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PamH

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Thursday is my son's 17th birthday.  I am making him an old fashioned chocolate layer cake.  How am I going to navigate this day?  Mom, once again, does not participate in eating as celebration.  I worry I am going to give my daughter the wrong message about food. She jumps right to calories and weight when any discussion of eating well pops up.  She is an athlete (competitive cheer/tumbling) so I wish she'd take better care of what enters her body.  I suppose I am sensitive to this issue because of my long eating disorder history.  

 

Nobody here gets it in the house.  I will be given a disappointing look by my husband and perhaps 2 of the kids.  Argh.  I really don't want to eat the cake.  I'm planning on skipping it, and offering a short explanation as to why.  What won't be understood is why just a small piece of cake will derail all efforts.

 

Why does it?

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Great job getting back on track.  

 

I could probably google some of these...but I'm curious...meat muffins is that a recipe in IBWF?  Other source?  Sounds interesting.

 

crio bru?  sounds so good.  I'm assuming a coffee?

 

Water with acv?

 

You have such good taste and your meals sound so interesting.  I love hearing about them.  Thanks for the inspiration.

Forgot to add that I love your avatar.  Everybody needs a good dog… also jealous of where you live.  One day I will get back to the Pacific Northwest (lived in Seattle/Bellingham for a decade).  Do you live in the Portland area?  I was there last fall visiting our good friend and loved it.

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Day Threeeeeee

 

Morning brew is doing me some good.  If anyone has trouble with constipation, Crio Bru might be your answer.  TMI for so early in the morning on a Monday, I suppose.   :huh:

 

Heavy topic:  Marriage.  My marriage is crumbling.  Actually, it has been crumbling for almost 10 years and now we are trying to put it back together.  My husband is 100% in love with me and attracted to me but I cannot say the same anymore.  He is an MD, and we've been together since undergrad back in the late 1980s.  Many years of being alone and being put 2nd or even 3rd has worn me down.  I'm not sure I can go back and I feel so damn guilty about it.  We have 3 teenagers and almost 30 years together.  I'm terrified of losing the only life I really know, but so stressed about not being the wife/partner that he deserves or that I deserve.  He is a good man… but maybe not the right man.  He is not on board with natural medicine and is certainly not a Paleo kind of guy.   He is respectful of my choices but does not participate nor does he work to honor some of my *demands* (buy organic, no diet soda for the kids, etc) much of the time.  That hurts.  I have always felt like he only trusts "professionals" for advice and in no way am I a professional in anything according to him.   I can talk about a health topic for 5 years without getting any acknowledgement, only to have him come home one day saying his Nutritionist friend told him about such-and-such and how interesting it was… and I'll look at him like WTF?  I've been saying that for years (that has happened many times)!  He isn't in my face about it, but that arrogance (confidence?) that makes him a good MD is also some of what drives me nuts in our personal life.  His way of being supportive is to stay silent with his opinion and I am more of a debater or arguer.  Now that his career is established and his blinders are off he is making the family a priority.  I've been hardened and I've grown apart from him really from day one as a survival tool.  I had to be independent to be with him, but that need also has been our downfall.  Shit.  What to do?  I'm not looking for solutions from anyone, really; just wanted to say it out loud.  Both of us are hurt.  I want to give it another 2 years (2 oldest will be in college then) to see if I can recover some passion but not sure he is able to wait it out.  Part of me gets all pissy over that because I feel I waited 20 years for him to really commit to us so why can't he wait for me?  Sadness.  Right now he is nearly ignoring me because he is hurt by the lack of physical contact.  That doesn't make me WANT to have physical contact so it is a vicious circle.  

 

Oh man.  Maybe I should edit this out but it feels good to have it out there at the same time.

 

So, I need to get some breakfast.  

 

Breakfast:  meat muffin and a pear

 

Lunch:  large chicken breast with skin and 2/3c of cumin roasted sweet potato.  Drank ½ bottle kombucha all day

 

Dinner:  1/4 c roasted almonds and a boatload of crispy carnitas all heaped inside ½ of a buttercup squash.  Yum

 

Washed down with a mug of water and apple cider vinegar.

