baker-in-exile Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 Laura's post w30 ramblings... (( Absurdly long "success" story here w30 log here )) Cliff notes. W30 success = dropped 9 lbs, didn't cheat, didn't die of sugar cravings, learned about unhealthy dependency on scales for validation...other stuff. Moving forward now? I'm finding on day two of my Post Whole 30 journey, it's a lot harder when you're not confined by the rules of the actual challenge. Shocking, right? Now it is hard. Now I have to look at each thing I am wanting to eat and decide, without the comfort of "it's not approved, the end." I've re-introduced some dairy so far: aged raw cheese and kerrygold. These two don't seem to bother me at all. I ate a few bites of some whole wheat berry bars I made to bring to my MIL (her favorite thing) and was pleasantly surprised when they really didn't do it for me at all. What they did do was give me a headache. I haven't started gluten-grain reintro officially so I'll see more when I try that starting Monday. I'm taking a day of more strict W30 eating tomorrow. Possibly with butter. ;-) Tonight I FINALLY made Chocolate Chili. With some modifications (I am hard wired to not follow recipes ;-)): I cut out the diced tomatoes since I can tolerate a little tomato sauce or paste, but more than that makes my digestive system apoplectic, added homemade BBQ sauce in lieu of some of the tomato sauce, added large quantities of summer squash. It was brilliant. Especially with a smattering of shredded cheese, chopped chives and a squeeze of lime juice. Oh! and used DARK cocoa. So good. Cannot wait for lunch tomorrow after the flavors have spent a night cozying up to each other. My "plan" is that I am going to continue mostly eating w30. I would feel better if I could define more "rules" for myself as to what that should look like...but...I haven't figured that out yet. What I do know is that if I can drop 9 lbs in 30 days, I could feasibly be completely out of the woods weight-wise by fall if I lose even half that much in the next 30 days. In that sense, I would absolutely describe this whole thing as life changing. My goals have not felt so much within my grasp in a very long time and it's a great feeling... At the same time, I know that looming on the horizon is a big birthday bash for my kids and they are expecting a really spectacularly awesome made-by-mom cake and I am looking forward to making and eating said cake. Maybe I will just make it the rule that that will be it. That's going to be my summer splurge (and it's not like its going to be a lard, soy and corn filled toxstavaganza...it will be mostly organic and kerrygold-y and fair trade chocolate-y). Still...last time I was on a roll with a decent diet, cake was my undoing. Makes me nervous. For now I am sort of on a mini-high from the success of sticking to the program for the whole 30 days, and from losing those 9 lbs. I haven't worked through how I feel about how happy that makes me (and it's relation to the whole scale relationship problem), but I am happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted May 26, 2013 Share Posted May 26, 2013 Tonight I FINALLY made Chocolate Chili. With some modifications (I am hard wired to not follow recipes ;-)): I cut out the diced tomatoes since I can tolerate a little tomato sauce or paste, but more than that makes my digestive system apoplectic, added homemade BBQ sauce in lieu of some of the tomato sauce, added large quantities of summer squash. It was brilliant. Especially with a smattering of shredded cheese, chopped chives and a squeeze of lime juice. Oh! and used DARK cocoa. So good. Cannot wait for lunch tomorrow after the flavors have spent a night cozying up to each other. So I had the digestive pain after I made the chocolate chili and reading this makes me anxious to try with squash instead of diced tomatoes. Do you have an exactish description of your modified recipe? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 So I had the digestive pain after I made the chocolate chili and reading this makes me anxious to try with squash instead of diced tomatoes. Do you have an exactish description of your modified recipe? I made the recipe much smaller because I'm the only person who will eat it...here's a rough version of what I did: - 1tbsp ghee - 1/2 yellow onion - 1 clove garlic (crushed/minced) - 3/4 lb. ground turkey - 1 tbsp. dark cocoa - 1 tbsp. chili powder - 1 tbsp. cumin - 1 tsp. onion powder - 1 tsp-ish himalayan salt - 2 tbsp. tomato paste - 1/4 c. homemade BBQ sauce - 1 c. homemade chicken bone broth - 1-2 c. chopped summer squash - dash of coconut aminos No digestive issues last night or this morning and it was SO good! Again. Very excited about lunch. ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted May 26, 2013 Author Share Posted May 26, 2013 Well...I feel terrible. And unfortunately I have no way of knowing at the moment what is making me feel terrible. 1) I have a cold. I would blame it on dairy re-intro but it started two days before my w30 was over so it's not that 2) started my period today. joy. 3) no sleep last night. 