previously anorexic/ binge eater and stress during whole30

[irunprimal]

Hello whole 30 forum!

I am a 23 y/o fairly active female trying to lose weight and regain control of food. I was a self diagnosed anorexic ages 17-19 (weighed 120 at 5'10) after I recovered to 140, I never wanted to go down the path of restrictive eating again. I ran long distance track often up to 50-70 miles per week in college, so I survived off of lots of peanut butter, oatmeal, hummus and pizza. After college I fell into bouts of binge eating and now I am up to 165 and feel fat and gross all the time (I only run 3 days a week). I did the whole30 in october and had great results physically, but fell off the wagon after. I started another whole 30 about 3 days ago, but find that it really stresses me out. Just all the thinking and deciding and cooking about food, not to mention the social aspect. Since my ED im super self concious about food and I hate to impose anything on anyone. I get anxious and then end up eating tons of dates and nut butters. 

 

Any suggetions?

[annabel]

What did you do in October that made your W30 successful?

 

I think that it is really easy to get obsessed with food when you're doing a W30 because of all the label reading and the stress involved with eating out at all.

 

 

Have you tried making a meal plan for the week?  At least then you're only stressing out for a bit of time and not constantly every day.

 

You could have a look at other people's food logs for some inspiration and just eat what they're eating (though not all the food logs have people making great food choices).

[Tom Denham]

Finding a good therapist to work with you as you resolve your relationship with food would improve your chances of success. I made my living as a psychotherapist for a number of years, so am somewhat biased, but eating disorders are difficult. I've known people to work with a team that includes a dietician, a counselor, and a psychiatrist.

[MrsStick]

You sound very similar to how I used to be. 5'10", 125-ish lbs until college. I was a food sneaker, I ate almost nothing all day (PB&J, applesauce, and chips or crackers for lunch) then would eat spoonfuls of peanut butter, jelly, sometimes even sugar by the spoonful. I got more into rowing (hooray, crew team! at least, until my shoulder went out...) than running, but my weight stabilized, at its highest, around 157 a year ago. The Whole 30 got me down, over 30 days of eating as much as I wanted and including plenty of fat, to about 145. I haven't weighed myself since, but I know that my size is stable, and that is more of what I wanted. Weight is a number, size is how I look. And I'm definitely happy with size!

 

The thing that really helped me was the weekly cook-up. I spent one day and started in the morning (then, it was Saturday; it's moved now to Sunday). I spent an hour or two finding recipes for what I wanted to make. I'd search for "Paleo X recipe" and choose ones I knew were compliant. I tried to pair things so I would use up everything I bought, even if I only needed a little for one recipe. While doing that, I made my list. Then I went shopping after lunch, bought everything I needed. Came home, and picked one meal. Made that meal. Picked another recipe and made it. I scaled every recipe up so that it would hopefully last at least 4 meals. There were a few that were only 2 meals' worth on purpose (usually involving things that were very preparation-heavy - shrimp cakes with fruity pico de gallo, for one), but I'd get as much food prep done as possible on that day. It wasn't fun, although I'd put on internet radio (hooray, last.fm!) or a TV show/movie right there in the kitchen to make it suck less. The rest of the week - no stress about what to eat! I knew what I had in my fridge, and I had general "meals" already planned out. The sweet potato mash to go with breakfast was made, so I just had to cook my eggs and add the SP and another veggie side. The meats were prepped, the veggies were ready to go. All I had to do was chop the raw veggies I took to work with mayo dip.

 

Try a weekly cook-up. The meals don't need to be fancy. I've been known, in a pinch, to mix ground beef with frozen veggies, tomato sauce, and Italian seasoning and call it good. I made a (NOT COMPLIANT since I'm not W30) pizza frittata yesterday to use stuff up at home (we are moving, and the fridge is getting picked up tomorrow) with quartered cherry tomatoes, halved leftover pepperoni slices, and leftover parmesan cheese with the last 3 eggs. In the microwave because our pans are already packed. 

 

This doesn't need to be hard or stressful. Calm down, simplify your meals, and your meal prep. You can do it!

[Krista Billows Rodriguez]

I second prep work!  It's a key to doing this without so much food stress.  Your meals don't need to be gourmet, just nourishing.  It definately sounds like there's more than just a food change needed though, Tom's got a good point about finding a qualified therapist to work through why you might be using food against you.  You're young and healthy and you need to learn how to care for that body of yours so it'll last for many decades to come.  Focus on your health, both physical and mental.  And if that's too much, focus on the mental health now and come back to the W30 when it won't add to your stress and sabotague your efforts.

[irunprimal]

Thanks for all the advice so far. In response to what made the one in october sucessful? Honestly I think a lot of it had to do with the seasonal squash, pumpkin and butternut helping provide just enough carbs. Now I will mostly avoid and then end up going for too much summer fruit like mangoes and nectarines. Also, I tried doing a whole30 while still including greek yogurt, hummus and peanut butter. I had no results and was discouraged and back at square one! 

[jillian]

Hey irunprimal - eating disorders are COMPLICATED. Following a very strict food plan can actually make your ED much worse in the long run. There is so much more that needs to be addressed - way beyond what types of food you are eating. I wholeheartedly agree with Tom. If you're able to connect with a therapist, please do that soon - it will help you get to a healthy "headspace" and from there you can do the Whole30 with great success - and more importantly, continue with healthy eating habits beyond a mere 30 days.

 

Sending lots of love and compassion your way!

[Carlislede]

Hey! This might be an unpopular opinion or option but I would really suggest you stop doing whole 30 for a little while. I was anorexic and bulimic for 5 years, (started my journey to recovery 4 years ago!) I know that sometimes a strict food plan can actually trigger you to relapse or just super mess with your head. No matter how good your intentions are, and whole 30 is really great but put yourself before your weight lose or diet aspirations. I'm not saying you can do whole 30, I actually started it a year ago and started to stress out so bad and spent a miserable days thinking about food 24/7 and what I can eat, when I can eat it. I would get so overwhelmed with everything I wouldn't actually cook anything I would just binge on nut butter, almonds and dried fruit. I would give meal planning a try, it could really help eliminate the stress. But if it's still stressing you out I would wait a few weeks or a month and give it another try! Coming from another ex-anorexic your mental and emotional health is sooo important! Take care or yourself and don't be afraid to impose on people!!!!