LadyM's seduction continues (sur son propre velo)

[LadyM]

Interesting day today. Lots to think about and more to do.

 

I drove to Detroit today to check in with my psychic (y'all know I have serious woowoo tendencies), and among other things, she told me the most important thing for my writing and thinking right now is to get moving. As in exercise. She could see and sense it in my body that my muscles are crying out for it. Nice confirmation. I love to move. And having been out of commission for a couple of months due to illness of every dang variety has really sucked.

 

I made it to the gym today for the second time this week as promised. Woot! I love yoga and running and walking and biking and dancing and swimming, and I also need weight training. It just does something different for me. I'm talking about the act and the experience of it, now, not just the results. Anyway, that means I'm keeping it up. Shooting for another session Friday. Yoga tomorrow again.

 

Stopped at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods on my way home from Detroit and was struck by how little there is for me to buy there anymore. No fruit, nuts, dairy, sugar, soy, seed oils, grains, nightshades means my shopping trip was quick and I left WF with six cans of coconut milk (more on that in a sec), two cans of sardines, a baggie of smoked sea salt (thanks, ladies!) and $10 worth of olives from the olive bar. At TJ's I bought my weight in Kerrygold, some prosciutto, and many cans of salmon. Oh and two bouquets of flowers. You know, cuz I'm worth it.

 

So, the coconut milk. Yesterday was a weird eating day. Weird emotions day. I was at the height of my cold and feeling sorry for myself. And I didn't hear from Monkey Man. Not that I should have, it's just that I have been hearing from him every day since we started seeing each other. Not that we've had a proper date yet, but whatever. That was the root of my funky emotions regardless.

 

For lunch I had tuna salad with homemade yolk-only mayo (it's a go!) on lettuce then got hungry and snacky a couple hours later. Got into the leftover pork roast and finished it with some kraut. Felt satisfied. A few hours later I wanted something comforting. I just really really did. I knew it was about comfort. I named it. I owned it. I brewed myself a cup of mint chocolate tea and added some coconut milk and, gasp, three drops of stevia. It was comforting and delicious. Did not wake up my sugar dragon. I was satisfied and done for the day.

 

Today I feel fine. Had BP coffee before I set off this morning around 8:30 and didn't eat until I got home at 3. Crab salad on lettuce, followed by lifting, then oil-free sardines with kraut and 1/2 sweet potato post wo. Now I'm good. What I don't want is a new habit of coconut milk and stevia in tea every night just because I can. As a comfort to fill a need every rare once in a while, yes. But I used to go through several cans of coconut milk a week by myself and use stevia throughout the day as a sweet hit. No good. I'm still holding out for the deeper sweetness.

 

It struck me again how radically my eating habits have changed for the better. Nice to acknowledge that, and to know that food alone isn't a cure-all. I need to move!

 

Also, I had a craving for wine on the way home from the gym. I dug a little deeper and discovered what I truly craved was how I feel when I drink wine: sexy and easy and free. It's so much easier to feel those things while drinking wine. But I've never been about easy (unfortunately). So, I'm going to put my inner sex goddess's needs and desires at the forefront of my mind and figure out a way, every day, to give her what she asks for. It ain't gonna be wine, either. She's far too smart for that.

[calee]

I'm the same way about WF and Tj's. Tj's is right across from my office. Occasionally I go buy an avocado for my salad from home. WF is 1/2 mike the other way. Favorite part is the olive bar. I'd rather get veggies at thevSaturday farmers market. It's 1/2 mile walk as well. All walking on the path around the lake. I know how lucky I am.

Do you have poke dancing classes where you live? Your inner goddess just might like getting sexy and moving combo.

I hear you about the wine. I'm craving a square of dark chocolate this week. I think it's fruit withdrawal.

I keep buying coconut milk. I've yet to open a can. Just doesn't call me. Maybe I just don't know what I'm missing.

I'm off to try a new class. 30/30 mix of Barre and reformer. Wish me luck!

[Moluv]

Thanks for writing about the "digging deeper" about the wine- it really put some new, and better, words to an idea I've been mulling about about myself.  Clarity.

[Beets]

Ugh. My inner sex goddess was stupid today and went for the wine.

I opened that door Friday night and I can't get it closed. Moving on. With a raging headache, feeling decidedly not sexy or free.

[LadyM]

"I hear you about the wine. I'm craving a square of dark chocolate this week. I think it's fruit withdrawal."

 

Calee, chocolate cravings can signify a magnesium deficiency, fyi.

 

"Thanks for writing about the "digging deeper" about the wine- it really put some new, and better, words to an idea I've been mulling about about myself.  Clarity."

 

Loved what you wrote about creativity and your starving artist days. I'm cheersing you with a (small) glass of kombucha--here's to reclaiming who we really are minus the suffering! Here's to nourishing (on every level) not starving.

 

"Ugh. My inner sex goddess was stupid today and went for the wine. I opened that door Friday night and I can't get it closed. Moving on. With a raging headache, feeling decidedly not sexy or free."

