Body image and not believing it's working

[Girltony]

hello - I have a question about the psychological side of this programme. if this is the wrong place for it please let me know..

for many years I've struggled wih body image and the hangover from being an overweight, underconfident teenager, and as I've got older the focus has shifted much more on to being as healthy as I can. I still want to lose weight, but I'm doing this Whole 30 (I'm on day 21) for the health benefits and the good habits, not the weight loss which I trusted would be a side effect anyway. I'm not overweight as a naturally muscular built woman, 5'7 at (when I started) around 145 pounds. I had already been losing weight for several months after switching to a diet without any grains in April. At the start of that period I was roughly 154-155 pounds.

My trouble is that I find it very hard to believe that my body composition has changed and that I've lost pounds/fat even when I know I have. I know this programme isn't meant to be able to rid me of all psychological issues, but to some degree I think I believed I would care less, and feel better about my body by feeding it the right stuff. However, if I have a bad day, or have any natural fluctuation in size - pms-related water retention, mild bloating after a meal, for example, which has reduced but not gone away completely - I become convinced I have ballooned to a much bigger size and that none of the effort is worth it.. I even get this feeling after eating a decent size meal, or after I have a fatty snack between meals when I'm hungry and I know I need to eat something to keep me on track.

I suppose more than anything I am asking whether other people have this issue, and what they do about it. The practical way to address it might be to work a little harder on my body composition I suppose, eg. doing weights, exercises that yield trackable results, getting that flatter stomach etc etc. but I also feel my mind needs to do some work. Sometimes I feel like I only believe I've lost weight for the two minutes after someone pays me a compliment, or after I try on those smaller-size jeans and find, miraculously, that they fit.

thanks to anyone who has any thoughts aobut this, it's something I'd like to tackle alongside the physical / habit issues my Whole 30 has been so great for addressing.

[amberino21]

Bee - I have similar issues with how I perceive myself to look and what I actually look like. I often see girls and wish I was their size, when I'm actually smaller.

I lost a lot of weight a few years ago (healthily, over a long period, and gained quite a lot of muscle in the process.... It was before I considered competing in bodybuilding). Still to this day, I quite often think I'm that bigger person!

My husband comes shopping with me, and convinces me to try on clothes that I wouldn't otherwise as they're not clothes "bigger" people should wear.

I've also got the opposite problem now of knowing what I look like at 6ish% BF. I know that's not healthy, or sustainable, but accepting me "normal" sized is hard. I struggle with it.

I'm trying to grow muscle at the moment, which comes with a little fat, plus more muscle....sometimes I want to stop because it effects my head so much! I love what I do though, and want to compete again, so it's a necessity.

I can say that taking photos is probably the best way to see changes and monitor your own physique. Photos can't lie. Scales are crap, you trying to perceive your look doesn't work.... Photos are black and white! In my first month of a new lifestyle/ training I was convinced I'd not changed. Clothes fit differently, but I still saw the same body in the mirror..... There was a huge difference in my photos though, and I could accept that!

[Roz Griffiths]

I hear ya! I'm exactly the same. I'm definitely getting into smaller clothes, but i still shudder at the sight of my reflection I know i feel healthier! I just can't get past the visuals

[MrsRobinson]

It is very strange, and very complex, to sort through the emotional fallout of success. I've lost 77 pounds so far, enough that my body looks significantly different. Some days I "believe" it, and other days I have an irrational fear that it didn't really happen. With every piece of clothing I give away, I feel like I'm letting go of a piece of my identity. It seems like a no brainer that I'd want to let go of being the "funny fat girl", but then who am I instead? I'm still figuring that out.

[Bet]

I think pictures are a good way to tell. I took pictures prior to my W30 and then after. I can see the difference. Also, keeping some of your 'fat' clothes and try them on now and then.

[notacommittee]

Disclaimer: I have never been overweight, not even when I ate a donut for breakfast, gummy worms for lunch, and pizza for dinner.

 

That said, I do get really bad bloating, and often succumb to the "I hate my body" thing from totally natural fluctuations, so here's what I do that works for me that may or may not help you. I don't try to fight the feeling head-on (the "I'm so fat/no, I'm not" thing where you try to take on that little voice in your head directly). What I do is sneak up behind that little voice, and stealthily displace it from behind.