 

Off to the gym for some much needed sweating.  I need to clear my head.

 

About 90 minutes of cardio and weights and I feel more relaxed.  I need to get some sleep.  Big glass of warm water before bed to hopefully continue to settle me down.  Probably should not have sat on the computer for the last hour, but I had a bunch of foster dogs to add to our adoption website.  Let's get these babies home!

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Forgot to add that I love your avatar.  Everybody needs a good dog… also jealous of where you live.  One day I will get back to the Pacific Northwest (lived in Seattle/Bellingham for a decade).  Do you live in the Portland area?  I was there last fall visiting our good friend and loved it.

I lived in Portland for 17 years and will probably be back there soon.  For the moment I'm on the beautiful Oregon Coast as my last son finishes his last year in High School.  Next year all three will be in college (GULP).

 

Seattle/Bellingham - Beautiful areas.  A lot to miss...as long as people can withstand the rain - the Pac NW is a wonderful place to live.

 

I LOVE dogs and we haven't had them since 2005 when our last black lab passed.  I've been waiting for a sign for when the perfect furry friend might join us.  We've always had big dogs.  I'm wishing for a smaller dog -but my husband doesn't like some of the tendencies.  I'm just waiting for that perfect little dog with a bit of a big dog personality to magically appear in our path.  I'm having a lot of fun just looking.  Dogs make me smile.

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Pam, I'm sorry to read about your marriage struggles - I have no advice to give, but hope that whatever happens is something that leads to happiness :)

I second Amberino's comments!  I'm glad that you find outlets to voice the frustration.  That's so important.  

 

We have a similar path....3 kids...one with additional struggles...demanding lives.  I can say that I so admire your determination to strive for better for you, for your family - particularly your son, and for your husband.  That's so commendable.

 

Any advice given is probably not novel as I'm sure you've considered so many things.  A simple piece, if you haven't read it, is the 5 languages of love.  I think about that book a lot when I'm absolutely baffled by my husbands actions or words.  It's good stuff particularly if your husband is open to reading it too.

 

More than anything I send you support!  The road you are on is a tough one - be gentle with yourself.

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I second Amberino's comments!  I'm glad that you find outlets to voice the frustration.  That's so important.  

 

We have a similar path....3 kids...one with additional struggles...demanding lives.  I can say that I so admire your determination to strive for better for you, for your family - particularly your son, and for your husband.  That's so commendable.

 

Any advice given is probably not novel as I'm sure you've considered so many things.  A simple piece, if you haven't read it, is the 5 languages of love.  I think about that book a lot when I'm absolutely baffled by my husbands actions or words.  It's good stuff particularly if your husband is open to reading it too.

 

More than anything I send you support!  The road you are on is a tough one - be gentle with yourself.

My youngest is on the Autism Spectrum.  That road has also isolated me in many ways.  Some choices have been my own.  

 

Funny, you are the 3rd person to recommend that book.  My husband has already read it.  I just don't find myself fitting into one particular love language at all but it is clear that neither of us have enough insight right now to make the other happy.  If it is still on the shelf, i will pull it out tonight.  He is on call and won't be back until tomorrow.

 

On a happy note, my UNmedicated spectrum (ADHD, too) child earned a 3.285 GPA this semester in 7th grade.  Yay!  It is a lot of work to do homework with him and study with him (I feel like I am back in school) but it is worth it.

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OK.  The story of Elvis breaks my heart and warms it at the same time.  Elvis is a shelter dog down in Alabama who will be arriving to our foster care system in WI as soon as we can arrange a temporary home.  Elvis was set to be euthanized due to lack of shelter space, and he licked the hand of the person preparing to kill him.  The guy couldn't do it… and Elvis was spared.  He is apparently just a lover and kind of a velcro dog to humans at this point.  Gets along with other dogs and is already neutered and ready to go home!  I want to find this boy a very special home so he never has to face euthanasia again merely because he is unwanted.   :(

 

This has nothing to do with my Whole30, except for it helps put life in perspective.  We all deserve love.

