Jump to content

PamAgain


PamH

Recommended Posts

  • 2 weeks later...
  • Replies 106
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Venturing back to my log.  I've had 2 weeks of time to get my head together and make some tough choices.

 

Christmas was nice.  I spent way too much money on an adopted family (I adopt a needy family for the holidays) and now I'll have to explain the credit bills to my husband.   :rolleyes: The celebration was at my house and the food was great.  I stayed mostly compliant outside of the brown sugar in the ham glaze and probably in the salad dressing made by my sister in law.  I did not eat any dessert and I have not eaten ANY of the candy or leftover treats.  I packaged up the unopened candy and I will mail it to the troops overseas as soon as my friend gives me an APO address.  I have tried to stay physically active despite being strangely tired.  I have tried to stay committed to working on my marriage and stick to my plan of healing without getting derailed by guilt when my husband struggles with his issues as well.  It has been a long road.

 

I have a 32 year battle with an eating disorder.  Wow, does that sound horrible when it is said out loud.  The second half of my life has to be healthier.  For the most part, I have moved from anorexia to bulimia to excessive exercise/calorie control over the decades.  It is time to break the cycle of being controlled by the food that sits before me.  How I've managed to stay relatively thin and fit and healthy this entire time boggles my mind.  God has given me the opportunity to change and I'm gaining confidence daily.  For those who don't really know me, I'd be described as a highly confident and secure woman.  I used to think I was just a good actress, but today I'm actually starting to realize that I AM a confident person and I AM pretty damned cool   ;) for a 48 year old lady.  I have had good fortune handed to me on a silver platter and it is time to take advantage of it.  

 

Now I need to decide whether or not to stick to a Whole30 or stay in the modified version.  Something that I am eating is leading to the reemergence of hot flashes at night and some 'flight or fight' out of the blue moments during the day.  Hormones are raging!  I am waiting to see results of a full thyroid panel (including C reactive protein and corstisol 24 hour saliva).  I will explore a thyroid support diet if my thyroid is hypo.  That means letting go of many of the foods I probably eat to excess (cruciferous veggies) and that will make my Whole30 even more difficult.  

 

For now:  sugar is limited to what is contained in any marinades I happen to come across or salad dressings the few times I go out to eat.  Gluten and dairy will be avoided since I'm starting to suspect dairy as a hot flash culprit and gluten just has been bad news for me because any gluten I eat is ALWAYS in the form of sugary sweets.  I will keep up my 4-5 times a week gym habit and try to get some good sleep.  I will stay positive about my marriage and put in the effort to keep us together and count on him to do the same.  I will reach out to my friends that are physically in front of me and rely less on those who only exist on the web (sorry; no offense intended).

 

As I said a few weeks ago:  I'll be back.   I'm back.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Had to go to Golden Corral with the kids and their cousins today:  part of a tradition with grandpa.  Oh, can I say I was so grossed out!  It was my first time at the trough.  I managed to get out with some salad and chicken and pork that I know was not compliant to Whole30 but it was not dessert and it was not dairy or gluten.  Well, maybe some gluten but who knows?  It wasn't breaded.  Sigh

 

Who goes to these places?

 

Dinner was spicy chili.  It did have beans but I picked around many of them and tried to scoop out mostly the meat and tomatoes and other stuff.  I made it for the Christmas celebration so I know what was in it.  All healthy stuff if you think beans are healthy.  Again, not dessert and no dairy.

 

All in all a good day.  I made it to the gym.  I am concerned about my lack of energy and exercise intolerance but I think it is cyclical and hormonal.  Or thyroid related.  We will see if it improves within the next few days.  If so, totally hormonal!

 

Lord please let me have a night's sleep without hot flashes between 3-6am!  It took about 3 weeks of Whole30 (isn) eating for the flashes to disappear.  I'm hoping it happens again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to see you back to posting, Pam.  I'm so proud of you for your Christmas 'behavior' :)  Great job on not touching the candy and treats.

 

Regarding Golden Corral, we also refer to those kinds of places as troughs :)  I remember going to those places a lot when I was growing up.  I think I would be kind of revolted if I went there now too.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to see you back to posting, Pam.  I'm so proud of you for your Christmas 'behavior' :)  Great job on not touching the candy and treats.

 

Regarding Golden Corral, we also refer to those kinds of places as troughs :)  I remember going to those places a lot when I was growing up.  I think I would be kind of revolted if I went there now too.

Thank you!  It has been both easy and challenging depending on the moment.

 

Today I ate lamb chops and a handful of pumpkin seeds/raisins before heading off to work for the day.  I did eat about an ounce of raw, organic dark chocolate that I got for a gift from my Baltimore relatives.  If anyone has access to that area, go check out www.jinjichocolates.com at some of the local markets.  Wow.  Sweetened with coconut sugar, but it really must not be much because I cannot taste a real sweetness cutting through the dark chocolate (70-80%)plus the whole rawness of the product is pretty awesome.   Yes, it is chocolate.  No, it is not Whole30 but it doesn't make me want to fall face first into carrot cake.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

January 1, 2014

 

Time has flown.  Does anyone else have those moments where they go, "WHERE has the time gone?"  Seems so cliche, but I suppose cliches have arisen because there are such truths behind them.

 

I'm not a girl of resolutions.  I think I'll just say I am going to do my best to eat well, exercise well, communicate well, love fully and look forward.

 

Crio bru and half caff coffee before I hop in the shower for work.  Scratchy throat means a cold is looming.  Darn it.  Good thing is that I got the cold from my husband which means we've been communicating enough to share germs.   :rolleyes:   Progress is being made.

 

Finally ate for lunch:

 

pear

beef shank in port wine sauce.  I should be more conscious to avoid unnecessary sugar in savory foods (brown sugar in sauce.  I made it myself so I know).  Wow, was it good.

 

Watching the Badger Bowl game and drinking a lot of water.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...