 

Ugh indeed, Beets. But thanks for making me laugh a little about your inner sex goddess being stupid today. Maybe she was just forgetful. It's amazing how when we get that craving we have zero recollection of the fallout from indulging the craving.

[calee]

Magnesium? Thanks!

I only drink 1 glass of wine per month, if that. Before W30 anyways. Haven't had any in 43 days. Guy I'm dating I think would be happy if I took back up with the occasional glass. Not sure will have to see.

[LadyM]

Perfectly gorgeous day today. I, however, am not exactly feeling gorgeous. Nothing terribly wrong, just ho-hum. You know.

 

Went to yoga and did not entirely enjoy it. We focused on peacock pose, aka mayurasana, http://www.yogagta.com/GEDC0267.JPG

which totally sucks balls (in a bad way) and is about the only yoga pose I simply cannot do and do not excel in. The problem is my 34DD breasts and less-than-long arms. I'm being a baby about it, and it's only right that there's one yoga pose that truly challenges me, but still. Sux.

 

I did some journaling as the psychic suggested and decided to read some Anais Nin cuz my inner sex goddess wanted it. Ummm, can you say better than wine?

 

Food has been fine, but more than usual, likely because I started earlier (5 a.m.) and we did all kinds of agni stimulating stuff in yoga that the teacher said would make us hungry. Great.

 

5 bp coffee

m1 9:45 salmon on lettuce with mayo

m2 1:45 steak, green beans, guac

m3 6:15 sardines, asparagus, kraut (post bike ride)

 

Low carb is working fine.

 

Went on a lovely bike ride but even that didn't cheer me terribly. Still getting over a cold so I didn't quite perform the way I like in terms of speed and strength.

 

It's just one of those days, y'all. I'm not gonna get my knickers in a twist about it. I'm just going to go to bed early and plan for a better day tomorrow. I've already decided to hit the gym early and then spend the day at the beach grading papers. Everything's better after a day at the beach.

[Nadia B]

Thanks for the link for the yoga dummies. Then I read this being the only challenging one. I actually exclaimed "FOR REAL?!" in the middle of the street. Poor dude in front has jumped. You're saying it like no big deal. I'll

Do YOUR job. Whohahahaohhwha you rock.

I read this post walking home in a light summer rain. The nice kind. Singing Girl from Ipanema again. That's the perfect mood. Mellow and balanced as your post to me.

[LadyM]

The image of you walking in the rain singing Girl from Ipanema totally made my day, Nadia. Thank you!

 

How awesome that your mood is good after last night's wine and chocolate. Think getting some good sleep did the trick?

[Nadia B]

It's your post that made me sing. Beach and all. Summer beach song makes a strangely nice combo with rain. Again, just as your log for today.

[Beets]

I know--the *only* pose? Jeez my knees. That looks very difficult to me. I can barely do crow now after being inconsistent for the last few years. Remember, it's called yoga "practice!"

[calee]

I would not go to a class where anyone could do that! I cry like a babygirl at Barre and Reformer. I would need tranquilizers to even wrap my brain around the vision of anyone doing it. Are you for real that this is your only difficult one? I knew you were a goddess but now I have to go to gather wildflowers to strew at your feet. I would seriously bow down to anyone who could do that.

[Moluv]

I cracked up after I read that post the other day and then went on Instagram to see a yogi chick I follow in that very pose. She is very slim, very flexible and strong, used to be a dancer so very pointy feet and she always has those cute leggings that go over the heel. I used to see people like her looking like and doing things better than me and get jelly. In the last couple months though I've been able to admire these women and look at them and see part of myself in what they are. Maybe it's like you described "that beautiful moment before envy". Following dream girls on Instagram gives me a steady supply of admiration and gratitude- it used to have such the opposite effect.

[LadyM]

Pretty much no one in the class could do the pose except the teacher, and even she could only hold it for a few seconds.

 

I understand the wisdom of yoga (and everything else) as a "practice"; however, I don't believe I want to practice this pose. It's not an issue of flexibility--or balance, even--it's an issue of anatomy. If my breasts were smaller I could do this pose. I don't particularly want my breasts to be smaller. I like 'em. Other folks like 'em. It's all good. The practice and wisdom here is that I am actually happy with my body. Do I want a wiry and strong body with about 12% body fat like my yoga teacher's? Nope. I happen to know that she's a former dancer who struggles with serious eating disorders. Not an issue of jealousy. It's an issue of self acceptance.

 

I think I finally have come to a place where I can appreciate exactly what my body is and what it can do. Long-distance running? Nope. Lifting heavy shit, swimming, yoga, sprinting, jumping? Yes, ma'am. I wouldn't have it any other way. Would I like to be leaner? Yes. Would I like to be firmer, especially through the middle? Yes. But I do not want to trade my body for one that can easily do peacock pose, thank you very much.

 

And yet I can certainly admire those who can do this pose elegantly. Just as I can admire a long-distance runner doing her thing. This is a good place to be.

 

So today I can set aside my crankiness from Thursday's yoga class. I don't enjoy facing my own limitations, but it must be done. And I can choose to do it with grace.