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I agree with you about the book and not fitting into one of the 5 categories.  I didn't fit into one squarely either.  Acts of service is probably closest....but for me it is safety and security (which isn't one in the book).  For my husband (who needs lots of attention) it's physical, affirmations, and time.  He fit the book pretty well.  It's all additive.  We've taken a few things from the book and I think it resulted in small, positive changes.  Kids getting older has had the biggest impact for the better.

 

My son (3rd) who is now 17 has/d heart defects and was diagnosed ADD by neurologist at a REALLY early age.  We've never medicated.  At school - they placed him on Autism Continuum for the IEP only because his symptoms really align more in some of those areas.  He's about as affectionate as they come - but he is extremely black and white, lots of tactile things, socially common sense needed extra help.  He actually was able to completely go off the IEP as a sophomore.  A lot of things opened up for him.  Things will always be more challenging for him and - yes, I've been completing all grades right a long with him like you, but age has brought great, positive changes for him.  

 

After reading the book "Grain Brain", I really thought of trying him on a gluten free diet but at this age it is VERY hard to tell him what to eat.  I'd love to hear more how it has impacted your son.

 

I'm saying some little prayers for Elvis.  I have a good feeling about him......can't wait to hear good news.

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I agree with you about the book and not fitting into one of the 5 categories.  I didn't fit into one squarely either.  Acts of service is probably closest....but for me it is safety and security (which isn't one in the book).  For my husband (who needs lots of attention) it's physical, affirmations, and time.  He fit the book pretty well.  It's all additive.  We've taken a few things from the book and I think it resulted in small, positive changes.  Kids getting older has had the biggest impact for the better.

 

My son (3rd) who is now 17 has/d heart defects and was diagnosed ADD by neurologist at a REALLY early age.  We've never medicated.  At school - they placed him on Autism Continuum for the IEP only because his symptoms really align more in some of those areas.  He's about as affectionate as they come - but he is extremely black and white, lots of tactile things, socially common sense needed extra help.  He actually was able to completely go off the IEP as a sophomore.  A lot of things opened up for him.  Things will always be more challenging for him and - yes, I've been completing all grades right a long with him like you, but age has brought great, positive changes for him.  

 

After reading the book "Grain Brain", I really thought of trying him on a gluten free diet but at this age it is VERY hard to tell him what to eat.  I'd love to hear more how it has impacted your son.

 

I'm saying some little prayers for Elvis.  I have a good feeling about him......can't wait to hear good news.

My son was gluten free as a toddler when he first regressed and it seemed to stop the regression.  Husband not on board so he continually made errors (he's an MD!) and said things like "It's only a little gluten" but it seemed to still work for the 6 months I did it.  We again went gluten free in about 3rd grade because he was SO gassy that it led to teasing.  Within 48 hours the gas was gone.  Again, husband just wasn't willing to acknowledge the food choices made any difference.  So very aggravating.  He needs a placebo controlled, double blind, AMA ENDORSED study to believe in things.

 

We are at the point that my son seems to be able to tolerate gluten for spurts and then needs to pull back.  He could probably eat it sporadically and be just fine so that is what I try to do.  It is very difficult to control since he eats school lunch (gross) and we have gluten snacks at home.  He is quite independent and sneaky, too.  We tested for celiac (me, too) and blood work was negative.  He is SO thin despite eating enough to weigh more in my opinion.  Questioning other issues since muscle mass is lacking (although he does no sports or real exercise).

 

I should be avoiding grains for good.  Oats seem to bug me which is depressing.  I love scotch oats in the winter.

 

Happy thoughts for Elvis is much appreciated!  Right now we are remodeling rooms on both floors, so I cannot take a foster dog until probably the beginning of December.

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Day Four

 

Crio bru and coconut milk.  Added ½ caff coffee grounds to the press because I need a boost of caffeine this morning.  Just a little or I feel crazy sick and agitated.

 

Breakfast:  

 

2 meat muffins (grass fed ground beef, spinach, onion, egg).  One of them seemed to get the lion's share of the cayenne.  *fire*

 

Lunch:  

 

No compliant protein on hand, so I ate maybe 4 cups of sautéed veggies in olive oil and sea salt.  Drank ½ bottle of kombucha

 

Dinner:  

 

Probably ate 3/4lb carnitas.  Too much.  Top it off with 20 roasted brussel sprouts and radishes and I am stuffed.  Big mug of water and apple cider vinegar.

