctor supervised elimination diet comes in handy too.

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Thanks for the suggestions. Clearly I need to think about my resistance to a white lie a bit more.

In fact, telling the truth is just as tricky as lying, probably, because I think that my mom would have a hard time accepting that the way I have eaten my whole life has made me feel bad -- she thinks that I eat dairy, wheat, sweets etc to excess, which is certainly true. But I think she believes that excess is the only problem with them. And she would not believe that I have felt physically bad forever, to the point where forswearing these foods makes sense. And if it's just a "diet," as in temporary, then why not just practice moderation, which has always been her mantra.

Maybe the right answer is simply to ask myself what is most likely to be effective, and go from there.

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Day 7: Breakfast, chicken breast and beets with coconut oil, coffee and coconut cream.

Had trouble falling asleep last night -- in that maybe it took me 10 minutes instead of 1. But I managed to sleep through one wakeup by the little one (screaming from a nightmare -- Dad is a lighter sleeper and fielded this one). I feel perky enough this morning, but then again I am at work and Dad is home with the kid. Tomorrow will be my turn to be home with her, I don't doubt. We'll see how perky I feel then!

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Day 7, continued

Lunch - chicken breast with spinach, green beans, apple. Eaten in two installments later than usual. I wasn't hungry between 7 and 2, and then I was REALLY hungry and would have pounced on a jar of macadamia nuts.... Just as well I have none.

Also I want to curse the gods for inventing dinner and specifically for the notion that I am responsible for providing it for my family, and even more particularly for my belief that as a good mother I just cannot outsource dinner for the rest of the family to McDonalds or any other "not my job" provider of at least marginally edible food. I just want to say, "screw you all, I'm making dinner for myself! Eat, starve, I don't care!"

In other words, a great morning and a....difficult afternoon.

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I only just realized that I created my log in the wrong place. Or maybe not, since it's not "embarrass yourself and your spouse by grilling the waiter" Whole30. Whatever.

Anyway.... a mouthful of goji berries and some walnuts later, and my equanimity is back. Phew. Now I just need to get the dinner to the table, via the grill. Too hot for grilling, though. Feh. Anyway, it will be hanger steak (an experiment), eggplant, and cauliflower.

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I need to work on the post prandial berries. I am trying to have them immediately following or with dinner, so that they are not too close to bedtime and not a distinctly separate dessert, but I don't know who that is fooling....

And I need to work on what I will bring with me for a travel day tomorrow. I decided on the fib I would use at home: "I am competing with folks at gym to see who can last the longest in eating clean -- I don't expect to win but I don't want to be the first drop-out!"

And I need to work on my stress....particularly about this travel. I am going for a fun trip to see my parents and sister, but I am feeling both horribly guilty and afraid about leaving my kids. I don't worry about car crashes every time I leave the house, but when I leave town I worry about plane crashes, getting crushed by a subway, you name it.... It will be better once I am actually on the way, but putting the rather weepy 3 YO girl to bed tonight, oh dear. There was a moment when I felt overwhelmed by fear and like I just couldn't possibly make it out the door. This seems to get worse as they get older, not easier, although to be fair it doesn't help that I had the little one at the doctor this morning and her older brother has gone to bed with a 102.5 fever and my husband will be pulling worse-than-usual single-parent duty as a result.

But NONE of this will be solved by a glass of wine or a pint of ice cream. Or even by two or three glasses of wine, especially since my flight is at 6AM!

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I would not choose to spend 12 days eating food that makes you less healthy. Can you tell her you think gluten, dairy, legumes and sugar are things that make you feel poorly so you are eliminating them for 30 days per DR's orders? Little white lie sometimes keeps the peace.

Just had a minor epiphany.... I read this comment again and thought, "well, eating that stuff doesn't make me feel poorly. It just makes me fat, and that makes me feel bad about myself."

And I suddenly realized that part of my brain was telling me that I am always going to be fat -- or curvy, or a little plump, or whatever, but to me it's fat. It was telling me (1) I had an ego problem, in that I hadn't adjusted to my fat reality, and (2) I had a reality problem, in that I am always going to fail at this. And that was reinforced by my doctor a while back, who asked me why I thought I would ever be slim since I never have been. At the time, it seemed almost a relief to think that struggle was vain.

But really, why? Why should I fail? And in any case, the bottom line is health, right? And I know perfectly well that even if I think I feel physically fine eating and drinking "less good" stuff, I am setting myself up for poor mental health. The point is, it's all health.

Man, that is unusually incoherent, even for me. It felt like a little epiphany at the time.

