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I don't know how to give up sugar.


Ari.

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I successfully completed a Whole30 in May. I did have my bad days but this is definitely the right lifestyle for me. There is no question that I'm healthier while eating paleo.

Yet, I have created some kind of psychological block that isn't even allowing me to begin another Whole30 because I feel like I'm kidding myself. I don't know how to live my life without my sugar habit and while the Whole30 does give my body a break I am lacking motivation to even get started since I know I can't sustain it. I do believe that I can change but I don't know how. Just feeling really discouraged! I recently went to visit my grandmother who has dementia and I noticed little things I was doing to soothe myself during the rough visit like chewing on gum continuously and taking a drink from my sugary coffee drink every time she said something completely out of context. How would I survive without those methods of coping??

Eating sugar is the only thing that got me through several deaths in my family and it continues to be what carries me through stressful periods. I moved away from all of my friends in high school and spent the summer eating ice cream everyday. I feel as though sugar is an old and reliable friend and I can't imagine the rest of my life without it. Does/has anyone else ever felt this way?

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That sounds a bit like me when I first went Paleo. Pre-paleo I put sugar on everything, and all my food tasted bland without it. My coffee was too biter. My food tasted horrible. I was tired, cranky and really wanted my sugar fix. The sugar dragon was really fighting to get its daily dose of sweet.

I'll be honest, it took two Whole30s and a total of three months (with a massive sugar overload inbewteen the two W30s) before I felt comfortable with my ability to have fruit, or a little raw honey here and there. It may be like that for you, it may take less time, it may take more. It's a personal thing.

What's obvious from your post, though, is that you have an unhealthy relationship with sugar (which it sounds like you're aware of). If I were in your particular situation, I'd start a W30 ASAP without any fruit, and being damn cautious of things like yams. 30 days of savory, creamy and spicy, evaluate at the end and do another 30 if there are still issues. Rinse and repeat. It might not be fun, but the payoffs are worth it.

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Hi Ari, to be honest, it sounds as though there's a lot more going on here than just food issues. We all have our coping mechanisms to get through rough spots in life and it sounds as though sugar is filling that role for you. Sometimes diet alone is not the answer to our problems. I hope you don't mind me saying but I think it's this issue that you need to explore. Whether you can do that on your own or whether a good therapist would help is your call. There's no doubt that doing another W30 would cut any physical addiction to sugar but could leave you psychologically bereft of your coping strategies. I really, really wish you all the best with this and wish you the best of luck

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I get it. It is difficult. I just finished my 2nd 100% compliant Whole30 and the cravings during it were stronger than my first time around last August. I made it thru unscathed, confident in the knowledge that I could enjoy my daughter's birthday cake Friday evening if I wanted to because I was done. I seriously wasn't very interested in it by then. I couldn't believe it. I gave myself permission to have it, and ended up being "meh-no biggie"

I guess all I can suggest is to keep trying. One day at a time. Just keep getting back up. There ARE alot of great foods out there,and while I know they don't take the place of sugar, they can take a better place in helping you take control.

Best of luck.

By the way- I LOVE the quote at the bottom of your post !!!!!! Probably my favorite that I have seen here. Thanks for that !

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I guess the biggest question is...Do you want to give up sugar? I re-read your post and from what you said, I don't know if you want to give it up. The bottom line, I guess, is does the frustration of the sugar demon outweigh the pleasure/comfort you get from the sugary stuff? If it doesn't, then it will continue to be a issue. Good luck! Quite the dilemma.......

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Couldn't you get the sugar fix from better sources, i.e. fruit, a drizzle of raw honey or maple syrup and leave the other stuff behind. Your post doesn't sound like you want to break up with the sugar demon, so maybe figure out how to tame it some.

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I hear you. I had one off road on Day 48 and then got back on the W30 I started April 7. I still have to be really careful with fruit, and I've decided to just cut it altogether for the foreseeable future.

Sugar is a drug, period, and it works like one for better and for worse. If your addiction is this strong, then you are more than likely headed for diabetes if you don't tackle it head on. If you try to quit it without addressing the addiction and gaining some alternative coping skills, the results will be painful if not harmful.

I absolutely second what Kirsteen said, and I hope you can be gentle with yourself. When the pain of not kicking sugar becomes more painful than another W30, you'll be ready. Give yourself the time and support that you need.

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Thank you ladies, I am in need of accessing what my relationship to sugar means...I agree that stopping at a change in diet might not be adequate. At least when I eat Whole30 compliant I do not have extreme mood swings and my head is clearer, maybe doing another Whole30 will help give me some clarity and I can begin to examine deeper problems. 

