How should I tackle comments from friends and family?

[Honey Sue]

I'm on day seven of my first Whole 30 and it's going really well so far. However, I've realized I'm going to find myself in three situations which might be...well, maybe not bumps in the road because I still intend to eat Whole 30-compliant food when in these situations, but I still think I might need some help on how to handle possible (and probable) discussions that might come up.

 

1. I'm going to a big BBQ party where you're supposed to bring your own protein, but the hostess will make sides, sauces etc. I would prefer to pring my own bowl of salad, simply dressed with some olive oil and balsamic, which I know is Whole 30-compliant, but it will surely cause some raised eybrows and annoying comments ("why can't you eat an ordinary salad?", "there's just a little potato in this dish, it can't really make that much of a difference", "I'm almost sure there's no sugar in this dressing", "don't you like my food, I've really spent a lot of time on it"). I would really like to know how to tackle this comments or at least how to cope with stupid remarks and rolling of eyes.

 

2. I'm going home to visit my parents and my mother told me she's made a great potato dish with potato (duh), pears, parmesan, gorgonzola and cream. A couple of years ago this would have made me really excited but now I could actually feel how my stomach would explode if I tried this. I told her that I don't eat potatoes (which I more or less haven't done for two years) and she said "But when you're here you'll have to!". I'm sure she doesn't mean any harm or to be mean, but I'm not sure how I should explain to her that I really can't eat her food. After all, she's my mom and I don't want to make her sad.

 

3. I'm going to attend a sports competition during a weekend and I've planned to bring a cooler with food so that I can have my good clean meals as always. However, the rest of my team usually insists on eating together and we usually end up with some sort of pizza/burger/insertrandonjunkfoodhere. Of course I would like to spend time with my team, but I still don't want to eat junk. I could eat before we go out, but there might not always be time, or after, but by then I might be so hungry I could eat one of my teammates. I already know they think I'm being to complicated with my "non-eating" and "diet", and I'm getting tired and quite sad of trying to explain that I really can't, or won't, eat just anything, not even as an exception.

 

Would be really grateful for some help here. I just want to be able to give a simple answer without making people sad or angry and without having to defend my choices every single time I have to eat together with others.

[Jackolantern]

Sounds like you have a great social life

 

I've been in situations similar to yours. I've found it's best to be honest (instead of saying I have an allergy or am on a diet) and explain what Whole 30 is, why I'm doing it and how it makes me feel.

 

Specifically:

1) For potlucks, I've brought my own salad. Or compliant deviled eggs with homemade mayo. Maybe forgo the boring lettuce with balsamic salad and use it as an opportunity to try a new recipe. There are some inventive ones using bagged cole slaw cabbage or broccoli slaw. You say it's a big party -- no one's going to complain about an extra side. If you're worried about the hostess, casually mention to her when you come in that you brought something different, a new dish. Just make sure you get some before everyone else! Hopefully, people will be more focused on good conversation and having a good time than what's on your plate. If they do comment, be honest and say, "That marshmallow-fruit-poptart-mayo-pasta salad looked amazing, but I'm eating a little healthier this month." Or if you have more time, tell them about the Whole 30 and what you hope to get out of it.

 

2) Similar to the last one - tell your mom that sounds great, but you can't eat it right now. Ask her for the recipe to make later or request it another time when you're off Whole 30. Offer to cook dinner the first night your back and cook your favorite Whole 30 meal. I cooked a few meals for my mom when she visited during my whole 30. Next time I went home, she was making steak, brussels sprouts and sweet potatoes on the grill, without thinking about it or asking me.

 

3) I had a similar situation for a work lunch on Friday. I asked the waitress what they had that was gluten and dairy free, which narrowed my options to a few things. I ended up going with a bunless burger, extra lettuce, onion and tomato. If there's nothing substantial, you can usually go with a salad to hold you over until after dinner. If you get pushback, tell them how great your "diet" has been and you don't want to screw it up now.

 

In all these things, it helps me to remember the people are more important than the food and if the balance starts to tip the other way, I have the power to tip it back.

[Physibeth]

First of all stop stressing yourself out over how other people react to your choices. Your choices are your own and you can't control how other people react to them. That's on them.

 

Personally I would suggest just telling people you are doing an elimination challenge right now to try and heal some health issues you have been dealing with. Gently explain the things you can not eat and that if you do you would have to start all over. Be very clear that you are choosing not to eat these things as an experiment of one. Comments like "that looks lovely but at the moment I would undo weeks of hard work if I had it, maybe next time when I've sorted things out."

 

You may not be able to avoid people getting hurt or mad but remember you didn't make them hurt or mad, they choose to react that way.

[Renee Lee]

Great answers from Jackolantern and Physibeth here!

 

You'll be fine. Don't apologize for your own choices. It sounds like you aren't even really tempted by the food, particularly your mom's potato concoction, which is great!  If you're post W30 next time, and can't use the program as a reason, the tried and true, "[food choice] really doesn't make me feel good" is a great one to pull out when folks are pushing really hard.

[Honey Sue]

Thank you! I actually think the hardest part for me might be to put up with the usual (perhaps typically Swedish) counter-comment "My gooood, you're so boooooring", when I say I can't (or really rather won't eat something, it makes me quite sad and, unfortunately, too defensive. I don't preach my food choices, which some of my other friends do when they've found the "perfect" eating habit like GI or LCHF, so I don't feel people should be that upset about my choice. If anyone wants to join the Paleo or Whole 30 train I'm happy to talk about it, explain and share recipes, but otherwise I like to keep it to myself and would like to be happy to do so

[MrsStick]

Peer pressure can suck, but if you go into it with confidence, you'll be fine!

 

1. Spice up your protein at the party yourself, and bring a veggie side. The last potluck I went to, I took a big bowl of roasted sweet potato, parsnip, carrot, and mushrooms (olive oil, salt, pepper, maybe some white pepper or something? Don't remember). The person in front of us in line thought it was "so weird" but the huge bowl was completely empty when we left. The burgers at ours were unseasoned, and I had two without buns. Mmm.

 

2. Get the recipe, but don't eat it. Say you'll try it later when you can. Send it to me, since dairy isn't a problem! Kidding. Even if you never do. My mother still sends me recipes for boxed cake mixes. I smile, then archive the email and move on. She knows I'm gluten free, too!

 

3. Don't give in at the team dinner. I'd bet you can get a bunless burger without cheese and condiments on the side with a double side of steamed/grilled veggies. Maybe even baked sweet potato plain! I've seen tons of compliant fish in restaurants, all you'd have to ask is to sub extra veggies for the rice/couscous/quinoa/whatever. 

 

As for the boring...tell them, later, when they're in the inevitable food coma/hangover the next morning that you feel great and isn't it awesome that you were so boring?