LadyM's seduction continues (sur son propre velo)


LadyM

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No wonder we all get along so well, albeit virtually: we're all readers! Anyone else read Meg Wolitzer's The Interestings? On about a zillion trustworthy people's recommendation, it's my first summer read. After I finish Terry Tempest Williams' When Women Were Birds. I, too, generally read three books at a time.

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I had a very successful MacGuyver-like kitchen day yesterday. I opted out of the market in favor of learning lines uninterrupted, and was therefore faced with limited food options. Bear in mind, however, that what for me is limited food options is abundance for someone else. Anyway, I concocted some exceptional meals with what I had on hand. I created a salad at lunch from cabbage, fennel, orange, red onion, green olives, and toastd walnuts, dressed in evoo and balsamic. Then with dinner, I sautéed the last of the cabbage with turnip greens, onions, shredded carrot and apple in bacon grease and a little sherry vinegar. I had a really great veggie day on a day when I thought I'd run out of veggies. Please note that yes, I ate protein, too--Lebanese meatballs with lunch and salmon cakes with dinner.

I would like to check in about weight, because its omission from my log lately feels almost deceptive. Symptoms suggest I'm pre-AF right now, so it's that time. Happens to coincide with my dragging out summer clothes and finding that they fit. Not loose. Pretty much exactly as they did last year, when I was so struggling and miserable. I realize that the most important work I can do for myself is to simply accept myself as I am and to not really see any of this as work, but just as life. This is me. This is my body. This is how I live. I don't deserve anything for it. No accolades. No achievements. In the form of weight loss or otherwise. I'm just going to keep going, regardless of mood or whim or shifts or lack thereof. Just. Keep. Going.

There. I feel better. Sometimes I just need to remind myself, especially when the intensity has worn off and other people seem to be getting huge results or experiencing big life changes. Instead of whining and pitching a fit and wishing and hoping and dreaming my life away, I'm going to be the little engine that could. And be all the better for having to build fortitude and persistence and healthy habits for life.

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I haven't read that one, I just added it to my wishlist!

 

I'm glad you are talking about the weight issue and just being where you are right now and accepting that.  I'm trying to be there.  At the beginning of the year, I felt crazed and it was all about weight.  And I'm down a couple of pounds from then, but honestly, not a big enough change to justify the complete turn around in my emotional state.  Eating well, exercising, enjoying life is more important than a couple of pounds.  I still care about losing pounds/how I look, but it just doesn't feel as important.  That's a really huge thing.  I know gaining is a huge trigger for me, so I have to monitor that mentally.

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I had a very successful MacGuyver-like kitchen day yesterday. I opted out of the market in favor of learning lines uninterrupted, and was therefore faced with limited food options. Bear in mind, however, that what for me is limited food options is abundance for someone else. Anyway, I concocted some exceptional meals with what I had on hand. I created a salad at lunch from cabbage, fennel, orange, red onion, green olives, and toastd walnuts, dressed in evoo and balsamic. Then with dinner, I sautéed the last of the cabbage with turnip greens, onions, shredded carrot and apple in bacon grease and a little sherry vinegar. I had a really great veggie day on a day when I thought I'd run out of veggies. Please note that yes, I ate protein, too--Lebanese meatballs with lunch and salmon cakes with dinner.

I would like to check in about weight, because its omission from my log lately feels almost deceptive. Symptoms suggest I'm pre-AF right now, so it's that time. Happens to coincide with my dragging out summer clothes and finding that they fit. Not loose. Pretty much exactly as they did last year, when I was so struggling and miserable. I realize that the most important work I can do for myself is to simply accept myself as I am and to not really see any of this as work, but just as life. This is me. This is my body. This is how I live. I don't deserve anything for it. No accolades. No achievements. In the form of weight loss or otherwise. I'm just going to keep going, regardless of mood or whim or shifts or lack thereof. Just. Keep. Going.

There. I feel better. Sometimes I just need to remind myself, especially when the intensity has worn off and other people seem to be getting huge results or experiencing big life changes. Instead of whining and pitching a fit and wishing and hoping and dreaming my life away, I'm going to be the little engine that could. And be all the better for having to build fortitude and persistence and healthy habits for life.

 

I love this.  I'm in the same position.  My clothes from last summer fit.  But, I'm much more calm about it all this year.  I eat what I eat and try not to fret about it.  It's a good place to be. 

 

And, The Interestings was a very good book!  I read it a while ago but remember liking it.  Do you like the one you're reading now?