4) botched reintro and ate wheat yesterday which was supposed to be a straight up w30 day. Oh and I ate too close to bedtime last night too. I have a feeling it is the wheat but it pains me to say it. :-( I was really hoping reintro would prove that I could eat all that stuff just fine...but today was the first day I felt literally dead when the baby woke me at 7:30. For the last week or so (on w30) I was having no trouble getting up in the morning. The whole end of my w30 I was thinking "what? this is lame. I don't feel that much better. This is no miracle cure. feh." but now? I guess you have to feel really terrible to realize how good you felt before...? Things that are rolling around in my head today: - I need another 30 day challenge. Something. Not sure what yet...30 days of? walking daily? meditation? no food after 7pm? - Been reading about leptin reset...sounds interesting but I'm not sure I can do that low carb while breastfeeding. Maybe later in the fall? - Struggling with image right now...I feel happy with my body, but my satisfaction with my appearance is frustrating. I feel like since I've started losing weight, I'm subconsciously looking for other flaws on which to fixate. My nose, my hair...stupid stuff. On the one hand, it's true that I let myself go during the years that I was overweight. I could do a lot more to take care of myself and my appearance...but on the other hand, I don't want to turn into a vain and vapid, preening, high maintenance chick who can't leave the house without her hair curled and her makeup done. - I need to find a good, fast workout that can be done on my living room floor and doesn't require more than a yoga mat and ball. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 I'm sorry you feel badly. I had similar issues - was it one of the foods I reintro'd on the same day, was it my cold, was it my period. It's so hard to tell because we don't live in a vacuum. I also struggle with wanting to look good, but not wanting to be a high maintenance person. I bet a 30 day meditation challenge would help with a lot of what you are struggling with. I should do that, too. I'm kind of scared to commit, though. My brain doesn't like to turn off. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Feeling better today...took lots of vitamin D and a dose of colloidal silver yesterday and I think it has done wonders. Eating mostly compliant for now...a slice of cheese here, some butter in my BP coffee or a nibble of wheat-based products there (homemade)...aside from the BP coffee (which is a revelation with kerrygold butter), the wheat has little draw for me. a bite is enough to satisfy my curiosity. I just keep remembering one of the most (I think) practical principles I learned from my w30 - don't let that stuff REPLACE the good stuff on your plate and in your tummy - fat, protein and veggies. As long as I keep that in mind, I do alright. And also on a side note, one of the reasons why I feel my baby is entirely awesome beyond belief: she is obsessed with the chocolate chili. obsessed. it's adorable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I've stalled w/ reintro. We've got wheat, dairy and sugar going at varying rates. Not much wheat (boring), too much sugar (but it makes me feel sick! which I take as good news because I'm at least AWARE that it's making me feel sick and in control enough to stop eating it before that happens) and dairy (a bit of cheese, lots of butter, feel great with it). Dinner tonight is a gorgeous salad with baby kale, grilled summer squash, avocado and chicken sausage. It feels vibrant and I feel vibrant eating it. :-) On the emotional side...not so good. It's weird that there seems to be (at least from what I've been reading around here lately) this weird depressive phase post w30. I don't think I've ever felt this combination of awesome (I love my body! I'm eating healthy delicious food! I'm all empowered from setting and meeting a huge [for me] goal!) and terrible (I am SO down on my appearance right now...my face. Every time I look in the mirror I have to violently supress these horrible "you are so ugly" thoughts that pop into my head. SEriously. WTF? I don't think I have ever felt quite this bad a problem with self esteem. It's nearly crippling. I'm so self conscious when I go out and super sensitive towards my husband. It's ridiculous and unhealthy for me to expect someone else to validate how attractive I am or am not...and I've never felt like I was all that focused on that as an important thing...and now all of a sudden it's just weird. And it feels horrible. I would just like to get over it already. Maybe losing a little weight released a bunch of toxic energy into my system and I need to find a way to purge it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Physibeth Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Two thoughts on the emotional side of things. Thought 1: Do you feel this way only since reintroducing some foods? I had an intense emotional reaction to a completely offroad meal 2 weeks ago. Not all issues will be physical issues. Thought 2: Perhaps this an area where you need to fake it until you make it. Make a list of all of the things you love about yourself (inside and out) and tape it to your mirror(s) so when you look in them you see it and read it and remember that you are beautiful and you are a great person inside and outside! Negative self talk fuels itself, but so does positive self talk. It's just a matter of replacing one with the other. Stay strong sister! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terresa Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 You mentioned reintroducing sugar. Could the negative self-talk be the sugar demon demanding to be fed? The loop for me usually goes: feel emotionally down - eat chocolate/sugar - short high - crash - repeat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted June 3, 2013 Author Share Posted June 3, 2013 On reintro and ugly thoughts...not sure that's what it is. