Not seeing the results I was hoping to

[Psirene]

Hi everyone. 

 

So, else-thread I was recommended to post some food logs. I'm not getting any sort of results from this Whole30 that I was hoping for. I'm on day 18, and my clothes aren't fitting any looser, I don't feel wildly different (although it's possible my belly is generally happier, and my pain is less, but I'm coming off a little injury, so I'm not sure about the pain), I don't have boundless energy, etc. 

 

Also, I know my breakfasts are lacking in veg. Earlier in my whole30, I made some frittatas with veg that were good, but kind of got sick of them. I struggle with eating enough (per the template) because I feel full well before I've eaten "enough". I take digestive enzymes (I've had stomach issues for a while), probiotics, compliant B complex vitamins, and a greens drink (Amazing Grass) recommended by my acupuncturist for various reasons (the only non-compliant thing in it is a little stevia, but it's Dr recommended and I can see the difference when I don't take it). 

 

9/3

815a - 4 scrambled eggs w too much ghee (they got oily, greasy, because I cooked them too fast), 1/4 big (8" long, 3" wide) sweet potato, home fries, 1/2 asian pear. Ate only half the eggs, got too full.

 

1130 - had the rest of the eggs on a salad (that already had half a HB egg), 2 T vinaigrette w lots of oil (emulsion!), 1/2 avocado in salad. Salad was originally meant to accompany either breakfast or lunch, but at 1130, I wasn't hungry enough for steak, but a little hungry, so I compromised, knowing there was protein in the eggs and fat in the vinaigrette.

 

315 - steak, palm sized, 1 c sauteed summer squash

 

630 - steak, palm sized, 1/4 big sweet potato home fries, 1 c mixed frozen veg

 

730 - 5 raspberries, 1 tsp raw cacao nibs, 2 tsp coconut milk - very upset tummy, no more coconut milk for me. I had cut out coconut years ago after some bad reactions. I've tried reintroducing it during this whole30, with little success. I think I'm done.

 

9/4

 

815 - 3 oz steak (3/4 palm sized), 1 c mixed frozen veg, 1/2 sm avocado, half apple, 2 T almond butter. Was still hungry, but that was all I had. Need to go shopping.

 

12p - 1 can water packed tuna, 1 stick celery chopped up, 1/2 avocado, 2 tsp lemon juice, 1-2 Tb olive oil, 1 pickle, 5 green olives, 3 pc toasted seaweed. Belly a little unhappy, probably due to all the cold, although I did have a cup of tea with lunch.

 

300 - half apple, 1-2 T almond butter. Going shopping after work, needed a little more in my belly. Today's food was a little under what I'm trying for, because I need to go shopping.

 

630p - salad (1 c packed field greens, 1/2 c chopped cucumber, 1/2 a radish, 1 carrrot grated, 1 green onion), 2 T balsamic vinaigrette, 1/4 sweet potato home fries, 1.5 palm of chicken breast

 

9/5

 

830 - 1.5 sausage (jones, clean), 1.5 egg (of 2 eggs, cooked with 1 T olive oil/ghee mix), 2-3 T mashed sweet potato (also w ghee), 2 raspberries. Didn't feel good after eating, which is why I ate so little. I've been constipated, though, which I think affected how I felt.

 

1245 - salad (1 c packed field greens, 1/2 c chopped cucumber, 1/2 a radish, 1 carrrot grated, 1 green onion), 2 T balsamic vinaigrette, 1 palm chicken breast, 7 black olives, 6 raspberries. Still feel a little hungry, but I'm out of food. However, my belly feels full. 

 

dinner - planning on pork chops and zoodles, but will depend on shopping tonight.

 

[Psirene]

A little about me - before Whole30, I had already cut out (at varying times) gluten, dairy (with the exception of butter, and very small amounts of sheep and goat cheese occassionally, and the very occasional splurge on GF desserts), soy (except for tamari), alcohol (maybe 1-2 drinks every 3-4 months), refined sugar, coffee, most grains (rice is safe, and small amounts of oats, but only with other food). I was relatively low carb, although I did eat Udi's GF bread once a day every few days. 

 

I'm 36, 5'3", 210 lbs (or something like that, pre-whole30 weigh in, I don't exactly recall), I'm a tech writer at a computer all day, I have chronic pain, a fragile back (still recovering from a car accident in 2011, and abdominal surgery last November, where I can a 7cm ovarian cyst, and the accompanying ovary removed). I'm not very active, although I walk as much as I can. I can't do stairs, but we just recently got a recumbent bike and I'm building up on that, focusing on strength right now. 

