Full of anger (at myself)! Why can't I make the right choices?

[kaybee]

I had a very successful W30 last January, and did about W20 in both April and September, both times caving to emotional eating. I acknowledge and fully understand that I feel SO much better, in all ways, when I'm on a W30. Over the past few months I've gained some pounds and feel crappy. I know what I need to do, and yet...I continue making poor choices. I tell myself I won't, but then I do. My husband and I love to connect over dinner and cocktails, but that's not the only difficulty. I could say that I'll make an exception for our Sunday and Monday dinner dates only. But then Tuesday rolls around and I'm eating a freaking frozen pizza (which isn't even good)! I know that in order to feel better and fit into my clothes, I need to eat better. But when it comes down to it, despite my so-called determination, I don't do it. I'll wake up and say "ok, today is the day! eggs and avocado, here I come". But I'm not at all psyched about it, and I end up eating cereal and getting all bloated. I've made some great paleo/w30 recipes, but then have no real interest in eating them. Shopping, prepping and cooking seems like an insurmountable chore. My inability to make the right choices is making me a VERY ANGRY person. I don't want to be angry! I know it's entirely up to me. I try to take it day by day, but there's always something. Post-work glass of wine? Sure! Late night slice of pizza? Absolutely, sounds so much better than my collard greens and sausage over cauliflower rice. Halloween candy? Ok, why not, it's just one... And now we head into the holiday season. Excellent. Did I tell you my friend and thanksgiving hostess is a professional baker who puts together the most amazing array of desserts? Ugh. How do I get myself together? Anyone know what I'm talking about?

[JJB]

I'm sure lots of people can relate, and I'm certainly one of them. I don't have any desire to do additional W30's, but I definitely want to get off the off-roading roller coaster and just be content to eat good, healthy food every day. It sounds like maybe you've been at this for the same amount of time as me (this whole year) and I'm not quite there yet either. I figure if it takes me a year or more to get things straightened out, that's really not so bad...I've been eating terribly for 36 years after all. Big changes can't always be made overnight, even if we think that's what we want or that we should be able to do it. I have a pretty uncomfortable reaction whenever I eat gluten (never noticed pre-W30), but I blew it off for the last 6 months...and it was just this past weekend that I finally decided I've had enough, and I WILL be gluten-free from now on. And then I talked myself into allowing some sugar for awhile, because I'm depressed about giving up the gluten for good! The holiday season really is a terrible time to try and be good, isn't it?? I know I can do better, but I decided I will allow some candy or other treats off and on until January, when I will get serious again.

 

One thing I know for sure is that getting angry at myself usually ends up backfiring. I've been trying to let that go lately. When I eat something I wish I hadn't, I just try to move on and not inflict too many mental wounds.

[drtracyb]

Kaybee - I have fallen off the wagon more times than I can count, even when I have a specific goal with a reward (like a beautiful trip to Puerto Vallarta).  I freely acknowledge I have an eating disorder.  And like any addiction, it is going to be with me for life.  I do what I can to make sure the eating disorder does not take over my life.  By taking over, I mean by making me heavier than I want to be, not able to fit in my fun clothes, not liking how I look and feel.  My solution is to basically pay someone to hold me accountable.  I have been in every diet plan known to man.  I have paid for more groups of personal training sessions than I can remember.  But this is the first time I have been on a forum like this one, with a community of supportive individuals sharing a similar experience.

 

I am currently losing the same 20 lbs for the billionth time.  (Not to mention the 40 or 80 beyond those, but luckily that additional 40-80 have been off for a while - I had to do gastric bypass for those.)

 

It relieves my judgment of myself to freely acknowledge I have an eating disorder.  All I can say is, I come from a family of addictive behaviors, and there are worse addictions.  Unfortunately, a food addiction affects how we feel about ourselves and is harder to go cold turkey from.

 

Hang in there.  Every day is a fresh start.

[Xandra]

My inability to make the right choices is making me a VERY ANGRY person.... Post-work glass of wine? Sure! Late night slice of pizza? Absolutely, sounds so much better than my collard greens and sausage over cauliflower rice. Halloween candy? Ok, why not, it's just one... And now we head into the holiday season. Excellent. Did I tell you my friend and thanksgiving hostess is a professional baker who puts together the most amazing array of desserts? Ugh. How do I get myself together? Anyone know what I'm talking about?