[LadyM]

In no particular order, here is my latest news:

 

I got an iphone5.

 

I went to the beach, wore a two piece despite my squishy middle, and bought a season pass to my favorite beach so I can do it again and again and again and again. The beach is also a stone's throw from my favorite dancefloor (remember day 48 of my W47?).

 

I returned to my bodypump class at the gym and discovered I haven't lost any strength since I was going regularly.

 

I bought a giant chuck roast and a giant pork butt at the farmer's market today. Yahoo for plenty o' meat!

 

I made egg salad for dinner last night and after eating it had a mild discomfort in my belly and a slight hand swelling. Yolks-only mayo does not have this effect on me. The discomfort and swelling disappeared fairly quickly. Conclusion: egg white sensitivity, but not to the point that I couldn't have eggs out at a restaurant once in a while to be social. I'll avoid them generally, however.

 

Back to the beach for a sec. I am so glad I gave myself this truly sensual experience. The sun glittering on the water, the sensation of sand on my skin, the warmth of the sun . . . it gave me life. As for my exposed belly, well, I did that very deliberately. It deserves the love of the sun, too. I had a mini epiphany at a yoga retreat a few years ago. The teacher had us bare our bellies while doing agni sara and I was pretty mortified. But I did it. And then I didn't care anymore about my self consciousness. I thought to myself, "Just who do I think I'm protecting from seeing my belly?" It didn't make any sense at all. So now I'm baring it in public. Loving it despite its exceptional squishiness, and continuing to deliberately strengthen it, as well as the rest of my body.

 

God it feels good to move. Every day.

 

I put yoga and gym and running dates in my iphone calendar.

[Moluv]

I love my white iPhone 5 too and the sleeker case I got for it. I can't do heart face from tapatalk but I would- I love new technology. I got all teary eyed reading your post. You're on fire.

[kb0426]

Please bookmark your last two posts LadyM.  THIS is how to feel; THIS is what to remind yourself of when you are feeling less than joyous.  Like M said, you are on fire!

[calee]

Ditto regarding "on fire". You are reveling in everything you have been experiencing. I'm delighted for you!

[Physibeth]

Yay for the beach! One of the things I truly miss about the East coast is the beach.

 

And yay for BodyPump! I go twice a week and love it! 

[LadyM]

Thanks, y'all! Funny thing is I don't at all feel on fire. Maybe I just finally feel like myself again. Dang if I didn't really need to move. It's nonnegotiable for me. Like sleep. Guess I'd better bookmark this page too.

 

Thanks also for the tapatalk tip. I'm using it for the first time right now. Any pointers? Do you use it for other stuff besides this? I'm such a noob.

 

I was hungry despite eating dinner tonight. So I had some sardines. Still hungry. Had shrimp dipped in guac. Finally satisfied. Not such a successful day in minimizing food intake, but I did do body pump, yoga, and the stair mill this morning. And I skipped all noshes at an afternoon reception. Planning a run first thing in the morning.

 

Think I'll just decide today was a good day. Any day I listen to my body is a good day.

[Shelda17]

Catching up again after taking a forum break for a bit, though not a Whole30 break (on day 35 now).

 

I always enjoy reading your log, and you sound like you're in a really good place. Makes me happy too!

[percypat]

I got an iphone5.

 

__________________________

 

New toys are awesome.  I just got the Google Nexus in white and I am like the cat that got the cream.  So even if we are on opposing sides of the Apple/PC divide (I'm on the PC side because hubby will not provide IT support for Apple products, isn't he lovely), I'll say cheers to new gizmos.

 

What you said about bellies deserving the sun too really struck a chord with me.  I'm a round belly/big boob girl too and am always hating on my torso and covering it up.  Poor tummy.  It missed out this summer but I will try and do better when it starts to warm up again.  (For now, I think it is quite happy to be wrapped up!).

[calee]

Good Morning beautiful LadyM! I'm visualizing you moving gracefully through your week.

[Nadia B]

Ok, you amaze us with your exceptional ability to put words into sentences, how about some pictuuuuures now (since you have a new gadget, you know wink wink)? 

 

I love that vitalizing movement is back in your life. Strong Lady m, mentally and physically, how awesome. 

[LadyM]

Shelda, so glad you're still going strong on Day 35!

 

PP, round belly/big boob girls unite! My strongest yogini mentor once told me how important it is for those of us with curves to live fully embodied and to show our bodies shamelessly on the beach--that it's a kind of good influence/role modeling the world needs. When I'm in a good place I can remember that and think of my belly baring as an act of social justice. Join me! Lets hide our squishy middles no more!

 

Sweet Calee, thank you for your wonderful intention for me. Mwah!

 

Nadia, thank you for your warmth and light. I am constantly amazed how you generate and express so much love for others despite your own struggles. It helps me put things in perspective when I get frustrated and impatient with my hard-to-measure progress. Can I upload photos from tapatalk? The process seems so arduous--that's why I'm so lazy about it. Words come much easier to me than uploaded photos! But they do make such a difference. Your photos are always so scrumptious, and it's such a delight to be able to see the world through your eyes.