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Sorry to hear it, Pam.  I completely understand.  I've been there too repeatedly the past few weeks.  binging on sugar too much.  Hope things get better for you :)

It is like I disappear for an hour.  I just wonder why I can't stop at one big serving of chocolate instead of going way overboard?  I literally felt ill from the sugar rush.  My poor body!


I need a tool during these times.  Snapping a rubber band on my wrist or taking a cold shower to distract me or bring me back to my senses.  Seriously

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coffee in the morning.  Feeling totally disgusting and bloated and couldn't' force myself to eat at all.


Lunch:  roasted zucchini and tomatoes/onions, spinach with a small bit of cheese


Dinner:  Spaghetti squash with carbonara sauce.  Small amount of mashed potatoes because I wanted to feel good.   :mellow:


I always feel low on these days.  When will I be able to remember this feeling and stop myself?  Every 2 weeks isn't the end of the world, but not how I want to play the game.


Ate some chicken breast for a late snack.

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Perhaps I need to write some goals? A plan?  Not too sure. 


Really thinking I need to stop snacking.  Eat meals.  Maybe 3 meals, with the least amount of food at night because I hate going to bed feeling full.  What do you know? My first goal.  


1.  Eat 3 meals

2.  No snacking


Two down.

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Woke up with a bug in my rear regarding my eating habits.  Time to make some real changes.  I really am 90% there, and probably am quite healthy compared to the average bear, but that still means I can do better for myself.   I have a cycle that needs to be broken:  healthy choices for 2 weeks followed by 1-2 bad days.  Rinse (detox for 2 days afterwards because I feel so crappy).  Repeat.


I'm not a drinker.  I don't do drugs.  I have a job. I exercise regularly.  I shower.  Why can't I add this last good deed to my repertoire?  


*Limit sugar*


Sometimes I wish I were obviously unhealthy so family and friends would leave me be with my lifestyle choices.  Tomorrow (Thanksgiving) will be full of jokes and goading to get me to 'have some fun' and eat dessert.  19 little voices… (some not so little.   :rolleyes: They could use Whole30)


Breakfast:  finished the beef brisket and paired it with an organic Arkansas Black apple (yum!) and local carrots.  Suuuper sweet.


Off to the gym today.  I don't have to work!!!!  Did 45 minutes on elliptical and 3 rounds of weight training for about 15 minutes.  Braved the store for some eggs so I could make my sweet potato bake for tomorrow:  sweet potatoes, lemon juice, eggs, cinnamon, omitting the maple syrup this year even though it is only 3T for 5# potatoes and walnuts.  Calls for butter dotting the top but I'll use ghee.  All in all; good stuff.


Dinner:  decided to opt for mostly vegetarian meal since I ate quite a bit of beef earlier.   TONS of red kuru squash with cinnamon/salt and maybe 1T ghee with 1/4c pecans.    Ate way more of it than is good for me (how many carbs was that?  Ate the entire squash!).  Had some salmon, too, but not much and maybe 1/3 of a red bell pepper.


I am sure I will wake up the color of an Oompah Loompah tomorrow morning.


Snacked on baked sweet potato skins while making my mash for tomorrow.  

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Today I am thankful that I have the opportunity, ability and energy to do what I want to make the changes I need to make in my life without much worry.  I am really very blessed and I often overlook it.  My struggles really are so very *overcome-able* and I need not lose sight of that fact!


Woke up early this morning to get to the gym.  So far, I've wasted an hour with some crio bru and Facebook.  Time to get going!  I do not feel that I will struggle with food today but I assume I will get some sugar in the meal without even eating dessert.  There will be many options that are within my Whole30 modifications, and eating desserts publicly is easy to resist.  It is the alone times that are tough, and since Thanksgiving isn't at my house this year I'll be able to control what leftovers come home!   :D


Spent an hour sweating.  Felt good.


