Miss Sassy Pants on the Road to Health

[Chitowngirlintx]

Seem to be back on track today. More energy and feeling better. Just finished cooking some items. Made paleo BBQ sauce to go with some left over pot roast tomorrow for lunch. Made another batch of mayo. Yeah, they weren't kidding about the type of olive oil you use making a huge difference. Then I made more ranch dressing. Tossed the other stuff made with the extra virgin olive oil. This is much, much better. Tomorrow I need to get up early and roast some sweet potatoes. So it's off to bed for me.

Meals today

B: eggs and sautéed mushrooms

L: chicken, tomato soup and strawberries

D: chicken and salad

Movement: none besides running around the office. ...... Must work on this.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Up before the roosters this morning. Ready to start day 19! Wow, day 19. That seems amazing to me. I've been thinking about how to extend my W30. My plan is to do another one or maybe even 2. I'd like to give myself a day of rest for the 4th of July and that's honestly just for the BBQ situation and is honestly more so I can enjoy an adult beverage, not so much the food. I figure if I eat pretty clean on that day I can enjoy a glass of something. We'll see when I get closer to that date.

What I do know is that 30 days isn't enough for me. When I go to the grocery store, I still look at certain unhealthy foods with desire. What that tells me is that I'm not over them yet. Kind of like an ex-boyfriend that you know is a total d$&@ and yet you find yourself still thinking about him.....my ex is Ben and Jerry's. Total a$?&@les to my body but even though I know the relationship was unhealthy, I still have a hard time saying no to them each week. Now that it's officially summer in Texas, it's getting more difficult with the rising tempature. It's just a habit, not a need and I know that.

Okay, I'm off to cut and cook my sweet potatoes, jump in the shower and head off to work. Ugh, it's going to be a long day today so I need to be on point with my food.

Eat clean today Jen! No skipping. No side stepping. No excuses. You're worth it! <<<< yes, this is me, talking to myself. A good morning pep-talk doesn't hurt!

[Shelda17]

Time to reset my attitude! I realized this morning when I woke up feeling .....ehhh....that the reason I haven't had the extra pep in my step is simply from two days of not following the plan.....mostly. Why? why in the middle have I decided that i dont need the extra fat or the veggies with a meal? Fear. Plain ole' fear. Fear of failure? No, fear of success. I've finally found something that is working for me and is pushing me to put myself first. Giving me a feeling of self worth. I'm changing and that's scary. I don't know who I'm becoming, I'm more comfortable with who I've been. Even if it's unhealthy me. It's what I've gotten used to. So I'm ringing the bulls**t bell on myself and pressing forward.

Time to get uncomfortable and be okay with it. I'm totally worth the effort!

 

 

Oh, this feels so, so familiar. But you are absolutely worth the effort!

[Shelda17]

Eat clean today Jen! No skipping. No side stepping. No excuses. You're worth it! <<<< yes, this is me, talking to myself. A good morning pep-talk doesn't hurt!

 

A good morning pep-talk never hurts! I'm thinking I'm doing a Whole90 to give my body some time to heal and see what that does to the m.s. symptoms so if you're on for more I'll be around as well.

 

I'm looking forward to grocery shopping tomorrow because I'm feeling a little light on the veggies myself. And I think I need to get some frozen ones that I could add to meals quickly. It's being really interesting not to have fruit for a  couple of days. I'm not sure that I'll continue having none, but it does seem to be sort of self-limiting at this point (meaning that I just naturally am eating less fruit, without a big effort to make that so).

 

Hope we both have superb days today! It could happen.

[Physibeth]

Up before the roosters?? How early is that for you because I woke up at 4:30am this morning and my neighbor's rooster was going to town trying to keep me from going back to sleep. 

[Chitowngirlintx]

Up before the roosters?? How early is that for you because I woke up at 4:30am this morning and my neighbor's rooster was going to town trying to keep me from going back to sleep.

Hahaha well I was up before the roosters that hit the snooze button maybe.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Well, today's W30 email was just incredible. Just when I start to think I've got this in the bag those fine folks remind me that there is much, much more to becoming the very best version of me I can be. After reading my email (about body image, the media and letting go of the ideal) I thought, wow, this isn't just about the food. Now, I know that but it's really starting to sink in. The book is called "It STARTS with Food". Not its all about food or eat this and be a super model in 30 days. There is a reason for that title and I appreciate it more today than I have in the past 21 days. The food is just the foundation. What I'm doing is creating a solid foundation to keep me strong and healthy while I tackle the rest of the 8. It's not a diet, the food is more like poured concrete. Until I feel like my concrete is dry and solid, I'll continue on my Whole30. It might be a W60 or W90, I don't know yet. What I do know is, I have a new perspective on this today. "Lose the idel and just be real" might be the greatest words I've ever read.

