Day 1 - Confessions of a foodaholic

[koshka0427]

Hello Whole30 World,

 

I am Olga, and I am a foodaholic. There, I said it. I am reasonably certain that I am addicted to food. Just like so many people out there, I have struggled with a love/hate relationship with food my entire life, for as far back as I can remember. Food has been a friend, an enemy, a kind and compassionate soulmate, as well as the source of sickness.

 

Since I was a baby, I was taught that food is very important but "bad", and that eating, in general, is something one should do very little of because "women in our family are predisposed to being fat". Naturally, I had body image issues by the time I was 7. I was convinced that I was fat. By the time I was a teenager, I couldn't think of myself in any other way. When thinking of "who I am", first thing that always came to my mind was "fat".

 

So, when all other aspects of life unravelend completely out of my control, I decided to control the only thing I had going, which was my abusive boyfriend, "food". I tried to break up with him altogether, but that is called "eating disorder" and I was sent to therapy for that. I didn't last there. But hey, I did loose a whole bunch of weight and was thin as rail (because I was only 15 lbs overweight to begin with, but lost 40)! Which, in my silly teenage mind was a win.

 

Eventually I started eating again, but was so terrified of becoming "fat" once more, that food was always on my mind. However, instead of being an abusive boyfriend, it became a "creepy stalker".  I wasn't ruled by it, but I was always concerned about what it had planned for me. I was always lurking in the bushes of my mind, always there, everpresent.

 

Through all this I finished college, got married, entered graduate school, had a baby, finished graduate school, began a career, and over the following 8 years had two more babies. I moved from state to state in search of a permanent place to put down roots and somehow ended up in New Jersey, of all places. But, with years, even this city girl got used to the burbs. But they are still the burbs. Enough said.

 

Despite all the changes in my life, my creepy stalker has always been with me. Ninety five percent of the time I was worried about fat, calories, carbs, and the other five percent I would throw all the worries to the wind and just pig out on whatever I was craving. And then, of course, guilt inevitably followed.... I'd beat myself up nonstop, stare at the mirror, and hate myself for the muffin top that was forming over the waistline of my jeans, the flabby arms, and cellulite in the thighs, the second chin, etc.

 

Then something terrible would happen and I'd stop eating. See, when I am really anxious or worried, I can't eat. At all. Some people are stress eaters. I am not. Whenever I am really stressed, I stop eating. So, I'd stop eating and loose a whole bunch of weight. Then things would get better, I'd start eating again, and allow myself to eat all sorts of junk because "I was thin again".

 

This has gone on for the better part of the last 15 years. My stalker is still with me. And I am SICK of it. I need a final restraining order.

 

I am now a professional, a wife, a mother of three beautiful children [and as of 4 months ago, 2 adorable puppies], a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a grand-daughter, a daughter in law, a friend, a mentor. I don't have time in my life for a stalker. I have so much going on, I need one less thing to worry about, not one MORE, which food has always been. 

 

Sooooooo... what do I do? I get a hobby! Yes, I know, "WHAT? You are already stretched too thin, what are you doing?" Well, in September I stumbled upon a newly opened Crossfit box 5 minute drive from my house. It opens at 5 am. I am not a morning person, but that is literally the ONLY time in my day I could possibly give it a try. I went. I tried. I was in love. Hook, line, and sinker. Drank the coolaid. Use every metaphor and simile in the book - I was a convert.

 

For the past 2.5 months I have been doing crossfit 4-5 times a week. I have NEVER - and I mean NEVER EVER - before been able to commit to an exercise regimen like this. I am high just thinking about how much stronger I have become in just 2.5 months. I LOVE crossfit. I even got two of my older kids to attend crossfit kids classes and they - Thank Heavens - loved it too. That's more than half the family converted [well, if you don't count the puppies that it, but if there was CrossFit Pets, they'd love it too, I am sure].

 

So, now that I am working to improve my body's strength and endurance, the natural next step seemed to be learning how to fuel it correctly, and, in the process, forever break the cycle of unhealthy relationship with my stalker ex boyfriend, FOOD. In my research and discussions with people whose opinions on the subject of nutrition I trust, this program was recommended as, by far, the best crash course into nutrition and the simplest (but not easiest) plan to follow.

 

Let the journey begin. There is no time like the present, and no day like today. Fridge stocked, pantry cleaned, ready, set.... GOOOOOOOOOO

 

[Carmen Patricia]

Hey Olga! I just started my Whole 30 yesterday, so you are in good company! Thanks for sharing your journey. This is definitely new to me too! I've experimented with Paleo in the past, but have always gone back to my addictive food ways. I'm looking at this next 30 days as a time of rejuvenation for my body - and boy does it need it. Good luck to you!! - Carmen

[koshka0427]

Thank you, Carmen, I am glad you started with me. It's good to know I am not alone

[moh4m]

Hi Olga! I can definitely identify with some of your story... I went through some tough food relationship stuff as well. I'm starting mine tomorrow. Best of luck

Olivia

[koshka0427]

Thank you Olivia, same to you!

[koshka0427]

DAY 17: Goint strong!

So, I've been doing this for 17 days and I am feeling good. Even though I did host Christmas dinner at my house, cooked and baked a lot, I did not waiver. I am super proud of that. Most of my meals have been eggs, chicken, turkey, ground beef/turkey/chicken, baked or grilled fish. I have been eating probably a bit too much fruit though. Every time I want a snack, I go for a peice of fruit.

One other problem I have had is that I am not sure which vegetable, but some vegertable I've been eating has been making me insanely gassy. Yes, TMI, I know, but it's been ridiculous. I am thinking it could have been the sweet potato, of which I have been having a lot. So, my experiement over the next 3 days will be to cut out the sweet potato and seeing if it makes a difference.

[GFChris]

DAY 17: Goint strong!

So, I've been doing this for 17 days and I am feeling good. Even though I did host Christmas dinner at my house, cooked and baked a lot, I did not waiver. I am super proud of that. Most of my meals have been eggs, chicken, turkey, ground beef/turkey/chicken, baked or grilled fish. I have been eating probably a bit too much fruit though. Every time I want a snack, I go for a peice of fruit.

One other problem I have had is that I am not sure which vegetable, but some vegertable I've been eating has been making me insanely gassy. Yes, TMI, I know, but it's been ridiculous. I am thinking it could have been the sweet potato, of which I have been having a lot. So, my experiement over the next 3 days will be to cut out the sweet potato and seeing if it makes a difference.

Congrats on making it this far!

 

When you want a snack, first ask yourself if you're truly hungry. Hungry means you could eat steamed fish and broccoli.  If yes, that's typically a sign to increase the portion sizes in your earlier meals. If you're truly hungry, have a mini-meal including a protein and fat instead of fruit alone.

[Kabob]

The program sounds like it's a great fit for you Olga.

 

I'm impressed that you are doing a it over the holidaze, serioulsy.  You go grrrrrrrrrrrl!  I've off-roaded a bit, well, probably a lot, but am feeling pretty good about my choices.  I am planning to do another Whole 30 when I get back from vacation the end of January.

 

I can totally relate to the not having an appetite when under a ton of stress.  But fortunately, the last time that happened I forced myself to eat anyway, because I needed my strength to deal with the situation.