Breakfast:  just a pear for now.  No protein in the house.  Used the eggs up and meat is gone.  Started to eat a Lara bar but stopped after one bite because I don't feel great about starting my day with a snack bar.  Did eat some veggies as I was making a salad.


Ate handful of raw veggies before lunch/dinner


Thanksgiving dinner:  


LOTS of turkey

cranberry chutney (maple syrup)

green beans with almonds (butter)

sweet potato bake (maple syrup)

salad (compliant dressing:  I made it)


So, I did get some maple syrup in my meal but I'm just fine with that.  I went without eating dessert and no comments or jokes or rolling eyes from the family!  I don't even think they noticed.  I ate too much, but it was in the manner of two servings of turkey and sweet potato.


Day is done.  We are plopped in front of the television for some episodes of Modern Family.  I did have a fleeting thought of wondering if this was the last Thanksgiving with my family intact… but not going there with the negative thoughts!  There is hope if both of us want to stay married, and at this point both of us do.  Hard work!

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Alarm came much too quickly today.  Blllllack Friday:  I get the honor of working customer service all day.  Thankfully, not many are going to be heading to the natural foods co-op for Black Friday shopping.  Hell, who needs to shop for food today at all?  I am doing a "No Shop Friday" today so I have to go pack my lunch.


Made another brisket last night since we inherited no leftovers from Thanksgiving.  Wow, did that smell good at 9PM!  I thought about eating a huge bowl of beef before bed but I am glad I didn't do it.  Nothing worse, for me, than waking up full.


Crio bru and Facebook for breakfast.   :huh:   I still cannot eat right when I wake up.  I am trying hard to stick to the goal of eating within an hour of waking but that is even hard.  I haven't eaten since maybe 4PM yesterday but still I am rarely hungry before 8AM even though I get up at 5:45.  What usually happens is I head to work without a good solid protein in my belly and I allow myself to get too hungry and overeat.  Sometimes I don't feel very bright.  I know what to do.  Ate a pear on the way to work.


Lunch:  parsnip/carrot puree with a little spinach.  Started to eat what I thought was egg salad from our work fridge (deli puts stuff that didn't sell out for us to eat the next day) but after a few bites realized it was the eggless variety.  Darn it.  I really don't like eating soy products; especially not organic.


Drank 2/3 bottle of unsweetened kombucha


Dinner:  WAAAY too much sweet potato bake with almonds and pecans.  Wondering if the butter and little bit of maple syrup (maybe 1t in my huge serving) was enough of a trigger.  I probably should not have eaten it at all, but I didn't want to waste it.  Had some homemade turkey meatballs, too.


Thinking I want to go to the gym.  I was better yesterday on Thanksgiving than today!  Geez.  I think I ate the equivalent of 2 large sweet potatoes and 2c of parsnip/carrot mash all split between 2 meals.  I'm like an over starched shirt from my Dad's closet.  I used to love those crunchy collars.


Did some cardio and weights for about 75 minutes.  Felt good, but wondering if I need to slow down on the cardio and do some more walking on the treadmill.  I wish I could do tabatas… but my pelvic organs won't let me.  Hard enough to do weights of any significance these days without feeling symptomatic.  Stinks.


Ah, forgot to add that I ate maybe ½ of a croissant today at lunch.  Very much homemade, but still gluten which I really don't eat to that extent much at all any more.  Let's say I remember why now:  kind of grumbly in the stomach and feeling some bloat.  Pretty unsure if the gluten or just all of the sweet potato/parsnip/carrot mashes are the culprit but betting on gluten.  Experiment over.  Gluten stays out as much as possible.  I do hope to add whole grains and/or legumes one day.  Oats also aren't my friend which makes me sad.  I adore Scotch Oats in the winter.  

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Slept in until 7am.  Felt good, but I'm pretty tired.  Fatigue days usually mean eating too much so I have to keep myself busy.


Coffee date with a friend this morning.  No crio bru for me.


Late breakfast of beef brisket and sweet potato mash. I'm ready for the mash to be gone.  I actually ate a bigger bowl than I thought I should because it meant finishing the dish.  