Welcome to day 20 Jen. Eat clean, laugh lots, be true and good to you. You're worth it and you deserve it. <<<<today's pep talk is brought to you by the person writing all of those W30 daily emails. Thank you, whoever you are. Lol

Food was clean yesterday. I just needed some sleep last night so I' didn't log.

B: chicken thighs and roasted sweet potatoes

L: left over pot roast with BBQ sauce, roasted sweet potatoes, strawberries and 1/2 a cucumber with ranch dressing for dipping

D: chicken and salad

[Shelda17]

Like the emphasis on "starts," and the idea about the solid foundation. I gotta get the sleep peace ironed out. But my belly feels better today, so that's good.

 

Sounds like going to sleep and taking care of yourself last night was a great choice.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Like the emphasis on "starts," and the idea about the solid foundation. I gotta get the sleep peace ironed out. But my belly feels better today, so that's good.

Sounds like going to sleep and taking care of yourself last night was a great choice.

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Well, thank you. im glad your tummy is feeling better. I was thinking this morning about it and something just clicked. You can't hang drapes in a house that consists only of a wet concrete foundation. I, like many others I'm sure am guilty of scale stalking and wanting to see the number and buy new clothes and look cute and all that stuff. All that stuff is just the decorating. All that decorating isn't really worth much is the foundation is cracked or not ready to hold a house. I need to work on building my house before I make a trip to Pottery Barn.

Today was a good day. Had happy hour with one of my very close friends and I drank water. He was very interested in hearing about my experience with my W30 so I was glad to be able to talk about it.

Food today:

B: chicken and sliced cucumber dipped in ranch

L: BBQ beef in a sweet potato with ghee mixed with pumpkin pie spice

D: chicken.....yeah, it was 8:30 and I just wanted enough to hold me until tomorrow morning so I could go to bed at a reasonable hour

Movement: none to speak of.......s&:$

[Chitowngirlintx]

Ahhhhh sleeping in. It's such a great way to start the weekend. I slept until about 8:30 and I think I was in bed by 9:00 or 10:00. I didn't need to go to the farmers market this morning so I just didn't need to get up. Although sometimes I go just to walk around and chat with the vendors. It's just a fun thing to do. Not today. Just sleep. Felt great.

I need to run to the office today and then come home to get some laundry done. I'll be gone for a week (dog sitting) so I want to get a bunch of stuff together to bring to their house so I can cook and stay on track for my last week. Holy ______! I AM ON MY LAST WEEK! It's a little bitter-sweet to be honest. I'm feeling very proud of myself and frankly looking forward to a glass of wine (see previous posts and constant whining about the lack of wine). That said, I do know that this isn't really my last week. I'm not really done. I'll be back in after a short break or maybe even no real break. Maybe the wine won't taste as good as it used to. I may not even enjoy it (ha, doubtful but possible). It's just that I won't ever have my FIRST W30 again. It's a little like your first love. You want that feeling again but there won't ever be another first love. The good news is there are other loves. Some more intense and deep than the first. All of them helping you grow in some substantial way and teaching you lessons you'll take with you for the rest of your life. I'm looking forward to what I'll learn from the next W30 but today I'm a little sad to know my first is coming to an end.

So, I'm going to recap some of the highs and lows I've had. Really for me but maybe also in case there is someone just like me reading this who is just starting.

Highs:

Energy: I've not gotten to the tiger blood stage yet but I do have a substantial change in my energy levels. It was more of an leveling of energy for me. I just have a constant, level range of energy. No real slumps at 3pm or coming home after work thinking there is no way in _____ I can stand in my kitchen to cook a meal. I'll just order a pizza.

Sleep: I sleep really well now. No waking up 3 or 4 times a night. Once I'm out, I'm out until the alarm goes off. This has been huge for me.

Focus: my mind seems to better at staying focused on the task at hand.

Organization: I've had quite a wake up call in the last 22 days. I had really gotten off track in many areas of my life. I had allowed myself to not only become a mess physically, but also in other areas of my life. Somehow, changing the food and really focusing on taking better care of myself physically caused a domino effect to other areas of my life. I tackled some projects that I've been putting off for years. I've still got many more to go but I'm getting there. The difference is, I care enough now to actually get them done. I have become my own first priority because I feel like I'm worth the effort. Okay, that part may not make sense to anyone but me but its important to me so it's going in here.

