Bebe's Log

[Bebe]

So I started my Whole30 today! It's my plan to log my meals and how I'm feeling here.

I'm generally healthy but tremendously out of shape - I haven't done an honest to goodness workout in over two years and I weigh way, way too much. A doctor would apply that hideous 'O' label to me.

So what results am I hoping to get from the Whole30?

• I would like to lose the bloat. Every day my feet swell in an embarassing way (I am so glad my pants are long enough to cover them up!)
  
• I hope to experience clearer thinking. I'm juggling several projects at work and it is my responsibility to keep track of all the details. There have been a few times when I have completely forgotten something. That stresses me out and, of course, reflects badly on my performance
  
• I hope to see some improvement in my skin. My face is clear but the skin on my body seems to have gotten increasingly bumpy and rough. I'm also secretly hoping that the Whole30 clears the half dozen or so tiny flat warts that have appeared on the backs of my hands - that may be asking to much but I can hope, can't I?
  
• I really, really hope that the next 30 days will bring some sanity back to the way I am feeding myself. I have battled emotional eating since I was 18. I really want a more rational relationship with food
  
• I'm really hoping some of the stiffness I've begun to experience will go away. When I get out of my car at the end of my 45+ minute commute, I have to stand in place for a good 30 seconds so I can walk without hobbling like an old woman!
  
• I just want to feel better - physically, emotionally and mentally!
  
• And yes, I admit it, I hope I lose some weight or at least my body composition shifts a bit
  

That's quite a list isn't it? Hope my expectations aren't too high!

[Lyn1]

Welcome! Those are some good goals. I'm excited to hear how you do. :-)

[Bebe]

Day 1 Meals

Breakfast: 1 Adele's Apple Chicken Sausage

2 cups kale sauteed in olive oil

3 eggs scrambled w/ 2 Tbs coconut milk

Lunch: Tuna patties

broccoli puree (yum!)

shredded purple cabbage tossed with olive oil and lemon

Snack: about 8 raw cashews

Dinner: Steak

sauteed veggies

I ate way too much at lunch and so really wasn't hungry for dinner. I didn't eat until after 8 which is way too late. I really could have gone without dinner.

I really want to try to eat only when hungry and stop when I'm satisfied but it seemed important to get the food in today. I'll have to work on better timing of my meals especially on the weekends. Off to bed now to try to get those 8 hours in. Darn that 5 am alarm!

[Bebe]

Thanks, Lyn! I'm excited to see how I do too!

[Ann]

Welcome Bebe! You're starting strong -- you are already 1/30th of the way through it! You will do great.

(and go get that Pellegrino, pronto! hehe )

[Derval]

great goals, this one just wraps it up

I just want to feel better - physically, emotionally and mentally

and I'm sure you will by Day31!

[Bebe]

Day 1 again....ahem!

Ok. So I did not pick the best week, hormonally speaking, to start and I tanked. So fresh start today!

Just finished a weird but delicious breakfast of 2 Applewood Organic Hot Dogs, pineapple and kale all sauteed together in coconut oil.

Will be doing a bit of a cook up later.

And, yes, Ann, I have several bottles of Pellegrino chilling in the fridge!

[Derval]

It being 30 days it is an inevitable challenge to face for most of us have your sweet potatoes ready to curb those cravings!

[Bebe]

Meal 2: roasted chicken, carrots, roasted vegs, romaine salad

Snack: small handful raw cashews

Snack 2: 1/2 organic hot dog (my labradoodle got the other half!)

Meal 3: grilled chicken, sugar snap peas, carrots, sunshine sauce!

Oh my goodness. Sunshine sauce? I'm in love with Sunshine sauce. I think I might go a bit heavier on the Sunbutter next time but yum!

Today was not a perfect day - the roasted chicken at lunch was grocery store rotisserie and there were bacon bits (ack! talk about Franken food!) in the salad. But I'm okay with it. I'm still going to call it day 1.

Going to go pack up my food for tomorrow and then I'm going to hit the sack. Try to get my 8 hours in.....

Really, really did not want to cook tonight so I'm really glad I had grilled chicken and steak earlier.

[Bebe]

Day 2:

Meal 1: Sauteed kale, grilled chicken, pineapple and sunshine sauce

Snack 1: About 12 macadamias

Meal 2: steak salad w/ roasted vegs and ranch dressing

Snack 2: sugar snaps and carrots dipped in sunbutter (yum!)

Meal 3: Sauteed Kale, grilled chicken, sunshine sauce and cherries

I was planning on having salmon tonight but really, really did not feel like cooking. So I just repeated breakfast. Snack 2 was more munchies than hunger but evening is my 'out of control' eating time and somehow it seemed easier to manage with some vegs and sunbutter in my tummy. Looking forward to sleep tonight!

[Bebe]

Day 3:

Meal 1: Adele's Chicken Sausage, baked sweet potato

Snack 1: Cherries and 6 macadamia nuts

Meal 2: Steak salad with spinach, carrots, mushrooms and ranch dressing

Snack 2: Veggies and small amount of Sunbutter

Meal 3: Blackened Salmon

I tried to be more controlled with snacks today and pay attention to how much I was eating. But I must admit I probably wasn't hungry when I ate my snacks.