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this over the last few days (and the problem is improving...like physibeth said it's a bit of a "fake it til you make it" thing. But here's what I think...because I like to overthink things. My body weight over the last several years has been a very tangible result of some self-destructive patterns. It's almost like each bad feeling I tried to eat over the years became a toxin stored in all that fat I just lost...and now they've all been swirling around like demons looking for a way out. :-) Some yoga and walks by the ocean have helped immensely. The end of my period helped too. ;-) I am continuing with a mostly w30 focus, eating a bit too much sugar here and there. :-/ I have noticed the last few times I've had bread or wheat, I've been getting a headache after. I'm also getting a patch of very itchy psoriasis on my elbow...think I'm heading towards a gluten free life. :-/ Tuesday I'm planning on starting a Whole10 just to get back on track and away from the sugar. I haven't bothered to reintroduce much of anything beyond wheat, butter, cheese and sugar (<- chocolate) and fresh corn. Don't have much use for grains (maybe gf oatmeal down the line) - rice, quinoa, etc...legumes? aside from hummus (and once a year thing maybe?) I have little use for those either. So...that's that..I am feeling better and continuing to lose weight and trying to stay focused on positive things (and that template! which is a lot harder to stick to once the 30 days are over!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjena Posted June 3, 2013 Share Posted June 3, 2013 Wow! That's a good way to look at it. I'm glad yoga and walks by the ocean helped! It's almost like each bad feeling I tried to eat over the years became a toxin stored in all that fat I just lost...and now they've all been swirling around like demons looking for a way out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 Wow! That's a good way to look at it. I'm glad yoga and walks by the ocean helped! That thought turned everything around. I feel great now! :-) Today is day 1 of my mini-reset plan. I'm not calling it a w10 or anything because I am adapting it a bit, but the idea is to just do a quick reset on things like sugar and carbs before I head into a summer baking frenzy at the end of the month. Here's what I'm doing: the whole W30 protocol w/ template, etc but including dairy. And possibly some trader joe's turkey bacon because buying Aidell's chicken apple sausage all the time is literally killing my food budget. :-) Other than that it will be the usual no sugar, no soy, no grains, etc. I'm also adding a personal goal to walk 3x per week and do at least a sun salutation series (yoga) at home every other day....for the next 30 days, I guess? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baker-in-exile Posted June 12, 2013 Author Share Posted June 12, 2013 Uh. Ok. so...Totally didn't do that whole mini-reset thing. I've off roaded a lot the last week or so, but still trying to follow the template when I eat meals. It's amazing how hard it is to find room in my appetite for "bad" foods when I stick to the template. Unfortunately with a few of my off-roading incidents, I've eaten bad foods in place of good ones and that's when I feel physically terrible. But the huge change for me is that I am not eating emotionally very much, if at all. And I don't feel guilty about the off-roading. I know I'm making conscious choices and I just eat what I want and move on. It's not something that will wrack me with guilt for the next three days. I am trying to weigh myself once a week or less. This most recent stretch I went 9 days. And lost 2 more lbs! Woot! I'm getting close to the <150 mark. I haven't been in that neighborhood much since my early 20's. I tried on my swimsuits (in front my husband!) and it was actually fun, not gut wrenching and terrible. I have dropped a pant size, a bra size and most of my clothes are too big now. I am taking better care of myself, inside and outside now. For as grumpy as I felt about the w30 during the process, nearly a month out of it, it HAS been life-changing because losing that kind of weight and breaking my unhealthy relationships with food is a radical move for me. At some point I do want to do another reset but it will have to wait until mid July now. Too much going on in the next few weeks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msssjenna Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 I understand you 100%. I successfully completed my first Whole30, and tried another one, but failed. I am also in a 'foggy' stage. I eat following the meal plan, but off-roading here and there. I am trying my best to exercising every day. As a mother, my body will never look the same and I have a hard time adjusting. I try to look at my kids and tell myself how beautiful I made them, inside of my stomach. Just want to let you know, you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaiser179 Posted June 12, 2013 Share Posted June 12, 2013 It's amazing how hard it is to find room in my appetite for "bad" foods when I stick to the template. Unfortunately with a few of my off-roading incidents, I've eaten bad foods in place of good ones and that's when I feel physically terrible. I am taking better care of myself, inside and outside now. For as grumpy as I felt about the w30 during the process, nearly a month out of it, it HAS been life-changing because losing that kind of weight and breaking my unhealthy relationships with food is a radical move for me. Hi baker-in-exile ... just came across this thread and recently read msssjenna's post about being post W30. I can really relate to what you are going through! I recently completed my first W30 and got really encouraging results. But trying to remain compliant is full of more challenges that I would have thought. I agree that bad foods definitely push the good foods off my plate when I eat them. The emotional aspect is tough, especially when I used to reach for sugary/salty snacks when stressed, tired, etc. etc. Just wanted to reach out and say "hi". I'm taking it day by day and am happy that I am on the road to better health. As a mother, my body will never look the same and I have a hard time adjusting. I try to look at my kids and tell myself how beautiful I made them, inside of my stomach. Ain't that the truth? So worth it though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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