Challenges

The scale: oh that ____ing scale! I haven't been able to let that number go and it's partially why i know I need another 30. That number is still too much of a factor in how I'm feeling about this. It's also the very first question people ask when I try to explain what I'm doing. The response is normally "that's great. How much weight have you lost?" Followed by a confused, blank stare when I tell them "I don't know because I'm not weighing myself." I imagine if I just pulled a hammer out of my purse and whacked myself in the head with it when they asked me that question I'd get the same look from people. It's that "wtf? I have no idea what to say to that" look. It annoys the ____ out of me and it shouldn't. But it does.

Planning: I had a few times when I didn't plan well and it could have easily become the downfall of my W30. You must plan for the unexpected as well as plan for the normal days. Boss comes blowing in at 4:55pm and wants to have a meeting that keeps you at the office until 7:30? Have snacks ready so you're not driving by 27 fast food places on your way home ready to chew your own arm off for food.

The hangover: ugh, day 2 was horrible. I was sick as a dog with a headache that just would not stop. I suspect it was the sugar withdrawal. The good news is that it only lasted a day for me. Day 3 I woke up feeling okay. Not great like I feel now but okay.

Social events: it is very difficult to be out and about and stay on track. I worried all the time about what was in things or how they were prepared. The not drinking at happy hour was a bit odd but at least I knew what was in my glass of water. Food on the other hand was not so easy. People in general just don't get this. Comments like "three bean salad IS heathy" get pretty annoying. My solution was to turn down most invitations but I can't do that for the rest of my life so I'll need to find a way to balance that. Staying home all the time isn't an option unless I want to be the most healty hermit on the planet.

Movement: this really should have been number one but I don't like to talk about it so its last. I have a huge hurdle with working out. I'm not sure why. It's totally a mental thing and I know it's common but it feels like a big gorilla (not just a monkey) on my back. I just can't seem to get my butt out and moving. This will be my focus for the last week of my W30. I think part of my issue is just looking gross. When you're carrying around more than 100 extra pounds its not a pretty sight and frankly, I spend a lot of time and energy trying to make it look not so bad. The last thing I want to do is jump or bounce around drawing attention to all the jiggly things on my body. The funny thing is, that's not really about other people looking at me and judging. The reality is they don't really notice or care for the most part. This avoidance is really for me. I don't want to feel my fat move. If I do I have to face the fact that its there. It's a reality I just don't want to face and another reason I know I need another 30.

So, there it is. I could go on and on but this is getting to be very long and I need some breakfast. Heh.

Day 22.... Lets do this.

[Shelda17]

Holy ______! I AM ON MY LAST WEEK! It's a little bitter-sweet to be honest. I'm feeling very proud of myself and frankly looking forward to a glass of wine (see previous posts and constant whining about the lack of wine). That said, I do know that this isn't really my last week. I'm not really done. I'll be back in after a short break or maybe even no real break.

 

 This is just so amazing to me, to be so nearly "done." I'm not going to take a break, but I certainly understand. At this point I'm pretty sure I can do a Whole90, and that feels great.

 

Love, love, love the list of highs and lows. I need to think about some summing up too. And I totally get it about getting other things done because you're worth it.

 

Hang in there with the movement thing. As you observed before, it starts with food, and can move (pun intended) in other ways as time goes on. More foundations for your house!

[Chitowngirlintx]

This is just so amazing to me, to be so nearly "done." I'm not going to take a break, but I certainly understand. At this point I'm pretty sure I can do a Whole90, and that feels great.

Love, love, love the list of highs and lows. I need to think about some summing up too. And I totally get it about getting other things done because you're worth it.

Hang in there with the movement thing. As you observed before, it starts with food, and can move (pun intended) in other ways as time goes on. More foundations for your house!

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THANK YOU Shelda! Yes, I need to stop beating myself up about the movement. I read this last night and needed to really think about what you said. This morning I woke up and had some new perspective on it. I'm just not ready to do that yet. The foundation is food. I'm not even done with that yet. Why am I trying to put sticks up (that's construction speak for framing a house) when I'm not even done with the foundation? The movement will come. I don't want to lose focus on the big picture. What I realized this morning is that the real reason I was pushing to get moving was to try to get a lower number on the scale at the end of my 30 days. That's not what this should be about. I need to stay focused on what I'm doing....setting myself up for a lifetime of healthy behaviors. One step at a time. Thanks for your feedback!