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And it is very true that I need to gain perspective on what's worse: the pain of living without the sugar dragon or the pain of living with the sugar dragon. 

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We all learned different methods of self soothing as young children..... Some healthy, some not so healthy. I'm willing to bet that one of your primary care givers shoved something sweet in your mouth every time you cried or was scared or acted up as a child.

Sugar is a POWERFUL drug! And your brain will hard wire to it very quickly.... My suggestion is start a w30, but turn it into a 60 or ninety and give your system time to really level out....

While doing this....explore ( professionally or on your own) what makes you tick and new methods of self management and self soothing....

Good luck

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I was talking to my DH about this a few weeks ago. We were on the super comfortable and exciting topic of my weight and health again, and I sort of realized that I'm afraid that if I give up sugar, I give up or lose a part of me, of who I am. I want to be healthy, but the idea of losing fat just scares me, like I won't be the same "me" afterwords. Sure, logic says that's true and I'll be a better "me", but what if I don't like the new me? It's hard to put into words, but maybe you know where I'm going with this.

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missmunchie I know exactly where you are going with this. I feel like I would be lost without my extra weight, like someone would be taking my baby blanket away. I can't imagine myself thin, I just wouldn't know how to act (even though logically I know I would be the same exact person). It's really a shame that all of this has to be so psychological. I am glad we are both here because at least we're not in denial :)

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Ari., no kidding. You'd think eating to live would be so easy. My DH has virtually no food issues, so it's hard to explain the emotional side of it with him.

 

At the end of my w30, I had an off-site workshop for work. We were at one of those fancy corporate complexes with huge break rooms full of free drinks and food - especially ginormous bins of candy. I was surrounded by people scarfing raisinettes and M&M's for two days straight. I was angry. Not angry that I couldn't have the candy (because in all seriousness, nothing was stopping me but my desire to complete the program), but angry that I wanted the candy. I had been working so hard, and here I am on Day 25, and I can't even pay attention to the instructor because my brain was spazzing out because of the tub of gummy bears sitting next to me. I started to see sugar like a bad boyfriend. You know, one of those guys who puts you down and makes you feel lousy, but then later is all sweet and apologetic so you get back with him. I want to break up with Sugar for good. But dammit, he's sexy.

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Yeah, he sure is sexy and dangerous-we love bad boys, don't we?

 

Growing up, my single mom would sit us down on Saturday nites with cola, chips, cookies and we would watch the Love Boat, Fantasy island and the Sat Night Live. Those were great times and the one night we could all just enjoy ourselves as she worked 2 jobs to support 3 kids. Frozen dinners, casseroles, all easy, fast and cheap. So yeah, it is tough understanding the pull of these comfort foods and how immediate the comfort hits after you eat them. That is so good-fast-and your brain just lights up!

 

The first thing I think about when I am stressed is sugar, carbs etc but now-62 days in-it is just a brief second and I am on to something else. I admit, I am not 100%-but damn near 99.9% because I will not obsess if my vinegar has some kind of "ite" in it.

 

I blew it on Wed with a planned cheat but it was so disastrous that I just want to pretend it never happened. The cheat lasted about 2 hours and was completely unsatisfying. I decided over the last 60 plus days, I have actually took the time to COOK for myself and pay attention to the goodness of what I am making. Slowly, without me even realizing it, I have discovered that I am able to nourish myself.

And at 54 yo, THAT is a new feeling.

Sugar and carbs, for me, trigger crap behavior. I knew that before this way of eating. I never had a handle on getting past the cravings until now. I cheated a couple days ago, with carbs and sugar, BUT the next day, right back on track without any recurrence of cravings like I had to start over.

I think I will always want sugar, of course. And this week-I formally weigh 100 pounds less than I did at my heaviest. That is a lot of armour. my friend.

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I am struggling with sugar as well.  I have for as long as I remember and I see the same pattern in all three of my kids (2 are not even biological so I can totally blame myself for teaching them that).  I took a class with a mental health counselor about 8 years ago called No More Diets.  It was based on the book with the same name.  I learned so many good skills for not eating but I continued on a cycle of losing and gaining for another 7 years.  I am terrified I am not done with it yet but I have maintained for a year and actually just lost some more weight with my first Whole 30.  My main motivation for the Whole30 was to get past my sugar habit.  I really relied on it anytime I was uncomfortable as well as when I just wanted to feel good.  I had to travel at lunch for my job and almost ran out of gas the 2nd week in because I had not used it as an excuse to stop and get a mid day candy bar.  My Whole30 showed me I can get past it and it gave me the chance to actually use the skills I learned so long ago.  We can learn all we want but if we don't practice it will never happen.  

