Avoiding FOMO when you can't drink (and everyone else can)?

[Emily T]

So I am in the midst of a whole30 with modifications (http://forum.whole9life.com/topic/14423-whole30-20-moderation-management/) and am heading to a wedding this weekend for one of my old sorority sisters. My sorority sisters and I drink. A lot. When we all get together (which is pretty rare, since I moved out of town), we go hard or go home. It just goes without saying that when one of them gets married, we all get crazy. 

 

But this time, obviously, I won't be drinking. I am kind of worried though, because I get intense FOMO when others are drinking and I am not. I feel like they are all having fun and there is this massive fun-times barrier between us. I have never been able to enjoy a social occasion where I am the only person not drinking. If there were other sober people around, I'd be more enthusiastic, but believe me when I say, these ladies get crazy! 

 

Any suggestions on how to feel better and less "left out" when everyone around you is guzzling bourbon and breaking out the old sorority songs?

 

Edit to add: This was helpful, in case anyone else has the same issue! http://thoughtcatalog.com/jessica-ann-daley/2012/08/party-girls-guide-to-being-sober/

[Hummel1972]

Tell yourself how far you have come so far and don't give in. Coming from Germany I have always been quiet a drinker and I could never even have imagined that I could visit my family and not drink at all. After all , they have beer right after breakfast (-;

But I was amazed when you put your mind to a goal and ask God to give you strength.....it will work !

Trust me, after they have their buzz going, they won't pay attention to you what's in your glass.......soda and lime or vodka and lime!

[Xandra]

This is a perfect opportunity to create a new healthy memory for yourself. You don't even know what it feels like to be around these people and not drink, right? Well, after this night you will. Because you are going on an observational exercise that requires you to stay sober for the entire night. While everyone else drinks cabernet, you'll enjoy your kombucha in a wine glass. Every 15 mins or so, you will take an inventory of how you feel. You will sing karaoke, dance on tables, and party like a rock star while staying clean, sober, and hydrated.

Of course, there are a few small party hard activities you will have to give up: you will not be barfing in the bushes, peeing on a front lawn, getting pulled over for DWI, or losing your purse who knows where. You could always fake those activities if you really miss them.

Oh, and you'll be waking up the next morning with no hangover. I know, that's a tough one to give up, too, but you'll get used to it.

Have fun! 

[Emily T]

Thanks Xandra! I am nervous and my brain keeps telling me to just say "screw it" and get rowdy. But you're right. I need to use this opportunity to learn how to let my inhibitions go, get crazy and have fun without booze. I'm nervous, but I think I can do it.

[MrsStick]

Plus, once they've had one or two, they won't be paying as much attention to what you're drinking (especially if you're being just as rowdy as they are, only doing it sober). The only sticky situations I could see where you might have to politely decline is if they decide in the middle of dancing to do shots together or something. Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, or say that your drink you already have is enough for now. Will they get angry? Maybe, since they ARE drunk, but honestly...who cares? They're drunk. 

 

That being said - my husband has been in Ireland for St. Patrick's Day with the pipe & drum corps he was in, standing on tables in pubs, singing rugby songs...stone cold sober. He had SO MUCH FUN, and he actually remembers it. He drank either water (they thought it was straight vodka, ha!) or cranberry juice (so he wouldn't drink it as fast). He'd volunteer to get the others their drinks so they wouldn't notice/care about what he was drinking. And that way, he had control over his drunk friends' drinks (getting them weaker ones as the day/night went on so they wouldn't be horribly sick.

[AmyS]

I teach college and this made me so sad to read.  I hate to think that folks associate the college experience with drinking to excess; and I'm so sad to think that folks have memories of college that include thinking of alcohol-poisoning level drinking as partying and fun.  Please don't drink like that anymore.  I know you've gotten practical tips above, and maybe I shouldn't post this thought.  But I see you people every day in class.  You're so bright and you're the future of the universe.  Please stay well, stay sober, stay whole, stay happy, keep your brain cells.  We need you alive and well.  Parties are fun, not poison. 

 

OK.  I'm done, promise.  Have fun with your friends, and have fun walking away with all your brain cells intact this time. 

[SharynF]

I am teetotal so know you will be fine and have loads of fun. But I understand your fears. They won't manifest though, trust me!!

 

One thing to be aware of though - you will wake up the next day feeling as though you have had a heavy booze session. This was a huge surprise to me as I expected a clear head the morning after my first booze-free party. Not so. In spades. Sleep deprivation, too much dancing and singing leaves you drained and exhausted - and feeling hungover when you awake. 

 

So make the most of being able to eat that big fry up of lovely compliant goodies that your low fat, calorie counting friends will feel guilty about eating. 

 

Have a great time with your friends and enjoy creating those new healthy memories x

[Emily T]

 

I teach college and this made me so sad to read.  I hate to think that folks associate the college experience with drinking to excess; and I'm so sad to think that folks have memories of college that include thinking of alcohol-poisoning level drinking as partying and fun.  Please don't drink like that anymore.  I know you've gotten practical tips above, and maybe I shouldn't post this thought.  But I see you people every day in class.  You're so bright and you're the future of the universe.  Please stay well, stay sober, stay whole, stay happy, keep your brain cells.  We need you alive and well.  Parties are fun, not poison.  

I don't associate my college experience with alcohol poisoning level drinking. In both college and graduate school I studied very hard but I also played very hard. Personally, I don't regret my past choices and I don't think there is anything terribly wrong with mixing work and play, even if that involved healthy choices. When I left school, I started taking really good care of my health and my body, but I wouldn't take back my college choices.

 

Its just hard for me to find the right way to relax and let loose and have fun when everyone else is drinking. @MrsStick - they won't care if I sit out shots, and they definitely won't even notice I am not drinking (except maybe during champagne toasts!). Honestly, its less about what they think, and more about how I deal with feeling left out of the fun. From the article i posted above: "it's really not about the booze, is it? Sometimes you just need to get completely obliterated, but that's not the real, inherent motive behind drinking. It's the possibility of meeting someone new, doing something crazy, and letting loose. We all like acting like idiots and making regrettable decisions.....People can get uncomfortable around sober people because they're not prone to ridiculous behavior." That kind of sums it up. I want to have a blast and get crazy and let my hair down, and I don't want to look down on or judge my friends for getting crazy. I just want to be able to do it without the booze. Thats the challenge for me. 

[jillian]

I once was at a friend's party and wasn't going to drink much because I had a long ways to drive home that evening. I had less then half a beer but my friends are so fun that I was dancing like a crazy lady with all of them most of the night. When I went to leave, a few of them were concerned that I had too much to drink! I assured them that I had less than half a beer - and then embarrassingly realized that the way I was dancing had led them all to think I was in a drunken blissfest ...

 

I wish more people could get crazy and uninhibited without booze - it's just as fun, but no hangover in the morning.