3 days past and starting over

[alissafoo]

So, I just finished my first Whole30 three days ago and I realized I'm not ready to have the training wheels come off.  For the last week of my Whole30, all I could think about was what I was going to eat on day 31.  Ice cream was definitely on the top of my list.

Then day 31 came and I didn't even want any of the stuff I was thinking about; not even ice cream! So, i figured, why bother? And I didn't. And I was happy and feeling good and optimistic.  Then day 32 came, and I had a latte with whole milk.  I felt "okay" but I think that one reintro opened a door to more.  Later that day, I had a "bite" of frosting, and a cookie.  Today, I had a piece of pizza, and because I was on auto-pilot, a bag of skittles, which I'm ashamed to admit.  None of it tasted good, none of it was a "reward" for having finished the Whole30.  It was just, I felt so crappy that the only thing that would make the crappy feeling go away was more junk food.  I had to throw some things away on my way home so that I wans't tempted to "start tomorrow," but to force myself to start again. Right. Now. 

 

I'm now re-dedicating myself to this post-W30 log.  I blogged about the first experience; it was so liberating, and I had thoughts and opinions on all th enew things I was learning.  But here, I'm feeling slightly more vulnerable, slightly less interesting, and a little more whiny and depressed.  I am writing because I am back on track and am vowing to keep up these habits for another W30, and in fact I think I am committing to a Whole 60 as we speak.

 

I feel positive and energized about this decision and look forward to being able to feel positive and energetic throughout the duration of my program.  Thanks for your support, everyone!

[Tom Denham]

Maybe the question to ask yourself is how you want to eat most of the time and then eat that way. Personally, I want to be healthy as long as I can be, so I want to eat foods that make me more healthy almost all the time. I can eat anything and rarely pay a price in discomfort from doing so, but I want to be healthy, so I usually eat meat and veggies and skip the lattes. 

[alissafoo]

Hi Tom, thanks for your reply!  I'm not sure I understand your comment.  I think that I'm already doing what you recommend- I want to eat in the fashion of the Whole30, because I want to feel good and be healthy, so that is what I'm doing.  When I didn't have the structure of the plan in place, I realized how quickly my old habits could come back.  For years, there was a big difference between what I "wanted" or knew was good for me, and what I was actually doing. I think sometimes that is easier said than done, and I'm not quite there yet.  Does this make sense?  Did I misinterpret what you said?

[pjena]

Welcome to the post W30 world.  I found that checking in here is very important for me to remind myself of how I want to eat and attempt to curb the autopilot eating that you described.  It hasn't been perfect by any means, but it helps and I hope that over time, I have fewer autopilot episodes.  Good luck!

[alissafoo]

Thanks pjena! That's what I'm working towards as well!  Good luck!

[Tom Denham]

Hi Tom, thanks for your reply!  I'm not sure I understand your comment.  I think that I'm already doing what you recommend- I want to eat in the fashion of the Whole30, because I want to feel good and be healthy, so that is what I'm doing.  When I didn't have the structure of the plan in place, I realized how quickly my old habits could come back.  For years, there was a big difference between what I "wanted" or knew was good for me, and what I was actually doing. I think sometimes that is easier said than done, and I'm not quite there yet.  Does this make sense?  Did I misinterpret what you said?

 

I am confusing sometimes!

 

I think I am trying to say something about not eating unhealthy foods that are not special, meaningful, or worth it to you just because you are not doing a Whole30. I eat pie on many visits to Green's on Green Street (a Roswell, GA restaurant) because they are so good there. I never drink cream or milk in my coffee because I like black coffee and I never eat candy because candy just is not ever worth it to me. I once bought a can of mango juice in a restaurant, but when I saw that it was full of high fructose corn syrup, I left it on the table unopened because I don't want to eat anything really crappy. I guess my main thought is to focus your eating on healthy foods and off road only when it is special.

 

So why didn't I say that the first time? I don't know. 

[alissafoo]

haha no problem!  Thanks for clarifying.  That is definitely the point I am trying to get to- I think I still have some compulsion eating issues to sort through before that happens, but little by little I will get there. For the record, the latte... was a fresh pumpkin spice, made with real pumpkin pulp and whole, organic milk, and I would say that was actually less problematic than the other crap that came the next day.  Skittles: DEFINITELY not worth it or special or seasonal at all and will not be eating candy again in the near future.   

[alissafoo]

I'm five days past my Whole30 and feeling MUCH more in control.  I've found, at least for now, that I can go out and I can go slightly, just ever so slightly, off plan, and not go totally off the rails like I did during days 32 and 33.  I feel mostly recovered, mentally and physically from those bumps, and that I actually can eat food that I didn't cook myself, or "paleofied" baked goods, and not go crazy.  I'm back on track these past two days and am very grateful.  I know that it is all part of a journey and I still have to find what works for me, what doesn't, reassess my goals, and also have my brain come to grips with my body in that a lot of big changes have been made in a very short time, and it needs some time to catch up!  Looking forward to the end of week one, and seeing how this "whole30" will differ from my last one.

 

I only took HCL and digestive enzymes with breakfast and 1 digestive with lunch.  None at dinner... I'm not sure how long it's safe to keep taking HCL's for and if it's working... more on that later.

 

I even made muffins!: 

[alissafoo]

After a month of re-starts past my first Whole30, I'm finally past day TWO!  I haven't been able to get through day 2 yet this month and that in and of itself is a huge accomplishment. I think it was so hard because I was now having to make my own decisions. During my first Whole30 I was so reliant on the plan and all the guesswork that it took away from eating, and now I want to do it in a way that makes more sense to me and is more sustainable, but I was having trouble (and continue to have it, I'm sure) knowing how much is too much? How many times can you indulge in something before it's too much and no longer a special treat? Is it really that bad to have some milk in my coffee if dairy wasn't an issue for me during my first W30?  Where do I draw the line? So many questions! I guess it really is just trial and error though. So I was also having trouble justifying doing a complete W30 again since I didn't notice drastic physical changes (though definitely mental ones).  So, I've finished day 2, and I'm doing it the way I thought I would when I finished my first one- I'm drinking some whole, pastured milk with my coffee in the morning and I bought some cultured yogurt and buttermilk for the morning.  But I'm not otherwise eating any dairy.  I'm also being more lenient when I go out in terms of additives and so far that's worked.  Every day my goal is now just to get through that day!