LadyM's seduction continues (sur son propre velo)


LadyM

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That fantasy retreat sounds lovely!

 

My kitchen is a disaster too. My entire apartment is a disaster. 

 

I need to start putting things like cleaning on my calendar. It's just so crazy busy right now. I vow as soon as everything calms down for the late spring and summer to get into a habit of regular cleaning. My weekly cookup is already on my calendar and I hope that becomes a good habit soon.

 

Hmm...fasted walking. Perhaps I can try that when it gets a little lighter out in the morning. How much walking are we talking about here?  

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Bethany, I've been walking 1-1.25 hours, but I think 20-30 minutes would be good, too!

 

I got my kitchen cleaned! I just decided to focus on that one thing, put on music that I love, and danced my way through it. It was just a matter of deciding to do it. And, of course, giving myself the time to do it. . . . 

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Yes, time is of the premium right now. Hrm...I can do a 20-30 minute walk some mornings, but not others. My main issue is that I live at the top of a big hill, there really isn't a way to get a nice leisurely walk without going somewhere else. I'll give this more thought though.

 

I might need to block out a big chunk of my Saturday to do an apartment cleaning bootcamp...it will suck but will be worth it. 

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Recipe update: the mocha-rubbed pot roast is OK (but that may be because the cut of meat I chose was too lean or perhaps that it needed longer cooking). The meat needed slicing--wasn't falling apart--and the sauce is tasty but not as scrumptious as I want it to be. However, the lemon artichoke chicken is a stunner. It's amazing what citrus can do!

 

Anyway, now I have more than enough protein for the foreseeable future. Also, sometimes I think it's better when the food I'm eating doesn't light up all my pleasure centers. I know, that may sound ridiculous. But as a recovering emotional/binge eater, I'm so much better off simply using food as fuel. So, the pot roast does the trick is what I'm saying. :)

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. . . and the pot roast became something pretty special last night when I topped it with caramelized onions and shiitake sautéed in ghee. :wub:

 

An observation about W30, now that I've been back to it for a week:

 

One of the things I love about eating this way is it takes the gaming and the guessing and the exhausting mental and emotional energy out of eating. I'm not thinking about points or calories or fat grams or how to beat any system or whether or not I *should* eat and will it be as nutritious as it should be and on and on with all the old patterns in my head from years and years of dieting and trying so hard to get slim and healthy and strong and balanced only to make myself tired and cranky and closer to crazy than I'd like to admit.

 

This is interesting, because often the reason why I stray is diet fatigue. Tired of thinking about food. Utter exhaustion. My inner child rebel says &%$* it, I'm just gonna eat what I want. Which ultimately leads to my undoing and feeling more out of control and miserable and less healthy and strong and balanced.

 

Writing down this observation, I hope, helps keep me in good standing with these practices that seem to be serving me quite well. Getting healthier and stronger and more balanced with every template meal.

 

But really: just as a mere single example, anyone been to Costco lately? The abundance of food and food choices and the seductive way it's marketed and the food pushers at the head of every aisle with samples. . . . just that place alone is enough to make the steeliest of wills crumble. Not to mention all the restaurants and billboards on the way to the store or texts from friends wanting to get dinner or drinks. That's why this has to be about more than will. It's a deeper knowing, a true commitment to self. 

 

Some other unrelated tidbits:

 

I taught two yoga classes since I last checked in here and I positively love sharing something so powerful, so nourishing, so deeply supportive with others. I feel I receive the gifts I offer tenfold. :wub:  

 

I bought myself a couple clearance items yesterday including some super comfy sports bras. I'm talking comfy to the extent that I want to sleep in them. Crazy comfy yoga/jammy pants, too. I also picked up a cute pair of spring work pants, but they're too snug. Were WAY too snug when I tried them on at the end of the day, and just a little snug this morning. Wild. Anyone else have this experience? It's like my belly expands a whole size over the course of the day. And I didn't even eat any major offenders yesterday (I avoid cruciferous veggies except greens on days I teach yoga. No one needs a yoga teacher who emits noxious fumes into the ether, from down dog or any position  :blink:).