 

When I was in high school, I gained about 50 lbs in one year (no, never saw a doctor back then). Since then, I've crept up in weight. I topped out at 225 in 2007, but have very slowly gotten down to 210. I'd gotten down to 200 last year, but then things with the ovarian cyst got worse, and I put on a little weight. I will often gain 5-10 lbs in inflammation/water weight if I eat something my body doesn't like. I've had little luck losing weight over the years, either by calorie reduction (I tend to eat around 1300-1500 cals on my own, but I had cut down to 900/day once, tried it for two weeks, didn't lose any weight, so started eating more normally), or exercise, or any of the food restrictions I have (I gave up dairy, soy, coffee, fruit juice back in 2003, didn't lose weight. I gave up wheat, grains, sugar, alcohol for a suspected candida issue in 2007, didn't lose any weight.). 

 

I have gotten my thyroid tested and a battery of hormones and they're all normal enough to "not worry". If I remember rightly, my T3/RT3 ratios were not good, but only the internet thinks that's a problem, my doc didn't even know what I was talking about. I don't have my numbers on hand right now. I do see an acupuncturist, who treats me for the underlying issues anyway, so I am being taken care of in that aspect. 

 

I went in to this Whole30 to clean up my diet (I was relying on KIND and other low-sugar, GF protein bars too much), and see if I had any lingering sensitivities I couldn't pin point. I admit that I hoped I would have the same amazing results so many of my friends have had. While one of my therapists said that she could see my face had thinned out, I'm not seeing things much differently from my side. My clothes don't fit differently. I know I may have some body dysmorphia, so I don't necessarily trust the mirror, though I would hope I could see the difference. Similarly, I thought about not doing the Whole30 because what if I didn't see those awesome results, because nothing else has given me results. (yes, I have brain weasels about this, I know). I do still get belly bloated, but I wonder if some of that is because sometimes I kinda force myself to eat more. I really don't have a good hunger sense, due to eating so little for so long (probably 1000-1500 cals/day for the last 15 years), and learned behavior from having digestive issues (brain says, food makes belly hurt, food only happens when hungry, so poof, no more hungry).

 

What else can I tell you?

[Psirene]

Aaand, I confess I'm getting a little cranky about the food restrictions. I've had food restrictions for so long, things like a little bit of feta on noodles, or crispy french fries, or just plain butter were extravagances for me that helped me be okay with all the things I can't eat. 

 

I also kind of wish that I _could_ eat all of those things (wheat, cow juice, popcorn, sugar, whatever) and I _chose_ not to eat them, instead of feeling like I can't eat them. But I think that's a whole different can of worms. 

 

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to think about food so much. That I had the freedom to just... go in to some restaurant, and order what looks good, instead of worrying about what's in it, what surfaces it's touched, interrogating the wait staff. Sometimes I just want it to be easy and enjoy myself instead of worrying about everything.

 

Gah. Sorry about that. I guess I'm a little wistful today.

[Physibeth]

Some thoughts:

 

1 - If you have a lot of stomach issues you might want to lay off raw vegetables for a while and stick with just cooked. Raw vegetables are much harder on your digestion. 

 

2 - I would try adding some good probiotic foods to your daily meals. Raw fermented veggies and kombucha could be very helpful for you. I feel best when I have about 1/4 cup of raw sauerkraut with my M1 every day and kombucha in the afternoon.

 

3 - I would encourage you to go without the green drink for the duration of the W30 because it does contain stevia and drinking your calories isn't going to help you much. I realize your doctor has recommended it but it is still a supplement not a medication.

 

4 - Try and take some deep breathes. Sleep and stress play a big role in this process as well. You are only on day 18 of a 30 day program. Some people see results quickly but it sounds like you are coming to the table with more healing to do than others. You might need more than 30 days to see huge improvements. This isn't a quick fix program...its about changing your lifestyle to one that is more helpful. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you working towards managing your stress? 

 

5 - Try not to focus on the things you can't have and focus on the foods you can. Because you do have intolerances it is a more difficult road for you but you can waste energy feeling sorry for yourself or you can put that energy into finding the most delicious ways to enjoy the foods you can have. A lot of time our happiness is greatly affected by where we put our focus.

[Psirene]

Thanks for responding.

 

With the raw veggies, I make sure I take my digestive enzymes any time I have raw veggies. I try for tea, too, but damn it's hot here (I live in Phoenix, AZ). I try to have salad only once a day, and only in the summer. Still, though, I'll see about cutting it out for a few days and see how it does. I admit it's an easy way to get my veg in for dinner.

 

I did get some Bubbie's pickles, but need to pick up some saurkraut, too. I've not jumped into kombucha land, but thought maybe I didn't need to because I was already taking probiotics. When it's cooler, we go out for Korean pretty often and I eat all the kimchi.  