 

Off to the gym to work out a bit before bed.  Argh

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Day Five

 

I have a day off!  No remodelers coming, either!  Lazy first hour with my Crio Bru and coconut milk.  I'm quickly becoming that stereotypical Facebook poster who annoys everyone with inane status updates about nothing so I need to hop in the shower and start my day.

 

My mood is back to happier after my sugar laden day 5 days ago.  Amazing how long it takes to recover.  I just want to stop overeating.

 

Needed some crunch so I had about 1/4 c diced toasted almonds as I rushed out the door to a vet appointment.  Breakfast to follow.  I am just not good at eating breakfast…

 

Came home and ate 4 meat muffins.  *snicker*  I didn't think they should sit around for another day.  Probably only 1/3lb ground beef and maybe 1.5 eggs at best.  It just sounds like a lot when you say you ate 4 muffins.  Drizzled maybe 1T coconut oil on top because this meal needs to last me until late afternoon.  I'll toss a snack in my bag but today is busy, busy, busy.  Days off should be more relaxing.  The plumber showed up, too.

 

Snack of an apple (Arkansas Black organic.  WOW) and some dried cayenne mango/dried coconut

 

I'm feeling the snacking mood coming on.  Wonder if I triggered my day with the roasted diced almonds?  Although the fasting thing to do would be open the dark chocolate or take a handful of the dark chocolate chips I keep for cooking, but so far I can fairly easily re-route my thoughts.

 

Dinner:

 

Large tossed greens salad with spinach and a bunch of other veggies.  Added a hard boiled egg and a vinaigrette of avocado oil/balsamic vinegar/salt.  Had to toss another handful of diced almonds on top.  I should never have started on those almonds today.  BIG trigger food.

 

I seem to again be at the point where I eat a lot to avoid eating noncompliant food.  The two week mark happened the first time, too, back in April.  I know I had one noncompliant day in the past 2 weeks, but this pattern again repeats itself!  I have made it through the day without breaking Whole30 but I have eaten too many almonds.  Not even raw ones.  Boo

 

It would be nice to figure this out.  Why do I seek out the chocolate and cheese?  I miss them both, and today started to rationalize that eating the (unopened) container of plain grass fed yogurt in the fridge was not going to be the end of the world since sugar is what I want to conquer.  I'm trying to get through this the best I can, but I sure am a good rationalizer.   :angry:

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Day Five

I have a day off! No remodelers coming, either! Lazy first hour with my Crio Bru and coconut milk. I'm quickly becoming that stereotypical Facebook poster who annoys everyone with inane status updates about nothing so I need to hop in the shower and start my day.

My mood is back to happier after my sugar laden day 5 days ago. Amazing how long it takes to recover. I just want to stop overeating.

Random status updates about nothing have got to be better than ones about needing to hop in the shower or other equally boring daily activities...

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Day Six

 

Last night I considered just disappearing and doing a modified Whole30 with the addition of some dairy.  I was missing my full fat yogurt and cheese and growing tired of passing on wonderful food because it contained merely a bit of butter.  However, I feel back to normal this morning so I am still here.  

 

Breakfast needs to wait until 9:30am because I am meeting a friend.  Going to a pancake house, so an omelet is in order.  Too bad I can't have the spinach and feta, but I'll survive.  

 

Ate a 3 egg vegetable omelet and plate of sweet potatoes.  Woah, am I full, but not full enough to avoid eating 2T sunflower seed butter when I got home.   

 

Often when I start eating to break a nightly fast I just can't seem to stop.  Would eating right upon waking help?  I guess I could try…

 

late afternoon snack:

 

handful of red grapes (maybe 20)

lots of water

 

Dinner:

 

Saw the salmon burgers were noncompliant, so I just ate a bunch of kabocha squash with salt and coconut oil and ½ apple.  I'll figure something out later if I am hungry, but honestly I'm still so full from that 3 egg omelet and massive plate o'potatoes.

 

Off to the gym!

