Day 3 - Fell Off

[ArcheoGator]

I guess I should write something here. Perhaps going public in a sense will help. After less than 72 hours, I fell off.

 

My spouse says she will be supportive and tells me how "well" I am doing. I don't know I how I was doing well when I was constantly telling her how hungry I am, and how hard it is when we have chips in the pantry, fudge on the counter, apple pie on the counter, etc., etc. With my circumstances, I don't get to go through the clean-the-pantry-and-fridge stage.

 

I am not sure what the "support" means, since I am the only one making an attempt at this. While I am being "supported," I pack my wife's lunch while she tells me to add more of this and more of that into her bag. I can't even lick spoons and knives from what I am packing for her. She works nights, and left for work. I am a SAHD, so 90% of the cooking is on me. I went to cook dinner for the boys (plus my wife eats her dinner leftover when she gets home in the morning), and without thinking, started sampling to see if the food was ready. Something snapped, and well, I did mention there was apple pie and fudge on the counter. Then, the last beer in the fridge that was not consumed prior to day 1 disappeared.

 

I really, really need to do this. I hate that I only made it partly into day 3. As a type 1, my last a1c was a 10.9. At 6'1", I weigh near 280 lbs. I used to be an outdoorsman, and can now barely walk the block. I am only 35. The family does not want to try such an "extreme" way of life with me, but they somehow support me. I am told over and over that the rest of the family does not need such an extreme makeover. Keep in mind, my wife is 240 lbs. at only 5'9". I continuously ask her, "won't it be 'extreme' when I need you to draw my insulin because of my vision problems, or having kidney dialysis, or possible amputations, or heart disease, etc., etc.?"

 

I have so many psychological hang-ups with food. I can identify them all, but don't know how to win over them.

 

I am going to reflect on all of this, read more of It Starts with Food, see if I can get any advice from forum members, and decide how I will confront that morning email that puts me back to day 1. Take care.

[amberino21]

The wagon is still waiting - get right back on!! 2-3 compliant days is better than 2-3 non-compliant days - even if you restart 100 times, you will have had more good days than not!

 

People are often afraid of "drastic" measures because it means change - change is difficult! your wife may be saying she's supportive, whilst making it hard for you (by not letting you throw out the temptations, by not joining you etc) so you don't change! you sound like you're ready to embrace a change to make your life better - i'd really encourage you to talk to your wife openly and honestly about why you both need to do this, for yourselves, for each other, and for your family. get her to read the book. there are many documentaries about food and health and why we need to make better choices - they are eye opening! watch some of them if you can. whilst they aren't related to the whole 30, they still might shock her into realising that your life does need to change.

 

you mention being hungry - you shouldn't be hungry! increase your portion sizes so you can remain satisfied all the way (or nearly) between one meal and the next. perhaps post a log of what you did eat over the first couple of days so we could suggest changes for you to feel less hunger and be happier about what you're doing!

[Physibeth]

Dust yourself off and start over. You are being faced with a rough situation. It might be time for some tough love with your spouse. If you are in charge of meals than you should decide what is served. My mother always said there were two choices for dinner, take it or leave it. If she doesn't want to take this journey with you than you should ask her to prepare her own non-compliant food as that would be supportive. Move all non-compliant foods out of your site line. Why does apple pie and fudge need to be on the counter. After sticking to this for a while it will become easier to resist the garbage. My husband eats a SAD diet and I'm no longer tempted to eat his food. If the family doesn't want an "extreme makeover" start cutting things out for them little by little. Do you do the grocery shopping as well? When you run out of things just "forget" to buy them. How old are your boys? 

[Jojo]

All I have to add is that you came to the right place. I strongly recommend the daily emails and actually completely the templates with goals. Post it on the fridge.

 

 

I'll be rooting for you. 

[KitchenWitchy]

Sometimes with big changes, it's two steps forward, one step back for a while. It's frustrating, but change is a process. Some days are easier than others.

Like you, I do most of the cooking and meal planning for myself and my partner. At times, especially when dishes pile up or I'm having to make 2 separate meals because she just has to have her bagel with cream cheese or whatever, I get a little irritated because it doesn't feel fair. But slowly she is coming over to the whole side, as she realizes that real food makes her body feel good (and it helps that I make food that's delicious!). Change is slow sometimes...

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Hang in there!

[ArcheoGator]

Good support here, and I was kind of looking for this.