 

The green drink - I'm definitely not doing it for calories. I did cut it out for like the first two weeks, but then added it back in. I'll ponder nixing it. 

 

I do try for enough sleep. Left to my own devices, I will sleep 10-12 hours a night, but I can't sustain that during the work week. I aim for 8 a night during the week, and usually get somewhere between 7-8 hours, depending. I often have trouble falling asleep, so that affects things. As far as stress... work has been challenging lately. It's getting better, but it's hard sometimes. I see my acupuncturist every two weeks, my massage therapist once a month, and my craniosacral/reiki lady (more than that, but it's complicated) once a month. I try for good self-care, but that's a work in progress. 

 

I don't often feel sorry for myself. I don't think, at least. Actually, I remember from when I gave up wheat/sugar/alcohol, I got very ... upset that things weren't easy, that I couldn't eat normal food, that I couldn't have the things I wanted, etc. I ranted about it at least once a month. It was hard going. Food is one of the few ways that my family showed love, and so when I have to deprive myself of food, it's really more than that. It's hard to think about all the tasty things I can have when every time I turn around, I get hit with everything I can't eat when I go shopping, or whatever. 

 

Sigh.

 

Food for thought, though.

[Physibeth]

That last paragraph is key. Part of the W30 is identifying and breaking emotional and psychological ties to food. It isn't just about the whats it is also about the whys. I can completely identify with that emotional component of food. You need to work on identifying when this happens and finding a healthy way to redirect it. Food isn't love...its fuel. And yes there should be some joy and pleasure in eating but the primary purpose is to fuel our bodies so they are healthy and run smoothly and can find joy and pleasure in everything else! Please don't think of any of this as depriving yourself.

 

For example instead of thinking "I'm depriving myself of wheat" think "I'm choosing not to eat wheat because my body is healthier without it" When something goes from a "I can't have that" to "I choose not to have that" it changes how we react to it. That is where the "It is worth it, is it special" mantra comes in handy for me. Honestly, regardless of your intolerance to certain food you always can have something. You are a grown up after all. But when you choose not to because you know how that food makes you feel that gives you the power and not the food. Personally I didn't identify any huge intolerance to foods (other than soy) but I still identify that I feel better eating this way so most of the time that is how I choose to eat. 

[Physibeth]

One more thing, if you have not read this article you should. Again you are only on day 18/30, barely half way, but if there are things you can fix now you will be better off at the end. http://whole9life.com/2012/10/six-reasons-why-the-whole30-didnt-work-for-you/

[Psirene]

I did read it, but probably not in a month or two. I'll check it out again. 

[lexes42]

I'm on day 36 and I'm truly only just starting to turn a corner.  I was as cranky in week 4 as I was in week 1 (I've noticed others have had the same experience).  I have little bursts of energy (tiger blood) but they don't last all day. I'm convinced my tech-y desk job in a federal building with no natural light has krpyonite powers that beat Tiger Blood every time.  I could still eat a bakers dozen of bagels and wash it down with a frosty.  So obviously I need a little bit more of this then 30 days!

 

 I think it's absolutely right to 'grieve' the fact that you can't eat whatever you want.  That totally sucks.  But if that grief morphs into resentment and real anger toward your body, you are always going to feel rebelious and constantly go on and off restriction / elimiation diets just to prove (again) that nothing works and it's broken.

 

I'm sad that you equate food with belly pain / yumminess denial.  I'm pretty sure that if I ate two raspberries I wouldn't bother writing it down, nor would I ever in a million years count olives. I also know that I am perfectly capable of eating whatever I want at whatever restaurant I would like to.  I have enough disposable income to eat cartons of premium ice cream and crusty french bread by the baton.   I want a milk shake right now in fact.  No one is standing in my way.   But those things aren't what I 'want'.  They won't get me what I truly want.  I want to feel good about myself and feel comfortable every day - not in pain, not in fear of the mirror, not in battle with my digestion.  Quite frankly no prescribed food plan is going to hand me that.  We think if we work hard and do everything 'right' we get a certificate.  But psychology and physiology don't work that simply.  Not on day 18 or any day.

 

I think what you're really hoping for is the fairy dust of magic that will relieve some pain, debloat you enough to feel encouraged, and make you feel GOOD again in your own skin (if you ever have?)  Who wouldn't want that?!?  And being told to try harder and wait longer would make anyone homicidal given your history of hard work. But I don't think any particular combination of food, magic or fairy dust will fix us if only we just do it 'perfectly'.   The magic is that we're getting out of the body's way to fix itself.   It's really about making peace with food - not beating it into submission by eating perfectly.  Giving it real stuff, not fake crap... ensuring it that you won't starve yourself again for a few weeks before a big event... showing it that you will trust it's signals of fullness and hunger if it would just ... you know... get out the semaphore flags DAMMIT.