I wasn't really hungry for dinner and really, really didn't want to cook But I had some salmon that needed cooking. I googled and found this easy recipe: http://www.paleoeffe...n-paleo-effect/ Yum! It has particular cooking instructions. I followed them to a tee and the salmon turned out perfect - spicy blackened crust outside and buttery salmon inside.

I feel pretty good. Woke up without an alarm this morning - a little earlier than I would have preferred but wide awake and ready to go. And some (not all) of the bloat is already gone. I can tell.

Loving my Pelligrino and Lime 'cocktail'. I may not miss wine so much after all!

[Bebe]

Day 4

So today went pretty well but I did do some legalized mindless grazing - not quite SWYPO but close enough.

I had to go to a training session this afternoon and it ended early but too late to backtrack to the office. So I got home about an hour early. Now in the not too distant past, that would have been a reason to binge. Why? I have no earthly idea. So on the drive home that's what I was thinking about, binge food.

But as I got closer to home, I started thinking about how great I've been feeling this week and how I already feel lighter somehow. And then I began thinking about how awful I would feel if I went off the plan and how I'd have to start over and it just wasn't worth it. Yay me!

Meal 1: Chicken Sausage and sweet potato

Meal 2: Blackened Salmon

Spinach

Avocado

Snack 1: Carrots and grape tomatoes

Mindless Eating: About 2 dozen pistachios

Meal 3: Chicken stirfry with broccoli slaw, mushrooms, coconut aminos and cashews (cause I hadn't had enough nuts already!)

[Bebe]

Day 5:

So today I'm just feeling kindof meh. I worked late and didn't get home until 7:30. Really did not want to cook. This is a recurring theme. And points to the fact that when I do my meal planning I need to think about the end of the week.

Stopped at the grocery and they had a plain rotisserie chicken. Yay! Dinner solved.

Meal 1: 2 Adele's chicken sausage

cherries

coffee with coconut milk

Meal 2: Spinach salad with grilled chicken, mushrooms, carrots and ranch dressing (I guess I should have been saying all along this is the ranch dressing from well fed)

Snack: Sugar snaps, grape tomatoes and carrots w/ Sunbutter (yum!)

Meal 3: rotisserie chicken breast, 6 macadamias, 12 pistachios (nut problem, anyone?)

I know, no vegs for dinner. I would feel worse about that if my snack had not been veggie based.

I need to figure out something interesting to have for dinner tomorrow 'cause I'm starting to feel bored and that's not a good way to go into the weekend! Guess I need to go peruse some other logs for ideas....

[Bebe]

Day 6

Meal 1:

Sweet potato

Pulled pork

Meal 2:

2 hard boiled eggs

Carrots, sugar snaps and grape tomatoes

12 macadamia nuts

cherries

Meal 3: Off the rails

Yesterday was definitely a mixed bag. I knew I was going to be driving from one work location to another and I didn't want to cave to the temptation of Chikfila but I also knew my usual lunch of salad with meat wouldn't work. So I hard boiled some eggs and bagged up some finger veggies, cherries and nuts. As I was eating my lunch, I was thinking about how great it was just to eat to fuel my body and that be satisfying in and of itself. I was proud of myself.

But then at the end of the day, I was feeling frustrated with work and hungry. During the hour plus drive back home, I decided to binge. It was Friday night after all and .... I won't rehash all of rationalizations here.

If anyone has experience with disordered eating, you know that part of the whole cycle is beating yourself up afterward. I'm trying really hard not to do that. Up until last night, I had eaten 17 compliant meals and something like 10 compliant snacks in a row. I'm going to give myself credit for that. And I'm going to keep going. I know that if I start over I will open the door to 'I might as well wait until August 1 because that's when the official whole 30 starts. And if I'm going to do that then I better eat all the bad stuff I can between now and then'.

Yeah, I have one really screwed up relationship with food. Or I will say that I have had. My relationship with food, with myself is now improving every day.

[Bebe]

Day 7 Back on course

Snack: Small amount of pulled pork with a bit of sunshine sauce before taking the dog for a long walk

Meal 1: Chicken Apple Sausage

Meal 2: Stir Fry with pulled pork, broccoli slaw, shredded carrots, onion and mushrooms plus coconut aminos and toasted sesame oil

Snack: about 6 macadamia nuts. (did you know these are toxic to dogs? As few as six can cause a pretty severe reaction)

Meal 3: Chicken and Red Cabbage stir fry with carmelized coconut flakes and pine nuts (Yum!)

I was big into stir fry today for some reason. Surprisingly, free wheeling last night did not give me the physical symptoms i expected - stomach upset, headache. However, I was tired all day and took a long nap late morning. Plus I was in a total do nothing mood which, I hate to admit, has not been that unusual for me the last few years. I wonder if that is food related? Actually, that would be wonderful if that was food related!

One of the things I'm really curious to find out is how the Whole 30 will affect my overall emotional outlook. I have struggled off and on with depression most of my adult life. I have dealt with it by self-medicating with food and wine. Won't it be a kick in the pants if by the end of the whole30 or 90 or whatever, I find that my self medication was causing my need for self medication? Huh. Something to think about....