 

Anyway, it was nice to treat myself, and I think I'll hang onto the pants. They're the size that were a little roomy for me at the end of last summer (and I don't think it's just a brand sizing discrepancy), and I believe with commitment to this WOE and continuing exercise and appropriately adjusted thyroid meds, they'll fit beautifully by summer if not before. I'm generally opposed to buying clothes that are too snug as incentive to lose weight (Lord knows how many things I've bought over the years that I never made it into  :( and felt like a failure because of it), but this feels like a different story somehow. They were $15 and I can wear them (in the morning, anyway  :P ), I just want a little more room in them. OK. Justification over.

 

Later this morning I'm meeting with a yogini friend to plan a women's retreat we're leading up north in a month. I'm really excited about this--spending time in a gorgeous place in the company of like-minded women and collaborating with a gifted person I love and respect. It's a new experience, and one I hope becomes a more regular occurrence. I have another lovely yogini friend with whom I'm collaborating on a workshop for actors and writers. She teaches voice and movement and I teach writing; we both teach yoga. I think it'll be pretty rad.

 

Shifting back to food for a minute, I want to recommit here to no nut butters and fruit. It's been the fast track to chilling out the sugar dragon--and yet I was thinking about getting a scoop of the roasted tahini at the co-op to dip carrot sticks into as a "treat." I think it's best right now to keep anything that sounds or feels like a "treat" out of the house. Just wanted to leave that here.

 

All right. Ramble over. Happy day, everyone! :D

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Good stuff, M!

 

Dancing your way through a clean up is a great idea!  I'm lucky that I actually really enjoy cleaning my kitchen.  Doing dishes is relaxing.  I'm weird.  Don't worry too much about me, though, I don't like cleaning bathrooms.  :wacko: 

 

I also feel that sometimes plain, simple food does better for me.  When I'm just in a routine of eating what I eat, I do the best. Super yummy meals make me eat too much, which I don't like even if it's good food.  I think if I didn't have to cook for others, I'd just eat eggs and kale and salad and tuna all the time.  I like it enough to look forward to it but not enough to tip me over to a free for all.  I'm also right there with you on liking this WOE mostly because it greatly reduces that exhausting mental and emotional energy.  Sometimes I have to muscle my way off that roller coaster but I'm always happy to be off.

 

Caramelized onions make everything special!  Yum!

 

I don't go to Costco, but I can imagine.  WF was like that for me last week - yummy samples everywhere!  Add to that the "green washing" that occurs just because it's WF.  Even though I know better, it's hard not to think "it's WF. It has to be good for me!"

 

Your women's retreat and artist retreat sound wonderful! 

 

Good for you cutting the nutbutters and fruit.  I'm not quite ready for that.  I'm sure it would be good for me, though.  Darn it.  Something to think on.

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Recipe update: the mocha-rubbed pot roast is OK (but that may be because the cut of meat I chose was too lean or perhaps that it needed longer cooking). The meat needed slicing--wasn't falling apart--and the sauce is tasty but not as scrumptious as I want it to be. However, the lemon artichoke chicken is a stunner. It's amazing what citrus can do!

 

Anyway, now I have more than enough protein for the foreseeable future. Also, sometimes I think it's better when the food I'm eating doesn't light up all my pleasure centers. I know, that may sound ridiculous. But as a recovering emotional/binge eater, I'm so much better off simply using food as fuel. So, the pot roast does the trick is what I'm saying. :)

 

Interesting. When I made both those recipes I was blown away by the pot roast but underwhelmed by the chicken. Lol! I need to do more cooking from that book but I find a bunch of it too fancy for where I'm at time wise right now. Her pre and post workout meals confuse me too because I feel a lot of them go directly against her own advice.

 

I see what you are saying. Sadly if I don't like something enough it is hard to make myself eat it multiple meals which is what I need to do. Sounds like you are in a good spot though.