 

I believe (and at this point it's blind faith!) that if I do leave sugar, wheat and dairy behind for the most part (forever... mostly) that it will start agreeing with me that cherries in july are the best thing EVER... and no frosty from Wendy's can hold a candle to them.

 

Geneen Roth writes books on food issues.  When Food is Love is a great book (with a not so great title).  I obviously have no great suggestions for you (sorry).  But what I wish for you isn't the 'aHA'! answer from a nutritionist, doctor, or therapist... I hope that it comes from inside you when you your physical body decide you are in this together - and love each other unconditionally.  

 

Blech.. sorry... a little too kum-ba-yah at the end there.   Just can't think of another way to say it.

[Renee Lee]

You've got a bunch of good responses here, but I'd just add the recommendation to drop the green juice. I'm not sure when you're drinking it, but it could be contributing to some of your issues with eating enough real food at your meals. Why don't you pull it out for the rest of the 30 days and see what happens?

 

I'd also like to see more starchy carbs in the morning. Maybe 3 eggs, a full or half sweet potato and some avo? Or maybe a nice hash with sausage/sweet taters/peppers/onions etc, mixed into your eggs? something like that.

 

I'd also recommend that you get a second opinion on your thyroid levels. I'm not sure what type of doc you went to, but reverse t3 is a real thing, regardless of whether your doc knows about it or not.

 

Good luck and stop worrying about what you can't eat and that your clothes fit the same. We don't all lose weight in the same places. Hearing that your face is thinning out from your friends is a great thing!

[Psirene]

You've got a bunch of good responses here, but I'd just add the recommendation to drop the green juice. I'm not sure when you're drinking it, but it could be contributing to some of your issues with eating enough real food at your meals. Why don't you pull it out for the rest of the 30 days and see what happens?

 

I'd also like to see more starchy carbs in the morning. Maybe 3 eggs, a full or half sweet potato and some avo? Or maybe a nice hash with sausage/sweet taters/peppers/onions etc, mixed into your eggs? something like that.

 

I'd also recommend that you get a second opinion on your thyroid levels. I'm not sure what type of doc you went to, but reverse t3 is a real thing, regardless of whether your doc knows about it or not.

 

Good luck and stop worrying about what you can't eat and that your clothes fit the same. We don't all lose weight in the same places. Hearing that your face is thinning out from your friends is a great thing!

 

I need to get on replying to all the responses! For some reason, I didn't see all of them on my phone. 

 

The greens drink, I usually do first thing in the morning, and just before bed at night. It's about 6oz of water and a little scoop of stuff. I've been waffling about it myself. But then (tmi) I started getting constipated, and I know that stuff is good for my bowels and stuff, so I thought I'd spin it up again. I generally drink it for the cooling/alkalinzing aspect, as well as the dark leafy greens building blood (acupuncture wise, which I'm deficient in).

 

I was getting so sick of sweet potatoes. But at the store yesterday, I picked up some other varieties (I think I'd been doing the garnet yams, or something? The ones with the darkest skin), and hope it'll be enough of a difference. I think I was getting a bit same-y with breakfasts. I made a salmon, onion, dill scramble for this morning, to go over field greens. And I nibbled some apples and almond butter while putting together breakfast (I make breakfast at home, to eat at work) so I could get something in my belly. I like the hash idea - I have a few crock pot roasts on the menu for the next week, and planned to make some hash with the leftovers anyhow. Thank you for the ideas.

 

I'd gotten my thyroid tested by my ob-gyn. I don't actually have a regular PCP right now, haven't in more years than I can count. I have my wonderful acupuncturists. The most recent tests I had done were actually at the request of my acupuncturist, who herself is hypothyroid, so I trust her more than the ob-gyn (who was the one who did my surgery) as far as thyroid goes. We're looking to find a regular doctor soon, so I hope he'll run a full battery of tests on me. And my RT3 wasn't super out of whack, but the T3/RT3 ratio was the funky one. I'll see if I can find my numbers somewhere. I think I have them at home. Somewhere.

[missmary]

oh honey! At your height/weight, and having eaten 1000-1500 calories daily for YEARS, you've got some metabolic damage going on FOR SURE. Your thyroid might be involved, and I would bet other hormones are a bit out of wack as well. Fixing that takes time and consistency.