I finished my 1st whole 30 5 days ago, I spent these 5 days at a workshop surrounded by candy and I decided it was not worth it.  I ate a Hershey's kiss when cooking with my son the other day and realized it tasted gross.  I would rather have cocoa nibs.  Am I cured?  No, I know there are triggers out there and chances are the sugar will creep back into my life. But I think it will take longer this time because I had those 30 days to practice living without and using other coping skills.  

I heard something this year that really helped me stick it out.  I can't remember the source though.  It was a study that found that for a person's beliefs to change she first had to change her practices.  Once you are doing it you can believe it.  Good luck.  

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Ari, I got to the stage where the pain of being addicted to sugar was ruining my life. I couldn't pass up free cakes at work ever, and I kept sneaking back to the kitchen for more till they were gone. I used to eat bags of lollies at a time. Not often but when I did I overdid! My mum and sister developed diabetes and I knew it was a potential problem for me but I managed to reduce my risk by exercising.

 

Anyway I did a whole30 okay but I still felt obsessed with sugar so I did a whole100 from Dec21 till end April and missed both Christmas and Easter junkfests. I gained a bit of weight on my whole100 BUT I BROKE MY SUGAR DRAGON. I no longer eat sweets or candy of any sort. I don't even use honey or maple syrup. I occasionally have dark chocolate. When I want something sweet I cook up eggs with raisins, or have some dates, or blueberries, or bake a sweet potato. If I am offered a freebie something with sugar in it I will consider it if it has some real ingredients in that have nutritional value (like a fruit and quinoa mini muffin I get on airplanes sometimes).  I am so much happier not having to "control" how much sugar I have.

 

I wish you luck fighting your dragon.

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I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling discouraged and unsure.  This stuff is really, really hard.  Please remember that you have been using sugar as a coping strategy for good, logical reasons.  You needed help making it through and this is the tool you knew.  That doesn't mean it doesn't have serious downsides of course, and I applaud you for looking for a new way to cope.  I just say the above to give you permission to not beat yourself up about it, in case you have been.

 

Sugar is so powerful from a physiological perspective - it really takes hold, and fast.  From an emotional perspective it delivers a hit in a similar way to any other mood altering drug and serves much the same purpose.  Getting out from under a sugar habit/addiction/reliance (however you want to label it) can be complicated, or at least that has been my experience.

 

I have been on a journey for a number of years now, trying to sort out nutrition, emotional health, etc etc.  The mistake I made in the past was to look for a single silver bullet - one approach that was the 'right' one to help me nourish myself well and not use food to self medicate.  In the past year I have read a lot of Geneen Roth's books.  Lots and lots of good stuff can be found there.  Most notably, her approach of 'inquiry', meaning noticing and being curious about your emotions, cravings, thought processes without judgement but with an intent to slow down and feel your emotions rather than running from them/numbing them with food.  Food is only one way that people try to numb, others are shopping, sex, gambling, drugs, booze, etc.  Her advice helped me to be less judgmental of myself, seeing value in myself, and learning a new way of seeing emotional health as it relates to food.  The downside to her approach for me is that it just barely glosses over the physical effect that food has on us and how it drives our eating habits.  She tells you to eat what you want, but to always listen to your body and give it what it wants (not what your emotions want).  For me, this is where Whole9 comes in.  Whole30 wasn't enough for me (I did a whole30 before I read this other stuff and was left with the same emotional baggage), Geneen Roth's approach wasn't enough (didn't address the addictive nature of sugar for me), but the two together have been helping me to heal and develop new patterns and coping strategies.  Just a thought, ymmv.

 

It might be helpful to keep in mind that these things take some time to heal - as one previous poster mentioned, these coping strategies have been with us since childhood, so it is tough to beat them in 30 days.  That said, the 30 days is an investment, a start, a positive balance in your health account.  Stay curious, look for answers that you connect with, and continue to nourish yourself well and you will get there, even if it isn't a linear/continually upward trajectory.  Expect slips, expect times when the whole thing annoys you, etc, but also expect lots of good as well.

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The idea of fat as armor is very powerful.  I wonder if the fact that fat is biologically active is somehow part of that psychological reality.  Best of luck in your quest, Ari.  I hope you will come back to this forum whenever you need a lift -- as you've seen, it's a pretty amazing virtual community.   :)

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