 

I do know what you are talking about, and here's what worked for me.  When I battle myself, I lose. When I have arguments in my head or I'm fighting myself over "choices", I lose. So what works for me is to lose the drama. I don't give myself choices, or make decisions, or have arguments, or make deals over "just a little bit this one time only on Tuesday afternoon"....  It simply doesn't work for me to do that, so now I don't even start the conversation.

 

I'm following an eating plan. Here it is in writing, this is what I eat. If it's on the list, I'm eating it. If it's not on the list, there's no discussion or debate or planning or anything. There's no fight because I refuse to fight myself. The plan is the plan and I'm on it. That's all I need to know for the next two months. And when the drama is gone, there is peace in my head, and it's all relatively easy and I can go think about things that are more important in my day.

 

That's what works for me.

[howswelegant]

That sounds...so easy! Do you really have it in writing? Can we see it?

 

PS hello from Minneapolis!

[Xandra]

You can, it's called "It Starts With Food", or in the beginning, I didn't have the book and I used just the shopping list from this website: http://whole9life.com/book/ISWF-Shopping-List.pdf

 

I have a terrible sugar dragon, so at the moment I'm skipping fruit and nuts, and coffee, too, because that triggers me. I don't know when I'll add them back. They're not up for discussion yet either.

 

Do I feel deprived? Not even a little bit. I go about my day, eat what I'm supposed to eat, and let my body do the work of getting healthy again. It's amazing how that works.

[MrsStick]

I like the way you stated that! I have an issue with gluten that I discovered through my first W30, so I've got a 100% legitimate reason why NOT to eat that late night pizza (not worth the stomachache!).

 

For me, I picked a specific day that I was starting my W(Something). I told my husband (or someone else, if you're not married). Explain why you're doing it (health, weight, sleep, fitting your clothes, to have Charlie Sheen Tiger Blood). Explain when you start. Then start on that day. They can be your real life accountability buddy - and you're helping them to see what it's like, and maybe they'll be inspired too! 

 

You aren't TRYING to start a Whole 30. You're STARTING a Whole 30. There's a big difference there. If you're trying it, you can fail. If you're starting it, you're in. Strap on that seat belt, let's go on that roller coaster! I went from Halloween being a day where I had chocolate for lunch, pretzels and peanut butter for snack, a good dinner but TONS of candy and cupcakes, to November 1 where I was compliant.

 

It's a mind game, so set yourself up for victory. You're doing a Whole 30.

[MrsStick]

Oh, and make your food delicious. If you don't want it, you're not going to eat it.

 

Steaks and sweet potatoes. Roasts that are falling apart. Amazingly moist chicken. Whatever you need to make it palatable - do it. Especially week 1. Once you're in a week, you have more of a reason not to let yourself fail...you just spent a week being compliant, better not ruin it now! Make meals you WANT to eat so you do, then once your tastes start changing you can make things that you wouldn't have wanted.

[JustAMom]

Is your husband at all supportive?

All I can say is it is NOT all about will power. My sister is over a decade older than me and W30 has been the only thing to help her. But the only way she has been successful to to accept that for whatever reason food is more than habit, it's more like a cigarette addiction. Which means it is NOT just about will power. She called her grown son over and loaded his pick up truck with every single thing in her house that was not compliant and forbade anyone bringing non compliant food in the house. It worked. It was hard, but it worked and she has been crazy happy with the results, which is certainly motivating.

(((Hugs)))

[Xandra]

All I can say is it is NOT all about will power. My sister is over a decade older than me and W30 has been the only thing to help her. But the only way she has been successful to to accept that for whatever reason food is more than habit, it's more like a cigarette addiction. Which means it is NOT just about will power.

 

I'm sure no one would deny the physical components of addiction. Physical withdrawal and changes are certainly part of shifting eating plans, too, when things like sugar and alcohol are involved. I just personally find it easier to deal with those changes if I'm not also fighting a battle in my head as to whether I will or won't continue with this plan from moment to moment. It's a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other kind of thing.

 

When you shut off the noise in your head, there is more space to really listen to your body and get through the rough physical patches more quickly. Because there is no way out or around, there is only through.  And then the other side of through is really pretty.

[Carlaccini]

It's hard to be angry at yourself.  It really is.  It takes a lot of energy.  I'm actually really tired of being angry at myself.  Because it doesn't help me move forward.  So I have very simply decided not to be anymore.