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I'm glad you reminded yourself. It seems like the AF way to churn up whatever has been brewing inside. My impending 40th is doing the same.

I will once again rave about the little Kindle Paperwhite. After Blood Meridian I finished the Lydia Davis translation of Madame Bovary (talk about depressing! Sheesh!) and am now finally making headway in 2666, a book I started many moons ago. I also picked Phaedre up from my shelf, Ted Hughes translation, and god it's so good. I <3 a good Greek drama. The other book I have going is Rachel Kushner's Flamethrowers, based on a review by James Wood, whom I love.

It's always easier for me to read an established classic or an author I know I love than to take a chance with something contemporary but I try to read new stuff sometimes. I am eyeing a newish Richard Ford novel.

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It helps a lot to know we're in the same boat, Jen. Glad you liked The Interestings. The TTW is beautiful and lyrical, very feminist and environmentalist in a good way, but in no way plot driven at all. That's ok with me, but I don't know your taste.

Beets, how's it going with your 40th, and when is the actual date?

Let us know how Flamethrowers is. I've met Rachel Kushner, and she's terrific. Telex From Cuba was a good book, but the reviews of Flamethrowers suggest she's in another league now. I'm going to have to look into that kindle. I still love holding an actual book though. But I'm beyond running out of shelf space at this point!

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Weird day yesterday. Deliberately off roaded and felt terrible for it. Breakfast out included red potatoes. Felt fine after that. Ate a large compliant lunch. Dinner at a friend's house included a white bean dip with crudités (skipped crackers), beef chili with beans (skipped quinoa), slaw with some tiny amounts of agave and soy, and a little red wine. Nothing too ridiculous, I thought, but I felt so uncomfortable afterward! Like I was going to burst, and then I was gassy out both ends with some indigestion. Guess legumes are not my friend. Good to note.

Woke up this morning in a serious funk. Felt like depression kind of funk. Did the off roading do that? Is it the circumstances of my life? AF on its way? Too long without exercise? So many variables!

Was feeling so terrible, and got the idea from perusing Mark's Daily Apple forum, that I thought I'd fast today. Ugh. Serious problem to start in with that pendulum and disordered eating. Glad I caught myself. Now very much committed to template eating and getting solidly back on track.

M1 meat quiche, 10

M2 kale chips, kombucha, baked chicken wings, 4:30

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i respect you for catching yourself in your funk. I have done similar things where I off road a meal and then am in foggy funk and read things that could lead me back to more disordered thoughts and restricting on "normal" food consumption which then unleashes a whole other set of problems.

 

what i love about the ground work of whole 30 is even if you do a whole7, 15 or whatever…when you do go off plan, you immediately can get control by going by the template.  Off roading is interesting. It's amazing how some meals with ingredients you are unaware of can lead one to feel uncomfortable (like you did and I did today--immediate bloat, cravings, etc). For some a whole30 is required to detox their body but for me I ate very close to this anyway for a couple of years so it didn't take long to realize what things are triggers for me.

 

Thanks for keeping  your log available for others to read.

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So true that returning to the template immediately is always the route back. Not fasting, or bulletproof coffee or any other latest magical promise. What I realized (again) is my body, more than anything, needs me to treat it kindly. And reliably. I'm feeling SO much better now.

Thanks so much for reading and responding with compassion and wisdom, wyoinap.

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Treating ourselves kindly, it really is key.

 

I hope you are feeling better after your off-roading.  It didn't sound so far off-road to me, but we all have our own sensitivities.  I think the funk was definitely related to the off-roading, although maybe compounded by some other things as well.

 

Back on the books, I'm trying to read Nabokov's The Gift.  I swear it is written in chapter long paragraphs!  I'm trying to keep a classic in rotation, to go along with my mind candy.  I've also been trying to read The Divine Comedy for years.  I almost feel like I need a class to help me understand it, or maybe just a companion reader?

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Good for you, Sara! I've been trying to read Nabokov for years--Speak, Memory--but I never make it past the first chapters before getting pulled away. Maybe I'll try again. Loving The Interestings so far. Not just the story, but her surprising and clever use of language.

I know. It didn't seem like terrible off roading to me, either, but I certainly was miserable. And you're right: the funk isn't all diet related, but it was a good reminder that food certainly impacts mood.

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Tech began yesterday, which means a whole lot of sitting around and waiting, freaking out about dropped lines, and eating other people's food. The director's wife brought in dinner for us, which was a great improvement over the initial plan to order pizza. When the stage manager asked me what kind of pizza I wanted I told her I don't eat pizza. Another cast member is gluten free. So, we had homemade chili, fruit salad, crudités, and a bunch of gluten free crackers, chips, and cookies. I ate veggies, fruit, and fished around the beans in the chili to get a little protein.