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Interesting. When I made both those recipes I was blown away by the pot roast but underwhelmed by the chicken. Lol! I need to do more cooking from that book but I find a bunch of it too fancy for where I'm at time wise right now. Her pre and post workout meals confuse me too because I feel a lot of them go directly against her own advice.

 

I think I screwed up the pot roast somehow, because it's a recipe all kinds of people rave about! 

 

And I agree: I am in no way interested in fussy recipes right now. Just not going to do it. Easy peasy is the way to go. I find Mel Joulwan's recipes a little fussy sometimes, too. I just gravitate to the ones with fewer steps--and sometimes I just eliminate the steps that seem unnecessary, especially the ones that require dirtying all kinds of dishes for no good reason. 

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And I agree: I am in no way interested in fussy recipes right now. Just not going to do it. Easy peasy is the way to go. I find Mel Joulwan's recipes a little fussy sometimes, too. I just gravitate to the ones with fewer steps--and sometimes I just eliminate the steps that seem unnecessary, especially the ones that require dirtying all kinds of dishes for no good reason. 

 

A million times yes.

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Coffee booch is in second ferment and it's promising. Excited to try something new. Fun! Doing the continuous brew thing, but still keeping the batch small for now.

 

Ugh, I had a moment last night. Couldn't get satisfied with my food. So I just kept eating. Definitely too much broccoli. :blink: And I got into the last of the compliant dried fruit, against my own rules and better judgment. In retrospect, I think I needed more water throughout the day. But alas, it's a new day. A new day in which I am in no way hungry. And I'm opting to follow my hunger cues instead of eating meals for the sake of scheduled meals. I'll eat when I'm hungry. We'll see how it goes.

 

It's project house cleaning today. Got the kitchen done (again). Am now working on organizing my work space and then doing floors. I hate doing floors. But I know I'll feel so much better when I'm done. And my reward will be doing my nails. Looking forward to having painted toenails for spring! It feels like it may never properly arrive, but I trust one day I'll be wearing sandals. In the meantime, I bare my toes all the time in yoga, so I'll enjoy them regardless.

 

Contemplating Good Friday today and looking forward to the spring ritual of Easter. It's my favorite holiday. I love the ritual of the life cycle: death, rebirth, renewal. I feel like I consciously witness and experience it continuously. So, it's nice to collectively celebrate it.

 

Happy Easter, everyone!

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Good morning, friends.

 

It's a new term starting today, so it's go time.

 

I had a fine Easter weekend. No sugar in sight. Didn't feel up for a party yesterday, so after mass I hit the co-op and ended up making an enormous salmon filet with Well Fed's Afrique du Nord seasoning. Very tasty and plenty leftover for the week. I'm not mad about not eating ham. In fact, I'm pretty much off pig altogether and have been for a while. Just doesn't sit well with me, unfortunately.

 

I am back on the whey for a while, however, because, well, it works for me. So, I ended up doing a Whole 10, and I'm glad about that. It was a good reset, and I've returned to the habit of the template. Always a good thing.

 

Just a quickie this morning, because I have to get to the office. Happy Monday, all!

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And I have a little fantasy that some righteous benefactor bestows a weekend retreat for us somewhere beautiful--a Whole30 paradise where sparkling booch is on tap, we dine on template meals together over great conversation, take long walks (or runs, if you're Sara) in nature, and have a great time. I teach yoga and meditation, Bethany teaches body pump, Beets teaches us her ballet workout, MissMary teaches us some capoeira moves, NadiaB teaches us silks . . . and the rest of the time we read. Maybe we read the same thing so we can discuss it over the fabulous meals we didn't cook on the dishes we don't have to clean. Maybe if we all visualize it together, it will happen. ;)

 

Can we please, please make this happen?  I promise if I win the lottery we are doing this!