 

I read a lot of frustration, here, and disappointment, but also a fair amount of excuses/hedging. sorry, but when you say you haven't been eating dairy EXCEPT for goat cheese, etc. and you haven't been eating soy EXCEPT for tamari and etc.etc., it tells me you haven't really done an elimination diet yet. It's day 18 of a whole30 (EXCEPT you've been drinking a green drink with stevia). IMO You haven't been consistent for long enough to get the kind of dramatic change you are looking for. I know how challenging it can be, but if you are going to bother, why not experiment with going all the way? Make it a challenge for yourself to do this EXACTLY AS WRITTEN. Follow the template for every. single. meal. Give yourself a substantial breakfast including all the vegetables and give it a full 30 days. (at least). I had a lot of the same issues, and the whole30 has worked amazingly well for me, but it didn't do that by day 18. I had to have faith in the program and really do it for a long time before things kicked into gear. It's worth it, and so are you.

[lexes42]

Other options besides sweet potatoes - Squash!

 

Butternut squash 

Spaghetti Squash

More zoodles (which you mentioned)

 

ummm.. all the squashes - but these two are the easiest to incorporate quickly.  You can cook and store for later too. like sweet potatoes. While I don't think it's right to compare spaghetti squash to pasta, it is becoming one of my favorites...  I even like it cold.

 

I like butternut too, but like sweet potatoes it has that 'thanksgiving' feeling for me and i get tired of it.

[Physibeth]

What Mary said x100! 

 

Another idea for starchy carbs in the morning is acorn squash. I cook it whole in my slow cooker (on high for about 3 hours), let it cool, cut it half, scoop the guts out. Eat half for breakfast with coconut butter, cinnamon, and sea salt with eggs on the side. So delicious!

[Psirene]

That last paragraph is key. Part of the W30 is identifying and breaking emotional and psychological ties to food. It isn't just about the whats it is also about the whys. I can completely identify with that emotional component of food. You need to work on identifying when this happens and finding a healthy way to redirect it. Food isn't love...its fuel. And yes there should be some joy and pleasure in eating but the primary purpose is to fuel our bodies so they are healthy and run smoothly and can find joy and pleasure in everything else! Please don't think of any of this as depriving yourself.

 

For example instead of thinking "I'm depriving myself of wheat" think "I'm choosing not to eat wheat because my body is healthier without it" When something goes from a "I can't have that" to "I choose not to have that" it changes how we react to it. That is where the "It is worth it, is it special" mantra comes in handy for me. Honestly, regardless of your intolerance to certain food you always can have something. You are a grown up after all. But when you choose not to because you know how that food makes you feel that gives you the power and not the food. Personally I didn't identify any huge intolerance to foods (other than soy) but I still identify that I feel better eating this way so most of the time that is how I choose to eat. 

 

That's very thinky. 

 

Recently, I had been thinking "I wish I could _choose_ to not eat that awesome looking cookie, instead of just not being able to eat that cookie." The way all my restrictions have been ... passed down to me, especially at the beginning, it was communicated by a slightly overzealous doctor who was very strict, and said I could not eat any of those things anymore, ever. And I did it. Then when the candida thing came, I did it, cold turkey. And I never had any support going through any of it. The idea of grieving over food (someone else said in this thread) is a completely new thought, that the old me would have thought was too touchy-feely and wimpy. Now, though, I get it. It makes sense. And does make me a little sad that I didn't have any support while going through all those things. At the time, it didn't occur to me that I should have, because things are tough and when I do tough things better, it proves that I'm not weak (this is how I used to think, and how I gamed myself into giving up foods that I loved). 

 

And when you say " Food isn't love...its fuel.", holy cats, the response is immediate and vehement in my head. Of course it is, what are you talking about, how can it just be fuel, it's never just fuel...  Wow. More things to think on, probably not while I'm at work (which I am right now ).

 

While I know that I've always had a bit of a reaction to corn, I never felt I had any intolerances to foods until after I gave them up, and tried to reintroduce them. So when they were taken away, for me, there was never really any discernable reason. Granted, with the first time, after I cut out all those foods, it was the first time in two months that I didn't wake up at 3am throwing up. So I went with that one. But when I cut out all the candida type foods, it was based on a hunch of my acupuncturist's. I loved my wheat and bread and oh geez, the tiramisu. But I thought it was all for the best, so I did it... and nothing seemed to change, except when I started trying to eat regular food again. Severe, horrible pain. Sigh.

 

Anyway. Obviously I have some things I need to think about. It honestly never occurred to me that food is only fuel. Never something I ever would have said.

[Psirene]

I'm on day 36 and I'm truly only just starting to turn a corner.  I was as cranky in week 4 as I was in week 1 (I've noticed others have had the same experience).  I have little bursts of energy (tiger blood) but they don't last all day. I'm convinced my tech-y desk job in a federal building with no natural light has krpyonite powers that beat Tiger Blood every time.  I could still eat a bakers dozen of bagels and wash it down with a frosty.  So obviously I need a little bit more of this then 30 days!