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Day Seven

 

Didn't do the job of eating breakfast AGAIN.  Along with my mostly decaf coffee/crio bru mix I added more coconut milk (canned; not the drink) than normal to get some good fat.  I ate a big Asian pear, too.

 

Lunch:

 

Big old chicken breast with skin

1c sautéed kale, onion, mushroom

 

Snack:

 

Organic Arkansas black apple (oh, you have to try these!)

2c mixed veggies sautéed in a lot of olive oil

 

Dinner:

 

Boatload of kabocha squash with added fat and diced almonds

 

All of the hamburger left over had cheese melted on it, so I skipped it.

 

 

Tonight we celebrate my son's 17th birthday.  I made a chocolate cake with frosting from scratch and all organic.  I cannot have any.   :angry: I don't look forward to my kids asking (again) why I do not eat it, but I just really don't want to anyway.  Still, it will be hard… especially because it is difficult for my teenage daughter to see the difference between healthy eating choices and dieting for weight loss/body image.  Being an eating disorder teen/adult myself I REALLY hate to give her any idea that I am dieting.  Other than that, the birthday boy wanted spaghetti, broccoli and crusty bread.  He wanted me to get his favorite jarred sauce (it is organic), but that means I can't eat that, either, because it contains evaporated cane sugar.  Sigh.  Looks like a reheated hamburger patty and squash for this girl.  

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Day Eight

 

Well, here I am all ready to eat breakfast within an hour of waking and I don't feel great.  I did have my morning crio bru and coconut milk but my stomach isn't doing well.  Loads of people sick at work so I hope I am not coming down with something.  I don't want to eat…

 

Ate a pear before taking the dog for a short walk through the woods.  Came home and took a bite from the hamburger after removing the cheese and opted for the rest of the broccoli instead.  I have to work later.  I'll head to the gym to see if I can do something active and eat something big before I head in.  

 

Feeling blah.  

 

An hour at the gym with cardio and weights (and WI Badger football on TV) has lifted my spirits.  Baking a sweet potato to load with ghee/coconut oil and some kind of meat before work.  I might have to poach a chicken breast to get it done in time.  Today I think my meal will be function over taste.

 

Had a great talk with my husband while walking the woods with the dog.  Things are far from fixed, but I appreciate so much the fact we can talk.  Friends for 27 years sure does help.  I hate the thought I am hurting him.   :mellow:  The stress really wears me down at times and makes eating well a challenge.  I'm an emotional eater.  Too bad I don't lose my appetite.  I wonder what THAT feels like?  

 

Probably ate too much fruit this afternoon, but it is compliant and it doesn't set me off.

 

2 apples

½ sweet potato with ghee

½ unsweetened kombucha

 

I ran into the problem of being somewhere all afternoon/evening without Whole30 food so i ate what I could.  I know there isn't protein here but it is what it is.  Won't kill me for a day.  

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Day Nine

 

Really poor meal planning this weekend.  I have (again) no compliant protein on hand.  I used the last egg to make breakfast for my son and the meatloaf contains gluten.  So, this is what I did in a pinch because I was hungry and I'm really trying hard to eat breakfast:

 

Same old Crio Bru with coconut milk from the can (well, BPA free carton, Arroy D)

½ sweet potato with sea salt, almonds, macadamias and shredded coconut (about 1/3 c total of nuts)

 

Running to the store right now to get the last few ingredients for homemade chicken soup.  Alton Brown has a great recipe using the pressure cooker that is no-fail using a whole fryer chicken.  

 

Ate an Epic bar.  We just started carrying these at work after multiple requests. 

2T sunflower seed butter

 

Waiting for this chicken soup to cook means snacking!  I wish I could leave the house for a bit.

 

Yeah, eating pistachios like crazy.  This isn't going well.   :huh:

 

Was able to get several ounces of chicken before I put it in the soup.  I feel better.  I'm a smart lady; so why can I do such asinine things that I know won't turn out well?  Eat protein.  Eat protein.  Fat is not protein.  Repeat…

 

What HAS gone well is that I don't let my snacking spiral out of control to include the chocolate chips, left over birthday cake and such.  

 

Dinner:  Big bowl of grass fed beef curry with carrots and mushrooms.