 

I have thought of asking my wife to take over making her own lunches. I think that is fair for at least the first 30. I can't keep putting myself through assembling meals while I stare at these foods. She also wants grits for breakfast most days, and I cringe when I read the carb count on those things, with a 0 in most other categories. As for dinner, I may just cook whole30 meals and if she wants to cook more in the morning to add to it, it will be her choice. I also thought of one or two pantry shelves that could be covered to remove items from my line of sight, as Beth pointed to.  

 

My boys are 7 and almost 2, so I know I control what they eat. I normally do the shopping also, and the wife came with for the first time in a while this past Labor Day. I shopped the outskirts of the store, ducked down one aisle for coffee, and told her I was done. I didn't need the aisles of the store at the time. She insisted we had to stay longer because we had to get food for the boys to eat. Her support turned into grabbing BOGO deals on Pringles, pita chips, bread, etc. I figured getting growing boys to eat more vegetables and lean meats would have been a good idea.

 

I don't mean to badmouth the Mrs., and she has been my best friend for over 10 years now. It is just that we fell in a rut of enabling each other. Now I am at a point when I am scared sh**less of health complications and I want to enjoy life again, not to mention I have boys who watch me and want me playing with them.

 

My biggest goal is to prove to her this is possible. I want to show her my next lab report, which will be in November. I want her to see me putting on those pants that have been on the top shelf for a while. I want her to see me coming home from hikes and telling her I did 5+ miles and still have energy left for the day. Then, maybe she will want to come along.

 

Thank you everyone.

[amberino21]

I don't mean to badmouth the Mrs., and she has been my best friend for over 10 years now. It is just that we fell in a rut of enabling each other. Now I am at a point when I am scared sh**less of health complications and I want to enjoy life again, not to mention I have boys who watch me and want me playing with them.

My biggest goal is to prove to her this is possible. I want to show her my next lab report, which will be in November. I want her to see me putting on those pants that have been on the top shelf for a while. I want her to see me coming home from hikes and telling her I did 5+ miles and still have energy left for the day. Then, maybe she will want to come along.

Thank you everyone.

This is why I urge you to talk to her seriously and get her to understand why its not extreme, but necessary that you make this succeed. She needs to completely understand why you're doing it and support you even if she doesn't comply 100% of the time.

In my sport, I have seen way to many relationships suffer because one person is going through a huge transformation (both physically and emotionally), and living an "extreme" lifestyle for a period of time, without full support of their partner. Or other relationships suffer because friends/family don't understand. My husband and i both compete together, and prep together - there is no way id do as well without him.

Sometimes I question whether its worth the heartache and loss just for a sport, but, in this case your health and lifestyle is on the line!

She may take a while to realise that she would benefit, but at least get her to support you better. Get her to give you full reign over shopping and food in the house, be happy with the meals you cook, or prepare her own. You could make her lunch/dinner/breakfast compliant, but let her know that she can add what ever else she likes, out of your company at least for the first 30 days.

Having temptations around gets easier after a while....maybe by that stage the rest of the family won't need them!

[Anewknitter]

Good for you for doing 3 days!

I too am a stay at home parent most of the time (I work some weekends).  

I too fell off the wagon on day 3 (sound familiar) by taking a bite of the half eaten granola bar my son had put into my hand because he was too busy at the playground to finish it.  I too have found  it hard to make the kids pb&j and not lick my fingers to clean them.  So I UNDERSTAND!!!

What I can tell you is that I came on the forum (in the log section with other people who started the same month I did) to complain and the comments from other posters made me not fall off the wagon any farther. 

My family is not doing Whole30.  However, I cook... so I am making whole30 compliant dinners.  For the kids I am not changing lunch, they are some mornings eating eggs with me and sometimes they have cereal.

Good luck!  Don't give up on yourself!

[Mom2A&M]

I soooo understand! My first W30 my husband said he would doit with me but he still wanted his coke zero, English muffin with peanut butter and some pasta and chips! WTH? He eats fast food often, orders pizza to the house even though I have cooked dinner, goes out for ice cream after the kids get into bed and he is also miserable! In fact he just came home with a piece of cake tonight, and balck and white cookies for tomorrow.I batch cook so there is always healthy food in the fridge and he is in charge of kids dinner two night per week...what does he feed them.....PBJ every time! He says he doesn't feel like cooking....it's already cooked, just heat and serve, but whatever. It isn't easy, but it is worth it. I have started and "failed" many, many times! This time I am 12 days in, and I just keep taking it meal by meal. Try again and again..practice makes perfect. ISWF says its a marathon, not a sprint. You can do it, as many starts as you need. I am going to check in on this thread too, so no giving up

[Bet]

I did my first W30 alone. This time hubby is doing it with me. He's not being 100% compliant, but he's trying. Don't beat yourself up.