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Up at 3:45 am to catch a plane.....

3 HB eggs, one at 4, two more at around 7. A couple of bites of the egg and vegetable thing served on the plane. It tasted delicious but I was sure from taste and texture that it had forbidden substances in it, so I stopped eating.

Went for a run on arrival and broke up the run with two rounds of pushups and three of tricep dips.

Raw cauliflower and carrots (and black coffee) as mid morning snack, with a little olive oil.

Lost my mind during lunch and didn't think that salmon burger was, in fact, a burger and not a chunk of salmon and so probably had some binders in it. But no bun, no fries, just a tad of veg (very small) and a lot of water. Stomach ache after, but not too bad -- made me more determined to stick to my guns at dinner

Dinner: pork, fennel, carrots, plus an apple later because I was still hungry. And I actually asked about soy, dairy, and wheat in the pork dish. They cooked it for me in olive oil instead of soy oil. But the parsnips I ordered turned out to be done in soy oil. Why use soy oil in an Italian restaurant? What the hell is soy oil? What's wrong with olive oil? Is it a price issue? Argh. I didn't eat the parsnips.

Now I must sleep, but as a guest sleeping in someone's living room, it's a tad hard to insist....

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Did very well on my trip. I asked about dairy, oils, etc at dinner one night, and didn't eat things cooked with soy. I did less well at a lunch because I forgot what "burger" would mean for fish (duh), and I had a stomach ache after.

Today, I decided to avoid the omelette to avoid the discussion about what the eggs were cooked in...but I didn't realize that liquid butter in hollandaise might simply mean melted butter. I think I might have some sensitivities after all, because getting a pain in the belly is not something that happens AT ALL with pure Whole30 meals made at home. This is surprising to me and will take careful testing after I complete a true Whole30.

I was noticing the other day the W30 ban on vanilla extract and angostura bitters, and wondering about the logic of the ban on alcohol in practically homeopathic quantities. I get that an absolute ban is simpler to teach, and perhaps to follow, than a ban with exceptions, but I wonder whether the science supports the notion that a microscopic amount of alcohol is the equivalent of a microscopic amount of gluten in terms of the body's reactions. I understand that even if not, the ban might make sense for other reasons.

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Meeting at 1. Not focusing well beforehand. Thought I would have lunch. Then I realized that I AM NOT HUNGRY YET and I absolutely can and should wait until later, when I am hungry.

Before, I was just bored/restless/unproductive and mouth-hungry. That's not a good reason to eat anything except, maybe, crow!

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But really, why? Why should I fail? And in any case, the bottom line is health, right? And I know perfectly well that even if I think I feel physically fine eating and drinking "less good" stuff, I am setting myself up for poor mental health. The point is, it's all health.

Man, that is unusually incoherent, even for me. It felt like a little epiphany at the time.

If it feels like an epiphany, it is an epiphany.

I think you are 100% right on. I also believe, from experience, that even if you think you "feel fine" eating crap, once you take the crap away you realize you haven't felt fine for a long time. It's like how you don't feel your wedding ring. We just get used to the discomfort, the fatigue, lethargy, etc.

Also, you are right. Mental health is just as critical!

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All over hives again this morning, despite the daily allegra/zantac regimen. (These hives started in late December in a massive, out-of-control attack -- prednisone required -- and have been largely under control since, but only with daily medication.) And since we had an extra dose of tomato sauce & paste with the meatloaf for dinner, plus the goji berries I had with my strawberries, I wonder whether I need to try the AIP. Of course, maybe it's the strawberries, which I used to react to as a child. Maybe it's the hazelnuts I had yesterday. Maybe it's just environmental (although the hives developed in upstate NY and continue in SoFla). The blood work showed nothing, but clearly my system is reacting to something.

Giving up nightshades would make meal planning a lot more restrictive and would eliminate some favorite dishes. (My first phrasing was "would be ridiculously difficult" but I realized I could/should reframe that right away). But IF nightshades turn out to be a problem, perhaps I can find that there is a safe threshold.

Since I am traveling twice this summer, into familial settings where control over food is already rather fraught, I could not do more than a 48 day AIP before (possibly) having to bow to circumstances, and I don't know if that is enough to provide any clarity. I suppose it couldn't hurt, though. (Wah....tomatoes...eggplant...red pepper!!!)