 

If I eat whole 30 - I feel much better.  If I eat dairy, grains and sugar, I am plagued with depression, no energy, skin problems, and migraines.  All in all I feel miserable.  But every now and again, I forget about these side effects and tumble down into the abyss of less than stellar eating.  Then my body reminds me as to why I eat the way I do.  So after some mouring period, saying goodbye, I move onto a whole 30 (I am day 7 of my fourth). 

 

I have decided already 2 months ago that dairy - is. just. not. worth. it.  I don't eat it.  This is how I phrase it in my head.  It's just someing I don't do. 

 

I read a very helpful article on this a couple weeks ago on Nerd Fitness.  It's the power of words.  If you tell yourself you can't have something - you feel a bit like a small child being told that you can't have candy.  What do you do when you are a kid - you either pull a fit until you can have it, or sneak it in anyway when no one is looking.  If you tell yourself you don't eat that, then it's an end point.  You just don't.  Just like I just don't get angry at myself for eating X anymore.  I made the decision right?  Then I have to live with my decision.  I am less anxiety ridden over it - that's for sure.

 

Sometimes it just takes a while to wrap our head around things.  It's hard. 

The reason why the whole 30 is so successful is that there are rules.  You have to make your own rules.  Ones that work for you.  And sometimes they will change as we get better.  This is a work in progress, not perfection - right?

 

Best of luck to you - you will get this!

Carla

[JustAMom]

I'm sure no one would deny the physical components of addiction. Physical withdrawal and changes are certainly part of shifting eating plans, too, when things like sugar and alcohol are involved. I just personally find it easier to deal with those changes if I'm not also fighting a battle in my head as to whether I will or won't continue with this plan from moment to moment. It's a one-foot-in-front-of-the-other kind of thing.

 

When you shut off the noise in your head, there is more space to really listen to your body and get through the rough physical patches more quickly. Because there is no way out or around, there is only through.  And then the other side of through is really pretty.

I have no idea what all that was about.

Yes, obviously a person has to make the decision to do better. I did not say otherwise.

But unlike with cigarettes or alcohol, one doesn't get to avoid their food addiction until they feel they have it more under control or at least have gotten through withdrawal and some rehab.

However, I do think making home a safe haven makes a tremendous help to success.

After spending all day avoiding problem foods at work or wherever, they should be able to relax without that pressure at home if that's the decision they've decided makes them healthier and eventually happier.

If my spouse came in with pie knowing I'm having a rough patch and trying to do better with food? That's no different than blowing smoke at a person you know is trying to stop smoking or offering a drink to an alcoholic and then telling them they just lack will power.

[melbournegirl]

We are all different and face different challenges. I'm like Carla...... I didn't really offroad much for about a year, then had one of those.... I think I'll try a biscuit, that wasn't so bad, I'll have a few more and the next day too, wow that's okay, I think I will have that special icecream I haven't had for 2 years..... Two weeks later after suffering horrendous skin I am ready to remind myself I really don't want that food, it doesn't work for me!

I also understand justamom.... And can relate to xandra. It's impossible for me to resist free junk food at work..... When I am in addicted mode.... But guess what, when I haven't had sugar for a few weeks I can walk right past the junk without the slightest bit of interest.

[Carlaccini]

I also understand justamom.... And can relate to xandra. It's impossible for me to resist free junk food at work..... When I am in addicted mode.... But guess what, when I haven't had sugar for a few weeks I can walk right past the junk without the slightest bit of interest.

 

This is what it is.  When I've fallen off the wagon, even just a little bit, it's just so much harder afterwards to get back on.  I have a whole bunch of "Let's start a whole 30 today" days - and then it's like - aww well I'm just going to have a piece of chocolate, or I'm going to have that danish from the pastry shop down stairs - we'll start it tomorrow.  After a few of those days get strung together - it becomes much harder to look at the whole 30.  Am I eating better than I used to?  You bet?  Is it still hard - yes to that as well.

[bibliophile]

 I really liked what Xandra said about no drama. It reminded me of something a friend said when I asked him how he lost 40 pounds (he is a French pastry chef too=oye)!  Anyway, he said that his relationship with food changed when he realized that food didn't always have to be about pleasure.  I can't tell you how many times his words have come to mind when I'm reaching, usually mindlessly, for something.   don't always say no, but those words make me more mindful.