Late lunch/early dinner of small amount of turkey meatballs, green beans with almonds (used butter), broccolini sautéed in ghee/garlic and the tiny amount of sweet potato.  Oh, and a big old carrot.


Drank a lot of water today.  I'm just very proud of myself for not overeating despite being very tired.  Very tired.  Not too sure why so exhausted.

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Day has flown by and I honestly cannot remember all that has entered my stomach.  


Crio bru for breakfast.  No excuse for not eating breakfast except for a conversation with my husband that left me upset and running late.


Lunch:  chicken thigh/leg and 1c sautéed veggies.   Took one bite of a chocolate pecan thing (not the crust but the chocolate part) someone brought to work and decided it wasn't worth the feelings of disappointment that would come later.


Snack:  too many almonds toasted in 1T ghee along with 2/3 of a date sweetened power bar of sorts


Dinner:  cod, carrot/parsnip mash with some butter and parmesan.  Oven roasted grape tomatoes with basil, garlic and olive oil.  Took the tomatoes that didn't have breadcrumbs visible on them.


Had some parmesan for the first time in a while.  I used to eat a ton of it!  Tasted good, but I already feel overly full.  Not sure if it is due to the big bowl of root vegetables or the 1 oz or so of parmesan.


Walked 75 minutes on the treadmill; about 4.5 miles.  

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Taking some time to step back and revaluate the direction I am going.  I notice I am starting to take little bites of sweet things on a daily basis since Thursday.  I know this isn't horrendous, but hoping it isn't a slippery slope.  I think I'll go hard core Whole30 for a week to get it back under control.  I wonder if that would work for me?  10 days or so of compliance every once in a while to keep it all under control?  Who knows…  still searching for that magic combination of food and lifestyle that makes me feel healthier and more at peace.  

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Now I know.  Today was a big derailment.  I can't do modified and I can't do Whole30.  What the hell can I do?   :blink:


I ended up emptying the cabinets of every stitch of trigger food I could find.  So very wasteful, but in the long run not so much if it works. Tossed it all into the dumpster we have in the driveway for our bathroom remodel (probably over $100 in opened and unopened edibles).    If my husband notices, he is going to think I am nuts when I explain where it all went.  Protein bars gone.  Nut butters gone.  Chocolate gone.  Chocolate covered nuts gone.  Everything sweet I stuck in the freezer for post Whole30 gone.  All in the dumpster.  I am famous for buying things thinking I will just resist them or have them around for emergencies.  When every day becomes an 'emergency' you need to re-evaluate your methods.


Tomorrow is Whole30.  God, I sound like a loon.  An indecisive loon.


Made it to the gym for an hour tonight.  Ate a banana when I got home, but wanted nothing else.  Time for bed to forget about today (or dream about it, I guess).

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I have ditched food like that before - and at the time I felt a lot of guilt about how much money I was wasting! (There was about 20-30 blocks of Lindt chocolate included...)

I've come to realise that it's better in the bin than in me - "you are not a trash can" comes to mind. I can have stuff like that in the house now without it needing to be eaten, but don't really bother buying it to start off with.

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Fell behind a few days.  Nothing huge to log.  Kept relatively clean to even the Whole30 outside of some cheese.  Moods good despite continued marital stress.  Need to stay committed to health to give me the best shot at fixing everything else.


Tuesday ate roasted chicken, vegetables, apple, Epic bar and an awesome red cabbage/walnut/feta/raisin salad.  I'll definitely make that again. Added a small bowl of almonds which is never the best option for me.  Took a taste of a peanut butter bon bon from the deli guys at work and spit it out because it wasn't worth it.  I'm sure that raised their eyebrows if they caught it.  