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Meal 1

Black coffee, kimchi (cayenne), avocado, bacon, strawberries

During workout, felt like dancing in the breaks between sets. Unusual -- especially in a room full of mirrors! :P

Meal 2 (also doubled as post-workout meal)

1.5 hot dogs (nearly clean; not US Wellness clean, however), green beans, purple cauliflower, broccoli, ghee

Snack during a writing group meeting

black coffee, organic blueberries and blackberries, small handful of almonds/pistachios

Meal 3

cucumber, red lettuce, lettuce, chicken thighs with curry/aminos/vinegar/TOMATO PASTE marinade, avocado, raw tomato (2 in the salad), escarole, olive oil, vinegar, seasoning.

I did dance with the kids after dinner for about 10 minutes. Fun.

And for the third day in a row, I had brushed my teeth by 7:30! Go me!

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Meal 1

2 fried eggs in ghee; 1/3 sweet potato with ghee

[Workout]

Post-workout

Canned fish....whoops, going to be late for said workout...later!, half a sweet potato with ghee, banana. (Been having foot cramps at the gym yesterday and today, so that was my rationale for the banana, if I need one.)

Meal 2

If I had the time, I would try the chicken wings recipe from Eating for Idiots. so maybe I should get some work done so that I might in fact have time..... duh.

Ate leftover meatloaf, scraped off some of the tomato sauce, plus some leftover compliant bacon. Also veggies -- escarole, I think. and some ghee.

Snack on campus

black coffee and pistachios.

Meal 3

.some apple slices while cooking and assuaging the ravening crankymeisters. Dinner was steak, cauliflower, broccoli, and kale chips, followed immediately by strawberries, blueberries, a few goji berries, and coconut cream. And while I wanted more of something after, I brushed my teeth at 715 and that was it!

Clearly I am not on AIP yet!! I had too much food in the house that would not work with AIP, and I don't want to throw it out. It will be done in another day or two though.

Learning: I am running out of food! I need to cook massive batches of ground meat and onions and freeze them so I always have something to eat.... Also I should cook a ton of chicken breasts, chop them up, and have them frozen in portions ready to make into chicken salad with W30 tarragon mayo or aioli or similar.

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I was freaking out about giving up nightshades for weeks. Tomatoes rules out chili and lots of easy meals (unless you use squash or pumpkin) but the real issue for me was the peppers. I always put loads of peppers in salads and stir fries. I eat them raw by the handful. And, also, the spices.

But it's not so bad. I'm on the tail end of a 10-day AiP stint and it's definitely do-able.

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Many things I love involve tomatoes....the way I make "Indian" curry depends on them, for example. And I have come to love eggplant, and both hot and sweet peppers are staples that I will want all the more if I cannot have them.

But I think it's worth a try. I could certainly hack 10 days, but don't know if that's enough to tell anything about my possible reactions. I guess it's a start.

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Okay, Day 2 of "no nightshades." I've even taken the black pepper out of my pepper grinder....

tried my chocolate tea (Harney & Co) whipped up with cocoa, ghee, and coconut cream. The foam had a great taste and mouth feel. The bulk of the tea felt thin in the mouth, presumably by contrast. Tasty, though. :)

The day so far....

PWO -- black coffee, ground pork, escarole, and some coconut oil.

Did a run, longer than I have done in a long time -- though not as who should say long by any reasonable standard! Checked my cadene a couple of times, and it seemed to be right on target. Felt reasonably bouncy until the end. 85 degrees and 75+% humidity.

Meal 1 -- ditto PWO but with more escarole and pork, IIRC. bulletproof coffee with coconut cream and ghee. 2-3 small rashers of compliant bacon.

Meal 2 - -smoked salmon, 2 HB eggs, spinach, compliant salad dressing. 1 strawberry. The aforementioned tea. a couple of blueberries.

Meal 3 is planned as wild salmon, cucumber salad (which will be tricky as the recipe calls for sugar and I will have to do without), broccolini, garlic, shallots, ghee.... Need more veg, so I guess I might throw spinach in as well.

  • Bleh.... I buy the wild salmon now (coho, or whatever it is), because I believe it's better for me and the environment, but MAN I don't like the taste/texture nearly as much as the good old farmed Atlantic stuff. I've tried to cook it various ways, and it never has anything like the luscious mouthfeel of the farmed fish. Disappointing.

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Yesterday, which was day 18 (I think), I felt ready for this to be done already. I just felt like I should be further along, like I've been doing this for longer, even though I don't plan to stop at 30 days. Even so, I feel like I am seeing some results -- more toned arms, slight (visible only to me, probably) firming in my legs. But the clothes don't seem any looser, to speak of. I am really glad that I took some 'before' pictures, because I think that will be helpful. I think I look a little more trim/less flabby around the middle. Eh, we'll see.