 

 I think it's absolutely right to 'grieve' the fact that you can't eat whatever you want.  That totally sucks.  But if that grief morphs into resentment and real anger toward your body, you are always going to feel rebelious and constantly go on and off restriction / elimiation diets just to prove (again) that nothing works and it's broken.

 

I'm sad that you equate food with belly pain / yumminess denial.  I'm pretty sure that if I ate two raspberries I wouldn't bother writing it down, nor would I ever in a million years count olives. I also know that I am perfectly capable of eating whatever I want at whatever restaurant I would like to.  I have enough disposable income to eat cartons of premium ice cream and crusty french bread by the baton.   I want a milk shake right now in fact.  No one is standing in my way.   But those things aren't what I 'want'.  They won't get me what I truly want.  I want to feel good about myself and feel comfortable every day - not in pain, not in fear of the mirror, not in battle with my digestion.  Quite frankly no prescribed food plan is going to hand me that.  We think if we work hard and do everything 'right' we get a certificate.  But psychology and physiology don't work that simply.  Not on day 18 or any day.

 

I think what you're really hoping for is the fairy dust of magic that will relieve some pain, debloat you enough to feel encouraged, and make you feel GOOD again in your own skin (if you ever have?)  Who wouldn't want that?!?  And being told to try harder and wait longer would make anyone homicidal given your history of hard work. But I don't think any particular combination of food, magic or fairy dust will fix us if only we just do it 'perfectly'.   The magic is that we're getting out of the body's way to fix itself.   It's really about making peace with food - not beating it into submission by eating perfectly.  Giving it real stuff, not fake crap... ensuring it that you won't starve yourself again for a few weeks before a big event... showing it that you will trust it's signals of fullness and hunger if it would just ... you know... get out the semaphore flags DAMMIT.

 

I believe (and at this point it's blind faith!) that if I do leave sugar, wheat and dairy behind for the most part (forever... mostly) that it will start agreeing with me that cherries in july are the best thing EVER... and no frosty from Wendy's can hold a candle to them.

 

Geneen Roth writes books on food issues.  When Food is Love is a great book (with a not so great title).  I obviously have no great suggestions for you (sorry).  But what I wish for you isn't the 'aHA'! answer from a nutritionist, doctor, or therapist... I hope that it comes from inside you when you your physical body decide you are in this together - and love each other unconditionally.  

 

Blech.. sorry... a little too kum-ba-yah at the end there.   Just can't think of another way to say it.

 

Like I said in a recent reply above, it never occurred to me to grieve my lost foods. I don't think I take it out on my body, directly, but more put it on ... like the people who told me I should give these foods up. I didn't have much support with it, and a lot of it felt unneeded at the time. I don't generally go on and off restriction diets... this Whole30 is the first real diet-y thing I've done. The rest of it has been laid down by my doctors over the last ten years. It's just gotten more and more restrictive over the years. Granted, I do tend to let myself cheat most with desserts, and I know that's a bit of a mental thing (there's SO many things I can't eat, but here's this GF flourless chocolate torte that I can safely have, so dammit I'm going to have it and enjoy it... and I eat like a quarter of the slice, and then I'm good). 

 

I've been counting my berries and olives and whatnot, 'cause I was asked to post up a food log. I've seen other people do it, and people say, "you say raspberries. Is that five, or a whole package?" I don't normally track to that extent, but if I only bring a few with me, I'm analytical enough to count 'em. 

 

I'm not in battle with the mirror. Sometimes a little sad, but mostly, I want to be _comfortable_. 

 

I've been eating real food for a while now. Generally always have. And I have never, ever starved myself before some outing. But over the years, after everyone saying "oh, you want to lose weight, just eat less, it's that easy!", I started eating less and less, and 1200-1500 cals became the norm, and felt right. So it's a struggle to exceed that, especially with various digestive issues. 

 

I know my body doesn't dig that much dairy. I don't often crave ice cream, 'cause I think about how my body will react, and my body don't want none of it. But if I'm craving it, I will have a small taste, a small spoon. And then I'm done. But I think what happens, because I've had so many digestive issues, is that I'm scared of the pain. There was a time that anything I ate resulted in stabbing, horrible pains. Then there were other times that nearly everything I ate resulted in bloating for days. Or the times where I would get randomly nauseous and never want to eat again. Or the time... you get the point. It's the bad bits that stick out, because I've lived them for years at a time. I haven't had a piece of sourdough in probably eight years. Because I'm scared of how it will treat me. I don't want to be in pain, and then be nebulously miserable for 3-4 days. Meh. 

 

If nothing else, thank you guys for helping me get this stuff out of my head, and spur thoughts and conversations that I wouldn't have gotten to on my own. 