Yesterday ate 3 egg omelet and potatoes at a restaurant.  Omelet had cheese and potatoes are potatoes.  Had that same experience of wanting to eat continuously until gorged when I eat breakfast, and came home to make myself a small bowl of almond sautéed in ghee.  I just can't figure that one out.  Must be habit.  It is why I tend to skip breakfast; to avoid that situation.  I literally will graze for 2 hours and then not want to eat the rest of the day outside of maybe a piece of fruit or some vegetable side dish.  That seems like a primal behavior from long ago when food was scarce.  Perhaps I truly am an old soul.   :huh:   For lunch before work I ate the rest of that cabbage salad and had an apple and ½ an Epic bar at work.  When I got home I had to sample the chicken soup I asked my husband to make.  Alton Brown pressure cooker chicken and dumpling soup without the dumplings.   Really is one of the quickest ways to make an amazing stock.


Woke up this morning feeling drained.  I can't wait for my 3 day weekend from work!  I do have to travel with my daughter for a cheer competition but that is OK.  Drinking my crio bru this morning and watching the thermostat outside tick-tick downward.  It will be COLD this weekend.

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I have a history with Mark Sircus that has some good/bad but I find that I have many of these symptoms of magnesium deficiency (in both the mild and severe category).  I actually supplemented Mag citrate for a bit but thought it made my fluttering heart/rapid heart rate symptom worse.  Maybe I'll take a multi with mag instead of 150mgs straight mag or try another variety?  


I bothered to look at my basic multi mineral and it does not have magnesium at all.  Grrr   Found one in the cabinet (I tend to buy a lot of supplements thinking 'we'll try this' over the years due to treating son's Autism) that has about 25% RDA so I'll start there.


I wonder if I should look into reasons that one would be mag deficient despite eating well?  Maybe the chronic cardio depletes?

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Apple and fruit juice sweetened muffin today at work for breakfast.


Lunch of kombucha (unsweetened), chicken breast and a gluten free zucchini 'cake' like thing


Snack of 5pc of sushi after work and 2T peanut butter.  Erg


Dinner was a spaghetti squash/chorizo bake that I kind of made up.  Turned out well.


Not great.  Not bad either overall.  I should not get into the habit of eating the gluten or gluten free baked goods but I felt like I needed some TLC and that is what I chose.  Old habits die hard.  What did not happen is a binge.


Went for a FAST 3 mile walk.   Walked on the treadmill as fast as I could, comfortably.  An injury prevents me from running but I try to move fast while keeping posture.  Can be difficult.  

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Had to get up early to take my daughter to her cheer competition.  Single digit weather this morning.  Ouch!


Breakfast was ½ honey sweetened cocoa bar that I stopped eating once I saw soy as an ingredient.  Funny how soy makes me toss it out the car window and not sugar.   :huh:  Had crio bru, also.


Lunch was a huge bowl of the spaghetti squash/chorizo bake (5oz chorizo or so) with some added cheese on top and maybe 1/8# hamburger meat.  I ate 4 squares of 70% dark chocolate… for the first time in I don't know how long.  It wasn't my first time eating chocolate, but my old habit of just eating square after square or handful of chips has been broken for quite a while now.  I must pay attention that one to keep it from creeping back up.  Oh, and I ate about 5 french fries.  I'm not a huge fan of them so it was very easy to just stop.  I know it would be best to not have tried them at all but they were there and I was so hungry from tossing out my breakfast earlier.


I plan on heading to the gym this afternoon after I pick up my daughter from cheer.  They hit their routine so everyone will be happy.  Nice!


Snack of a pear and probably 4T tahini.  Too much tahini.  


Gym time!  Promised my youngest we would go to, gasp, the MALL tonight after dinner for some Christmas shopping.


What was I thinking?  He is on the Autism spectrum so I can only imagine he will want to shop for himself, too.  Haha


Spent 75 minutes at the gym.  It was not the best work out, but I'm glad I went.  I was low energy and never got into that groove.


Just ate a large serving of buttercup squash with sea salt.  I wasn't hungry, but knew I had to eat something.  Squash is my winter candy.  Some of these varieties are so sweet!  I wonder if the  high carb content is a bad idea?  I literally eat ½ of a 2-4lb squash at a time:  2-4c of mashed squash.  No added sugar but sometimes a few T of ghee.