[Chitowngirlintx]

Big cook up today so I can go into my last week with power to finish strong and feeling great about whatever the scale may being next weekend. I just got back from the store and had a cart full of items to try some new recipes this week. Woo hoo! Its raining and pretty gross outside. In Houston when it rains in the summer it's nice. It's nice until it stops raining. Then the entire outdoors turns into a giant steam room. To say that it's uncomfortable would be like saying Chicago in January is a little chilly. Great day to stay inside.

Feeling good today. Not so good about the fact that I just ate my first meal of the day but I didn't have what I wanted int he fridge so I loafed around a bit this morning and then headed to the store.

I haven't been posting my menus for each day of late. Mostly because I feel pretty secure in what I'm eating but also because I'm not doing anything very exciting each day. I was starting to bore myself with it, "ooooooh I had eggs again. Look at you Iron Chef." I know I eat eggs or chicken each day so I figured I'd share recipes when I venture into something new and enjoy it and leave the rest to assumption that I'm eating.

I have had some pretty major cravings the last couple of days. Chocolate is one and coffee creamer and beer also tried to get me this past week. I don't drink beer so I'm not sure what that about but I just kept it moving and they all went away. No harm, no foul.

Today's cook up wll include: short ribs in the crock pot, my fave tomato bisque, clothed make the girl recipes for "the best chicken you'll ever eat" and "my favorite chili". Oh and I need to make some more Santa Maria steak rub for a dinner guest I may have later this week. So, I was just complaining about the heat here and I'm now making two soups.....odd you may say. So the tomato soup I like just barely warm, more like room temp and its also good cold. I use it as a veggie and fat when I'm running late or have too much to do. It's very light and refreshing actually. The chili I plan to use on salads. Another blog I read mentioned taco salad and maaaaaaannnn that sounded good. I firgured I could use the chili instead of just ground beef. I also like chili at room temp so it just seemed like a good idea.

Okay, time to get cooking! You're in the home stretch Jen. Finish strong and don't let the cravings be a factor. You're worth the fight.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Chili....done and very delish I might add. Needed a bit more kick for my taste but a few dashes of hot sauce did it. Ite will be excellent over eggs or as a taco salad or even over a baked sweet potato. Tomatoes are roasted for the soup and I'm letting them cool down so I can skin them. Shrt ribs are in the slow cooker. Starting to smell them a little but it's hard to tell with all of the smells going on right now. Lol. The chicken is in the brine and in the fridge. Only things left are to blend my tomato soup, make the steak rub and cook off the chicken.

I just inhaled a bowl of that chili with some guac on top. Wow! It was a party in my mouth!

[Chitowngirlintx]

Day 24 is coming to an end. It was funny, today someone asked how many days I had left and I honestly had no idea. At some point this has become just.....life. I had to look back on my daily email to remember what day I'm on. I suppose at some point I'll stop counting at all. Seems funny considering how much I've been looking forward to day 31.

Big cook up yesterday yielded some great results and one total pile of ick. The short ribs were not good. I didn't really use a recipe I just sort of winged it. Not the best thing I've ever made but I'm going to try to salvage them by making them into some sort of shredded barbecue to go over a sweet potato for tomorrow's lunch. We'll see. The chili on the other hand is a winner! I ate it over my eggs this morning and it was delish. Then I had more for dinner.

I'm pretty beat tonight so I'm keeping this short. I didn't get enough sleep at all. Time to get a good 8 hours and not be dragin' tomorrow.

[malie]

Do you have a recipe for the chili you could share?

[Chitowngirlintx]

Do you have a recipe for the chili you could share?

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With pleasure. It's the recipe from "the clothes make the girl" blog spot. It has no heat so your hubby may want to do what I did and add some hot sauce in with his but its a good recipe. Like most chili, better the next day.

Here is the link. http://www.theclothesmakethegirl.com/2009/02/22/my-favorite-chili-recipe/

[malie]

Thanks!

[Chitowngirlintx]

Another day in the bag. Made some garlic shrimp tonight for a possible lunch tomorrow or maybe dinner tomorrow. I ate a piece of chicken from the "best chicken you'll ever eat" recipe. It was indeed very good. The best i've ever had....ever? Maybe not but it was good. Made some ranch dip and ate sliced cucumber with it. Good, simple meal. I was a bit run down after work so I didn't really feel like making much effort.

I'm starting to feel my collar bones. It may seem small to some but it's actually a big deal to me. I haven't seen mine in a long time and I'm ready to show them off again! Lol

Second delivery from Yonder Way Farms today and I got just the meat this time. The produce box will have to be when I'm feeling a little more adventurous in the kitchen. For right now I'm just trying to settle in for the long haul and really focus on getting my food habits really nailed down.