 

Thank you for your wish. It's an awful kind thing. At first I thought, what, I love myself... but I have spent most of my life disconnected from my body. Only over the last two or three years have I realized there was a disconnect (physical expressed as emotional, emotional expressed as physical, and physical dampened way down), and I have been actively working on restoring proper connections. Early on, I learned to ignore my body, because it was telling me things I couldn't do anything about (chronic pain as a child, abusive home where I could have no emotions, etc). So learning that we can trust each other is a new and novel thing.

[Psirene]

oh honey! At your height/weight, and having eaten 1000-1500 calories daily for YEARS, you've got some metabolic damage going on FOR SURE. Your thyroid might be involved, and I would bet other hormones are a bit out of wack as well. Fixing that takes time and consistency.

 

I read a lot of frustration, here, and disappointment, but also a fair amount of excuses/hedging. sorry, but when you say you haven't been eating dairy EXCEPT for goat cheese, etc. and you haven't been eating soy EXCEPT for tamari and etc.etc., it tells me you haven't really done an elimination diet yet. It's day 18 of a whole30 (EXCEPT you've been drinking a green drink with stevia). IMO You haven't been consistent for long enough to get the kind of dramatic change you are looking for. I know how challenging it can be, but if you are going to bother, why not experiment with going all the way? Make it a challenge for yourself to do this EXACTLY AS WRITTEN. Follow the template for every. single. meal. Give yourself a substantial breakfast including all the vegetables and give it a full 30 days. (at least). I had a lot of the same issues, and the whole30 has worked amazingly well for me, but it didn't do that by day 18. I had to have faith in the program and really do it for a long time before things kicked into gear. It's worth it, and so are you.

 

I've had my hormones tested and they've all come back relatively normal. I had a pretty high estrogen count, but my doc said it's cause I was ovulating, and I _think_ I had another test done, and it came back within normal limits. I plan on getting another full work up when I find a GP, hopefully soonish.

 

The goat dairy and the tamari... in my normal life, they seem to be well-tolerated. Most of my normal life isn't an elimination diet. There was a time where I did cut out ALL of that stuff, and I have experimented with the goat dairy and the tamari slowly over the years, and it seems to be well tolerated. I'm not eating them now, for the Whole30 . Other than what I've already done, I didn't see the need for an elimination diet. But I've thought that I might have more of an issue with soy, and corn, and other grains, I thought I'd give the Whole30 a go. As far as the green drink goes... I've only been doing it for the last week or so. I thought that the benefits it gave outweighed the other stuff. I know I'm not sensitive to stevia, and I was worried that the lack of it (the greens) was negatively affecting me. 

 

I _try_ to have a substantial breakfast. I'll make a lot of food... and I just can't eat it all. If I force myself to eat to over-full, sometimes I can finish it, but then I'm bloated, uncomfortable, my belly hurts, and I'm sluggish for a few hours. Even with a digestive enzyme. This morning, I had a scramble with two eggs, a 1/2 palm sized piece of salmon, 1/4 onion, and a bunch of dill, with half a small avocado, over 1/2 c packed field greens. And I feel pretty good. Comfortable, not over-full. I probably could have had some more greens, but not by much. All through this whole30, I have really struggled with eating as much as the template says. I've done it a few times without struggle, but usually I have to force myself to eat that much food, and it doesn't feel good (so I don't always do it). I know I can eat more  (overall) if I have smaller, more frequent meals, but that's not the way to go here. It was what I used to do - breakfast at 7-8a, 2nd breakfast at 1030a-1100, lunch at 130p-200p, snacky something at 330p, then dinner around 6p. I could eat what was comfortable for my body, but still eat enough food. 

 

If there was more I could see, that the Whole30 was making a difference for me, then I think it'd be easier. But it doesn't feel much different from before, and everything before didn't make much of a difference, so I kind of feel like the deck is stacked against me. It's hard to have faith in it when nothing else (like it) has worked. :/

[Psirene]

As far as squashies go... I love spaghetti squash, although it's a little expensive right now. I tend to shy away from the other winter squashes, because I'm a little afeared that I'm going to cut myself trying to hack into them raw, and I thought I could only do them in the oven and it's too hot right now to boot up the oven. Crock pot, though, that I can definitely do. And when the weather gets cooler and winter squashes become more seasonal, maybe I won't be as scared of them.  

 

Thank you for the ideas.