 

I used coconut cream instead of coconut milk.  WOW is that a rich sauce.  No, not cream of coconut but the real deal from Arroy-D.  I saved the other half of the 33oz carton in the freezer since the container said shelf life once opened it only 2 days.  I think I might make some ice cream with the coconut cream and over ripe bananas once Whole30 is over.  Probably add some sunflower seed butter.

 

I used the elliptical at the gym for 50 minutes today.  It felt good to really sweat.  Weather was just horrible.  We got the northern end of the storm, and I feel bad for my friends down south near the Illinois border and below.  Looks like some tornadoes really hit.

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Day Ten

 

I ate breakfast within a hour of waking!!!!

 

My standard crio bru with coconut milk and a large bowl of grass fed beef curry and broccoli

 

Lunch:  apple and lots of grilled veggies with ½ bottle kombucha

 

Snack:  maybe 8 oz grilled chicken

 

Dinner:  Shredded brussel sprouts salad with pistachios, dried cherries and diced chicken

 

I did a bit of digging today about hypothyroid.  It all (re)started when someone mentioned they no longer turned orange after eating too much squash after she fixed the underlying thyroid issue.  I've been noticing one of my eyebrows thinning at the edge and and know that can be a sign of under active thyroid.  So, Google natural methods to raising thyroid levels and I see avoiding cruciferous vegetables/limiting to 1-2/week is recommended.  I eat them daily and often in bulk.  Same with the squash.  Not sure what to make of it, but I will do a little more digging.  Of course, today I ate broccoli, cauliflower and brussels.   ^_^

 

I am really beginning to crave protein.  What a difference.

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I did a bit of digging today about hypothyroid.  It all (re)started when someone mentioned they no longer turned orange after eating too much squash after she fixed the underlying thyroid issue.  I've been noticing one of my eyebrows thinning at the edge and and know that can be a sign of under active thyroid.  So, Google natural methods to raising thyroid levels and I see avoiding cruciferous vegetables/limiting to 1-2/week is recommended.  I eat them daily and often in bulk.  Same with the squash.  Not sure what to make of it, but I will do a little more digging.  Of course, today I ate broccoli, cauliflower and brussels.   ^_^

 

 

I believe that the goitrgentic properties of those vegetables are substantially reduced if cooked, so you can probably enjoy them if you aren't eating them raw. Consult with your doctor when you visit.

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Day Eleven

 

Breakfast:  just a pear and crio bru with some extra coconut milk

 

Lunch:  Banana, sautéed squash/tomatoes and a large chicken breast with skin

 

Drank ½ kombucha over the day mixed with water 

 

Snack:  Apple and small bowl of grass fed beef coconut curry and lots of water

 

Dinner:  More beef coconut curry with a few T of hemp seeds on top for some much needed texture

 

Not too excited with the thought I am gaining some weight here.  I did this the first 2 weeks of my other Whole30 as I grazed a bit too much while avoiding noncompliant food.  It is hard for those who eat when they feel good AND when they feel bad!  I wish that was not me…

 

Making meatloaf, mashed potatoes and salad for the kids.  They are all eating at separate time tonight, so making something that reheats well works.  I can't eat the meat or taters, but they like it.  All in all, pretty good food so I feel fine serving it to them.  I'm trying not to instill my rigid eating on them.  No reason to expect them to complete a Whole30 with me by force.   :blink:  I do feel like I am fighting an up hill battle to get them to eat well and appreciate how bad food can have bad consequences on your health but they are still too young to feel the effects of mortality!

 

Was able to get to the gym for about an hour tonight before picking up my teenage cheerleader.  Sitting outside the gym in the car, I wondered if our thousands of dollars spent on tuition and traveling, and hundreds of hours spent sitting in a pavilion watching competitions, is also rewarded with hearing loss for my girl.  That music is LOUD.

 

Feeling so-so about Whole30 to be honest.  Having a 30+ year partnership with eating disorders (anorexia and bulimia and binge eating) I question adding yet another control method to my food habits.  I really do wish to get the sugar under control because I know how deadly it is to my overall health so I hope this is the right thing.  Or maybe I just miss my full fat yogurt and recipes finished with parmesan or blue cheeses?  The winter grains in my chili and the ability to enjoy a piece of cake that I made for my son's 17th birthday?