 

Sounds like the W10 is what you needed to get to a good mind space again, exactly what you needed before your new term.  I wish you a calm and easy Spring term.  Love the idea of collaboratively teaching yoga, so much goodness!

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Oh man I love this idea! I have been dreaming of going to an all-women's meditation center in CA (not in the cards this spring but I'm planning it) but this sounds like so much fun. I'm not sure I could teach my silly workout but I could stream a vid and sneak out the back with my book. :D

 

A friend of mine is now a sales manager for a booch co out of VT. He's getting booch fountains put in at several local places. It's fab. The little Israeli place around the corner with fresh yummy food now has Turmeric Booch on tap. Sounds weird, is good. I'm sure he could supply us. 

 

I want to try coffee! Maybe this is the year I do the booch myself. 

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I'm not so sure about the coffee booch. It's definitely different. Not like kombucha, really. The stuff I made actually tastes more like a not quite so sweet flat Coke. So, it's not bad, really, but not super, either. And I have nothing like it besides the tea kombucha I brew to compare it to, so who knows. I have another batch going. Would love to try for better fizz, but I have no real action plan at this point.

 

Other than that, I'm kind of struggling over here. I feel like maybe I'm suffering from Nadia's syndrome in that I feel like anything I put in my mouth besides lettuce and whey protein makes me blow up. I made an appointment with FMD for Thursday morning to see if she can help me figure out what's going on. Something is off. And I'm miserable. I feel like I've gained 10 pounds in three days and I know that's not possible. But still. I'm miserable when I eat and miserable when I don't eat. Quite a conundrum. Worried about my liver and my thyroid. Would love to get back to the happy place I was at the end of last summer and into the fall. For the most part, my health felt easy and joyful. I maintained and even lost a little weight without thinking about it too hard. I long for ease again. Trying so hard causes suffering and unhealthy attachments to outcome.

 

Teaching yoga shortly. Everything will feel better after that. . . . 

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Teaching yoga last night did make everything a bit better and brighter. Being light and uplifted was the class theme and I offered a guided meditation on inner light. It seems I often teach exactly what I need to learn. . . . 

 

I am putting pressure on myself to look different than I do. Just writing that feels like a relief. I think maybe the note I posted to Bethany about her training feedback was more projection than I thought. No one is telling me I need to be thinner to teach yoga, but dang if it doesn't come from the inside every time I put on those form-fitting clothes and stand in front of a group of people in a room full of mirrors. So much of yoga is about simultaneously dropping into our bodies while also realizing that we are not our bodies. Of course it makes sense that I would so intensely be facing this, yet again, as my role changes. I just wonder if I'm not self sabotaging in some way. I found myself looking in the mirror in barre class this morning and thinking, "I just want to accept myself as I am. And be thinner." Yet at the same time one of my college students came to class and I thought, the fact of my body is actually a good role model for so many of these young women I teach who struggle desperately with body image. I've been lovingly described as strong and soft and that's a pretty wonderful juxtaposition in this world. I exude confidence even when I feel "off."

 

Ugh. There must be a good reason for this struggle. I just don't know what it is. 

 

I do feel so much better that I arose early and went to barre. It's always a conversation in bed--that maybe I'll sleep in instead. But it's ALWAYS a good thing when I get up and out of the house and move my body and engage with my beloved community. Remember this, M.

 

The fact that I get to see a gorgeous sunrise as I walk home from class is just an added bonus.

 

I have a hair appointment this afternoon and I'm secretly hoping that all I need is to have my hairs did. That a brightened look will make everything better.

 

Up next: meditation, pranayama, and a morning of work. Bootcamp and yoga this evening. Hump day of the first week of a new term. Not a bad spot, all in all. I deeply long to feel happier, healthier, stronger, and more uplifted by the end of this term. I'm keeping my eye on Memorial Day. Summer is my season, and my desire is to fully inhabit my body and feel like myself (rather than wanting to escape and shift and change from who and where I am) by its official kickoff. It's not entirely up to me, of course, but I'm committing here and now to making the best choices to support that desire from moment to moment. This means waking up early and moving, breathing, and meditation first thing. It means only eating things that make me feel good in amounts that also make me feel good in the hopes that one day it will no longer be a struggle. I have been in that place, and I pray I can be in that place again with the right nutritional support from FMD and tightening the reins with what and how I eat.