 

Do this for YOU. When your wife sees the results, she will want to try it to. The first week is the hardest, especially with the temptations you have.

 

Hang in there.

[sheba-kitty]

My hubby said he would support me and first week he ate the food I made and enjoyed it. He told me he didn't want to go full program, and his health doesn't require him to, yet. But I sorted the cupboard and moved his stuff to a different area where it wouldn't tempt me. I do most all of the shopping and cooking. If he doesn't want what I am making he is on his own. He has ordered pizza a couple times now, after promising not to order it during my 30. So I feel your pain with the talk the talk of support, but not getting the follow thru. At least he orders crappy toppings that I hate and tries to order when he thinks I will be busy and not home.

So I would suggest you just make compliant meals for you and anyone else in the house that is hungry enough to eat them. If they want something else... They can make it themselves (probably not the kids, but they need to learn to eat healthy and every thing about this is eating healthy) . A couple of some times I have made some rice or noodles for him to go along with the other part of the meal.... But I waited until my will power got a little stronger (sugar dragon slumbering and damper cravings)

As you start seeing success perhaps she will join in.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Cha cha cha 2 steps forward, 1 step back... Just keep moving forward

[melbournegirl]

Change is confronting for everyone! It doesnt matter if you "fail" often. The whole30 itself isn't magic and the 30 days themselves don't fix things, its the change in attitude, habits, taste, and skills over the 30 day that makes the real difference..... That said I know it is hard but keep trying to do the best you can and the rest will fall into place sooner or later for you and your family

[jmh]

Took me 3 times before I made it through my first whole 30. My husband is pretty supportive but he does eat the typical American diet. I sat him down and talked to him about my trigger foods and told him there were 2 things we could not have in the house for a while. We all know those few foods that are really tough to resist for ourselves. I am a stay at home mom with 3 kids and I make all their food also. I have been slowly weeding out unhealthy food for months. I make all our meals whole30/paleo but sometimes add some stuff for them. Usually I go with a meat and veggie and throw in some rice or something that they want. I make double batches so all I have to do is just heat it up. It is hard to have it in front of your face sometimes but if you push through the first 8 days it gets sooo much easier. Maybe she will see how great you are doing and it will inspire her also. I used to make my husband's lunch and that was one of the things that I stopped doing. I had no problem packing up whole30 leftovers or even some rice/potatoes and if he wanted to add something that was up to him. Sometimes the beginning is hard but believe me it is worth it:) Will be cheering you on!!

[1Maryann]

Do you have a copy of "Well Fed"?  Have you looked at any paleo sites like nomnompaleo.com?  How about some pinterest boards?  There are so many totally delicious, compliant recipes out there that aren't very complicated.  You could always just become 'adventurous' in the kitchen and downplay the fact that this is 'diet food'.  That seems to be the sticking point for a lot of people.  They hear you are going on a 'diet', and they automatically assume everything will be bland and tasteless, so they decide up front they want nothing to do with it before they give it a chance.

 

I am eating better tasting food now than I ever have, and every time I turn around there is another recipe I want to try.  My first W30 I didn't change my cooking style, just cut out the parts I couldn't have.  It was indistinguishable from Jenny Craig, or Weight Watchers, or Atkins, or any other diet you could name.  I made plain proteins and a bunch of vegetables.  How boring.  But learning to fix Thai curries, or Indian foods, or even good old American pork chops in a mushroom-coconut milk 'cream' sauce made all the difference in the world.  Stir fries over cauliflower 'rice', homemade Italian meat sauce over zoodles, garlic mashed 'potatoes' made with cauliflower, bacon and eggs with tostones (twice-fried plantains) instead of home fries. 

 

I think if you are willing to put a little effort into learning some new dishes, you would find your family eating along with you because it's delicious, not because it's healthy.

 

Hang in here.  Just get back on that horse and ride.  Better to slip up on Day 3 than Day 23.