 

I don't try to argue with the "I'm so fat" thoughts; instead, I physically do something that makes me feel very strong and powerful. So I do a couple of really slow air squats, and really feel all the muscles in my legs working, and look down at them shifting around under the skin, and I'm thinking wow, I'm a bad***, and I get distracted by that and totally forget about feeling fat. Or I do a few sets of push-ups and do the same with my arms.

 

Basically it just helps me get into a headspace where I'm thinking of food as muscle fuel to keep my weightlifting numbers going up, and thinking of my body as something strong and awesome. I have never had any success trying to persuade myself that I don't look fat, but somehow distracting myself seems to work better.

[AmandaNew]

I can totally relate!  I'm a little shorter than 5'2".  I weighed 125.4 when I started Whole 30 this past Tuesday.  Not weighing has been my main challenge.  I only have a little weight to lose - but to me it seems like a huge amount!  (My goal is 118.)  I was Vegan for 6 years before I embraced this Paleo way of eating.  So - it's a big adjustment for me.  And after eating a satisfying meal - I feel huge!  I'm hanging in there.  Maybe I was a starved out Vegan and needed this nourishment.  So - I'm in it for the long haul! 

 

I went Paleo because after 6 years of being Vegan - I felt awful.  I felt tired and unhappy.  I had horrible insomnia - and I was hungry all the time.  After putting animal protein back into my diet - it's amazing the changes I have felt!  The best part for me is sleeping at night.  So - I'm all in.

[lexes42]

I'm gonna go in a completely different direction and suggest that the wrong approach is to 'work harder' at changing your body composition and studying photographs for improvements.  The only exception to that - in my opinion - MIGHT be if your life's work depends on your outward physique - i.e. model, dancer, fitness competitor.

 

I think it's important to know that every woman in the world suffers body image issues.  Except maybe women completely un affected by the media:  the late mother theresa maybe didn't worry too much about it... but that's a big MAYBE.

 

The most beautiful women in the world:

sometimes (often?) feel fat and ugly

have been left and cheated on by husbands and partners.

are sometimes 'bigger' then 5'7 / 150 pounds - even when their profession demands being a size 0 - they are a size 8 or more:  Sofia Vergara and Christina Hendricks spring to mind - as does Sophia Loren

have been passed over for someone prettier and thinner by some random standard - professionally and personally

one of the richest and most powerful women in the world - oprah- has body / food issues... and she can pay someone to walk behind her and tell her she's fabulous  and / or smack food out of her hand...

 

So I don't think this is your problem, it's a societal problem.  And people who have lost weight often struggle with having their 'minds' accept it after decades of self-hatred / abuse.

 

I would concentrate on finding outlets that celebrate how awesome the body is and stress being patient / forgiving with yourself - a taletned yoga or meditation teacher can help with that...  - not a dvd mind you... a good teacher!  as can sports that celebrate your abilities not how you look in the outfit- rock climbing, martial arts, or hiking in nature spring to mind.

 

Stop reading ANY celebrity /  fashion / beauty / fitness magazines (seriously - you'll save money too - not just on the magazine but on the crap they convince you you MUST buy)

As dumb as it feels - affirmations and mantras will help.... so might hypnosis.  You are retraining your mind after years of negative affirmations and mantras:  I'm so fat, I should be a size 0, I need to lose 15 pounds....etc. So you MUST replace them with : I'm a badass.  I'm beautiful and strong.  I am perfect RIGHT NOW... not when I reach some external physical goal

 

You are very smart to know it's the brain part keeping you unhappy -  you clearly are very disciplined and able to reach goals.  This is just a lifelong process, I'm afraid.

[lexes42]

Your avatar of a whale reminded me of this:

 

This went viral on facebook 2 years ago

 

 A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way: 

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish? 
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

[notacommittee]

omg lexes42 I love the whale thing!

 

Although I really wish we could all be positive about the whales without being down on the mermaids. Some people are a size 10 and that's OK. Some people are a size 0 and that's OK too. What's not OK is the "everyone must be a size [whatever]" mindset.