[melbournegirl]

I really sympathise.... I have some similar issues, including a similar surgery in may... And originally a similar disbelief that food could ever be viewed as fuel. I started whole30ing in October. I lost a few pounds initially but then put it back, and then some more on again after surgery. My weight is yoyo ing all over the place, as is my hormones, skin, mood, exercise and eating patterns. I am healing some sensitivities and finding new ones (coffee, coconut, nuts, cocoa etc, not sure about eggs and ghee). I sometimes get really frustrated and think this is too hard and want to give up and go back.... But to what??? I wasn't happy where I was before. I didn't have a good metabolism or good stress levels before. I could control my diet and lose weight but I was living my life dieting and when I got to a good place temporarily it wasn't sustainable and the only direction I could go was backward.

So instead I have accepted that this will be a long journey for me with many ups and downs and it might be years before I get to a healthy sustainable weight, but I will be more miserable if I give up. And in my heart I know that the whole30 /whole9 / paleo approach is really the only true approach as it is the norm for humans.... Rather than the exception... Despite what modern society and food companies want you to think.. To make themselves feel better about poor choices or making money etc.

So each month I am learning a little more about what works or me, how to sleep better, eat better, avoid triggers, deal with stress etc and while I am not yet losing the weight I want or fully healing my skin problems or coping well with hormone fluctuations..., I am keeping healthy and not getting any colds or viruses, and I am reducing my risk of cancer and diabetes, and I m a better person for my family to be around, and I am enjoying life a little more!

I hope you too can find similar reasons to keep going! Good luck!

[lexes42]

I think this post is hugely relevant to this thread:

 

http://whole9life.com/2012/01/the-five-stages-of-food-grief/

 

Robin really nails it here... I have not been in the 'angry' phase for a while - but dang it if I don't keep bargaining....

[Ruby]

Just looking at your food log you might try swapping out some of your starchy vegetables for another variety. I know we're not trying to go low carb here at all, but they seem to be taking the place of things like leafy greens and other veggies. Switching them up might help increase your nutrient variety and you may see a difference. Plus, it's way easier to eat four cups of spinach than 1 cup of potato.

[Psirene]

It's usually about 1/2 c of sweet potato per meal/serving. And good gods, there's no way I could eat 4 cups of spinach. Unless it was cooked down. 

Plus, earlier a mod said I needed more starchy carbs. 

I do tend to slack on veggies in the morning, it's true. It really varies, though. Today, I'm having field greens, cucumber, avocado, with some of last night's roast on top, and a 1/4 sweet potato (which I haven't quite decided if I want), and an apple or orange if I'm still hungry. 

[Ruby]

I like to play the game of averages. If my breakfast lacks in veggies, I eat more at lunch. I wouldn't worry too much about it on a per meal basis, as long as you get to the same place at the end of the day. The meal template it great, but if you're stressing about spinach first thing in the morning you'd probably be better served to allow yourself some flexibility and enter your day calmer.

 

Can you find a naturopathic (or at least responsive) doctor to talk to about your thyroid? My TSH levels were in a normal range for standard doctors, but that range is huge: 0.4 to 4.2 mU/L. I started taking Armour Thyroid and didn't notice any changes in anything until we got me down to around 2.3 mU/L. Then I started needing less sleep, my skin got better, my nails got stronger, my menstrual cycles shortened and regulated, and I even dropped a few pounds. I've been eating relatively strict paleo since October of last year and, though I've benefitted, nothing really knocked my system into gear like getting my thyroid sorted out.

[Psirene]

I try to do that, too (more veggies here, less veggies there).

 

I've got a line on a decent GP type doctor who I hope to start seeing soonish. I see an acupuncturist on a regular basis, and she treats me for the underlying pattern that is the same as hypothyroidism. If my numbers were worse, or I didn't have an acupuncturist, or other variables, I might have sought out a different doctor sooner. But when I looked up the treatment for the wonky t3/rt3 ratio, it was tricksy and depended on a lot of variables (memory is fuzzy, but if you're adrenals are weak, and you boost t3, it can burn them out, and then you're worse off) that I didn't like, so because I do see an acupuncturist, I am treating it herbally. Like I said at some point, she's also hypothyroid, so she's familiar with the test results, and knows first hand that even if you're in the range, you can still feel like poo. The herbs she treats me with have the same therapeutic properties as the thyroid meds I might be on, if I were on any. So I am still getting treatment. 

Thank you for your concern, though. I plan to get a full work up (in stages, 'cause blood draws always make me feel knackered) once I get in to this new doc (assuming I like him). 

 

My acupuncturist has also been helping me with my cycles, and although I've had a few very short cycles since surgery in November, we've been working towards a good 25 days cycle.

 

So all of that to say, I've been working on it, and plan to continue.

[Ruby]

Excellent. Thyroid issues can be a hell of a thing. We've been trying to get mine under control for the past 5 years and two doctors. First with diet, then supplements, then diet, then... Hahah. Until finally landing on medication this last winter. Took close until August to get the dosage right.