 

It seems as if I'm always in this place at this time of year. Maybe part of it is seasonal. The natural emergence from winter. I don't know. But I hope to know more and tell a different story soon. 

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I am really trying to embrace where I am, while still moving in a direction towards where I want to be, without straining.  I don't know if I'll every be able to do this completely, but that is where my yoga practice is leading me.

 

And based on the anecdotal evidence, it seems like almost all of us are struggling a bit as we are/were coming out of winter.  That whole rebirth thing...

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I am really trying to embrace where I am, while still moving in a direction towards where I want to be, without straining.  I don't know if I'll every be able to do this completely, but that is where my yoga practice is leading me.

 

And based on the anecdotal evidence, it seems like almost all of us are struggling a bit as we are/were coming out of winter.  That whole rebirth thing...

Me, too.  On both.

 

I seem to struggle every winter.  I always feel like something is off.  I randomly gain lbs for no reason (and for real reasons).  Then, in the spring, I tend to feel better and randomly lose lbs for no reason (very much hoping that happens again!).  It's weird but I'm sure it has something to do with the seasons.  I hope we all feel more normal soon!  Enjoy your walks and sunsets.  That will help!

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You are such wise women. Thank you for the empathy and support!

 

Feeling a little less nuts today. Taught a pretty full yin yoga and meditation class last night and a 6 am yoga class to two of my college students this morning and it seems it was beneficial for all of us. I am my best self when in teacher mode. So I guess it's a good thing I teach so many classes a week of the things I love best!

 

Off to see FMD in a few minutes and hopeful that she may be able to help. I feel intuitively that my thyroid isn't where it needs to be, and received confirmation at my hair appointment yesterday when my stylist noticed thinning hair at the crown of my head. :( Yesterday just felt like everything was falling apart. And maybe it is. I'm just growing impatient with the timing of rebuilding again. I feel like I'm ready but the universe is not.  :angry:

 

Cooked a beautiful piece of salmon this morning and had that with sauerkraut for breakfast. So far so good. More of the same with snap peas for lunch, and thinking a shrimp stir fry for dinner. I may pick up a barre class this evening as well. Just little walks in the rain to and from classes. Shooting for ease today, whatever comes.

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"I just want to accept myself as I am. And be thinner."

 

Ah yes.  That. So true about you being a good role model for young women. That's so important. These young women today have body image stuff coming at them 100 mph all day long. So difficult. I don't envy them at all. I see my 15 yr old niece getting sucked into it and it's so dismaying and feels so huge. I've been hearing interviews/reading reviews of Girls & Sex, the new book on women, sex, social media and body image. Here she is on Fresh Air if you're curious. I know she's faced some criticism for focusing on white, middle class girls but it's an important conversation that needed to be started on a serious level! 

 

Food sounds good. Shrimp: I never think of it. 

 

Feel your pain on the hair. Mine isn't thinning noticeably (yet, my mom's is very thin so I'm sure it's coming) but is incredibly brittle. It looks like a fried brillo pad. Last time I got a hair cut the shampoo-er handed me a bottle of shampoo for "aging hair." I always wear some kind of brimmed hat bc my skin burns so easily and I've noticed my hair breaks off where the hat hits it. Can't win. 

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"It seems as if I'm always in this place at this time of year. Maybe part of it is seasonal. The natural emergence from winter. I don't know. But I hope to know more and tell a different story soon."

 

I was thinking this morning how I always feel anxiety this time of year, that there is so much going on, so much coming. The heat is coming. The summer is coming. I get gardening anxiety. There is such a flurry of expectations, most of which coming from myself. Fortunately we know the antidote and that is the template. (Fingers crossed.)

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