Anyway, it struck me how silly gluten free is if you're just going to eat crap anyway. The GF lady had been munching on peanuts, m&ms and raisins all afternoon, and then at dinner she mostly ate all the chips, cookies and crackers. It's easy to get zero nutrition in the name of "health."

Not that I'm feeling all holier than thou. I'm in a lull. Don't feel like I'm making any real progress and wondering if I ever will and trying really hard not to slip entirely into an old poor me routine. Ugh. Wondering, too, if part of it, ironically, isn't summer. As much as I long for the freedom of summer, the unstructured time isn't always good for me, nor is the isolation much of the day. I think I miss teaching. And I'm not making progress with my writing. I think I need a procrastination challenge reset.

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The whole GF thing reminds me how far I have come in what I think of as my primary food (real food, not processed crap).  I hope I carry that forward no matter what.

 

I would imagine that for teachers/professors, the summer seems very unstructured.  Have you considered writing out your goals for the summer and then making a plan (daily/weekly) to meet those goals?  That can add some structure.  Also, can you do some of your writing somewhere with people - a coffee shop, library, park, etc.?  I know I have a tendency to not get much done when I have "lots" of time to to get things done.

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You're right on my wavelength, Sara! I absolutely do need to sit down, set out goals, and create a writing space separate from home. Not sure yet if that's going to be my office or the college library or what. But I know mornings are best for writing, so this is very doable. It's been put off a bit in the interest of learning lines and preparing for this show, but that can't be my excuse for long! Thanks for the nudge. You're spot on.

AF finally arrived, so yes, part of this has been hormonal. Saw FMD and she agrees that a big part of the funk is not shaking off this salty character I'm playing. I'm going to deliberately shake her off after rehearsal/performance by dancing to upbeat, happy music. I'm also going to begin walking for an hour every day to get back into regular aerobic exercise. I'm getting there with my back/hip/leg, but I'm fearful of setbacks. Walking never feels like real exercise to me, so I don't do it; but FMD assures me that I can work up a sweat doing it fast enough for an hour, and it will help with the mental stuff, fear especially.

OK, sounds like a plan. I'm on it!

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Interesting that part of your funk is your character!  I hope you're able to shake her off!  I love walking.  I usually have an audio book so I can "read" and walk at the same time.  And enjoy a little sunshine. 

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I like the idea of an audiobook, Jen. From where do you download them? I wonder if this might be a good use for the public library? I'm really enjoying The Interestings, btw.

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I've just decided to relax and lay off myself this week. AF is doing weird things to me, and tech week is stressful enough as it is. Yesterday I was dizzy and woozy. Pretty scary. That sort of thing just doesn't happen to me. So I had a nap and felt a lot better when I woke up. Wondered if the batch of booch I drank was a little alcoholic or something. So weird.

I've been experimenting with swypo lately. Brownie bites made with dates, walnuts, and cacao powder are the latest. I made them extra tiny with my tablespoon meatball scoop and froze most of them. When I do eat them, I limit myself to two. Very tasty and surprisingly not overly sweet. And I think they might be making my poops better. But who knows. Sometimes the hormonal fluctuation of AF does that too. Anyway, I'm planning to try out a banana nut muffin recipe soon, too. I'm enjoying this as a change, but also remaining aware that they could become fwob if I'm not careful. They're certainly not pushing the primary macronutrients off my template. That's key, I think.

Last night I wrote down goals for the summer and goals for the day. Goals for the following day is going to become a regular nightly ritual. Now I just need to follow through.

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I get my audio books from the library.  "Reading" the light between oceans right now.  It's pretty good.  Last summer, for fun, I listened to all of the Sisterhood of the traveling pants books.  It was interesting to hear the books get progressively worse. LOL  Very light summer reading, for sure.

 

AF Is bugging me this week, too.  I hope it passses for us both.  I wish I could nap!  I seem to be missing the nap gene.

 

Good job setting goals! 

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Here's the recipe, if you're interested, Juz: http://paleogrubs.com/raw-brownie-bites

Jen, I've almost finished The Interestings. I just can't stop! Beats the hell out of binge watching tv series' on Netflix. I think doing a PhD in literature kept me from reading for pleasure for two many years. What else should I read for fun? Summer reading is the best!