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OUCH!  Ouch.  ouch ouch ouch


Weighed myself today for the first time in a few months.  Same scale.  Gained 6 pounds.  I could feel it.  And, no, I am not more muscular.  If anything, I am less fit.


I needed to do this to get my butt in gear.  I can wear baggier clothing in the winter months to hide that growing feeling.  I just felt "thick".


Now, it isn't the end of the world but it is a warning.  I am a stress eater.  It is a warning to pay attention to my stress level and to what I put in my body.  I don't like feeling this way.   I also know this can be reversed in less than 2 weeks so life goes on.


Old me would skip dinner.  New me is going to have a vegetarian meal since I had over ½# of meat at lunch.  I want squash!

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I hope you can find some way to relieve the stress in your life, Pam. I don't think eating is the problem, that's just the result of the problem...like medicine taken to make symptoms go away. Unless you fix the stress, you're going to keep needing to do something to "medicate" it...

Do try and get some protein in with dinner...even if it's not meat.

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I hope you can find some way to relieve the stress in your life, Pam. I don't think eating is the problem, that's just the result of the problem...like medicine taken to make symptoms go away. Unless you fix the stress, you're going to keep needing to do something to "medicate" it...

Do try and get some protein in with dinner…even if it's not meat.

Definitely working to fix the stress!  


Several behavioral mod ideas, including no more eating at work.  Food is everywhere!  I can manage finishing a 5.5 hour shift without eating anything.  Save me $$, too.  


Eating breakfast has to become habit.  Protein breakfast.


Snacking just has to go away.  Has to.  

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Breakfast:  crio bru, squash, sea salt, cinnamon and ½ c full fat cottage cheese


Seeing what an onslaught of dairy does to me.  Hopefully not much!


Lunch wound up being dried fruit and a home made gorgonzola/pear spread.  Very yummy, and no need for crackers with cheese!  Fruit works just fine.  Drinking a lot of water today.  


Looking into a full thyroid panel next week.  I am pretty sure I am sub clinically hypoT and possibly even clinically at this point.  I'm losing eyebrow hair on the left side!  An article by Christine Northrup listing symptoms was a huge red flag since I have every single one.  Great.  Stress and depression can be causal or also just a symptom.  My guess is causal.  Perimenopause also plays a hand, too.  I think article said 26% of women in my age range (perimenopausal at 48) are diagnosed with hypothyroid… and that is just those diagnosed.


I am not entirely sure what I am prepared to do if I indeed have an out of whack thyroid per bloodwork.  I'm going to try to see a person who works with alternative medicine to avoid synthetic hormones.  Today I look into dietary support for hypothyroid.  Watch dairy be a no-no.  Hah


Dinner:  oxtail soup.  Took me 5 hours to make this but well worth it.  Ate a ton of the carrots that cooked with the ox tails for 3 hours.  You were supposed to just toss 'em but I couldn't do it.  Probably quite fatty, but good.  Ate a pear, too.

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I'm going to drop my crio bru for a bit to make sure it is as 'non habit forming' as they say it is.  I'm sure I'll have decaf tea or coffee instead though.  Had my last mug this morning for a few weeks.  


Breakfast was a large chicken breast with skin and maybe ½ c mixed vegetables.  Had 2 bites of a fruit juice sweetened muffin and set it aside. 


Drank a bottle of unsweetened kombucha during the day at work.


Lunch was just a small bit of shredded chicken enchilada filling with some shredded cheese and 1 chocolate covered ginger chunk.  I just was not hungry, and I didn't want to eat an enchilada because the corn tortilla wasn't organic and I really try to avoid obvious GMOs in addition to needless corn.


Dinner:  small roasted cauliflower head with a few T gorgonzola/pear spread.  1/3# grass fed burger and ½ avocado and 2 small slices mozzarella while making burgers for the kids.  