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Day Twelve

 

Started day out with my crio bru.  Opted not to eat any coconut products today because I am starting to feel a funny sensation in my mouth and metallic taste and I'm wondering if it is the coconut.  Good luck figuring it out but I thought I'd give it a try.  Used ghee instead.

 

Grabbed a really bad apple on the way out the door for an IEP meeting (my son).  Tossed it in the field and went without.

 

Lunch:

 

Big chicken breast with skin and some mixed sautéed veggies in olive oil

kombucha

 

Dinner:

 

A modified turkey shepherd's pie.  Not sure if it was 100% Whole30 compliant but since I don't know the actual ingredient and there wasn't a glaring hunk of cheese or buttery taste I'm feigning ignorance and saying I stayed compliant.  

Whole sweet potato

Big hunk of meat loaf which MIGHT have had some corn syrup in it.  Again, since I don't know for sure…   :)

 

Stretching my compliance limits today, I know.  Ignorance is bliss.  For me, at least it wasn't a dive into a piece of carrot cake or bowl of chocolate chips/coconut/almonds that I loved to inhale in the past.

 

My oldest was inducted into the NHS tonight.  Went to a ceremony and the cake/cookies served afterwards were not even close to tempting.  Now, had I taken a bite i probably would have finished it (and come home to keep grazing), but the thought to eat it never crossed my mind.  Cool.  Proud of my boy, too!  Where have the 17 years gone?

 

I got my period again today.   Second time in 30 days and only second time since the end of November 2012!  Oh, I hope this isn't a doozy.  I feel pretty gross.  Typically, this is a trigger to reward myself with food for comfort.

 

Challenges.  Challenges.

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Day Thirteen

 

Yes, some of you are thinking it should say Day One (again) after my possible corn syrup meat loaf.  I am pretty sure this had ketchup in the beef mixture but not positive.  If it did, it was minuscule.  I guess I can ask the meat department when I get to work but once again… ignorance is bliss.  I didn't feel any trigger and I feel fine today.

 

Well, I don't feel fine today.  Cramps and aches from the period.  On the one hand, very happy to not be officially menopausal (not ready to go there at 48) but remembering why I didn't like the first 48 hours of my period.  I know this isn't the best place to talk about all of these things but it is my journal.  Writing things down really helps me.  Husband isn't interested in conversation despite being an MD.  

 

Drinking my crio bru today without any fats.  I still want to avoid coconut milk to see if that is my issue.  I had an incident a few months back where I felt really crappy shortly after drinking 1/3 bottle of young coconut water.  I LOVE the taste and I want the health benefits of coconut but I think it is time to keep track of these reactions.  It is hard to weed out what is food related, what is hormone related, what is blood pressure related (I have very low BP) and what is just in my head.  I can probably worry myself into feeling worse when I have these experiences.  At times they feel like a sudden "flight or fight" response that pops out of the blue.  I can just be standing there by myself.  Argh.  Perhaps it is time to find a naturopath to help me out?  My GP isn't going to know what to do at all outside of prescribing an anti depressant.  

 

So, off to work today!  My wonderful 17 year old is home sick today, but old enough and not sick enough to warrant staying home.  

 

Breakfast will be interesting. I really, really don't feel like eating.  This hormonal upheaval has my stomach feeling full and my GI tract running quickly.  We will keep it at that to avoid a TMI moment.  

 

Husband is being distant the past few days.  I'm tired of asking what is wrong without getting the true reason so I will just wait for him to tell me.  I think I know… marriage is SO TOUGH.  Divorce scares the shit out of me.  27 years together; 19 married.  I don't have any normal siblings nor do I have any nieces or nephews on my side.  All of my family life is his family.  I've been there since the age of 21 and I cannot imagine being excluded.  It breaks my heart.  All I have are my aging parents and my own children.  I just hate the thought of them going to be with my husband's large extended family and I don't get to go along.  But, I also don't want to continue to be unhappy and I don't want my husband to be unhappy.  We are working on it, but so much has happened already and I don't know if I can move beyond long-learned attitudes and feelings.  It is making me stressed.

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