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The banana nut muffins turned out lovely, and I stopped at two. Froze all but two, and will look forward to doling those out in due time. If anyone is interested, here's the recipe: http://paleogrubs.com/banana-nut-muffins-recipe

Feeling like I'm fully emerging from my funk. Had a terrific strong swim yesterday, and after a heated email exchange with the director had a much improved rehearsal last night.

Today I'm craving granola and yogurt, wth? Maybe this is a result of my foray into swypo territory. Thinking I'll try a paleofied granola recipe--maybe this one: http://theclothesmakethegirl.com/2014/06/02/grain-free-granola/ --and have it with some real yogurt this weekend. Curious about dairy anyway. I never seemed to have too much trouble with it, but shortly before returning to w30 in the spring, I was noticing some stomach pain when I ate it.

Anyway, I noticed yesterday that my body is greatly improved. When I was swimming I felt no pain, no twinges whatsoever. So, that's wonderful. Thinking I might return to the gym next week. AF is waning, too, so starting to feel more stable in every way. Insert sigh of relief here.

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I think yogurt and granola (with berries) is a hot weather breakfast.  I'm craving it, too.  But, I know it won't keep me full like eggs and kale, so I resist.

 

Other just for fun good books I've read recently:

The Light Between Oceans

Queen Sugar

Reconstructing Amelia

Orphan Train

Gone Girl

The Fault in Our Stars

My Name is Memory (really interesting concept, by the sisterhood of the traveling pants author and the reason I went back to "read" those last summer)

The Book Thief

Me Before You

Anything by Sarah Jio

 

I wish I'd kept a list - there have been so many! 

 

I'm glad your funk is lifting.  I'm waiting for mine to lift.  Lack of sleep is my problem, I know.  I just keep working on getting to bed early and hoping to sleep past 5. 

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Thanks for the recipe M, I was just saying to my daughter the other day we should turn the packet of dates in the cupboard into something yummy with cacao! Will give it a go this weekend.

I'm reading "season to taste - or how to eat your husband"... I didn't see the small print when I picked it up from the library... And yes she does cook her husband in 16 bits after killing him in a fit of annoyance... After putting up with him for 30 years... Bizarre

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Thanks for the recs, Jen! Juz, that one sounds a bit dark for a summer read. Oh but it's a winter read for you isn't it? Perfect. I've decided to begin Free Food for Millionaires by Min Jin Lee as well as dive into some contemporary poetry. Doing my best here to simultaneously set my imagination on fire and fall in love with language all over again.

Completely blew off the template this afternoon. Had a decent breakfast and lunch, and then in the afternoon I got snacky and nibbled on some carrot sticks, then an apple, and some grapes, then a bunch of those dang brownie bites straight from the freezer. Most delicious that way, by the way. Then I made myself stop and didn't eat anything else the rest of the day. And now I'm wired. Had a good invited dress rehearsal tonight then came home to cook a meat quiche and that green granola. They both smell divine. Don't know what I'm thinking with that greenola, though. Def fwob fruit and nut bomb.

I'm undecided about all this "compliant"(ish) off roading. Here's the thing: right now I have more energy and am more (ahem) regular than I remember having/being in ages. Makes me wonder if I've simply needed more carbs.

I just got the hard copy of Practical Paleo and am looking forward to trying out some new recipes. I've had the kindle version, but kindle cookbooks are for the birds. Thinking about investing in a new grill, too. Mine has seen better days, and I'm looking to turn off my dang oven for a spell to cool this joint down. Hello grilled meats and veggies, raw salads, and ripe fruit. Welcome, summer!

p.s. I am so sick of worrying about my body and losing weight that I'm calling a moratorium on any effort in that direction whatsoever. The goal now is strictly eating for best possible nourishment and feelgood effects. The rest will take care of itself. Or not. Either way I'm going to enjoy living in this body, dammit!

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Way to go M.

I missed what greenola or green granola is???

FYI I was happy with my experiment of eating twice a day to redevelop my hunger but I certainly suffered in the regularity department so not worth continuing... Was it from not having enough enzymes to digest two large doses of protein, or eating less fibre over all since my third meal is usually salad based, or maybe also lack of carbs?? Interesting and not what I expected.

I am also tired of worrying about my body but after trying for nearly two years now my body is telling me I do have to be careful and pay attention to what I eat and when if I don't want to end up obese. I have learnt so much about the effects of sleep and stress and processed foods and coffee and alcohol and grains and dairy that its been a great journey for health but not the full answer for me for keeping a healthy weight

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