Okay, short and sweet tonight. I'm needing a pillow. Tomorrow is a new day to tackle.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Day 27 and I'm starting to get comments from people about my weight. It's good and bad in many ways. I'm so totally overjoyed on the inside to feel better than I have in probably 10 years but its a big change. Change is just hard and scary for me. I'm a creature of habit for the most part and tend to like to hang in the background. So, a lot of attention is an uncomfortable place to be for me. Even positive attention can cause a binge and with just 3 days to go I've hit a danger zone. It's the perfect storm if you will, for me to fall right back into old bad habits because of the attention I'm getting for my exterior success. What am I going to do about it? Well I figured out today that I really need to ride the storm out. I would rather just go straight into another W30 while I get more secure with all of the attention. It's sort of my life raft currently and I think instead of taking a break for wine, I'll just take a pause for wine. My day 31 falls on Sunday so maybe brunch with friends or a steak dinner with a glass of wine (translates to 2 or 3 glasses) and then right back in on Monday.

The food is just not that hard. The food is actually the easy part. The emotional attachments to the food, or the excess weight is the hard part. Maybe I'll turn into an attention wh**e after this next 30. Ha! Not likely but hey, 30 days ago I wouldn't have thought I could live without cupcakes. I guess you just never know what's coming next in life.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Day 29! OMG! Yay me!

[Shelda17]

Wow, you're very nearly there! Yay you, for sure! And isn't that chili great?

[Chitowngirlintx]

Day 30! Seriously? Day 30? I did this? I honestly can't even believe it myself. Today I plan to eat clean, do my cook up and enjoy a glass of wine with dinner and maybe a little chocolate. There are really only 3 things I really, really miss. Wine, chocolate and coffee creamer. I can live without the coffee creamer for a long time. I'm not willing to give up chocolate or wine and vodka. Yes, I know that's really 4 things but I count booze as one thing. So, I know some people may think I'm not really finishing my W30 if I do that tonight but the truth is, I won't consider it a failure. I'm starting another W30 tomorrow so, I'm okay with my decision and that's really what matters. I'm making a decision with control and intent, not diving head first into a tub of ice cream or eating mindlessly.

What's next for my new W30? I think I want to pick a couple of classes and give the movement a try. I'm going to try to focus on just one thing at a time and not take the fast train to crazy town about it but I really struggle with the mindset here. I'm hoping I can rid myself of that in the next 30 days. I know it won't be easy but I hope to slay my workout dragon. Sugar is already tamed, not dead but certainly chained up.

Okay, time to get to TJs before they get busy.

P.S. yes, I'm nervous about getting on the scale tomorrow. I'm hoping to be okay with whatever number pops up.

[Shelda17]

Congratulations! And I'm laughing about your chained up sugar dragon. Good luck with the scale, hope it doesn't disappoint.

[Chitowngirlintx]

Lol Shelda.... I think we were posting on eachother's blogs at the same time!

I went to TJ's and picked a bottle of wine with a huge yellow smiley face on it. Yes, I picked it based on that. I thought, well that's how I feel right now and it seems like a sign. I got the rest of my produce and headed to the checkout counter. I picked a chocolate bar so I could eat it and be done. I didn't want anything left lurking in the house. The nice lady checker chatted me up about the Roma tomatoes and what I was going to do with them. I recited the recipe for the tomato basil bisque. I've for it memorized now and the woman in the next check out line commented that it sounded delish. Then the nice checker held up my smiley face wine and said "I can't sell you this". I responded with a stunned look on my face (secretly wondering if she knew I wasn't supposed to officially be drinking that until tomorrow). She said, "we can't sell alcohol until after Noon on Sunday". Suddenly, I didn't like her very much nor did I like the state of Texas much at that moment. It seems to me that if wine is mentioned in the Bible (and it is....more than once), we should be able to purchase it on Sunday. Just sayin' .......so I took it as a sign that I didn't need any wine tonight and just kept it moving. So another 30 days until I can enjoy my vino but I'm okay with it. I did however eat the chocolate and I with I could say it was the best thing I've ever eaten but it kind of wasn't. I mean, it was good but I guess I'm used to not having it now and it didn't taste as good as I thought it would. It was just ehhh.

Did a cook up today so I'm feeling good about day one, part two. I'm just hoping I don't get bummed by the scale. I'm going to really try to stay focused on the other things that are changing in me so no matter the number, I feel successful.