Drank a lot of water and started taking a multi mineral with mag and iodine in case I'm deficient.  Looking for ways to help the thyroid and replenish minerals lost in exercise and perhaps by eliminating or greatly reducing food groups like dairy and grains.  


Went to the gym for about 75 minutes for cardio and strength training. I just feel drained.  I hope it is temporary.

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Some of you (OK, many of you) might cringe, but I am blissfully happy this morning with my Kalona brand grass fed, non-homogenized, whole milk, carrageenan free egg nog in my coffee.  No additives at all.  Upside is I can enjoy my holiday season nog in my coffee without guilt; downside is you have to drink the entire bottle within 3-4 days after opening.  I only use maybe 1/4 c which still has some sugar but the psychological impact of sugar isn't there for me this way.  I'm happy!  


Since I am trying to lose a few pounds that piled on over the past 2 months, I will figure out a way to take out equal calories.  A throw back from my old ways, but it makes me feel good.  What I've done is decided not to snack on anything but vegetables and fresh fruit.  That should be the way I work it beyond the holiday eggnog season, so this is a fine time to start!


Breakfast:  1/3# grassfed beef with my eggnog coffee!


Lunch:  2c sautéed vegetables, pear and fruit juiced sweetened muffin (very oaty more than flour but not gluten free)


Drinking lots of water to try to avoid snacking.  Boy, what a deep set behavior this snacking proves to be!  I am not hungry but I want to put food in my mouth.  I'm going out to dinner tonight at a vegan restaurant and I'd hate to feel like I don't want to eat much at all.  Trying to avoid soy so I hope this is an easy meal to order.


3 T gorgonzola pear spread after a 60 minute brisk walk.  


Dinner:  vegan wraps.  Basically, raw veggies wrapped in collard leaf with a nut based spread and some Asian dipping sauce.  Sauce was so good but I avoided it after a dip or two due to probable sugar content.  Also came with a side of raw cauliflower 'rice' pilaf which was basically cauliflower/raisins and no sauce.  So good!  I could eat like this every day.  Walked away full but not stuffed.  I like that feeling.

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Ah, egg nog in my coffee!  No cramping, constipation, gurgle stomach.  I think grass fed products make a real difference.


Had another fruit juice sweetened oat muffin along with it.  Grabbed an apple for the car ride to the chiropractor.


Lunch:  spinach/egg/swiss (little bit) frittata, 2c sautéed veggies, 2 squares 70% dark chocolate, few chocolate covered ginger drops.


Heading to the gym for some good old fashioned cardio today.  I haven't been able to warm up all morning (6 degrees outside) so I need to sweat.


Well, well, well.  Seems today's marital therapy session was stressful.  Found myself in a familiar old place with a spoon and a jar of nut butter.  Tahini was the choice du jour.  Stopped at about 4T, but maybe 3 more ounces of dark chocolate also snuck in.  Gym derailed for an hour.


Made myself eat so not to fast for 20 hours.  I've learned that habit does me no good.  Was able to do some quality cardio for 60 minutes followed by short 10 minutes of weight lifting.   My ability level was satisfactory tonight which made me feel good.  I just don't feel like my endurance is up to what it was just a month ago.  Continuing to lose the eye brow hair makes me suspect thyroid.  Got a number today of a practitioner who might be able to help, although I wasn't crazy about her practice including or focusing on weight loss using HCG.  We will see what she has to say.  


Dinner:  mixed greens salad with avocado, parmesan and almonds


Off to my daughter's choir concert.  It is 0 degrees and falling.  Ouch.  We have to walk on campus.  Ouch

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Little bit o' joy in my morning coffee.  Additive free egg nog and a pear for breakfast.


Lunch:  chicken breast with skin and 2 c sautéed vegetables.  


Ate a cinnamon roll and bottle of kombucha over the day.  Not too pleased about that one but it happened and it didn't result in me coming home to finish the job with my face in the pantry.


Ate a few raw nuts and banana chips while making a spicy nut mix for the holidays.



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