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Going to a friend's for dinner tomorrow, where it is usually very easy to go overboard with the drinking and the food.... I have told her about my new elimination-for-food-sensitivities deal, and I even bought meat for my own main course to avoid the yogurt-based marinade. I am responsible for bringing dessert, so I can bring something "naughty" for everyone else and some fruit for me. And since drinking and driving is particularly risky on Memorial Day wknd, I am doubly happy that I will be stone-cold sober as I drive the family home again.

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It's hard to give up your nightshades. This is true. But you will adjust--maybe after a few days of moping and feeling sorry for yourself. (I went through it way worse with following AIP than regular W30.)

And I hate driving around on holidays. I'm more worried about all the other drunk people driving. As a kid you and your friends might make a big deal of having a designated driver, but the deeper I get into grown-up land (adulthood?) the more terrifying it is to realize how many people drive drunk.

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Today is day, what, 20? Not sure -- and that's great, by the way. :)

I had company over yesterday and did not feel deprived not to have cookies or wine or cheese. Had zero interest in the cheese and crackers, in fact, which has got to be a first. I ate pate instead, which had trace amounts of port or sherry, which I know is a strict Whole30 no-no, but in my Mostly30 is just fine once in a truly rare while. As for lunch, I am sure there was a slip, because my salad came dressed although I asked for it undressed. And I didn't ask for my salmon to be dry-grilled. I felt a little more congested in the afternoon, and perhaps that was a factor. Then again, both the little girl and the husband have colds, so it could be good old fashioned germs at work, too. Also, re lunch, I didn't even want to taste the kids' french fries, even though my husband had one and said "oh my god!" and my son said "these are the best french fries EVER." And I pushed away the tomatoes (no nightshades) even though that made what was left on my plate pretty paltry.

This morning, I didn't want to eat, but I remembered at least to have some Gourmet Grassfed jerky (dang that stuff is good!) w/in an hour of getting up. Later (like around 7:00) I had some coconut oil/ghee coffee, yum, plus some ground beef and spinach. Later still, I had some cinnamon tea. Now it's noon and I'm not hungry!

And I have had a very productive morning, for me, writing about 1200 words and roughing out a chapter outline. (This is a chapter for a scholarly book and I have been waffling around about the structure for weeks now. I think I have made real progress, which feels great -- that is, progress that will not disappear when I come back to the project tomorrow morning, as my previous progresses have done....)

Now, I did learn last week that if I don't eat when I am more or less "supposed" to, I am at risk of being out-of-control hungry when I do get around to it, so I will go eat lunch shortly. In other words, I can mess with my mealtimes by about 60-90 minutes, but much more than that gets risky.

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Ugh....Up at midnight with a child's nightmare, and then my own resurgent hives kept me up. The meds I'm on are clearly no longer working for the full 24 hours, so I guess it's back to the allergist I go. (itchy, itchy, scratch, scratch!)

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Argh! At the office, didn't have enough M2 after my workout, and now I feel rather ravenous. There is just about nothing healthy to eat here, unless I cave and go get some nuts or some hard boiled eggs, both of which I am trying to avoid right now. Stupid, stupid. I could at least have stuffed some jerky in my bag before I left!!!

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So I got some pistachios, the only nuts without non-compliant oils I could find. Dinner was a mad scramble and it was fuel not really a meal. Then had to rush off to Target with the boy to buy him jeans for his end of year show. Also picked up a small, cheap chess set because he was talking a blue streak about chess, which is new. Of course while playing with his dad he had a crying fit every time something didn't go his way. And the girl was a royal PITA about her bedtime. And so I had some mango/cucumber/coconut cream just now and it is sitting like a rock. Too close to bedtime, wrong fruit, etc etc. Yuck. Between that and the nuts I wonder about myself! I think not getting enough sleep may be part of it, and I find it interesting how hard I am finding it to be properly prepared, still. And why I cannot remember that I have a whole stack of canned fish in the pantry I do not know. Some sort of denial/avoidance/self-sabotage going on there, and I need to recognize it, bracket it, and move on!!

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On the plus side, when I got to the gym and found my trainer wasn't there, I looked up my old crossfit gym and approximated their WOD to the best of my ability. I feel proud of myself for that, but also just a tad concerned that my back is tired/sore now. It was back problems that drove me away from Crossfit in the first place, and while I am going back starting next week, perhaps that is not a good long-term fit for me. Not sure. But there are approximately 1.53 jillion bootcamps and similar near me, so I will find something eventually that works for my body and my budget!

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