Feeling disgusted with myself


kel239

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So I've completed Whole 30 2x.  I just finished my most recent one on July 6. Tell me why I took my before photos for my round 3 that I started today.....and I looked DISGUSTING compared even my before photos for round 2. In about two weeks I managed to eat and drink myself to a state of disgust.  Literally I see these pictures and I want to puke.  I hate it.  I just don't get how I can let myself get to be so out of control. Yeah I'm sure a lot of people would look at my pictures and laugh at me for even caring and tell me that I'm vain... and I didn't do whole 30 for weight loss... I did it to alleviate candida.  However..... how do people get around these feelings of self-loathing.  It's hard to have a healthy mindset when I see these current pictures and think to myself that I need to go run on a hamster wheel until I've ran off the 5-8 lbs I gained (On someone whose 5'2 that's a lot) and that I should just not eat for a week. I know that is COMPLETELY unhealthy and irrational, but that's how I feel after having to look at myself. 

 

I am HOPING that when I go workout tomorrow that I will feel good about myself... It's so funny how working out even if you haven't seen any physical results can just make you feel stronger and better. 

 

I try not to be such a shallow person but sometimes it's hard.....  does anyone else have a hard time doing the right thing when all common sense is telling them to just quit eating and do massive amounts of insane exercise and run themselves into the ground? How do you keep from doing that.

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First off, delete those pics and stop taking pics.  I know Whole30 is OK with taking pics, but it sounds like they are not a good thing for you.  Get rid of them.

 

Second, I would imagine that the weight you have gained is mostly inflammation.  What happens is that our bodies get used to eating whole foods, and then when we re-introduce foods we used to be able to tolerate, our bodies swell up quite a bit more than they used to, just in order to deal with those foods.  This is not a sign of something being wrong, it's a sign that your gut is healing and your body is behaving normally in the presence of these foods.  It's a good thing.  After you've been doing your next Whole30 for a couple of weeks that will drop off.  I'm your same height and I understand how 5-8 lbs can feel quite significant.  But I assure you, this is all a sign that you have been treating your body well, and it is adding extra fluid to its storage tanks right now to help you stay healthy as you eat the foods that are not as good for you.  It's good.  It will drop off when you eat whole foods again.

 

Third, go easy on yourself.  You did two Whole30s and it changed your relationship with food - now take it slow and easy and be nice to yourself as you continue on.  You deserve it.  Your body is doing exactly what it should be doing, and you are going to be fine. 

 

Also, you're gorgeous.  Really.  Also smart.  Just don't get on the hamster wheel, in real life or in your thoughts.  Have some good food, and remember that a big huge part of why you feel bad emotionally right now is that your brain is affected by the sugar.  Give it a few days and you'll feel better.  Promise.  Hugs!!  :wub:

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Thank you for the support! Yeah I am deleting these pics off my phone so I can't look at them, but at lest store them somewhere so when I come back and do it again ill remember that is PART of the reason why I did it. The inflammation is the worst.... I have extreme necks me back pain from it. But today just from one day of eating healthy I woke up feeling better about myself knowing I made the right choices. Thanks!

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While doing this third W30 I would challenge you to spend a lot of time thinking about why you go off the rails in between your W30s. You need to come to terms with which changes are temporary for detox/healing and which changes need to be permanent for your long term health. W30 shouldn't be another on and off again diet...it's goal is to lead you towards a long term healthy sustainable lifestyle. 

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