jilltothemax Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 First Day, First Week, First Whole 30-How I got here I'm up early on my first day of my Whole 30. I did a big Sunday cook-up for the first time in months, so am hoping that I'm ready to go but I have to admit, I'm nervous. Like a lot of other people here, I'm looking to fix my relationship with food. I've had problems with disordered eating since I was about 12 and the next 13 years were a series of good periods and not-so-good periods. Unfortunately, the past five years or so have been pretty solidly in the 'not-so-good' camp. While on my study abroad, anxiety, loneliness and discomfort led to an explosion of eating disorder behaviors and I lost a scary amount of weight. I was almost sent home from the program and when I arrived back in the states, I was promptly placed in a residential facility for several months to regain the weight. Though I was eating again, after that first stay in residential and significant drop in my weight, I spent years weighing and measuring everything that I ate, restricting 'trigger foods,' avoiding social gatherings for fear that food would be forced upon me and everyone would notice when I didn't partake. Food was on my mind every moment, or more specifically, how to get away with eating less: could I get through my workday as close to passing out as possible while still getting the amount I needed to done? Eventually, I knew that wouldn't work either. Over the past year, I moved across the country, had another stay in residential, started a new job, found a spectacular boyfriend and for the first time in a long time, put the weight back on and it's staying on. "Great!" you'll say, just like everyone else around me. They think I'm healed! However, how I actually put the weight back on was by uncontrollably gorging myself on all of the foods that I had restricted for years. No longer the "pure" waif-life anoretic that I had become used to being, behaviors shifted to bulimia and my weight continued to go up past what was recommended and I became frantic whenever around food. Now don't worry friends, I have a doctor and a therapist so I'm not trying to seriously off road here. I'm looking to do the Whole 30 to get myself back on track with eating regularly (and keeping it down), eat to fuel myself (I'm an avid runner and fledgling crossfitter), relearn bodily cues, feel pride in my eating and food instead of shame. Do I want to lose a few pounds to get back to my intended (medically-okayed) maintenance weight? Of course I do. But I'm willing to give up the scale for 30 days, put faith in myself and in real food and see what happens. I welcome any thoughts or feedback that anyone has and I'll check back in with how Day 1 went at the end of the day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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