[Bebe]

Day 8

So I'm still dealing with the after affects of running off the road Friday night. I did not sleep very well last night and woke up feeling achy and tired. Emotionally, I'm not in a good place. I have family obligations on Sundays (my elderly parents) and quite frankly I just don't want to deal with it or them. Which of course, gives me another reason to feel down on myself. Oh, goodness. I'm whiny today.

Only thing to do is feed myself good healthy food and wait for the consequences to pass.

Meal 1: Pulled pork and spinach fried in coconut oil, butternut squash

I am really trying to like pulled pork because it's so easy to make with the slow cooker. I like it fine when it's freshly cooked and warm but I'm having some trouble liking the leftovers. In my asian stir fry yesterday it was great. This morning's breakfast? meh.

Ok, if anyone is reading this log, promise me that when I finally start sounding more upbeat you'll comment and let me know.

In the meantime, time to go to the grocery to stock up for the week!

[Aberrantatavia]

I'm inspired! I wasn't going to log anything here for my pre-vacation mini whole 30, I definitely didn't want to log for my vacation, and maybe even a few days after. But after reading about your journey so far I'm inspired to start my public journal today. I love your goals and they closely match mine. I think I might steal some if you don't mind.

It's great to know I'm along people who have some of the same challenges as I do and are winning the battle:)

[Bebe]

Thank you, Abberantatavia. I was afraid everyone was just thinking I was a whiny butt!

I feel much more even keel this evening.

Meal 2: chicken breast

roasted carrots

roasted asparagus

spinach salad with tomatoes and onion

Snack: 9 macadamias

Pellegrino with lime

Meal 3: Part of one of the t-bones I grilled today.... not really hungry

So driving home, I was thinking about stopping at the grocery store and getting a bottle of wine and some munchies. 'Cause today is the 29th right? And I could start over in two more days on the 1st. Right? But then I thought about how I was feeling better after my Friday night binge but it had taken at least 36 hours to get to that point. I decided to first swing by my house and let my dog out. And then I decided to just have a few nuts and a pellegrino. And then guess what happened? I forgot that I wanted to binge! Yay!

I wonder how many times I have rushed into bingeing because that was my default coping mechanism when I was really just thirsty or hungry or sad. I've always known that it wasn't really about the food. But so often, the urge to binge seems almost uncontrollable. So to have so easily diverted myself seems almost a miracle.

Better go get my food together for tomorrow. I wonder if I will eventually be able to spend less time in the kitchen?

[Emily]

Hi!

Congratulations on your last eight days! You've struggled, but you really sound like you are looking at yourself and working on not continuing old habits that you are realizing aren't working for you. Hang in there and keep going! This is a process and the process works.

The thought of self-medicating causing the need for more self-medicating is a really interesting idea. I suspect there is truth to it; it is a vicious cycle!

I really liked this:

I wonder how many times I have rushed into bingeing because that was my default coping mechanism when I was really just thirsty or hungry or sad. I've always known that it wasn't really about the food. But so often, the urge to binge seems almost uncontrollable. So to have so easily diverted myself seems almost a miracle.

Miracles are out there and happen! Repeatedly!

[Aberrantatavia]

Awesome, congrats!

You bring up some interesting points, and ones I'm trying to sort out for myself. I've always held to the premise that emotion is a signal to stop and think. I've applied it to most things in my life.... Except food.

When I become emotional about a work issue or a financial issue or a family problem, I almost always can move past the emotion to the thinking part in minutes.

Yet I allow myself to be emotionally driven about food for my whole life??? Even when I am eating well, I am still emotionally driven about food. It's just dawning on me how completely ridiculous that is.

I just thought I'd share my inner workings as food for thought...

Melissa

[Derval]

Well done on conquering that urge.

Tom Venuto has some good advice on this:

When it comes to Emotional Eating, food is used as a coping mechanism. There are several “triggers†which lead to emotional eating. They are patterns that can be broken via awareness.

A.W.A.R.E formula is a 5 step formula

Awareness – The first step is to raise awareness. Doing something as simple as keeping a food journal is an awareness exercise. Slow down when you eat. Eat exclusively meaning don't pair eating with other activities such as sitting in front of the TV.

Watch for all your triggers – people, places, events can trigger eating. Make a list of your triggers. Prepare for your triggers so you can handle them. Some common triggers are stress, loneliness, sadness, boredom, TV, etc.

Arrest the behavior before it happens. If you feel the urge, stop it in the act. The word arrest implies that you have been policing yourself, your thoughts, etc. like staking out the scene of a crime. You can “arrest†it before it happens.

Replace the old emotional eating behavior with more constructive alternatives. If you're using food to cope with feelings, you have to find a replacement for the old behavior. Some alternatives are exercise, taking a long walk, meditating, etc.

Establish new reasons for eating. What does food mean to you? Is food fuel? Do you think of food as nutrients? What are your beliefs about food? It's not that some people have superhuman willpower to say no to every temptation. When a behavior violates your strongest beliefs, there is no temptation.