[lexes42]

Agreed!  When it came out, there was a backlash saying it was 'thin bashing' - which was as bad as anything else.  And I agree... I take it more along the lines of:

 

there is a LOT more to life then being thin and beautiful (which I hope all my sisters of all sizes agree...)

gyms and advertising don't get to define beautiful

[Girltony]

thank you very much to everyone and special thanks to lexes42 because I feel like you understood very well what I was grasping at. I am happy with aiming to losing a little more weight,and improving body comp etc, but after years (and real achievements) working on my actual body I'm aware that it's the body in my head I need to improve ie. I could be Kate Moss crossed with Natalie Portman, but still feel too big and not pretty enough on negative days.

I have recently started to re approach meditation for stress management but I have no idea how I would go about finding a teacher to help me use it as a positive body image tool, do you have any pointers on that front? I like the idea of mantras though and I should get into the habit of saying nice things to myself, it's a good idea.

noted re: types of exercise, too, and actually I was about to take up a kind of dance/ballet class although I have a suspicion that I might find it harder than I realise standing around in a leotard with a bunch of skinny women whose legs will, by law of averages, almost certainly be longer than mine (I'm tall with short legs) and maybe I should seek out some kind of climbing instead. I love hiking, it's one my favourite things to do.

notacomittee I also like your suggestion because, being naturally quite strong and muscular, I notice after exercises that use, for example, my very capable quads when I cycle, that it's a quick transition from 'big' (negative) to 'powerful' (positive).

by the way, the whale wasn't consciously a symbol of feeling fat! I read a lot about whales recently and particularly orcas, who are extremely intelligent, with parts of the brain (involved in social ties and behaviour) that humans don't have to the same degree. so I chose the picture because I was in awe of that...of there being creatures who are potentially a lot smarter than us about caring for each other.

[sheba-kitty]

Great thread! I seriously have the weirdest body issues... Most of the time I forget how fat I am. Until I see pictures! Yikes! But then all during my triathlon yesterday as I was passing people on the bike I kept imagining them thinking, "I can't believe that fat girl just passed me!" And I am so attached to the scale! not using the scale is the one part of the program that I am still struggling with. I know that I get treated differently due to my weight in certian situations. Anyways... I continue to work with the professionals on the mental aspects of my weight. Meanwhile I am working on focusing on eating good food! Woot!

[SpinSpin]

Bee-Have you thought about taking belly dancing? I have done belly dancing off and on for the last decade or so and I LOVE IT--and you can do it to all kinds of music, so long as it has a definable beat--jazz, rock, celtic, world/new age... you name it! I love it--and it is a real celebration of your body, no matter what size/shape it is! 

[Jtandi]

what a great thread! I didn't completely read through all the answers, but lexes42 said exactly what I thought - instead of continuing to try to change your body ("work a little harder") it sounds like it's time to change your mind. I am working hard on that aspect of this change right now. it's brutal. I have been "off" my whole__ for a while now and it's like a land mine some days.

 

just wanted to pop in here and say that. I'm working on it, too, and am so blessed to have a place to come and see I'm not alone in my continued struggles and growth! 'cause in the end it ONLY Starts With Food! (haha, get it? ISWF? I'm so clever!)

[Boykinbaby]

I've been in that place for years and I'm still trying to dig myself out of the tar pit that scociety has shoved us all into.  Though i've never been "over weight" at my heaviest I was still 30lbs higher than where I sit today, and for better or worse my body type allows me to carry excess really well.  However, even though i'm down that weight and even a good 10lbs (almost) under my prepregnancy weight after less than 10 months, I still look in the mirror some days and just see that little soft spot on my belly or my thighs and shudder.  I know that women Should have a little more extra padding, especially during our fertile years, and that really if I lean out to where abs would be defined, ect my body would be so under BF% that I likely wouldn't ovulate any more and that's a serious problem. 

 

So I'm trying really hard to practice self love, to really Know that I am strong(lugging around a healthy 21lbs baby girl is better than weight lifting!) healthy and beautiful.  In those 10 months since her birth i've accomplished so much to change my health and show my girl that feeling good is looking good(or at least trying to) and that even if I don't look like a crossfit competitor i'm still in darn good shape!  But it's a daily struggle with back slides every so often. 

 

One thing that is helping me is reading the blogs from www.paleoforwomen.com  and listening to the podcast Live.Love.Eat.  it's inspiring and really shows that we're not alone out there.  We all just need to take it one day at a time and eventually we'll all get there!